Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re doing well.

It’s really cold here today, I guess because it’s fall.

I have a lot of stuff to do today so I have to get going.

Okay, so I want to talk to you about a concept called:

THE MATURITY MYTH

The way this works is that you imagine something in the future and you think everything is going to be ok once you get there… but when you get there, everything isn’t ok.

So then you imagine something else in the future and that everything will be ok once you get there… but when you get THERE, everything isn’t ok either. And on and on and on.

There’s lots of people who do this.

And they never realize what they’re doing.

Kids do it all the time: “When I grow up…”

Teenagers do it: “When I’m on my own…”

Young people do it: “When I get married…”

Young men do it: “Once I buy a house…”

Young women do it: “Once I start having children…”

Then they say: “Once I get that perfect job…”

Then it’s: “Once I get that promotion…”

Or: “Once I open my own business…”

And everyone says, “My life will be so much better when…”

That’s the Maturity Myth: “My life will be so much better when…” such-and-such happens.

But even when you get whatever it is you think you want, your life may not be so much better. Or even so, then you’ll want something else.

“Now that I’ve got that family car, I can start saving for that sports car I want.”

“Now that we’ve got that starter house, we can start saving for that bigger house.”

“Now that I’ve got a job, I can start looking for a career.”

See what I mean?

THE MATURITY MYTH.

The problem is, nobody figured:

“Once I get bipolar disorder…”

But once you throw bipolar disorder into the mix, you’ve got a whole new set of problems.

If you still submit to the Maturity Myth, now you’ll sound like…

“My life will be so much better when they find a cure for bipolar disorder.”

“My life will be so much better when my family and friends accept my bipolar disorder.”

“My life will be so much better when my loved one just understands me.”

“My life will be so much better when I can go off disability and go back to work.”

————————————————————————
Did you notice a common thread in those last few comments?

They weren’t realistic.

That’s why they’re a part of the Maturity Myth.

MYTH. It says it in its very name.

A myth is something that isn’t true.

In my courses/systems, I teach how to deal realistically with bipolar disorder:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
There is no cure for bipolar disorder. So believing that there is will not keep you realistic when you’re trying to manage it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with making plans or setting goals. That’s a positive thing. In fact, when it comes to bipolar disorder, that’s one of the things I encourage. Setting goals is important for productivity, which is important for people with bipolar disorder.

But the kind of forward thinking that comes with the Maturity Myth is NOT positive. Although it “tricks” you into thinking so, it just keeps leading you on into an imagined future that will just keep letting you down.

Obviously, some planning, anticipating, and looking forward to future events and accomplishments is a necessary part of success. You need that to feel good about yourself. You need to know where you’d like to go in order to get there. That just makes sense. However, some people take this planning too seriously and get into the Maturity Myth, and it just ends up hurting them. They end up thinking about the future too often, and lose sight of the “now moment.”

Dealing with bipolar disorder means dealing with things that are happening today, on a daily basis. Worrying about tomorrow, or things to come, will only stress you out, and one of the things you need to learn to do in managing your disorder is stress management. It’s not a good trade to sacrifice the daily joys that could be yours to trade them for some imagined future happiness that may or may not come true.

Try to get the most out of today that you can, and don’t fall for the Maturity Myth!

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

Here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews398

U.S. Kids Take More Psychotropic Drugs Than Europeans
DO> What do you think of this?

Problem Gambling Likely in Bipolar I Disorder
DO> Is it really Bipolar I or just bipolar disorder?

Bipolar Watch Launched in Wake of Sarah Palin Bipolar Accusations
DO> Interesting, what do you think of this?

Business groups pleased with law broadening ADA
DO> Are you?

Mother of bipolar son helps other parents
DO> Great idea, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews398

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp

Your Friend,

Dave

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

What’s new?

Hey someone asked me,

A person with bipolar disorder was talking to me the other day and telling me about the last time she was in the hospital for a manic episode.

She said there was this man in there at the same time she was, who was always angry, and sometimes would go off into almost violent rages.  He would even get kicked out of group sessions because of these rages. And the reason was that he kept going on and on about this letter he had gotten from his wife.

Well, this woman who was talking to me told me that one day he left this letter behind when he was kicked out of group (he left it open), and she read it, and this was all it said:

“Honey, I love you, and I’ll be waiting for you when you get out of the hospital. Just get better, ok?

Love, Susan”

Now, why do you think this man went into a rage over such an obviously loving and understanding letter from his wife (his supporter)?

Because he was in the midst of a manic episode, and they were adjusting his meds!

But don’t you think his reaction to her letter was pretty confusing to his wife?

The woman who told me this story also told me that the man called his wife several times a day and did nothing but yell and yell and yell at her! I’d be confused too, wouldn’t you?

Sometimes our loved ones exhibit some very confusing behavior towards us.

A man who rarely shows anger can fly off into a rage. Another man who’s never been violent before can all of a sudden become violent.

A meek and mild PTA mom can get caught shoplifting.

Another woman married 10 years and never cheated on her husband can go into a manic episode and exhibit sexually promiscuous behavior.

Your loved one may have been a workaholic before but now you can’t even get them out of bed.

All these behaviors can seem very confusing if you’re not familiar with the signs/symptoms of bipolar disorder.

In my courses/symptoms, I talk about the extremes in mood (mood swings), as well as these confusing bipolar behaviors.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Each person with bipolar disorder is different.

In the examples I gave above, maybe your loved one didn’t fit any of them. But I’m sure they’ve done other behaviors that have confused you, because every person with bipolar disorder does.

Some get such distorted thinking that they will even have delusions or hallucinations, and that can be very confusing for their supporters.

This can happen if they go into an episode, go off their medication, or if there is something wrong with their medication (maybe they just need a dosage adjustment, but at the time, their behavior is still confusing for you).

As long as your loved one’s bipolar behavior is not violent and/or they’re not raging at you, and as long as they are not having delusions or hallucinations, you should be able to sit down with them and talk to them about it.

If their behavior is too confusing, or you can’t sit down and talk to them, or especially if they are already too far into the episode and/or need a medication adjustment, either talk to their psychiatrist and/or therapist, or put them directly into the hospital as this man’s wife had to do.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

Well, I have to go! Catch you tomorrow. Oh, tomorrow is the bipolar news.

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’re you doing today?

We are testing a new system for sending out the daily emails again. A way to make it more efficient. It takes up to 75 minutes to do it start to finish every day : ). I am trying to get this done quicker.

If something is a little off, sorry. Otherwise if it all looks fine and reads well and arrives at the normal time then all is well.

Okay, if you haven’t found out already, you will probably find out that if you’re a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, lots of people will say you’re crazy.

First of all they’ll say your loved one is crazy, because many people still don’t understand about bipolar disorder, or mental illness in general, so they still call people with a mental illness “crazy.”

Then they’ll say that you’re crazy, too, for “putting up” with them. Many would even probably think you should leave them (because that’s what they would do).

Even your friends and/or family might do this.

So don’t expect to get much reassurance or support from these people who say (or think) these things.

And many times you can expect to feel very alone when you’re dealing with a loved one who has bipolar disorder.

That’s why it’s important to have your own support system outside of your loved one’s.  The important thing is that YOU know you’re not crazy (although sometimes you might feel like you are J) But that leads me to my point.

I had someone ask me the other day if a supporter can “catch” bipolar disorder from their loved one. Really. She did ask me that!

I told her you can’t “catch” bipolar disorder like you can catch the flu from someone else, but yes, if you live with someone who has the disorder, you may find yourself picking up some of their behaviors.

Like you might find yourself more moody than you used to be.

Fro another example, you don’t have bipolar disorder or major depression, but you may find yourself depressed more often.

Or you may have been a relaxed, calm person before, able to handle a lot of things, but now find yourself stressed-out more often than you used to.

Maybe you never suffered from anxiety before, but now you do. You might even be on medication for it.

You might find yourself getting more headaches than you used to get (or even migraines) that you have to take medication for, which could be a sign of stress from bipolar disorder (your loved one’s).

In my courses/systems, I talk about the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder, and they are of people who have the disorder, but if you look at them, you’ll see that there are some that you can begin to “mimic” if you live with someone with the disorder as their supporter:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Again, it’s not that you’re catching bipolar disorder or anything, and I’m not suggesting that you’re developing bipolar disorder yourself. I’m just saying that, as a supporter, you can begin to have some of them without actually having the disorder(just from being a supporter).

Again, this also does NOT make you crazy, either!

There may be times that you seem to have more energy, and you may super-clean the entire house in a single day. But that doesn’t mean you’re in a bipolar manic episode.

You may have insomnia, but that doesn’t make you manic, either.

And just because you have a little bit of extra money and choose to spend it on yourself for some clothes, doesn’t mean you’re on a manic shopping spree. You have more control over the money than someone n a bipolar manic episode.

You might be super tired and spend an entire Sunday in bed (you might even feel lazy and do the same thing, because you feel you deserve it from working so hard Monday through Friday), but that doesn’t mean you’re in a bipolar depressive episode.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Other people may call you crazy, or they may even call you bipolar, but it’s only out of their own ignorance.

You know the truth.

Hey I have to run. Catch you tomorrow.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hope you’re having a good day.

Lately, I have been hearing so much nonsense about so many things, my head hurts.

People tell me it’s the end of the world because of the stock market. People tell me stuff about bipolar that is TOTALLY wrong. Real estate people try to get me to buy a house in a bad market.

People then tell me how to run this organization with no clue.  That made me think of you.

Because you may be one of those supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder who other people tell you (who know nothing about you, your loved one, or bipolar disorder):

· exactly how you should be running your life

· what you should be doing

· what you shouldn’t be doing

· exactly how you should be a supporter

· how you should be taking care of your loved one

· what you’re doing wrong

· how they know so much more than you do

· how you should do things their way

· that they know how to do it

· etc., etc., etc.

These people could be people from your (or your loved one’s) support group, or they could even be friends and/or family. Sometimes even strangers offer unwanted advice when they find out you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder.

But the point is, they (of course) know more than you do about bipolar disorder and how to be a good supporter.

Just like these people who write to me and proclaim to know how to run my business better than me.

Doesn’t that make you mad? I know it makes me mad.

If your loved one is stable, or at least on the road to being stable, then you’re being a good supporter.

You’re doing it right.

And these other people shouldn’t be telling you different.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how to be a good supporter. I even talk about support groups, and how one of the bad things about them is just what I’ve been talking about:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
One of the bad things about a support groups is that, although you have good people in them, you also have people like this (we used to call them know-it-all’s) who think they know everything and the way to do it, and they’re the ones who tell everyone else how to do it too.

Now, even if their loved one is stable, and even if their way does work, it does NOT mean it’s going to work for your loved one, because everyone is different.

So what you have to do is, you have to develop a bipolar filter, or else if you listen to them, and do what they say, you could stand the chance of making your loved one worse.

You know what works for your loved one and what doesn’t work.

Especially if your loved one is doing good, and/or is stable right now, or on the road to stability.

And even if they’re not, just try something else. Try some of the suggestions from my courses. But don’t just blindly listen to what other people tell you, because they may not work, and they may do more harm than good.

Remember to use your bipolar filter.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

===>> Great Resources For You <===

Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of
these daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3

Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder
Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed to help you
with a different area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or you are
supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE Check out my F.ree blog
with copies of emails that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

Get Audio Information On Bipolar Disorder For F.REE Check out my F.ree
podcast. Hear me give mini seminars designed to teach you information you
can’t learn anywhere else.

http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How are you doing today?

I hope you are doing well.

Hey I a running behind like normal but I had some stuff that I wanted to tell you.

I have to type this up super fast.

It’s so important and I see soooooooooooo many people supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder AND people in society making this huge mistake.

I have to tell you about this guy who wrote me a nasty message. He wrote me all about how I am a scam and a fraud. He even said that he was going to set up a website saying that I was a bad person. Then he said that his son has bipolar disorder.

NOTE-I know people are going to write “Dave, why do you always bring up when people write bad things to you? Do you need constant reassurance? Is there something wrong with you? Do you have low self esteem?”

Well for those wondering the answer really simple. I have to think of something to say every day. Not every other day or once a week or once a month but every day. So sometimes these nasty emails serve great starting point for a great topic. I hope you understand. But I know, I am still going to get people asking what I just wrote you.

Okay, let’s move on.

Now, first of all, let me tell you that I’ve gotten plenty of these types of emails before. If you have been on this list for a while, you’ve seen them : )

Second of all, let me assure you, as you may already know, because I may have helped you, that I am real, that I am not a scam, and that me, my website, my courses and materials, my company, and the people who work for me are by no means a fraud.

Now, if this guy wants to set up a website to say I’m a bad person, he’s going to have to have a lot of money, I know, because it takes a lot of money to run mine. And he’s going to pretty much be wasting his time, anyway.

I mean, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt here, but he’s probably just really mad about something that probably doesn’t even have anything to do with me, he’s just taking it out on me, but come on, talking about setting up a whole website just to tell people I’m a bad person? He’s not really going to do that. He’s just frustrated and mad.

Why? He says so himself. He has a son with bipolar disorder.

So now I know why he’s so frustrated and angry. And why he’s taking it out on me.

In my courses/systems below, I talk about all the negative emotions/feelings that a supporter goes through living with a loved one who has bipolar disorder, and how to cope with them:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

But this guy’s email made me think about how people who are supporters many times want to blame other people or things for the way they’re feeling, or focus on the wrong thing.

They want to get mad at their loved one.

They want to get mad at the system, or society.

They want to get mad at other people (like this man getting mad at me).

They want to get mad at a situation that causes their loved one to get stressed so that their loved one takes out their anger on them (the supporter).

They want to get mad at the politicians who cut funding for research into bipolar disorder.

And all of this is wasted time and energy for the supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

But do you know what the biggest waste of time and energy is?

When a supporter is doing all these things and they’re also NOT learning all they can about their loved one’s disorder and how they can help them get better.

THAT’S the biggest waste of time!

Complaining that they’re loved one isn’t getting better, when there’s something they can do about it!

I’m not saying that you’re always going to feel good about things. I’m not saying that it’s not ok that sometimes you’ll feel frustrated and angry yourself, like the guy in the email. It IS ok to feel those things.

But it’s still a waste of time to blame it on other people or things.

You have to direct your emotions/feelings/energy toward helping your loved one to get better and manage their bipolar disorder.

Anything else is just a waste of your time.

I was also reminded of this because I am sooooooooooo tired of people I know complaining about the stock market. I seriously have friends that sit and get angry at “the banks” ALL day. It’s a gigantic waste of time. These people should be focusing their energy else where.

Does this all make sense? I know people are going to write: “Dave you just don’t understand. It’s easy for you to say, your mom is doing great now.”

What do you think?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re doing all right.

I get many emails from supporters who are still worried about whether they’re “doing it right,” or are worried about what other people think about how they’re doing it. You need to stop needing approval from others – you have to believe that you’re doing just fine!

In the beginning, when your loved one was first diagnosed, you learned as much as you could about bipolar disorder, didn’t you? No one was looking over your shoulder to see if you were “doing it right.”

You got yourself as educated as you could, because that’s what you had to do to help your loved one, and that was the main thing. You probably helped your loved one become educated about the disorder as well.

Then you got involved in your loved one’s treatment plan. You found out about their medications, doctors, psychiatrist, therapist, etc.

You became their primary supporter and, hopefully, helped them build a strong support system, including a bipolar support group.

You’ve learned about what the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder are, and what the warning signs of your loved one’s episodes are – you’ve learned about what their “triggers” are, just like I teach about in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

And you’ve both experienced bipolar episodes together, and come out on the other side.

So, tell me, where does this involve other people?

And where does this involve their opinion of you?

There is no wrong or right to doing “this thing.”

You just have to go with what you know, and what you learn along the way.

Each person with bipolar disorder experiences it in a different way.

Each person has their own signs/symptoms, triggers, sets of behaviors, etc.

Each supporter handles their loved one’s bipolar disorder in their own way as well.

What works for you may or may not work for the next supporter, and vice-versa.

You have your hands full enough without worrying what other people think of you.

You are a good supporter if you’re keeping your loved one from having bipolar episodes.

You are a good supporter if your loved one trusts you enough to keep good communication going, to tell you when they’re feeling “off,” and asking for your help.

You are a good supporter if you’re helping to keep your loved one out of the hospital.

Worrying about what other people think of you, or if you’re doing this thing “right,” or any number of useless worries, will only stress you out and decrease your effectiveness as a supporter.

Don’t worry, you’re “doing it right”!

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.