Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope it’s going well for you.
You know, when people go through certain experiences, they gain something.
A person who goes to college gains a good education.
A person who trains for it can gain a good career.
A person who gets married gains a partner.
A person who has children gains the experience of parenthood.
But when people go through other experiences, they lose something.
A person who experiences a divorce, loses their partner.
A person who gets cancer loses their health (and, sometimes, even their life).
A person going through today’s economy can lose their job.
Then that person can lose their financial security as well.
Which can cause them to lose their home, too.
When someone we love dies, we definitely lose something.
And when someone gets bipolar disorder, they lose some things as well.
Sometimes they lose their ability to take care of themselves…
They can lose their rational thought.
They can lose things due to episodes and their consequences.
They can lose trust from their supporter.
They can lose their self-esteem.
They can lose their self-trust.
They can lose friends and family.
They can lose their job.
And they can lose their stability.
In my courses/systems, I talk about all the effects that bipolar disorder can have on a person.
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
But what about you?
You suffer right along with your loved one.
You can lose your freedom.
You can lose your job.
You can lose your home.
You can lose your friends and family, too.
On the other hand, you can gain some things.
You can gain pride from being a good supporter.
You can gain a sense of closeness with your loved one.
You can gain a goal (stability for your loved one).
You can gain a sense of self-respect because of your new role.
BUT…
Some people lose something very important.
They lose their peace of mind.
It may be hard for you, having to deal with your loved one’s episodes, but you still need to hold onto your peace of mind.
Reminding yourself that they’ve made it through before can help.
Remembering that you’re fighting this battle together can help, too.
There are some supporters who are very negative.
They are always, as the saying goes, “waiting for the other shoe to fall.”
Instead of gaining the enjoyment of their loved one’s normal periods, they focus instead on their fear of the next bipolar episode.
These supporters have lost their peace of mind.
Looking towards the future, to your loved one’s stability, should help you keep your peace of mind.
Being a positive person will help you as well.
And trusting that things will work out for the best is the best way to hold onto your peace of mind.
Have you lost your peace of mind because of bipolar disorder?
Or have you managed to hold onto it in spite of bipolar disorder?
Post responses below
i have been with someone who has bipolar/manic depressive dissorde and i was wondering what to do if someone has been going through an episode for two years he has been to the doctors and the doctors do nothing? and the person that i am with doesnt know he is in an episode? i feel like i am his mother i have to tell him what to do all the time i feel like pulling my hair out please help
I am a mother of 7 children. I find it hard to live with Bipolar and ADD because I lose things a lot, I also struggle with my nine year old because we r both the same. Your e-mail help me to better understand what bipolar is. Unfortunately I cannot afford to purchase your lessons. One day in the future I will. Once I get my job.
Dear Dave, I can relate to what you say about losing things. My son keeps losing his wallet & everything in it,also his keys too!he’s lost self respect as well as respect for others, i am afraid he is going to get himself hurt real bad if he don’t learn to manage his illness. Unfortunately, he doesn’t even think he has one, therefore he wants nothing to do with educating himself about this disease. If you have any ideas for me, to get him to get help(he’s 22yrs old & bi-polar/schizo-effective)Please let me know how.Thank You very much, Patricia
I’m most at peace with myself when I pray. Being thankful for little things example my breath of life, food on the table and shelter. Thanks Dave, for this email. Though I lost a lot of things because of my disorder, I still can be grateful for what is left and learn from past mistakes.
David,
Tell me if one does not have a support system what to do?
I am with bipolar but without support system.
When I was first diagnosed with a “mental illness,” I DID lose my self-confidence and self-respect. It took nearly a YEAR after each hospitalization for mania, for me to even look for a job. Although my Mom refused to believe HER daughter was “mentally ill,” her treatment of me as a “normal” person HELPED me gain some of my “normalcy” back.
Right now, I am what my therapist said. She said, “You’re normal, except when you have an epissde,” and THAT helped my attitude a LOT. Even though I still look “over my shoulder for the next shoe to drop” with my bipolar, I am confident that I have all the works in place to handle it. Being a widow with no children and no 24/7 support, I have come to rely on the professionals at the local Mental Health Clinic for my care. I see my therapist every other week, and my shrink every other month or so. These people can and DO recognize when I’m going “around the bend,” and my meds get tweaked immediately. I highly encourage the blogger above to join a Support Group for bipolars; I was helped a LOT when I attended one regularly.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless yur real good. I pray for my country.
every thing you about people with by polar, thats me.i’m this way cuz i lost my son at the age of 20, he hung him self, by the time they got him to the hospital he was already brain dead. i keep in alive for 11 days. the hospital told me i need to deceid to take in off life support or not. the said he would be a vegitateed stage for the rest of is live. i decided to take him off life support, now i feel like i killed him.i miss him so very much.all those things you said about bipolar people lose, will thats me everyday of my life and its been 14 years since i lost him and i feel like it was just yesterday. i’ll never grt over it and i will love him till the day i die,i’m already died inside.
Dear Jeanie, God bless you, that is a heavy load no parent ever wants to bear. What parent plans for such a thing? This decision of extreme loss was suddenly put on your shoulders to make. You did your best as his Mom in a very stressful time.
I know you miss your son, but please, be aware Jeanie, you deserve to forgive yourself and feel life, again. vicky
A HEARTFELT THANKYOU
Hi David & team,
I am about to unsubscribe from your newsletter but before I do I want to thank you for all your good work.
My boyfriend was incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar
disorder years ago and subsequently struggled to understand something he didn’t really feel he had. He kept this all a secret from me for a long time and when I finally found out through a series of painful experiences and the breakdown of our relationship, your
site, along with a couple of others, started me on the path of reading everything I could about bipolar, which also led me to research other mental illnesses and
personality disorders. In short, this has all led to my man and I reuniting, along with a correct diagnosis of Aspergers’ Syndrome which is a developmental disorder, which has led us to a better understanding of the problems we must deal with and hopefully to a lifetime together as we love each other very much.
So it follows that I no longer require your newsletter (one less subscriber you need to worry about), but I want to say that what you do is truly amazing. The world is a better place for having you in it. Keep up your good work and don’t take any notice of the knockers, unfortunately you are less likely to hear from the huge amount of people you help but rest assured, they are out there. Thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart.
A grateful recipient.
Hi David,
Once again thanks for your simple but very helpful article. They usually come in at the exact right time I need the advice. My bf is bipolar and it has been a very difficult road. By reading your emails I understand better- if I’m doing something that enables instead of supporting, prepares me for the drastic unexpected moods swings and behavior and reminds me that this is a horrible mental sickness. Your advice helps me and impacts him and we both can better cope:)
Jeanie my heart is so full of love and compassion for you sister. I too know what it is like to try to live when your heart is so broken you are too injured to live the rest of your life. I do not know how long it will take your heart to start the healing process.
Mine is still missing in action. I still have compassion for other people, so I try to forget my troubles for a time by looking for other hurting people and seeing if there is anything I can do to lighten their load. Sometimes, when someone is actually helped I even forget how broken my heart is.
God is my only friend in this life, but if I let Him, He leads me to others I may be able to help. As long as I am helping people to help themselves, with an open heart, my own pain is lifted.
I will pray for you to find self forgiveness and that you find your path to inner happiness and wellness, it can be done. Peace dear lady, you are loved and supported and something wonderful is waiting for you, you just need to open your poor wounded heart and move forward on this wonderful journey called life.
If you are bipolar, there is help out there. I pray the support you need is freely available when you are ready to accept it.
Blessings to all you survivors and to you courageaous supporters. Thank you Dave for always loving your mother, through the dark years and beyond. You are a special son and she is blessed to have you. Some of us are not so fortunate. We have no supporters, no family, no work, very little to look forward too.
Thank you for your work which has returned some dignity into the lives of many wonderful courageous people who happen to have been blessed with this facinating, often confounding disorder.
If you enjoy my rambling words feel free to look at my blog Contenthermit Cries Out on blogger. I am manic depressive and have so much to say to offer hope and understanding to my fellow man, but no one in my life will listen to anything I have to say.
I am currently going thru a divorce with my wife of 13 years.I believe her to be in episode but she denies she is sick.I am at my witts end.I dont know what to do.All of our houses are up for sale and it seems like she is fine.There are days that I think that she doesnt even have bipolar.She has been off her meds for a year now and hasnt seen a therapist or psychiatrist in over a year.She refuses to go to therapy and the abusive attitude and actions caused me to leave our marital home.Leaving my wife with my three young children.Any advice out there?
Dear David,
I wish all was going well with me and my family, but it isn’t. It isn’t my bipolar disorder, the doctors have that under control. I have 2 people on both sides of mine and my husbands family that have cancer. My husbands dad has cancer all over his body and has either months or weeks to live. I will need all the support I can get when he passes, especially for my husband. My mom has non-hodgekins lymphoma in her eye lids. I call her everyday and night to check on her, wish I could be with her but she is in Fl. and we are in In. We need all the prayers that we can get right now. Thank you for all the support that you have been sending to me David, i really appreciate it. Your friend, Kathy. And thank you all in advance for your prayers.
Dear David,
You hit the nail right on the head – I have lost my Peace of Mind. Since the day my son started acting out with ADHD turning to alcohol and drugs and then the real
diagnosis Bipolar. At the same time, his father was dx. with Stage 4 cancer and is still here after 9 surgeries, 4 chemos, 1 radiation and our son being in prison on violation of probation of numerous non violent issues. My prayer at night is “please God keep my family safe” but where is my safety or Peace of Mind. It will be one day at a time forever. The real stress starts next spring when after 4+ years he is out and thinks he is fine off meds at a non med camp of his doing. He thinks all his reading has enlightened him to take responsibility for himself and live a good life – kind of a Budda thing. Blaming a dx. is not helpful nor is medication that alters his clarity. Again – where is MY Peace of Mind? Just take each day as it comes I guess. FOREVER! For a First Born Control Freak – this has been quite a ride. But I just ask God everyday to keep me hopeful. Thank you for your notes – I cannot afford your program but appreciate your notes. God Bless You and Yours Always.
Thank you for this website and for all the people who share their experiences. I thought i was just a useless, pathetic loser that had no sense of right and wrong just because i was a terrible person. I have lost friends and family very dear to me because of this terrible disorder and it seemed to run in this off the wall cycle that i could not predict but the end results were always the same leaving me hating myself and feeling like i wished i was dead and every time i would tell myself okay this month i’ll start over and do it right and low and behold it would happen again. I still havent gotten it right and im seeking treatment again and pray that something will click. I now have source to check into daily and help me see that i am not this crazy ruthless heartless person but someone who is sick and needs help and support.
You can’t support someone who refuses your support because they are still stuck in the scapegoating stage of blaming you for everything. Of course it is irrational thought processing on their part but this is the type of example that makes supporters lose their peace of mind. When certain personality disorders are comorbidities it makes it difficult if not impossible to continue being the supporter you want to be because it is destructive to take the abuse.
dave i am not doing good at all my marriage is over and i lost my house i had for 32 years because of my husband being bi-polar we move into a apartment and he left me in 2 days and he wanted me to choose him or my son and i wont do that he also cheated on me in 2003 when he went off his mediction. and he hasnt been right ever since i loved him so much and he killed it he is in his manic state and says he doesnt have bi-polar he has threated my son has called me all kinds of names iam so hurt by him i dont know how any body can cope with this diease i cant do it any more . he has been sexally active with whores and has been with men when he is in his manic state the doctors believe him in everything he says he a good liar and he follows me and he distroyed a friendship i had for 32years . he really needs help i dont think he is on his depkoate and even his dad said he isnt we talked along time about his son i dont know where to turn i need help please help me Dave i feel like i am dieing he hurt me so bad i live in parma ohio 44129
Dave 1st off my thx to u for bringing us all 2gether most importantly 2 share our experiences, strenghts, weakness’s & most importantly the tales of triumph. My 21 yr old son has had this disease most of his life, however, it became hugely compounded (as well as many other manifestations) when he received a severe brain injury as a result of a beating. Near death but he made it & had to learn to do most things all over again. But his Traumatic Brain Injury has made his bipolar worse. We all live w/the hurt of nothing being greeted in the morn or in the p.m. for that matter yet we as caregivers do so much for them; we often can’t understand. He may want help when he is riding a high but his moods r as ever changing as the tides & the movement of the sea; so to date I have been uble to get him serious treatment. He lives w/me & I never get 2 c him; he spends most of the time in his room, in the dark, w/the tv on. He lost his independence after his injury, unable to drive, & has lost all the friends by the negative actions this disease has caused. People don’t understand or sometimes u think they do but when some of the altercations & language that spews off his lips becomes so threatening they say forget this & bail. I feel imprisoned in this disease with him & oh so helpless at times. I never give up hope but oh so miss that sweet feeling of mental freedom & peace for myself. Sometimes I pray for strength so that I do not lose my sanity or my job. Many days I sit at work & aimlessly look around & think alot. I wish I, like you could take these peoples pain away, but the reality is that we cannot. We can learn & educate ourselves & try 2 b there for them in what capacity we can. I go out when I can, have fun when I can in order 2 keep my batteries charged. I find exercise & hobbies help. I don’t engage in conversations w/him when he is angry, only enough 2 shake my head some way or another 2 let him no I m listening. If he doesn’t want 2 speak then we don’t. If he does then I cherish every single moment, just as a man in the desert would gulp down water, as well as every single moment when he is on a high & the world is his stage. So bittersweet those times are 4 u love 2 c them happy & it fills ur heart but at the same time you wonder how long will it last. Best advice I can give is learn all you can about the disease. Talk to others & no you r not alone. Join support groups. No that when your loved 1 acts & speaks out upon u they do not mean it..they r ill; that is lesson 2 remember. My son knows I have been there 4 him every step of the way & just how very much I love him because yes I tell him as often as he will let me in his world to listen. He no’s that I m there 4 him (oh yea a great manipulater), & that if he can find within him the desire 2 want treatment I m here for him. He is not in denial about his diseasenow, but up till this year he was, but he often does tend to use it 2 his benefit when he wants or needs something. It is unfortunate that there r not guaranteed more inpatient facilities 4 people who have varying degree’s of this disease who really have the desire 2 help. We had him put away b 4 & it was horrible & what made it worse is do the many facits of his illness there was nothing they could do 4 him except to give him a shot. I will never 4 get it. My son is speech impaired after his injury & he would get so upset in there they would give him a shot & my little window of an hour to visit w/him was filled w/a cry of such sadness as I had never heard before. Tears streamed down his face & he would try so desperately to speak but the medication would not enable him 2. My eyes fill w/tears as I share my experiences w/all of u. I often times do not enjoy going home because there is a problem there & I don’t know how to fix it & it not only affects my son’s life but mine as well. Take one day a time. Don’t take things personally. Take time for yourself. If the disease makes them miserable 2 day there is nothing u can do but to let them no that u love them. Dave has provided us w/such valuable information. I m so desperately trying to keep up w/the emails he sends us. I love you all as we have a common bond; beautiful are the bonds that tie no matter for what reason. I wish you peace of mind and don’t forget 2 do something 4 u 2 day!!!
after 8 months the episode is beginning to end. She says she wants to come home then she leaves with little to no contact for days. then she comes back again. What next? What do i do. She is only interested in me when shes here and greatly ignores our kids. she takes no meds. Can an untreated episode end?
Dera David, I too cannot afford to subscribe at the moment to your corses but I think the advice you give is exceptional. I have a platonice lady friend who has the illness and she is intelligent enough to recognise it. However we are now living quite a distance away from each other and the only contact I have is through the odd text. She tells me she had met a guy who was a psyciatric nures, note i use the term WAS, and she tells me at long last he is helping her to put her lonely life back together. She text m ethat she had met him on a symposium in Sommerset UK but ive checked on it and its some sort of “Crop Circle ” etc thing. Have had a few texts to get myself some “weed” and chill out and quite frankly ive no intention of going that way. What concerns me more than anything, and i pray about it every single night, is that instead of her medication this man has persuaded her to take marijuana as an alternative to prescibed medication and as she is middle age, I fear she could be on a downhill turn again? Is there anywhere i can turn for support on this one as Im scared for her. There are evil men in this place she is in and I texted her the other day to leave there at once. She was raised there, and I fear for her sfaety. Friends of mine in the town, its rather hippyfied have texted me to say they have seen here wandering about on her own, sometimes late at night, and i now for a fact one man there , who was recently relesed from prison for attempted murder, would stop at nothing to make life difficult to say the least if she bumped into him. I really dont know which way to turn on this one. She has been very bullied in the capital and had to leave there fast. Is there anyhelp I can get for her? I have checked with the ploce in the town but they tell me until soemthing happens there is nothing they can do. Great! Good old British police.