Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope you’re having a good day.
Remember when we were little and got piggy back rides? If you’re a parent today, you probably give piggy back rides to your own children. If you’re a grandparent, you may or may not give your grandchildren piggy back rides (depending on if you can or not). But the point is that you know what a piggy back ride is, though. Right?
Well, the term is used negatively in business. It refers to someone who gains success by riding on someone else’s coattails (or piggy backing). They don’t use just their own resources to get ahead.
This type of person generally gets no respect from their co-workers, because you can tell this type of person just by watching them for awhile.
So how does this relate to bipolar disorder?
Let me ask you this: Are you piggy backing your loved one’s bipolar disorder? Is the only way for you to get through to your loved one through their disorder? Is your loved one so dependent on you that they don’t do anything without you? That’s not a good sign. The answers to these questions could be a sign of codependency.
They need to be doing as much for themselves as they can. The more they do for themselves,
the closer they will be to bipolar stability, and the faster it will happen.
Your loved one probably pays a lot of attention to their disorder. They should, if they’re managing it correctly. But not to the point that they leave you out of things. And you shouldn’t be leaving them out of things either, just because of the bipolar disorder.
Here’s a good way to know: Is the only thing you ever talk about, the bipolar disorder? Or do you talk about other things outside of the disorder? Do you feel as if you and your loved one have good communication between you? Does your life consist of things outside bipolar disorder? Or does everything you do revolve around the disorder?
If you don’t have good communication with your loved one… If everything you want to say to them has to go by way of their disorder… Then that’s a huge sign that you are piggy backing on the disorder to get to your loved one. By this point, they should be doing some things for themselves that you did for them before. That’s how you know they’re getting better.
The point is, you DO want your loved one to eventually become independent. You don’t want them depending on you for everything, because that is just not healthy, for either of you.
Well, I have to go!
Your Friend,
Dave
Post response below
I am guilty of piggybacking my daughter’s disease. Everything we do surrounds therapy, respite and waiver for her. It is so bad, she sometimes has to come to work with me. She is 16 years old and it is very hard for me to understand the need to follow me everywhere. She cannot cope with high school at all (we are seeking alternative education for her, but it’s not coming soon enough for me) and I have kept her home today because the phone call I got yesterday from the school tells me they are not following their own plan of action for her during school hours. I cannot keep this up, or I will lose my job (which I love). I made her stay at home today instead of coming to work with me. I told her she is 16 and it’s time to “grow up” without me babysitting her all day long. I feel she does not want to get better because she reisists all the help I have taken her to get. This disease is not for the faint of heart, I’ll tell ya. She screams how she hates me and how I am mean. But, I have to give her some tough love sometimes (and it kills me), but what else can I do?
Hi David,
Sometimes as the supporter of my husband I probably am “piggy backing” in order to get to him. Some days I am so frustrated with the bipolar diaorder that its probably 80% of my conversations with him for that day. Trying to get him to manage his bipolar disorder is tiresome and it is wearing me out. When I make sugestions, he accuses me of trying to be his mother. Or he tells me if he is not doing what I want him to do then I am not happy. I am not that kind of a person. I just want him to get stable. I want him to call the doctor when his sleep patterns change, when he gets that heavy felling in his head, when his agitation level is through the roof. This disorder is destroying our marriage. I love my husband with all my heart and I know this disorder is more mentally exhausting to him than those around him. I try everyday to take that into consideration. But I am up against a wall. I have my sword drawn trying to defend my family from this terrible disorder, but my strength is dying.I do not want my marriage and family defeated by this. I try to take one battle at a time, but it seems as though the bipolar disorder has won more battles thatn I have at this point.
Hi Dave,hope things are going well for you.I just want you to know.I probably have tried to use the piggyback syndrome,but because of most of the people around me who have no intrest in my bi-polar problems,it doesn’t work.I do stick with my medications.I spend a lot of time in self observation,and self correction,because sometimes our attitudes can’t be laid on bi-polar,it’s just us as humans.we all have to take responsibility for our actions and figure out when we are in a mode that denotes if we are episoding or just being human.sure we drive others crazy,sometimes we need to have a little compassion for others,and realize that they are human to,and are not responsible for our diability and not make them pay for everything that happens to us.take sometime outs,meditate,take your medicine,don’t take too much on even if you do feel better,and when you don’t feel so well.leave people alone,allow them space not to feel guilty about you.things can work over time.I suppose it depends on how interested you are in not feeling sorry for yourself,and being able to recognize when your episoding.It’s a lot hang in there.much love to supporters and to those with the annoying syndrome.
yevonne
Well, I accomplished something very rare this week…I sold my condo as “For Sale by Owner,” without using a Realtor(R), and everything, right now, seems “cut and dried.” But…it ain’t over til the fat lady sings…At first, I didn’t think I had what it would take to sell it without a broker, but I had outside help from my financial advisor and a couple of Realtors(R) who came to my house to evaluate how best to make it “sale-aable.” Of course, NONE of this would have been possible without the help and hard work of my roommate; she took the tiger by the tail and went to work. What I want to say about this is that – “if you can conceive it, you can believe it, and you can achieve it.” My roommate is leaving the end of this month, and she’s only lived with me since September. So – I’ll be back on my own, living by myself, with no co-dependency issues. Going FSBO saved me a BUNCH of money, but I also proved something to myself…I can do whatever I put my mind up to, and, with God’s help, The Secret came true for me.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I continue to pray for my country.
My daughter is schzioaffective with bipolor and has been in treatment both inpatient and then did outpatient and is doing well. Problem is she was on short term diablity which she pays through her work and human resources found out because they had to get the paperwork for the disabilty. she is not ready to return after 6 weeks and before she returns they emailed her that they demoted her back to her old job which she just had gotten a recent promotion and also upon returning to her old job they took her old office away to. Can they do that.
Hello David,
I guess we were lucky with our daughter’s psychiatrist. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder her senior year in high school. Just as she was getting her acceptance letters from the different colleges and universities, she was being treated, tested and confirmed that she had bipolar disorder. Her psychiatrist told her and us that just because she has bipolar does not give her a free ride. The doctor told her he expected her to continue with her studies at the high level she was performing. She graduated with honors from a prestigous Chicago high school. She also graduated with honors from the University of Illinois-Urbana. The only hinderance was that we did not allow her to go the New York University although she was accepted. We at that time did not know how her condition would develop, and it was more for our well being than hers,that we kept her relatively close by. As it turned out, there was only 2 occassions that I had to drive the three hours to the U of I to tend to her “episodes”. I am a firm believer, your children will rise to your expectations if given the chance.
Thanks, Andrea