Bipolar Supporter Blog

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But what about you?

You suffer right along with your loved one.

You can lose your freedom.

You can lose your job.

You can lose your home.

You can lose your friends and family, too.

On the other hand, you can gain some things.

You can gain pride from being a good supporter.

You can gain a sense of closeness with your loved one.

You can gain a goal (stability for your loved one).

You can gain a sense of self-respect because of your new role.

BUT…

Some people lose something very important.

They lose their peace of mind.

It may be hard for you, having to deal with your loved one’s episodes, but you still need to hold onto your peace of mind.

Reminding yourself that they’ve made it through before can help.

Remembering that you’re fighting this battle together can help, too.

There are some supporters who are very negative.

They are always, as the saying goes, “waiting for the other shoe to fall.”

Instead of gaining the enjoyment of their loved one’s normal periods, they focus instead on their fear of the next bipolar episode.

These supporters have lost their peace of mind.

Looking towards the future, to your loved one’s stability, should help you keep your peace of mind.

Being a positive person will help you as well.

And trusting that things will work out for the best is the best way to hold onto your peace of mind.

Have you lost your peace of mind because of bipolar disorder?

Or have you managed to hold onto it in spite of bipolar disorder?

Bipolar? Don’t Let This Discourage You

David Oliver August 26, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 14 Comments

Hi,

How are you today?

I hope you’re fine.

It’s hard not to think about the economy these days, as everywhere you look, every newspaper you read, every radio you listen to, and everyone you talk to, is all about it.

We hear about businesses closing down.

About people losing their jobs.

About people losing their homes…

Even having to go through foreclosure or bankruptcy.

There is no doubt that the state of our economy is not a good one.

But you don’t have to let this discourage you.

The people who are still making it through the recession are people who have had to change their way of thinking.

They’ve had to make some hard decisions, but they’ve done it.

Some have had to completely change their lifestyles.

Some have had to ask for government assistance.

Some have had to depend on family and friends for help.

Some have even started home businesses to try to keep an income, or have had to take a second job.

It’s the same with bipolar disorder itself.

Just like the state of the economy is a fact that you’ve had to adjust to, so bipolar disorder is a fact that you have to adjust to.

It does mean making life changes.

But just as people are adjusting to the economy, so you can adjust to bipolar disorder.

For example, you have to deal with your loved one going into bipolar episodes.

They act different when they’re like that.

And you have had to change your life around because of it.

In my courses/systems, when I talk about learning how to manage bipolar disorder, I teach about some of these lifestyle changes, and how they are a necessity.

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But just like people have a choice in how they deal with our poor economy, you also have a choice in how you deal with your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

When someone loses their job because of the economy, it can be considered a setback.

But then they have a choice:

They can sit back and feel sorry for themselves and complain about the government and the economy, which won’t get them anywhere but angry and frustrated.

OR…

They can take it in stride and find another job/career or source of income.

Like with bipolar disorder, there will be setbacks in your loved one’s recovery.

They won’t be episode-free forever.

But sitting back and feeling sorry for yourself and complaining about having bipolar disorder won’t get you anywhere but angry and frustrated.

You just have to accept that episodes are inevitable, and they will happen.

You can’t let these setbacks discourage you or your loved one.

Yes, episodes will happen, but your loved one can still achieve stability.

Sometimes it may seem like one step forward and two steps back, but just like in life, you still have to keep plugging away at it.

Don’t let setbacks discourage you.

Recovery is still possible, even with bipolar episodes.

Just don’t give up.

Bipolar Disorder is a Journey

David Oliver August 25, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 19 Comments

Hi,

How are you doing today?

I hope you’re doing well.

You know, there are many people who have written about how life is a journey.

But I wanted to share with you something that Michele, who works for me and has bipolar disorder, wrote about bipolar disorder being a journey.

She writes:

“The road to recovery is more of a

journey than an actual destination.

You will never fully “arrive,” for

there is no cure. But you do have a

choice in how you make your journey.”

———————————————————————–

Aren’t those words of wisdom?

It’s certainly a positive way of looking at the disorder.

Michele is a very good worker for me, and I enjoy working with her, because she has such a positive attitude, which you can see by what she wrote.

She’s a good example of someone who controls the disorder instead of the disorder controlling her.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how you have to make choices, and that those choices have to be good ones.

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It’s like what Michele said:

You have a CHOICE in how you make your journey.

Many people, when they’re diagnosed with bipolar disorder, think of it like a death sentence.

They let that color their whole approach to the disorder and, even, their lives.

But I’m always telling you, aren’t I, that part of recovery is in your attitude.

The success stories that I have from people are from positive people.

Their attitude helps them to manage their disorder.

See, some people don’t think they have a choice in things.

Like bipolar disorder.

When they’re first diagnosed, they think that just because an episode influences your thoughts and causes you to make bad choices, that it will be that way all the time, and you can never trust your own choices at all.

But that’s not true.

Bipolar disorder can be managed.

And there are more times without episodes than there are with episodes.

Of course, during an episode, no major decisions should be made, but I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about the fact that YOU have some control over bipolar disorder.

YOU have control over your attitude.

YOU have control over your decisions.

Like Michele said, YOU have a CHOICE.

She has the attitude that you need to reach recovery.

By looking at it as a journey, you realize that it will take time.

You won’t be as disappointed with setbacks.

Because in the journey of life there are setbacks, too.

But they don’t stop you from continuing on your journey.

You learn from your mistakes, and hopefully won’t repeat them.

It can be the same with dealing with bipolar disorder, whether you have the disorder or are supporting someone who does.

It’s up to YOU how you make this journey.

The important thing to remember is that you DO have a choice.

You CAN choose to have control over the disorder instead of letting the disorder control you and your life.

What do you think about what Michele said?

Do you agree or disagree?

Bipolar? Don’t Blindly Trust the Experts

David Oliver August 24, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 8 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

I hope you have a great day today.

I actually have a ton of work to do so I have to get moving pretty quick.

Let’s jump into today’s topic.

I hired a firm to help me with a major problem I had with my website.

Well, this firm fixed SOME of the problems I had, but I later found out that if I had used a different solution it would have saved me a ton of time and money.

The reason why I went to the first firm is that I was uneducated and didn’t take the time to learn about the problem.

I just trusted the first so-called expert that came my way.

You can’t just blindly trust everything you hear or see.

With bipolar disorder, you have to be educated.

You have to become your own expert on the disorder.

I educate people through my courses/systems, but I also tell them to never stop learning about bipolar disorder.

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http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews444

You might even have to get a second opinion.

Doctors are just people, and they can make mistakes.

Question your doctor.

Question the experts.

You also will have to use your own judgment.

Sometimes even trust your own gut feeling – that if something doesn’t “feel” right, it may be wrong.

You do have to have some faith but many times, people just blindly follow experts without questioning.

Even with me, question ALL that I tell you.

Look hard at what I am saying.

Compare it to other information you find.

Bipolar disorder is an individual disease.

Although it has its own symptoms, and everyone who is diagnosed with the disorder is diagnosed by those symptoms, they still are different in different people.

Also, your loved one may have more than just bipolar disorder.

People can have more than one disorder at a time.

So if your loved one has some symptoms that are outside the bipolar symptoms, question it.

Another thing is too that bipolar disorder can change.

Your loved one may have been diagnosed with (and have symptoms for) one type of bipolar disorder, and then later on show symptoms of another type of bipolar disorder.

If so, question it.

Then question your loved one’s doctor about it.

Don’t just think it’s all in your head.

And always keep learning.

Even the experts don’t know everything there is to know about bipolar disorder.

And each person with the disorder is different, as well.

You have to learn to deal with (and help manage) your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

The more you know, the better it will be for both of you.

You also have to learn how to be a good supporter to your loved one.

The books and experts don’t teach you that.

That is something you need to learn on your own.

You can get some advice from other people, like maybe people in your support group, but ultimately it is your own judgment that you’ll be using.

Many things associated with bipolar disorder come by way of trial and error.

You need to use your knowledge base, but you also need to use your common sense.

Use whatever works with your own loved one.

Have you ever read or heard about something associated with bipolar disorder that just didn’t seem right to you?

What did you do about it?

Current Bipolar News

David Oliver August 21, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 4 Comments

PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS

Hi,

Here’s the bipolar news.

Heading off to the gym now.

Enjoy.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews444

Free Training Help People Talk to Reporters

about Mental Illness

DO> Interesting concept

The Bipolar Diet by Sarah Freeman

DO> What do you think of this?

Some Conditions Misdiagnosed as Bipolar Disorder

DO> This is a major problem in mental health

The Bipolar Journey:Living With Bipolar Depression

DO> Looks like a good in depth description of Life with Bipolar Depression.

For these stories and more, please visit:

POST RESPONSES TO THE NEWS HERE

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar? The Fighting Attitude

David Oliver August 20, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 14 Comments

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

You know I like to hike, right?

It’s where I do some of my best thinking.

And, usually, that’s about bipolar disorder, of course.

But I was hiking the other day and thinking about the staggering numbers of people who have the disorder, are supporting someone who does, or know of someone who has it.

And the numbers are staggering.

Then I was thinking about the difference between people when it comes to bipolar disorder.

I hear from a lot of people in response to my daily emails, courses/systems, website, etc.

And it’s almost like they’re divided in half.

Half the people are really struggling with it, and the other half seem to have mastered it.

Well, maybe mastered it is the wrong way to put it – but they control and manage the disorder instead of it controlling or managing them.

These are the people I like to hear from, because they have that “fighting attitude.”

And that’s what you have to have when it comes to bipolar disorder – a FIGHTING ATTITUDE.

I talk a lot in my courses/systems about what it takes to become stable with bipolar disorder, and that’s one of the things, I believe.

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There are those people who take the diagnosis lying down, just like in a boxing match where you throw in the towel and give up.

They don’t believe that stability is a possibility for them.

Those people don’t do the right things, so they don’t get stable.

But have you ever known someone who no matter what happens to them, they fight back?

Like cancer survivors.

I think it’s all in having a “fighting attitude.”

They don’t take it laying down – they fight back!

And many of them do win.

Even a doctor will tell you that your attitude towards your illness (whatever it is) can be crucial to your recovery.

Well, that’s as true for bipolar disorder as it is for cancer.

You’ve got to come out of your corner fighting.

That’s the way to control it.

Of course, just like any fight, you have to be prepared.

You have to have strategies.

You have to have plans in place.

And you have to have these things in advance, just like an army does in a war.

Like, you need to sit down with your loved one and decide what to do in case they need to go in the hospital.

Strategies would include:

• A better lifestyle

• Eating a healthy diet

• Exercising

• Keeping a good sleep

schedule

• Staying productive

• Attending a support group

• Having a strong support system

• Adhering to all treatment

Those who look at battling bipolar disorder as just that – a battle – and are willing to do what it takes to win, do find success.

It is possible to recover from the disorder.

I know, because I’ve gotten so many success stories.

But all success stories have one thing in common:

They did whatever they had to do to gain stability, including those things I just listed.

They had a “fighting attitude.”

Do you have a “fighting attitude?”

Bipolar? Be Friends First

David Oliver August 19, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 9 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

Bill, a friend of mine, has a mother with bipolar disorder.

She didn’t find it out until recently, either, and she’s in her 60’s.

It took a major episode that put her in the hospital to find out her diagnosis.

She got put on the right medication and is seeing a therapist now, and is very stable.

In fact, she’s getting married!

But here’s the most important thing –

The man she’s going to marry knew that he had to learn more about bipolar disorder .

He recognized that that would be a necessity if he was going to marry her and be her supporter.

He even got my supporter course, and said that it helped him immensely to understand her.

More than that, he said that he has more confidence in his own ability to take care of her (and her bipolar disorder) in the way that he needs to.

I hear the same thing from many supporters who get my courses:

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Bill’s mom also read my survivor’s course so she could learn more about her own disorder.

Not just because I wrote them, but I do believe that these courses give both the supporter and their loved one the information they need to fight this battle together.

Look at it this way –

If you just found out you had a lifetime illness (which bipolar disorder is), like diabetes or something like that, you would want to know everything you could about it.

I think Bill’s mom and the man she’s going to marry are going to get off to a very good

start.

I was also told that they’ve been “best friends” for six years already!

Whether you have bipolar disorder or not, that’s the way to go.

Bill also has the disorder, and he and his wife are best friends as well. He says it helps get through the rocky times when just plain love isn’t enough.

Now, Bill’s wife Betty is a good supporter.

She knew when she married Bill that his bipolar disorder was a major thing that they would have to contend with, because they’d also been friends for many years before they got married.

Sometimes, as a supporter, if you’re married to someone with the disorder, you may have to take a step back and be “friends first.”

When things get really difficult, try to think of your loved one as a friend first, someone you’re trying to help.

It can make things easier.

Sometimes a married couple can get so caught up in the marriage part that they forget that they were friends first.

What I’m talking about is a mindset here.

Try being a friend to your loved one and to treat them like you would any other friend.

Just taking that one step back can help you see things in a different light.

I’m not saying to discount your feelings or anything.

You can still feel the way you feel.

But by taking the attitude of a friend, you may be an even more effective supporter.

It will help you both to stay on the same team, too.

With the same goal – stability for your loved one.

Sometimes, as a friend you can be more patient than otherwise.

Try this approach and see if it makes a difference in your relationship.

Bipolar? Think in Terms of Effective

David Oliver August 18, 2009 | August 18, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 11 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re having a good day.

Here’s a funny question for you:

Do you ever yell at your computer?

I do.

Like the other day, I was trying to get it to do something, and it just wouldn’t do it!

So I started yelling at it, like, “You know you can do this! Do it for me!”

I thought I had lost a document I was working on.

So of course it’s not my fault, it’s the computer’s fault, right?

And yelling accomplished what?

Just that if anyone had walked by and saw me yelling at my computer, they would think there was something wrong with me!

Here I am yelling at an inanimate object, like it could really hear me.

What I was really doing was taking out my frustrations on the computer.

I ended up finding what I was looking for, but then I felt silly that I had yelled at the computer.

And yelling got me nowhere.

It sure didn’t help my problem, did it?

It just got me all frustrated.

It’s like those people on the road who yell at other drivers.

Do you think they really hear them?

Of course not.

But the person yells anyway, out of their own frustration.

It doesn’t solve their problem, either, just like my yelling at my computer didn’t solve my problem.

I know a lot of people who do yell at their computers, though! 

So what does yelling at my computer have to do with bipolar disorder?

Well, it’s about two things:

1. Taking your frustrations out on

others

2. How you solve your problems.

In my courses/systems, I teach how to

solve your problems in an effective way:

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For example, here’s a different way of looking at your problems:

Instead of thinking which would be the right way to handle them and which would be the wrong way…

You think instead in terms of what would be most EFFECTIVE.

So let’s go back to my problem with my computer.

Was it an EFFECTIVE problem- solving technique for me to yell at it?

No. It got me nowhere.

Was it EFFECTIVE to take my frustrations out on it?

No. That also got me nowhere.

It wasn’t until I approached the problem with what skills I had and tried different things to solve the problem that I got what I wanted.

Ok, here’s an example for you:

Say your loved one is wanting to stop taking their medication.

Everything in you says you just

want to yell at them…

To just tell them to take their medication.

No ifs ands or buts.

If you speak out from a point of frustration, you probably won’t get anywhere except to make yourself more frustrated, and maybe even start a fight with your loved one.

So that’s definitely what you don’t want to do.

The more EFFECTIVE thing to do would be to stay calm and talk quietly to your loved one.

Tell them that you’re concerned.

Maybe even remind them of what might happen if they do go off their medication.

If they’ve gone off it before, you might want to remind them of that.

You could nicely remind them that it’s the medication that’s keeping them stable.

You might try several different things – whatever is effective for you and your loved one.

But if you come from a place of frustration, or if you yell at them, that wouldn’t be effective at all.

It’s just like those drivers who get mad and yell at other drivers.

What have you done to effectively solve your problems?

Do you agree that getting frustrated doesn’t get you anywhere?

Bipolar Disorder? Skimping on What Counts?

David Oliver August 17, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 5 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re having a good day.

There is no doubt that we are in a recession, and that it’s on everyone’s minds.

Many people are skimping back because of it.

If they have two cars, many are going down to one car.

If they have a big house, they are selling it to move into a smaller one.

Those who usually take a vacation are skipping it this year for lack of money.

People are trying hard to hold onto their jobs, but some people have lost them anyway.

Then they are forced to skimp on things.

People who used to eat out a lot aren’t doing that any more – they just can’t afford it.

People who used charge cards, especially, are finding that they have to skimp on using them, because it’s hard to pay the bill when it comes.

More people are changing the way they handle their finances.

They are skimping on things they don’t need.

Because of our economy, many people have been forced to make changes in their lifestyles.

But if you or your loved one has bipolar disorder, there are certain things you can NOT afford to skimp on.

Many people with the disorder are getting worse, not getting stable, and going into episodes.

Do you know why? (scroll down for answer)

Do you think it’s because they want to?

Do you think it’s because they are forced to?

I’ll tell you the answer.

They are skimping on their medications.

Mary did this –

She cut down on her medications to try to save some money.

The next thing she knew, she was in a manic episode.

And then do you know what happened?

She started spending money excessively because of the mania.

So she ended up with just the opposite of what she wanted.

Now she owes even more money, and is still struggling financially to pay for her medications.

But do you know what the worst thing Mary did was?

She played doctor for herself.

She never checked with her doctor before messing with her medications.

You can skimp on eating meals out, because you can always cook at home.

But medications are something that you just can NOT skimp on.

In my courses/systems, I stress how CRUCIAL it is for you to stay on your medications, no matter what:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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