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Many complaints that your loved one will have about you and/or the situation can be blamed on their bipolar disorder itself.

They will not always have rational thoughts.

But, let’s look at Dale’s email again to see if his wife maybe has a point, because you may be going through the same thing with your loved one.

He starts off by saying that they fight all the time because she says that he doesn’t listen to her.

He thinks he does, obviously, or he wouldn’t fight about it.

First of all, have you ever fought with your loved one?

Of course you have.

Even couples where one of them does not have bipolar disorder fight sometimes.

But have you ever WON a fight with your loved one?

Probably not.

Because their impression of the situation is going to be the opposite of yours.

So let’s see if Dale has any defense.

Hmmm…

Do you think he does?

Because you have probably been accused of the same thing.

This is a common complaint for people who have bipolar disorder.

My opinion would be that instead of fighting about it (and getting nowhere), he should examine his wife’s complaint to see if there is any truth to it.

It’s easy to assume that you’re being a good listener, but your loved one may not see you as one.

Your body language may give you away, for example – like rolling your eyes if she starts complaining, or crossing your arms when she starts talking.

You need to try to actively listen instead of react.

What this all boils down to is good communication.

And, instead of being defensive about it, I think this man should take a good hard look at how he’s communicating with his wife.

For example, he says she complains that he doesn’t help with the house.

What she’s really saying is that she doesn’t feel as if he’s supporting her in that area.

In that case, the situation is easily resolved if he would just start helping her around the house more.

Incorrect perceptions of what your loved one is really saying can keep you from being an effective supporter.

Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Also, listen to what they are NOT saying as much as what they ARE saying.

What would you tell Dale?

Are you dealing with the same type of complaints from your loved one?

Bipolar Manic Episode – Be Careful of This

David Oliver September 30, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 2 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re having a great day.

Today’s topic is a touchy one, so I’ll tell you that up front.

It’s about how people in a manic episode make mistakes.

In this case, they tend to choose the wrong people to surround themselves with (negative or toxic people) when they are in that episode, and it comes back to hurt them and their families.

Remember before when I’ve told you about Michele and how she taught her children about picking the right friends by using the 10/2 Equation.

It works like this:

If you are a 10 and they are a 2, and you hang out with them, you are not going to bring them up to an 8, they are going to bring you down to a 4!

So that’s what I’m talking about here.

It’s hard for a supporter to watch their loved one go into a manic episode…

Your loved one might get all outgoing and such (whether that is their normal behavior or behavior caused by the bipolar disorder)… and the next thing you know, your loved one is hanging around with these people…

…and you KNOW that these people are bad for your loved one, but he just uses excuses, or defends his “new friends”…

Because he can’t see how they are bad for him.

In a manic episode, your loved one’s judgment can be totally altered by their bipolar disorder.

They may not even realize that these people are bad for them (or you).

That can be so frustrating for you, because your loved one just won’t listen to you when it comes to their friends, because they think they’re ok, and they may get defensive about it.

And you don’t want to get into a fight with your loved one over their choice in friends, but you may not know what else to do!

It’s really tough, but you may have to stand silently by and watch your loved one get hurt by these “friends.”

Maybe they are just negative people and will bring your loved one down, but that’s not as bad as what some will do –

Some will take advantage of their “new friend” (your loved one while they’re in a manic episode) and possibly use them for their money, etc.

Even so, your loved one might still defend them!

In my courses and systems, I teach not only about how to deal with your loved one when they are in a bipolar episode, but also what to do when they won’t listen to you:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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It’s very difficult in this situation to get your loved one to listen to you.

For example:

Michele (who works for me), her mom has bipolar disorder, just like my mom.

Michele spent hours with her mom, working out a routine for her to be able to manage her bipolar disorder.

Her mom was doing great on her routine.

Until she met Mary.

Mary became close friends with Michele’s mom.

But Mary decided that Michele’s mom didn’t need her routine any more, and that she had better

advice for her.

So guess who Michele’s mom listened to?

Well, after awhile, Mary kind of floated away from Michele’s mom, and Michele’s mom went into a mini-episode, most likely caused by the fact that she had no routine to cling to, like she had before.

Do you see the important point that I’m making here?

Now, I’m not saying that people with bipolar disorder shouldn’t have friends.

But only that they should be VERY particular in who they choose for friends.

In fact, this is one of the areas where your loved one should trust you more than themselves.

A manic episode will definitely affect their thoughts and, like I said before, it will affect their

judgment as well.

If you see that your loved one is making a poor choice in friends, or even being taken advantage of, then you should tell them.

Hopefully, they will listen to you.

Or at least think twice about who they are hanging around with.

I will tell you this as a p.s. – Michele’s mom sure learned her lesson about choosing her friends

more carefully. And now she sticks to her routine, too!

The Bipolar Way Revealed

David Oliver September 29, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 7 Comments

Hi,

How are you?

I hope you’re feeling fine.

Have you ever heard the expression, “It’s my way or the highway?”

Or heard Frank Sinatra sing, “My Way?”

I’m sure you’ve at least come across people who think that their way is always right.

(Difficult people to deal with, aren’t they?)

We’d all like to have things our own way.

But life just isn’t like that.

You learn very early in life that you can’t get your way sometimes.

Just think about any teenager you know (or have raised)!

They have to do things their parents’ way.

We learn that there are rules that we have to obey – we have to do things the government’s way.

When we work at a job, we have to do things the boss’s way.

If we’re married, we have to get used to sometimes doing things our spouse’s way.

If we’re sick and want to get well, we do things our doctor’s way.

Well, if you have bipolar disorder, you have to do things the bipolar way.

In my courses/systems, I teach you about doing things the bipolar way, and what that consists of.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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You just can’t do things your own way if you have bipolar disorder.

There are going to be things you have to do that you don’t like.

Like taking medication for the rest of your life.

Or going to see a doctor, psychiatrist and therapist on a regular basis.

Or having to stick to a strict sleep schedule.

Or having to eat healthy.

Or having to exercise.

You might even have to get used to not working.

And having your finances stretched.

But worst of all, you have to get used to having bipolar episodes, and the after-effects of them.

And that, you definitely won’t like.

But learning how to do all these things, and accepting and doing them, is doing things the bipolar way.

It doesn’t mean that your bipolar disorder controls you – in fact, it’s the opposite.

Doing things the bipolar way is respecting the limitations that having the disorder puts on you, and being successful and stable in spite of them.

So, in fact, you are in control of your bipolar disorder instead of it being in control of you.

Although it may be hard to accept at first, having bipolar disorder makes you different from other people, and you may have to get used to that.

Now, I don’t think that’s a bad thing, necessarily, because I have several people who work for me that have bipolar disorder, and they are some of the most intelligent, creative

people I know (even compared to people without the disorder).

But the point is, if you think you can do things your own way, you’re going to find out quickly that your way won’t work.

You have to adjust to the bipolar way.

It means you have to make some lifestyle changes, but these changes will lead to stability for you.

What about you?

Are you still trying to do things your own way?

Do you agree with me about doing things the bipolar way?

Bipolar? Accepting Imperfections

David Oliver September 28, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 6 Comments

Hi,

How are you?

I hope you’re doing well.

I want to tell you about a woman I read about.

This woman was so obsessed with perfection that she literally made herself sick.

The problem was, in her eyes, her body was fat.

Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw herself as fat.

Now, that didn’t make it true, it’s just the way she saw herself.

She would read magazines and want to be as thin and perfect as the models in the magazines.

She wanted a perfect body.

So she practically starved herself to get one.

There is such a thing as losing too much weight, however, and/or losing it in the wrong way.

Instead of simply eating a healthy diet and losing weight slowly like she should have, she just stopped eating almost altogether.

She did drink water, however, and lots of it.

The water only flushed out needed nutrients, though.

The next thing she knew, she was in the hospital with an almost fatal blood pressure and loss of electrolytes in her body.

She was down to 95 pounds.

But she still thought she was fat.

In the hospital, they had to give her several bags of fluids to get her blood pressure back up.

She was very weak, and very sick.

The problem was not in her body, it was in her mind.

She wanted to be perfect, and almost died in the process.

———————————————————————–

Imperfection is a fact of life.

It’s hard to accept our own imperfections, much less someone else’s.

This woman became obsessed with a perfect body.

You know I work out a lot, and I see men all the time who are trying to do the same thing.

Instead of just accepting that they aren’t Superman, they try and try to “buff up” not for healthy reasons, but for personal reasons.

Like this woman, they are unhappy with their bodies.

They think that if they just work out enough, they will have “six-pack abs” and all the rest, and then their life will be perfect.

That’s the wrong way to approach it, though.

It’s one thing to try to improve yourself.

It’s quite another thing if your motivation is to be perfect.

Sometimes it’s hard for a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder to accept their own limitations.

They want to be the perfect supporter.

In my courses/systems, I talk about what makes a good supporter. But never do I say that you have to be perfect at it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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http://www.borderlinecentral.com/bipolarnews449/

All you can do is be the best supporter you can be, and accept that you’re not going to be perfect.

No one is.

If you’re looking for the magic formula that tells you how to be the perfect supporter, you won’t find one.

But if you can accept your own imperfections, it will be easier to accept your loved one’s imperfections.

No matter how much they try or what they do, your loved one will never be the perfect bipolar survivor, either.

There’s an expression that says, “It’s ok to strive for perfection, as long as you accept that you will never arrive there.”

If you accept your loved one as they are, understanding that they are trying their best to recover, things will be much easier for you.

Just don’t expect them to be perfect.

And don’t expect yourself to be perfect, either.

Current Bipolar News

David Oliver September 25, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 2 Comments

Hi.

Here’s the news.

To read this week’s news visit:

AstraZeneca’s Seroquel XL Wins Green Light for Bipolar Depression

DO> Kind of boring but still news 🙂

How to Boost your Brain Power

DO> Interesting article, take a look.

What is the Quality of Life of People with Bipolar Disorder?

DO> Everyone should read this very interesting article.

US Prisons: the New Asylum for the Mentally Ill

DO> Hmm. I kind of disagree. Why? Well normally they just put people on the streets. What do you think?

Bridges To Recovery: Bipolar Disorder

DO> Great article, take a look.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.borderlinecentral.com/bipolarnews449/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar Supporters Make Things Happen

David Oliver September 24, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 11 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

Hope you’re ok.

A friend of mine had to go to a business meeting the other day.

Well, the day of the meeting, someone in her office was rude to her, and she became defensive.

To the point that she did not even want to go to the meeting.

She was thinking with her emotions instead of her head, and I told her so.

I said, “Make the decision to go to the meeting with your head, and let your mind direct your actions instead of letting your emotions dictate your reactions.”

She was still feeling very anxious, so I told her to “Just breathe.”

That’s it – “Just breathe.”

I’ve talked to so many people with bipolar disorder who use that method for anxiety and

stress.

It’s so simple, but it works.

Deep breathing can help you to deal with anxiety and stress.

So she listened to me, and she went to the meeting.

She did what I told her to do.

And she made things happen.

She was a success at that meeting.

I think sometimes we complicate things in our minds, and our emotions take things out of

proportion.

Then we can get nervous, feel defensive, take things wrong, etc.

In my courses/systems, I tell you to really listen to your loved one, not only to what they’re saying, but also to what they are NOT saying.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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Good communication is so very important when it comes to success.

Whether it was success for my friend, or success for you and your loved one fighting bipolar disorder together.

I was also thinking about how supporters kind of get lost in the shuffle when it comes to bipolar disorder.

I don’t think we get enough credit.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Behind every good man, there’s a good woman.”?

Well, I think it’s kind of like that.

I believe that behind every successful survivor of bipolar disorder, there’s a strong supporter helping them.

I’ve known very few people who were able to achieve stability all by themselves.

VERY few.

Bipolar supporters make things happen.

They make sure that their loved one takes their medication.

They make sure that their loved one goes to see their doctors and therapists.

They make sure the home setting is as stress-free an environment for their loved one as they can.

They are supportive and understanding.

When they see their loved one start to show symptoms of a bipolar episode, they make sure their loved one gets the help they need to avoid it.

They take care of themselves, so that they can be the best supporter they can be.

Supporters just…

MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

As a bipolar supporter, you should never be taken for granted.

Your job is very important to your loved one’s stability.

What are some of the things you do to make things happen?

What do you do to help your loved one get closer to stability?

Bipolar? Lesson from Some Water

David Oliver September 23, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 5 Comments

Hi,

How are you doing today?

I hope you’re doing good.

I was thinking about something today.

About water.

And about its three states:

4. liquid (to drink)

5. solid (ice cubes)

6. vapor (steam).

That’s about how far my physics knowledge of it goes, but it made me think of bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder also has three states:

4. Depression

5. Mania

6. Normal

Whether you like your water to drink or for ice cubes, you do have a preference.

Just like you and your loved one both have the bipolar preference of the normal state.

But it’s not always easy to go with what you prefer.

Sometimes you have to do things the hard way.

There is no disputing that getting stable is hard work.

You just can’t lay back and expect it to fall in your lap.

So there are certain things you do to get you there.

For you, it’s being a good supporter and a good example to your loved one.

It’s being encouraging to them and rejoicing with them during normal periods.

It’s also sticking with them through their bipolar episodes and staying by their side.

For your loved one, stability can mean having to change their lifestyle, like I talk about

in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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Stability is not just going to drop in your loved one’s lap.

They have to work to get it.

But once they do, you’ll both enjoy less episodes and more normal periods.

Like the 3 states of water and the 3 states of bipolar disorder, let’s consider the 3 biggest things on the list for getting stable:

4. Medication

5. Healthy diet and exercise

6. Sleep

Let’s take medication, for example.

If given a choice, I know that your loved one would rather not have to take all that medication.

They do have a choice, but there is only one RIGHT choice.

So they have to adjust their lifestyle to accommodate having to take medication for their bipolar disorder.

Ok, now let’s look at diet and exercise.

I’m not talking some crash diet or using pills to lose weight.

I’m talking about a lifestyle change.

Eating a healthy diet.

Your loved one should eat a healthy diet so they can be as physically fit as they are trying to be mentally fit.

Same goes for exercising, only with exercising you get a bonus:

Exercising activates the endorphins in your brain and give you a kind of “high” feeling – it makes you feel better.

Now let’s talk about sleep.

Your loved one should be getting 8-9 uninterrupted hours of sleep at night.

They should also go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time every day.

If they lose sleep, it can be a trigger to a bipolar manic episode.

Too much sleep can indicate a bipolar depressive episode.

So good sleep habits are very important to the stability of your loved one.

Hopefully, your loved one is doing “best practices” (the 1,2,3 I just talked about).

If they are, you can look forward to some good stability.

How is your loved one doing?

Bipolar Supporter? Just Do This

David Oliver September 22, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 6 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going for you?

A friend of mine uses the simplest of techniques when she feels stressed, nervous, anxious, etc.

She calls it:

JUST BREATHE

It’s just something to remind her to take a deep breath whenever she feels that way.

Sometimes it takes several JUST BREATHE breaths to calm down, especially if you are very anxious.

My friend has used this method during actual anxiety attacks, and it has worked!

The reason it works is that it helps you to focus on your breathing and takes the focus off what is stressing you out or making you so nervous and anxious.

You JUST BREATHE.

That’s it!

Just concentrate on your breathing and NOT on the problem, person, or situation.

Sometimes the simplest of techniques are the best techniques.

In my courses/systems, I go over other more extensive stress reduction and relaxation techniques that can really help you as well:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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