Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi, How’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.

Have you been out in the stores lately? I can’t believe how, even in this economy, people are flooding the stores to buy Christmas presents! But it’s getting crazy out there! Lines are really getting to be long, which really frustrates me when I have to wait so long just to buy one thing!

I’m sure you’ve experienced the same frustration.

Anyway, onto today’s topic: A warning for the holidays.

Speaking of shopping…Here’s how it relates to bipolar disorder:

If your loved one has had an episode in the past where they overspent or spent frivolously, then you should already have made a plan to protect your finances. So the warning is to keep your

eye on your loved one’s spending at this holiday time.

It would be too easy for them to get involved in all the excitement in the Christmas sales, the store promotions, etc. And this could very easily push them into a bipolar manic episode, which is something you do NOT want to be dealing with right now.

The only way for you to protect your finances at this time is to be proactive, and limit the amount of money which your loved one has access to. You still want them to be able to go Christmas shopping and spend some money on their own, but you can at least limit it.

Here’s what I DON’T suggest: Giving them the credit card and just telling them the limit they can spend. It would be too easy, once they had access to it, to max out your card, and you’re running a risk here. You’re better off just giving them cash, which is a finite amount of money.

When they run out, they run out.

Another suggestion is to make a list. Have your loved one make a list of everything they need to get. Figure the amount of money they will need according to that list. Having a list should help them to be self-directed and restrained, if they only get what’s on the list.

You could also use this list to determine how much money they will need (or, if they are buying

for you, ask them how much money they will need – within reason, of course). This way you won’t end up like this one couple I know.

He has bipolar disorder, and in the past has had a problem with excessive spending. He wasn’t really manic at the time that his wife gave him the debit card. He said he had just a few things to

pick up, but they were to be a surprise for her. She told him not to go over a certain amount of money (according to what they had in the bank).

Unfortunately, he got caught up in all the excitement at the store, and he spent beyond that limit, putting them into overdraft. Needless to say, his wife was rather upset when she found out how much he had spent. When she confronted him, her husband could give no reasonable explanation for why he spent over his limit.

That’s why the idea of giving your loved one cash to work with, and limiting the amount, is a good idea. Then you won’t go through what this couple went through.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Sorry the news is late again. I had a million issues this morning.

Anyway, to read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews459/

Here are the news headlines:

Save Money on Your Prescriptions
DO> Great article, take a look

Gene linked to Susceptibility of Symptoms for Pediatric Bipolar Disorder
DO> If you are parents

The Art of Healing / Ogden Man Deals with Bipolar Disorder through his Paintings
DO> Wow, what do you think of this?

Hoping for a Happy Ending: A Journalist’s Story of Depression, Bipolar and Alcoholism
DO> This sounds really good.

Recovery Act Funding Supports Study of Bipolar Disorder
DO> Another great thing, don’t you think?

Long-term Stress Damages the Brain
DO> Do you agree with this?

For these stories and more, please visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews459/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting: http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope your day is good so far.

Everywhere you go these days, you see those advertisements for $4 generic prescriptions, don’t you? It started off with just one company, and now everyone’s doing it. Do you know why? Because it’s a successful campaign. And people need it.

Have you ever seen an advertisement that says, “We beat all competitor’s prices”? It’s the same thing. Why do they do it? Because it’s an effective strategy. More realistic, however, is the “We will meet all competitor’s prices.” You can actually go by that. If you have a sale paper that shows something you want is at a certain price, you can take that ad into another store and get the same product for the same price. Why do they do this? Because they want your loyalty. They want your business.

Some people pride themselves on comparison shopping, and in this economy that’s a good way to be. You should comparison shop to get the best price for the things you and your family need.

You especially hear about comparison shopping when it comes to buying a car. That’s because it’s such a big decision, and can have such a big impact on your finances.

Well, guess what? There is no comparison when it comes to bipolar disorder. Each person who has it is different. Some of the symptoms may be the same, but everyone’s different. You might hear from another supporter that such-and-such medication worked so well for their loved one.

Then you might think that your loved one should be on that medication, too, so they can do as good as this person is saying that their loved one is doing. But you have to remember, there is no comparison when it comes to bipolar disorder.

If you go to a support group meeting (I know, because I go to several of them every month), you’ll find people who will tell you what to do for your loved one. That doesn’t make them right.

They are not doctors. They are not psychiatrists. They are not therapists. They are not researchers. They are not any kind of a professional, so you don’t have to listen to them.

One of the problems with these kinds of people is that they believe that what works for their loved one is going to work for everyone who has bipolar disorder. Just remember that there is no

comparison when it comes to bipolar disorder.

Your loved one is who they are. They should be on the right medication for THEM. They should be doing the things that make THEM stable. And you should be the best supporter you can be for THEM. Not according to what anyone else says.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how is your day going? I hope you’re having a good one.

You may or not remember a musical many years ago called “The Music Man.” In this musical, there was a song about a new pool table the town had just gotten. Some people weren’t happy

about it. So the song was about that.

Here are some of the lyrics:

“We’ve got trouble
Right here in River City
Trouble with a capital T
That rhymes with P
That stands for pool…”

Now, that’s kind of a lighthearted way to introduce today’s topic: Patience with a Capital P

You need patience with a capital P if you are going to be able to deal with your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

I know, that may sound “easier said than done.” I remember I lost my patience with my mom many times. It was really hard for me. Sometimes I would have to explain things over and over

again, and she still didn’t get it, so I would get frustrated and lose my patience.

It’s hard to have patience with a loved one who has bipolar disorder sometimes. As supporters, we’re dealing with our own problems, then sometimes we have to deal with our loved one’s problems as well as our own. Sometimes the stress level gets too high (both theirs and yours).

Losing your patience will only add fuel to the fire, though. Your loved one depends on you

to be patient (with a capital P). And you need to be patient for your own sake as well.

Patient people can think clearer. They don’t react to things as much as impatient people. Impatient people get angry and frustrated more often. They get stressed. And stress can bring with it a host of physical problems, like ulcers.

For someone with bipolar disorder, stress can even bring on an episode, so patience with a capital P is especially what they need to practice.

But supporters are just as susceptible. If you aren’t patient, you will react more negatively to a situation, or to something someone may say to you (or something your loved one has done).

If you stuff your feelings, as many supporters do, it may come out anyway, in the form of impatience, frustration and anger. This doesn’t help anything.

What WILL help is if you have patience with a capital P.

Unfortunately, patience is not easy to come by. You will have to work at it.

The next time you face a situation that you can’t do anything to change (like your loved one’s behavior), try practicing patience with a capital P. It may get you further.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope you’re having a great day.

You know, I get so many emails and comments from supporters complaining about the way their loved one treats them. That’s why this email was such a surprise to me:

Dave, I know that it’s more normal to complain about your loved one’s behavior if they have bipolar disorder, but I just wanted to give you the other side of the story. My husband has bipolar disorder. But because he does this one thing all the time (between episodes), things aren’t so bad when he is in one, because he’s used to being a certain way. It’s such a small thing, now that I’m writing about it, but I think if more couples practiced this, things would be better for them. What I’m talking about is simply being polite to each other. I don’t know how hard it would be to start doing it from scratch, because my husband and me have been doing it naturally for so many years, even before he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. But that’s it – we are polite to each other.

It’s easy once you’ve practiced it as much as we have. It’s things like “Please” and “Thank you” and “Would you mind…” you know, things like that. For me, it’s a sign of respect, and I’m polite to my husband in spite of his bipolar disorder out of respect for him. For him, his politeness carries him a long way when his emotions tell him otherwise – like when his bipolar is acting up and he gets moody or irritable.

I know this is a really simple suggestion for your readers, but maybe they could try it. I know that it works for us, and makes a big difference in our relationship, despite his bipolar disorder.

Anyway, maybe you could pass on this suggestion.

–MaryBeth

Wow, this was sure a different email, don’t you think? That something as small as being polite to each other could make such a difference.

But MaryBeth has a point. Being polite to each other is a sign of respect, and everyone likes to be respected.

Some people lose respect for a person who has bipolar disorder. So if your loved one is being affected by stigma, or not being shown respect from other people, it can make a big difference to get it from you. And what a simple way this woman suggests, too! Just be polite to each other. Like you would be to a stranger or any other person. Your loved one deserves at least that, as do you.

Common courtesy is what I’m talking about. You know, like the old Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I know it can get kind of frustrating at times dealing with a person with bipolar disorder… But maybe you can try this woman’s suggestion of just being polite to each other, and see if it makes a difference.

Well, catch you later.

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? I hope you’re doing ok.

Have you ever seen this TV show called Deal or No Deal? Each time, the contestant has to choose whether to open a suitcase or not, that will have a dollar value in it. The idea, of course, is to choose correctly and win the game.

So how does this relate to bipolar disorder?  I’ll explain. If your loved one has bipolar disorder, they are sometimes going to act in ways that you don’t like.  Especially when they go into episodes. And really especially if they need to go to the hospital, and are refusing to go.

When my mom was like that and she needed to go to the hospital, I had to make a deal with her for her to go.  It’s ok to make deals with your loved one. In fact, it can be very effective.

In my courses/systems, I go over strategies to helping your loved one, including hospitalization.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:  http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit: http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit: http://www.survivebipolar.net

Some people say that it’s playing dirty to make a deal with your loved one to do certain things.  I don’t think it is.  Especially if it works. Some loved ones are more receptive than others. But why not try this with your loved one? It could be the answer you’ve been looking for.

Other supporters say that making a deal with your loved one is like making a deal with your child – like you promise them candy if they behave in the store. They claim that you’re treating your loved one like a child. But I don’t agree with that. I think this idea works.

Say your loved one has to go to the doctor today, and they are refusing to go. You could make a deal with them. Tell them that if you go to the appointment together, that afterwards, you can go out for lunch, or something like that.

It’s not childish – it involves cooperation.

And, in this case, getting a person to agree to cooperate with something they don’t like or want to do.  You can use this idea with other things as well. What if they are not wanting (or forgetting) to take their medication? Well, if you’re on medication as well, this is easy. You just make a deal that the two of you will take your medications at the same time.

Even if you’re not on medication, you can still make a deal with them to take their medication. It’s not only important, but it’s crucial to their stability.

What if your loved one isn’t sleeping right?  Make a deal that you will go to sleep with them, or offer to give them a backrub or some other enticement to go to bed. (Although this might get old, so you’ll have to think of something else.)

I know it may be hard for you to treat your loved one this way (making deals), and you may not like doing it. But I can tell you from experience that it IS effective! Why don’t you try this idea and let me know how it goes – I love success stories!

Hi,

Sorry the news is late. I was out of town yesterday.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews458/

Here are the news headlines:

California Bipolar Foundation Seeds Huge NIMH Grant

DO> WOW, incredible they got this, isn’t it?

“Take Your Medicine” Kids Brochures Embarrass British Health Service

DO> What do you think of this?

Teen stress masks illness

DO> Great article for parents

New bipolar disorder research from PF Bell et al outlined

DO> It’s great that more research is being done

FDA Approves Abilify for Children with Autism

DO> Great article

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews458/

==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How are you today?

I wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving if  you celebrate it. I am actually visiting family in Texas today and have a limited internet connection.

I kind of have to make this short, okay, so here we go…

Think about these things:

• A dollar is made of 100 pennies.
• A year is made up of 12 months.
• A week is made up of 7 days.
• A career is made up of doing a good job over a period of weeks/years.
• A car is made up of all of its parts.
• A house is made up of several rooms.
• A family is made up of several members.
• A degree is made up of the courses taken to get it.

I’m sure you can think of some examples of your own. But you get the idea, right?

Have you ever heard the expression: “The whole is made up of the sum of its parts”?

It’s like stability with bipolar disorder. It’s made up of the sum of the parts that you go through to achieve it (and maintain it). In my courses/systems, I strongly suggest having plans of what to do in case things happen, like an episode, losing insurance, etc. Taking care of a small plan can avoid having a bigger problem later.

In other words, success is in the small things. Or, I should say, in the case of bipolar disorder, stability is made up of the small things done consistently over a period of time.

Here are some examples:

1.    Taking medication
Your loved one needs to take their medication each and every day, and eventually their moods
should even out.

2.    Seeing a therapist
Progress is only made in therapy if you attend all your sessions.  (Although you also have to be a willing participant in your own therapy, that is important, too.)

3.    Seeing a doctor
It’s important to have those shorter term general health exams than to have to deal later with a big physical problem.

4.    Seeing a psychiatrist
Your psychiatrist is the one who tracks and prescribes medications.  Your loved one needs to go to each visit, so that the psychiatrist can determine if their medication is working or, if it isn’t, trying something else.

5.    Being a part of a support group
A support group is made up of the sum of its members.  They help each other deal with the issues surrounding bipolar disorder.

6.    Asking for help from your support system
Your support system is made up of a number of people.  Each person has something to offer you in the way of help.  Tell them what you need.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

7.    Good sleep
A night’s sleep is made up of the hours in it.  Your loved one must have at least 8 hours of good, uninterrupted sleep each night to stay stable.

8.    Exercise
Exercise is made up of all the things you do in an exercise session – whether it’s using equipment, or dumbbells, or just walking (made up of steps).

9.    A healthy diet
A diet is made up of each meal you eat.  If you take care of each day’s meals, and you are eating healthy meals at that, you should stay in good health.

10.    Having a good life (in spite of having bipolar disorder)
A good life consists of a lot of things.  Everybody’s different, so I can’t state specifically what would make up a good life for you.  What I can state in general is that if you do all the above things, as well as other things that make you feel good about yourself and lead to stability, you will have a good life.

It’s all in the small things.  Tend to what you need to on a daily basis, and eventually the reward will be stability with bipolar disorder.

What are some of your “small things” that your life (stability) is made of? Any suggestions that might help someone else?

Hi,

How are you today?

I hope you’re having a great day.

Today I want to talk about something you can do to make yourself feel better.

And that is self-esteem.

Self-esteem is how you view yourself.

How you value yourself.

How you believe you come across to others.

If you have poor self-esteem, you will not feel very good about yourself.

But if you have good self-esteem, you WILL feel good about yourself.

Good self-esteem will help you cope and deal better not only with your loved one’s bipolar disorder, but with your life in general.

For example, at a job:

A person with low self-esteem will probably not get promoted, because they will not be very assertive…

May not think they have good ideas…

May be somewhat shy…

May not think they’re good enough, etc.

While someone with good self-esteem will be just the opposite.

They will be the one who gets promotions at work, because:

6. They are self-confident

7. They believe they have good ideas

8. They will get along well with others

9. They will be outgoing

10. They will believe in themselves

Among other things, you need to have good self-esteem to be a good supporter for a loved one with bipolar disorder, like I teach in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

If you don’t have good self-esteem, negative things will happen.

You will not be a positive person.

You will not be optimistic about your loved one’s recovery from bipolar disorder.

You will not be the best supporter you can be.

You will not have a good social life.

You may struggle with family relations.

You may even become depressed, and then you won’t be able to help your loved one or your family.

See, a lot depends on how you see yourself.

It’s very important that you have a good self-image.

A good self-image promotes good self-esteem.

There are several ways to improve your self-esteem.

Here are some suggestions:

11. Do things you are good at doing.

12. Do things that make you feel good.

13. Have some good friends.

14. Maintain good family relations.

15. Take up a hobby that interests you.

16. Help other people.

17. Try to be as positive a person as you

can be.

18. Take things one day (one problem)

at a time.

19. Don’t dwell on the past or mistakes

you’ve made.

20. Be optimistic about the future.

If you have poor self-esteem, using some of these suggestions will help you improve it.

The better your self-esteem is, the better you will be in your role as a

supporter.

Do you have any suggestions on how to improve your self-esteem?

What are they?