Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi, how are you doing today? I hope you’re having a good day.

Do you remember the game Monopoly? We played it when we were kids. You may even play it with your own kids or grandchildren now. The thing about Monopoly was that it took soooo long, remember? If you were going to play the game right, you had to plan to play it for HOURS!!! And that’s a LONG time to a kid.

Did you ever play a game of Monopoly, and you were winning, and all of a sudden everyone else wanted to quit? Where did that leave you? Frustrated, huh? Disappointed? Maybe even angry?

Because you were winning the game when all of a sudden everyone else decided to do something else. They “changed the rules” on you. In order to win, you have to play the game the whole way through, so you might have felt gyped of your win. And you wouldn’t like that, because you felt entitled to that win!

You did the work for it… You played by the rules… You put in the time… You played well… And you were supposed to win. But children (and some adults) don’t always have the patience to make it through a whole game of Monopoly. They might already be onto the next activity, and you’re sitting there pouting! Which, of course, will get you nowhere except left out of the next fun activity of playing. It just doesn’t seem fair to you.

Well, that’s kind of like how bipolar disorder works. Things may change on you unexpectedly.

You could be doing everything right… You could be playing by the rules… Doing everything you’re supposed to be doing… Putting in all the time and effort to “win”… And all of a sudden the rules change on you! All of a sudden the things that you’ve always done aren’t working this time!

You see signs and symptoms of an episode approaching. You better do something quick! No, this isn’t what you expected. No, this isn’t what you wanted. But just pouting about it isn’t going to get you stable. And if you’re a supporter, just pouting about it isn’t going to help your loved one a single bit.

It isn’t fair! You might want to exclaim. No, it isn’t fair. But it is a reality you have to deal with. Just because the rules change in mid-game, doesn’t mean you stop “playing” it. You have to continue to do the things that make you stable. Just like a supporter has to keep doing the things they normally do to support you.

By both of you working together, you can come out of the episode faster.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.

There’s a problem that affects a lot of people with bipolar disorder and their loved ones. So, I’m just warning you: DON’T FALL VICTIM TO A HIGH LIFESTYLE!

Once they become stable and high functioning, many people with bipolar disorder wind up being really successful. For example, they have started their own home business as an option to working outside the home, and it’s going real well.

They make lots of money (while those who are not as high functioning may still be battling financial troubles because of the economy and/or their high lifestyles.

But if they do become successful, some of these people start going to the extreme. The extreme is what I was talking about before – about buying lots of unnecessary things and living a high lifestyle, just because you have the money.

Then they have to cut back on whatever they did to make all the money, because the stress puts them back into a bipolar episode, and the cycle just continues on and on.

IS IT WORTH IT?

Sustaining this high lifestyle is too much, and not worth it. Especially in this economy, where everyone is having to cut back expenses wherever they can, just to try to live within their means. And so many people are having trouble with this, because the economy is really hurting them, and now they’re having to scramble to change their lifestyle.

You should cut back and downsize to a more simple life, like these people are having to do. De-stressing alone would be worth what you have to do to achieve it. Take a look at all your stuff and see what you really need (as opposed to what you really want).

Do you really need 300 stations on your TV? Many people are going down to just basic cable. Do you really need 3 cars? Or even 2 cars? Many people are even going down to ONE car! Do you need to eat out 8 times a month? This is where a lot of people spend their money. Not just eating out in a regular restaurant, but tons of money is spent on fast food. Try bringing food from home instead. And do need to buy all those expensive clothes? Or can you buy them at a thrift store?

I know this married couple, where both of them have bipolar disorder, and they both live on disability. They used to have high paying jobs, along with the pressure that came along with that, and they had all the trappings of it as well – the house, the car, the clothes, etc.

But both of them could not keep up that lifestyle, not just because of the bipolar disorder, but because the economy turned so much for the worst. And their high tower fell down.

They were both living month to month on just their disability, until I met them, and now one

of them works for me. But the point is, they have continued to live a very simple lifestyle.

AND THEY ARE HAPPIER THEN THEY WERE BEFORE!

It’s basically very simple. If you continue to live a high lifestyle, you will continue to have the high stress that that lifestyle brings into your life. And if you have bipolar disorder, that can cause you to have episodes. IS IT WORTH IT?

It’s your choice. You can give up the stress, and you can live a simpler lifestyle. You can still be successful without all the materialistic trappings. You can cut back to one car (or at least only 2). You can cut out eating fast food. You can cut out expensive dinners 8 times a month –

maybe just once a week, for a “date night” (which I’ve talked about before), and at a more reasonably priced restaurant.

And I bet you’ll be much happier for it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How are you doing today? I hope today is a good one.

A while back I had to ride a train, and I had an irritating experience while I was riding. There was a man on the train that was talking loudly to everyone, whether they wanted to be talked to or not.

He couldn’t seem to take a hint that no matter how interested he was in his stories that no one else cared! In fact, he was really disturbing the other passengers, who were trying to work, relax, and even sleep.

It made me think about our loved ones who have bipolar disorder. Sometimes they can act like this, too. Other times they say or do other things that are inappropriate, and don’t even realize they are doing it.

I’ve known people with bipolar disorder to speak too fast and too loud.

I’ve known people with bipolar disorder to be unable to stop moving, no matter how inappropriate that is for the situation they are in. This may seem harmless enough in theory, but I’m sure many of you know what I mean. After all, can you imagine a person who can’t stop fidgeting at a funeral? Many people there would probably find it offensive.

I’ve also known people with bipolar disorder to be so focused on their own life that they forget that they are talking to another person who might have feelings and a life of their own.

Have you ever had this happen to you? A person will go on and on about their day, and just when you think they are going to ask you about yours, they decide it is time to leave. This can be frustrating.

So what can be done about this? Should we just “blow it off,” with the excuse that they cannot think clearly? Should we continue to deal with this behavior, and even apologize for it? Or are there things we can do to minimize it?

Until our loved ones have gotten to a certain point on the recovery process, these inappropriate behaviors will probably not go away entirely. But they can be minimized, with some specific steps and effort.

To begin with, let them know what they are doing that bothers you. You may already be doing this. But if you are not yet, this can help them realize that the things actually do bother you, and possibly others as well. One important thing to remember is a person with bipolar is often unaware that their speech and behaviors are inappropriate.

Another good way to introduce them to that concept is to arrange a meeting with another person who has bipolar disorder. This may seem simple enough, but it can potentially be very helpful. If your loved one realizes that the behaviors of the other person are not what they should be, then they might just make the connection that their behaviors are not what they should be either.

Of course, this only works if the other person with bipolar disorder is not very far along in their recovery. And depending on whether your loved one is manic at the time, it may or may not work anyways. If they are manic also, then they are less likely to notice the behaviors of the other person.

Once you have done what you can to make your loved one understand that what they are doing is inappropriate, the next thing to do is to simply give them something to do. When our loved ones are focused on something in specific, especially something that they love doing, they are less likely to show the symptoms that they would show normally.

Now, in order for this to be effective, you have to know what they like and pick something from those things.

Giving them something constructive to do can be helpful in many other ways, as well. For example, it may help teach them to finish projects, or help them to relax. It may help them to focus their energy onto something that will not turn around and harm them or their supporters.

Another important thing to remember is that if anyone should apologize for their behavior, it should be them.

There are certainly times where apologizing for them is necessary. Like in the case if they were to ruin an event for other people, or do something that might physically harm someone.

But when they do something that is simply embarrassing, it is not all that necessary to do their apologizing for them. Instead, try to teach them to apologize for their own behaviors. Try to teach them that when someone brings it to their attention that they are doing something that is annoying or frustrating, to give an apology and an explanation (when it is needed).

For example, in a situation where it is okay for the other people to know that they have bipolar disorder, they might say “I’m sorry I’m behaving this way, you see I have bipolar disorder and sometimes it’s easy for me to forget that how I am behaving makes a difference. I am doing my best to learn from my mistakes so that this won’t happen in the future. Thank- you for pointing out my behaviors to me.”

When they do not feel comfortable telling the other person that they have bipolar disorder, then it is a little harder to explain, but it is still possible. They might say something along the lines of “I’m sorry I was behaving that way, I got a little off track. Thank-you for pointing it out to me so that I can fix it.”

There are many ways you can help your loved one out, but apologizing for them is not one of those ways. It doesn’t do them or you any good for you to be apologizing for them constantly, when you could have been focusing that energy on helping them learn to change their behaviors.

There are other things you can do to help them along, but these are three ideas to start you off. Can you think of any others?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re fine.

I was looking at greeting cards the other day, and I came across this one that made me laugh out loud: On the cover it says, “Open this card to find your birthday money.” And then on the back it says, “Gotcha!”

Because… You can’t open the card! I thought it was so funny.

But it reminded me of the saying, “Expect the unexpected.”

See, like with the card, the way it gets you is that you ASSUME something (that turns out not to be true). Well, we do that in life, too. And when it comes to bipolar disorder, it can be dangerous for your loved one.

For example, if you ASSUME that they are stable, so they will never have another bipolar episode…That episode can come unexpectedly and you won’t be prepared for it.

First of all, no matter how long your loved one has had bipolar disorder, you still need to update your knowledge of the disorder. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I post the Bipolar News on my website, and why I stress the importance of information in my daily emails all the time. There is always new information coming out on bipolar disorder. You can’t afford to fall behind.

So you need to stay informed. That’s one thing you can do.

Another thing you can do as far as expecting the unexpected is to have a plan in case your loved one DOES go into an episode. This plan should be something you develop together, when they are NOT in an episode. You might want to come up with a code word that they can say to you when they are “feeling bipolar.” Then you can determine how you will respond to it.

Here is one couple’s plan:

Their key word is “decompensating.” If she uses this word, telling him that she feels like she is decompensating, he knows to put their plan into effect. The first thing he does is determine how serious the situation is. He asks her if she’s feeling suicidal.

If she is, (especially if she has a plan for it, how she is going to do it), he calls her psychiatrist right away, and they decide whether to put her in the hospital because she is a threat to herself.

If he believes it’s a real threat, like if she’s got a plan and intends to carry it out, he may take her directly to the Emergency Room (for her own safety).

If she is not suicidal, he tries to determine if she is in a full blown bipolar episode, or just on the way to one. He can determine this by talking with her and finding out how rational she is. If she is in a full blown episode, he goes ahead and calls the psychiatrist and the doctor either adjusts her medication, or her husband takes her to the Emergency Room.

Sometimes, if your loved one is only on the way to an episode but not in one right now, or at least not a full blown episode, they can be controlled by a temporary increase in the dose of their medication, and you may not necessarily have to take them to the hospital.

This is the plan they have developed, and you can copy it and/or make one of your own. But you still have to expect the unexpected. In other words, you may think that your loved one is stable and perfectly fine, but then they may say their key word to you, and you will have to put your plan into action.

The point is to have a plan you have worked out in advance, so you know what to do.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? Hope you are doing great.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews472/

Here are the news headlines:

Micronutrients: Revolution or false hope?
DO> Wow, what do you think of this article?

Margaret Trudeau speaks about mental illness…
DO> Great story, don’t you think?

Fifth Edition of DSM Released
DO> Take a look at this, very interesting changes

New manual = More ‘disorders,’ more pills
DO> Hmm. What do you think of this article?

Warning label on new diagnosis
DO> Do you agree with this?

Belief in God Improves Response to Depression Treatment
DO> EXACTLY article. Something I have known for a longtime.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews472/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re doing well.

I got a comment to a post I did on how to communicate with your loved one, and I thought I’d share it with you, as he makes some very good points.

“Dear Dave, Learning to be soothing and yet assertive at the same time is akin to balancing on a high wire, however , I know it can be done, because on occassion I have succeeded.

Over the xmas and New Year hols my daughter( who lives with me along with her two young sons) went into a BP depression that lasted most of 4 weeks.

Rachel finds the amount of stress and stimulation overload in the streets and homes workplaces and playgrounds during this time almost unbearable so she took to her bed.

There were times I stared into the well of desperation but theres one thing you say over and over Dave – these episodes pass and our loved ones stabilize how I wanted to rant and rave and bang my fists on the wall of frustration : but we all know that doesn’t work. It was also great to have knowledge of BP and how to be an effective supporter. All of my small amount of experience went into focusing on the BP and not my daughter.

So it was back to basics concentrating on one day at a time sometimes it was down to one hour or part of a hour at a time.

What I found most heartening my daughter responded most days and I know it was an enormous struggle for her to shift the enornous weight of her dark dark mood to hear me.

I kept things simple like we planned and I kept myself calm. Before any discussion or talk I would prepare what I wanted to say I would go over it all in my head to get rid of any subjective jangling bits or any personal rubbish and to focus effort on what I wanted to get across whether it was bathing regularily or taking her meds or even proposing a little trip to the french cafe down the road, because I know that I would have to talk through an enormous amount of negative traffic going on in Rachel’s head.”

————————————————–

“…an enormous amount of negative traffic going on in Rachel’s head.” That is such a telling statement, and so true of people who have bipolar disorder.

This man starts by saying, “Learning to be soothing and yet assertive at the same time is akin to balancing on a high wire, however , I know it can be done, because on occassion I have succeeded.”

Yes, it can feel like balancing on a high wire sometimes – I know, because that’s the way I felt with my mom at times when she was in an episode. It was hard to bite my tongue and not say the things I wanted to say when I wanted to say them.

Balancing on a high wire is like walking around on eggshells, afraid that something you say or do will set your loved one off, trigger them into an episode, or make an existing episode worse. But he says he has been able to make it work on occasion, and that’s encouraging. When I was able to make it work with my mom, she started to recover, so I know what he’s talking about.

He also says: “All of my small amount of experience went into focusing on the BP and not my daughter. So it was back to basics concentrating on one day at a time sometimes it was down to one hour or part of a hour at a time.”

Two good points here.

1. Focus on the bipolar disorder and not your loved one – it will help you to deal
with them much easier. The enemy is not your loved one, the enemy is the disorder.
Fighting with your loved one will not make things better for either one of you.

2. Back to basics – concentrating on one day at a time, sometimes one hour
at a time. That’s what you have to do in order to deal with your loved one
and their bipolar behavior.

Then he says: ” I kept things simple like we planned and I kept myself calm. Before any discussion or talk I would prepare what I wanted to say I would go over it all in my head to get rid of any subjective jangling bits or any personal rubbish and to focus effort on what I wanted to get across…”

Which is good advice. It’s best to always keep it simple. But the most practical advice he gives is to keep calm and before any discussion, plan what you’re going to say. And remember, this will pass.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re doing well.

One of the things I like doing best is to hike. I go on long hikes sometimes. I take food and water with me and plan on being out all day. This is my idea of a good time. (I know some of you out there would disagree with me! ) But I plan for it. I take what I take with me because I plan on being out all day.

What would happen if I went on an all-day hike and hadn’t planned to bring water with me? Or food? My energy would lapse… I would be thirsty… I would be hungry… And I would certainly not have a good time. All because I didn’t have a plan.

When it comes to bipolar disorder, you need to have a plan. You can’t just go out on your “hike” and not plan for it. Like, if you know you’re not going to be home when it’s time to take your medications, you need to plan to bring them with you. If you are going on a trip, you need to plan ahead and bring enough medication for the whole trip.

I mean, what would happen if you ran out of your medication and couldn’t get it where you’re going? What if you even went into an episode? What if you ended up in the hospital? All because you didn’t plan ahead. And that wouldn’t be any fun, would it? It would totally ruin your vacation or trip or whatever.

So, when it comes to bipolar disorder, you have to think ahead. You have to plan.

What if large crowds make you anxious? And what if you want to go to a football game where you know there are going to be a lot of people? You better plan ahead. First of all, you need to know to expect that there will be a crowd. But then you make a plan. Like you might plan on

arriving early to avoid the crowd.

You might plan to stay a short time after the game to avoid the crowds trying to get out (all at the same time). You can get a seat where there is a good view in front of you instead of a bunch of people which might make you anxious. You may have to pay a little bit more money for that kind of seat, but that’s part of your planning ahead. This is something you want to do, but in order to do it, you have to plan ahead.

You also need to have plans in place for bipolar episodes. It’s the same thing. You’ve had them before, so you should know what to expect. That way you can make your plan ahead of time should you see one starting to form. Don’t be surprised – Plan for it, so you’ll know what to do.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a great day.

I am going to talk a little about the holidays even though they were a few months ago.

You know, it’s not just those with bipolar disorder that experience disappointment. It can happen to supporters, too. You don’t even have to have bipolar disorder to experience it. You experience disappointment any time you have unreasonable expectations.

For example, if your loved one has been in treatment for awhile now, but they are still not where

you want them to be stability-wise. That’s having an unrealistic expectation. Your loved one may be exactly where they need to be in their recovery. (No matter how you feel about it.) Especially after the holidays. You may be wanting that holiday excitement to last, and feel let

down that it doesn’t.

Instead, you need to remember that there is usually a let-down after the holidays. It may be a pattern for you and/or your loved one. And patterns have a habit of repeating themselves.

You can have reasonable expectations that, given the same set of circumstances, the same thing

will happen again.

Think back to last year. Did your loved one get depressed after the holidays? Did they experience post-holiday let-down? Then it is reasonable to assume that they will go through the same thing this year. It’s a matter of patterns.

Like my mom, for example. I have learned over the years that this is the hardest time of the year

for her. So I watch her extra close, to make sure she doesn’t go into an episode.

You may have to do the same thing. What happened last year? How did your loved one act after

Christmas was over? Did they feel the let-down that so many others with bipolar disorder feel?

Did they get depressed? Or did they take it in stride? Even look forward to the new year? Whatever happened last year can be a good indicator of what will happen this year as well.

On the other hand, if your loved one has been working on themselves in therapy, you might expect them to be able to handle things a little better this year than they did last year. Same with you…It’s all in your expectations.

If you felt let down last year after Christmas, then you can expect that you’ll feel that way this year too… Unless you do something different this year. And what you can do different is to have more realistic expectations.

Are you or your loved one feeling let down now after the holidays? Then be more realistic about

your expectations. And try to keep positive in your attitude. Even look forward to the new year!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going? Hope you are doing great.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews471/

Here are the news headlines:

Prosecutors: Woman embezzled to fund makeup habit
DO> This is really sad. Terrible.

Berkeley woman overcomes major obstacles to graduate from Yale
DO> Wow, what do you think of this?

Matters of perception
DO> Very interesting article, don’t you think?

Can Alexander McQueen’s Suicide Help Prevent Others From Ending Their Lives?
DO> What do you think of this.

Bipolar study looks at light therapy
DO> This should be studied hard, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews471/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave