Hi, how are you? I hope you’re feeling fine.

I have to share this email with you, because it concerns me:

“Dear Dave, Things are really bad for us right now. My husband lost his job, and hasn’t been able to find another one. They are getting ready to foreclose on our house. Because of things he has done in his bipolar episodes, our boys aren’t even talking to him. And I get so frustrated day after day working hard and coming home to find out that all he did was sleep all day. The house isn’t clean, there is nothing for supper, and he hasn’t even taken a shower.

This has to be because of his bipolar disorder, right? Because he never was a lazy person before. Well, at least not before he lost his job. He’s getting so

discouraged that he hasn’t been able to find another one, and I feel guilty that I’m working and he isn’t.

He misses appointments with his doctors and therapist because he says we don’t have the money for it, but I think that is just making him worse. I have to believe him when he says he is still taking his medications, but I’m not sure because I don’t watch him take them. And things between us aren’t good at all either. He just won’t talk to me. And I have a hard time talking to him because I don’t want to say anything to upset him. So we really don’t have any communication any more.

I know you’ve probably heard all this before, like I did at support meetings, but I never thought it would happen to me and my husband. I’m about ready to give up. Any suggestions?

Keep up the good work,

Sarah

What an email. But she’s right about one thing – this doesn’t surprise me, because I do get a lot of emails from supporters struggling through the things that Sarah is going through right now.

I’m not a lawyer or realtor, so I can’t comment on her losing her house. I’m not a therapist or counselor, either, so I can only give my opinion based on what she said in her email. I’m not a magician either, though, so I don’t have a magic word to give her to make everything ok for them.

A lot of people come to me and want me to solve their problems for them. Some even get mad when I tell them that I don’t have any pat answers that will change things. However, when I can, I try to help people by giving practical advice, because that’s the only advice that can really help them. Then it’s up to them whether they follow it.

You can tell how stressed this woman is, and I can understand that. To her, she is doing all the work and her husband isn’t doing anything to contribute. But there are practical ways to fix that, like making him a To-Do List.

The biggest point, first of all, is that it sounds like her husband is in a bipolar depressive episode.

The fact that he isn’t doing anything with his time…The fact that he is isolating…The fact that he is sleeping all the time…The fact that he has stopped communicating with his supporter…These are all signs of a bipolar depressive episode.

In my opinion, the best thing for her to do is get her husband to seek help, however she has to do it. But she also has to NOT give up! That’s one thing I always tell people: NEVER give up! The next day might be the day that her husband comes out of the episode.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re fine.

I have this guy who works for me, and I’d have nothing to complain about, EXCEPT…Working with him is like a battlefield. I feel like I’m always walking through a mine field whenever I talk to him, because sometimes he just explodes in anger at me! And he isn’t consistent. So what made him mad last time is not necessarily what he’s mad at me for this time!

It’s really a problem working with him, since he is so unpredictable in his mood swings and anger. I probably wouldn’t keep him on staff, except that he is a genius at what he does. So I’ve learned to take the good with the bad whenever I need some work from him.

It’s the same way I look at bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a battlefield. There are mines everywhere you look, if that’s what you look for. But if you think of those mines as episodic behavior, there’s a chance you can get around them.

Of course, it means monitoring your loved one’s behavior and moods and having a plan of action in place to battle them.

In any battle, you need to have ammunition. Your ammunition is knowledge. And, hopefully, a close relationship with your loved one’s doctor, psychiatrist and therapist, as well. That way, they’re on your side. So let’s look at those land mines. And compare them with your ammunition.

Many people with bipolar disorder don’t want to take their medication, or put up a fuss about taking it, or some even just forget to take it. Many supporters have reported to me that they struggle with getting their loved one to take their meds.

So what ammunition do you have?

You have the doctor on your side – the one who prescribed your loved one’s medication and hopefully is following their progress on it. Don’t feel embarrassed if you have to ask for help from your loved one’s doctor or nurse to get your loved one to take their medication.

You should have their therapist on your side as well, and maybe they can talk to your loved one and get through to them the importance of taking it. If your loved one is not sticking to their treatment, that can be a big problem. And a big area to fight, according to supporters I know.

The problem is, you can’t force your loved one to WANT to adhere to their treatment. But you DO have to deal with the consequences of their episodic behavior, so you should have a say in the matter. That’s one thing you should try to get across to your loved one, in the least threatening way possible. Show them the statistics on bipolar disorder. Tell them you don’t want them to be a statistic (20% of people with bipolar disorder will kill themselves), so you want them to adhere to their treatment. Tell them in a loving way that you want them to get better.

The more people you have behind you, the more ammunition you have to fight this bipolar disorder. Get your loved one’s family involved if you have to. If you go to church, get your pastor or minister or priest involved. Or your loved one’s friends. Just someone your loved one will listen to if they won’t listen to you.

The good news is – Bipolar disorder is a battlefield upon which you can emerge the winner.

NOTE: Always remember that it is the bipolar disorder that you’re fighting and NOT your loved one!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I have some great news. I have a brand new DVD out for those living with bipolar disorder. You can get it for F.REE.

You can get more information by visiting:

http://www.survivebipolar.net/signup1/

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re having a good day.

There are two types of people:

1. People who complain about their problems but do nothing to resolve them.

2. People who rise above their problems and become successful.

Which type are you?

Nobody likes to hear other people complain. At best, it makes you feel sorry for the person, but you still can’t help them. At worst, they can bring you down with their complaints. And you might resent them, because you have problems of your own!

I hope you’re the second type of person.

I know you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, and that’s a big problem. But is just sitting around complaining about it going to do anything to change your situation? No.

Just remember, you are NOT your disorder. Supporters, your loved one is NOT their disorder.

Bipolar disorder can make you do some things sometimes that may become problems because of the consequences, but you need to separate yourself from the disorder (identity-wise) and still take responsibility for consequences of episodes.

Still, you have a choice as to which type of person you want to be. Some people say they can’t help themselves, but I disagree. I think you can take control of your problems. I think you can take control of your bipolar disorder and the problems that it brings.

Like I was just saying about taking responsibility for the consequences of things that you do during an episode. If there’s something you CAN do, I think you should do it.

Too many people with the disorder depend too much on their supporters.

As a supporter, you should have boundaries (limits) in place, and be sticking to them, so that you don’t enable your loved one. Enabling is doing things for them that they can do for themselves.

You also don’t want them to be too dependent on you. That’s not healthy for either one of you.

It can even lead to codependency, which is a whole other problem in itself.

You want to be partners. Co-workers in the fight against bipolar disorder. You have a great deal to do with your loved one’s stability. You are an invaluable help and source of support for them.

But if you just sit around and complain that your loved one has bipolar disorder, you will not be helping them (or yourself) at all.

If you both work together to deal with your loved one’s disorder, you can be successful in your efforts. Stability is the ultimate success, and stability is possible if you just don’t give up.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

I am getting the news out early today because I have a million things to do today.

Anyway, with that said, here’s the current news on bipolar disorder

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews467/

Here are the news headlines:

Fighting bipolar with art
DO> Wow, great article, take a look.

Toledo woman describes her battle with bipolar disorder
DO> What do you think of what she is saying?

Service dog helps woman fight mental illness
DO> Inspiring article, take a look.

Excessive substance use in bipolar disorder is associated with impaired functioning…
DO> I hope that you knew this, if you didn’t read this article right away.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews467/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going for you today? I hope you’re having a great day.

You know, I’ve heard it said, as I’m sure you have too, that it’s the simplest things that can make a big difference. Have you ever thought of that? Too many of us have a way of complicating things, so that we lose the solution in the middle of all the tumult. When it could be that the solution is staring you right in the face. A simple thing.

Some of our greatest inventions are due to a simple idea. Look at the telephone…The lights…

The car…The computer…

They all started with a simple thought, and expanded on that to become a great invention that helps people.

I’m not saying that it is always going to be easy to solve your problems. Some problems seem almost impossible to solve. But let’s take, for instance, that your loved one is in an episode. It’s not hard to see the solution to that problem – they need to get immediate help, or they will get worse. It’s the HOW that is the problem.

If you’re lucky, your loved one will call their own doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist for help.

Or, if it is really bad, that they would agree to go to the hospital voluntarily. But if they are not cooperative, you need to come up with another solution. Especially because they need more help than you can give them.

For one couple, this was a simple solution.

The husband was in a bipolar episode, and saying all kinds of strange things (hallucinations and

delusions). He also wasn’t sleeping. The wife was trying to get him to seek help. The problem was, he didn’t want to. So she very patiently talked to him.

She reflected back at him (one of the communication techniques that I teach) the things he was

saying. When he heard them coming out of her mouth, he could see that they weren’t rational. When she pointed out that there really was no one else there (and showed him), he could see that he was hallucinating.

But when she asked him if he was tired…When she pointed out how nice it would be for him to sleep…That’s when he started listening to her. I’m not saying it will be something as easy as “Wouldn’t it be nice to get some sleep?” like it was for this woman.

But I am saying that sometimes it’s the simplest things that help the most.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you doing today? I hope you’re doing fine.

I’m really concerned about something, and I think you need to know about it as well.

You know I volunteer at several places where there are people with bipolar disorder, like support groups and such. Well, sometimes I like what I hear, and then I bring that information to you, because I think you can benefit from it.

But what is really bothering me today, and I think it’s been building up and I’m surprised I haven’t brought it up lately, is something that I’ve noticed happens at some of these meetings that is NOT a good thing.

I’ll tell you about it:

It’s when people who have NO clue about bipolar disorder give advice on it – even though the advice is sincere, it is still sincerely wrong! Now people can truly get hurt by this advice, and that makes me mad!

For instance, one person at the support group meeting said, “My friend told me that since I seem

to be doing so much better, that I should stop taking my medications.”

Then other people say, yeah, my friend said the same thing… and before you know it, this one comment is controlling the whole meeting, and it is a totally FALSE thing – a LIE!

I’m sure they’re not trying to steer someone else wrong, they just might not be aware of how harmful bad bipolar disorder advice can be. Even fatal, when you’re talking about going off your medications.

Then, when I try to tell them that that comment can’t be true, or that it could hurt them, or at least that they should check with their doctor before going off their medications, they ALL look at me like I’m some crazy person! Know what I mean?

Or they say their friend told them to stop working and get on disability. Another person said that their friend told them that another friend said that they should take this supplement on the market instead of their medications, and that it worked for their friend’s friend!

But I ask myself, where are these people getting this stuff? And how come people are believing it? Really, sometimes I just want to walk out of these meetings and just keep going. But then I remember why I am there – to help. And sometimes that help is just to tell them the truth about what their “friends” have been telling them.

Unfortunately, there is still no cure for bipolar disorder, no matter what you may hear at a support group meeting. Even though these people are well meaning, always check with your

doctor before you do anything like taking a supplement instead of your medications just because you heard “a friend of a friend of a friend” says it works. Everybody is different. What works for one person great may not work for another person.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re having a great day.

Have you ever known a workaholic? Or even been one yourself? It’s one thing to work hard. That is commendable. But to work so hard that it gets you stressed out is not a good thing.

Here’s another question for you: How many people do you know who love their work? Probably no one, right?

As children, we are encouraged to follow our dreams (even though some of them are not realistic, like becoming the president). We are told to use the gifts and talents we have to think

of a career that we want to work in.

But too many people actually hate their jobs. If you are one of them, don’t let this keep going on.

I know the economy is tight. That’s why so many people are holding onto their jobs, even if they hate them. But eventually, it will eat away at you.

I know one woman who hated her job so much that she had an anxiety attack on the way to work every day. That’s no way to live. And definitely no way to take care of yourself.

I have talked before about starting a home business as an alternative to working outside the home. Or consider working only part-time, if you can afford it.

But remember back to the beginning of this post. You should be working in a field that supports your gifts and talents. A job that you enjoy. One that makes you feel good about yourself. One that you look forward to going to. Unfortunately, too many people don’t do that. They just take whatever they can get.

I know one man who is a certified car mechanic, but can’t find a job in his field. So he started a home business just fixing cars in his driveway for now. And he does very well for himself, and is basically stress-free, because he is his own boss. Also, he can set his own hours. He also determines how much money he is going to make.

So he is doing what he is trained to do…What he loves to do…The way he wants to do it.

Some people are stuck at dead-end jobs – they can’t go any further up the ladder. Then what do you do? There are so few jobs out there at this point, because the economy is so bad. So many people are even being let go from their jobs. And the competition for the jobs that are out there

is fierce. But not if you start your own business, like the car mechanic I was telling you about.

He is very happy doing what he’s doing.

Maybe you should consider starting your own home business?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going?

Here’s the current news on bipolar disorder

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews466/

Here are the news headlines:

More young people seek bipolar help and advice
DO> This is great isn’t it?

Helpline obsession makes telephone therapy a tough call
DO> What do you think of this?

Calls to bipolar helpline double
DO> Well this is sad there are more problems, but good people are getting help

Rutgers grad helps others with lessons learned from own battles with severe mental illness
DO> Great article.

Guitar helping musician with bipolar illness hit high notes
DO> Another inspirational story.

Eye test could help diagnose depression
DO> Hmm. What do you think of this?

For these stories and more, please visit
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews466/

=>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how is your day going? I hope you’re having a good one.

You may or not remember a musical many years ago called “The Music Man.” In this musical, there was a song about a new pool table the town had just gotten. Some people weren’t happy

about it. So the song was about that.

Here are some of the lyrics:

“We’ve got trouble

Right here in River City

Trouble with a capital T

That rhymes with P

That stands for pool…”

Now, that’s kind of a lighthearted way to introduce today’s topic: Patience with a Capital P

You need patience with a capital P if you are going to be able to deal with your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

I know, that may sound “easier said than done.” I remember I lost my patience with my mom many times. It was really hard for me. Sometimes I would have to explain things over and over

again, and she still didn’t get it, so I would get frustrated and lose my patience.

It’s hard to have patience with a loved one who has bipolar disorder sometimes. As supporters, we’re dealing with our own problems, then sometimes we have to deal with our loved one’s problems as well as our own. Sometimes the stress level gets too high (both theirs and yours).

Losing your patience will only add fuel to the fire, though. Your loved one depends on you

to be patient (with a capital P). And you need to be patient for your own sake as well.

Patient people can think clearer. They don’t react to things as much as impatient people. Impatient people get angry and frustrated more often. They get stressed. And stress can bring with it a host of physical problems, like ulcers.

For someone with bipolar disorder, stress can even bring on an episode, so patience with a capital P is especially what they need to practice.

But supporters are just as susceptible. If you aren’t patient, you will react more negatively to a situation, or to something someone may say to you (or something your loved one has done).

If you stuff your feelings, as many supporters do, it may come out anyway, in the form of impatience, frustration and anger. This doesn’t help anything.

What WILL help is if you have patience with a capital P.

Unfortunately, patience is not easy to come by. You will have to work at it.

The next time you face a situation that you can’t do anything to change (like your loved one’s behavior), try practicing patience with a capital P. It may get you further.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave