Hi, how is your day going? I hope you’re having a good one.
You may or not remember a musical many years ago called “The Music Man.” In this musical, there was a song about a new pool table the town had just gotten. Some people weren’t happy
about it. So the song was about that.
Here are some of the lyrics:
“We’ve got trouble
Right here in River City
Trouble with a capital T
That rhymes with P
That stands for pool…”
Now, that’s kind of a lighthearted way to introduce today’s topic: Patience with a Capital P
You need patience with a capital P if you are going to be able to deal with your loved one’s bipolar disorder.
I know, that may sound “easier said than done.” I remember I lost my patience with my mom many times. It was really hard for me. Sometimes I would have to explain things over and over
again, and she still didn’t get it, so I would get frustrated and lose my patience.
It’s hard to have patience with a loved one who has bipolar disorder sometimes. As supporters, we’re dealing with our own problems, then sometimes we have to deal with our loved one’s problems as well as our own. Sometimes the stress level gets too high (both theirs and yours).
Losing your patience will only add fuel to the fire, though. Your loved one depends on you
to be patient (with a capital P). And you need to be patient for your own sake as well.
Patient people can think clearer. They don’t react to things as much as impatient people. Impatient people get angry and frustrated more often. They get stressed. And stress can bring with it a host of physical problems, like ulcers.
For someone with bipolar disorder, stress can even bring on an episode, so patience with a capital P is especially what they need to practice.
But supporters are just as susceptible. If you aren’t patient, you will react more negatively to a situation, or to something someone may say to you (or something your loved one has done).
If you stuff your feelings, as many supporters do, it may come out anyway, in the form of impatience, frustration and anger. This doesn’t help anything.
What WILL help is if you have patience with a capital P.
Unfortunately, patience is not easy to come by. You will have to work at it.
The next time you face a situation that you can’t do anything to change (like your loved one’s behavior), try practicing patience with a capital P. It may get you further.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post responses below
I am a very patient person and I know it has helped my loved one. Most of the time he appreciates it, though on some occasions it drives him mad. When he is worked up about something and I am very calm about it. Over the last few weeks I have had a big upheaval in my life with bad financial problems. In fact I need a small miracle to sort it and save my home. I am extremely stressed and panicky right now. The only small silver lining is that he calls me every night (we have not been more than friends for a few months now) and seems genuinely concerned. Although he has no money to help with my problem, he is there for me and that helps. He has given up the drink at last, after his psych warned him and he is able to think more clearly. My doctor put me on tranquillisers, so I can’t have a drink either right now.
To NIGHTLADY: “Drink” is highly overrated. I was a “problem drinker” for years, when my shrink put me on a new medication. I realized that mixing the two would turn out badly, so I quit. Perhaps your new “budding relationship” with your friend, would go more smoothly with you BOTH not drinking for awhile. I’m glad he’s communicating with you again; you were SO worried about that. Just dropped by to say I hope things go the way you want them to, and commiserate with your financial woes…I have them, too.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.
Dear Dave and readers, My name is Lynn and I’m a ‘real’ alcoholic. I also live w/Bipolar II Depression on a daily basis. I have to practice patience (with a capitol ‘P’) w/my A.A. sponsees. They often don’t follow suggestions, or think they’re ok w/o any ‘sponsee homework.’ A.A. teaches, ‘Love and tolerance is our code.’ Among other things that are helpful, one day @ a time. Thannks for letting me share.
Dear Dave
When I started out as my daughters chief supporter I was NOT patient, I was abrupt and impatient and unhelpful and all I wanted was for Rachelr to get better now right away ASAP
Well none of that worked at all infact it all made things worse.
Then I found your site. And I found the simple advice and opinion based on common sense actually worked. But still patience didn’t come to me .
I’ve had to work hard on becoming patient and many a time I’ve had to choke back tears of frustration at both my daughters unfathomable behaviour or my impatience at her disorder and how it had totally affected her life.
Slowly I’ve had to work on this thing called patience and every now and then I nail it – today I travelled one hour in the pouring down rain in rush hour traffic with my two little grandsons in the back of the car yahooing and carrying on – and not once did I become impatient and frustrated – I’m trying out a technique ( or a visualisation ) of imagining my heart surrounded by love and patience and forgiveness then I imagine all of me enveloped with love patience and forgivenesslike a shining light then I imagine this light flowing towards my grandsons (believe me, in rush hour traffic in pouring down rain, where everything is at a stand still, one has time to visualise) and then it happened – I had patience – no cross growly grandma yelling at 2 grandsons to shut up and behave I was so amazed at myself I had patience for 1 whole hour
So I’m going to try this visualisation with my daughter the next time I begin to feel the frustration and impatience welling up to the surface when she has a down day
Regards
Shona
Dear Davis,
patience is a huge factor and its so easy to get the wrong end of the stick. A mutual friend was going over to visit my bipolar friend to day and we both tried calling her, with no result. She has never shown signs of suicide but has been acting strangley the last few weeks. Ie dyinbg hai blonde, scrubbing face until its red raw and plucking arm and eyebrows which have almost gone. I dont live near so its difficult this end. We both feared the worst but when I finally got a “Hello” on her mobile my credit ran out until tomoorrow. I suggested to the mutual freind that she still goes to stay with her tonight and hope and pray that she does. If we had been patient and not feared the worst both of us could have avoided our own form of stress. Waht worries mutual friend and me (and Im no saint) that she ia living in a very spritual town in UK , Glastonbury Town, and my other friend has witnessed her smoking “weed” continually.We are cartain she has stopped medication by her own admission, “my doctor said its ok to stop medicating” > I was also told the other day she said that “it looks like Im losing all my friends now” Of course this is not true but I just wish there was a way we could convince her to leave a hippy trippy enviroment. This is only the tip of an iceberg and I went to church to pray for her today. She hopes to visit me soon. My other friend tells me nights are hell when she stays over, ive been used to that for 2 and half years but I flately brefuse to give up on her.