My son 54 years old, has been bipolar since he was about 38, lost his business, his marriage and his full life. He has been living with me for about eight years and has been in and our of hospital facilities that keep him there for only 3 days and send him home with meds that never seem to do the trick for him ( many side affects). He is now on disability with an HMO that does not supply very competent doctors for mental health. He is in the depressed end of manic depression, since he cannot find a job, does not want to live withme (I do understand this), is sure there is something physically wrong with him. We have gone to many doctors to try to see what symptons he is having that might be real. But the depression is so bad. He says he has neuropothy from diabetes (which he does have) and it hurts his hands and feet to drive and won’t drive. He is not manic at this time but is so depressed. I am 78 and am doing the best that I know how to do. I do not see a medical solution as he has been on so many drugs for this illness and always has severe side effects and stops taking the meds. HELP

Today’s e-mail really rang true for me. My husband has been spiraling down for about six weeks. Starting with a new doctor as the old one was not getting any where. He has started 2 new meds no better – He even called his doctor the other day and asked to be hospitalized. The doctor refused – saying he is not suicidal…….any suggestions

Sybil and probably many others….. When i was first in your position 3yrs ago i thought the same as you.. How can you help someone who wont help their self.. Who wont take their illness seriously enough to stay off drink/drugs in order to become well or at least maintain equilibrium. In my experience i am afraid to say that they can not unless they want it bad enough. My husband has thrown away his home, marriage, and children (3yrs 4yrs) because if he has Bipolar then he is not takin it seriously or he had no regard for his marriage vows. I have used my husbands Bipolar disorder to make excuses for his treatment of me. When he finally hit me with fists and a baseball bat whilst i was in my 3yr olds bedroom I was left no option but to call in the police and domestic violence service (i live in the UK) My husband got 12 months probation for his attack and has seen his children only 3 times in the last 7 months under supervision. Strangely enough he has not commited suicide or crumbled under the strain of the breakup. He is also more than capable of takin me to court and fightin to remain in control of some part of my life. I am not saying that all women who are havin a hard time are victims of abuse. However i see an emerging pattern of mental health issues and violence (which pushing is). So if any of what i have mailed rings true then listen to your inner voice. Everyone deserves to be treated equally. Good luck will look out for a reply Karen UK

oh gosh you guys are a life-line today. i feel so much turmoil…wanting to leave, feeling like i am trying to escape, the hopelessness, the fear, the failure. at least once a week, my spouse tells me that i am not good enough and that HE should take our 3 y/o and 8 y/o and leave ME. He demands perfection from all of us but doesn’t see his own imperfections. he confuses me constantly so that i can’t ACT only REACT. I have seen him escalating lately from yelling at me in front of our kids to slapping my hands away when i put them up for protection. he doesn’t see any of this. he only sees that I am the cause of all of his problems. where is the hope? where is the end? he refuses to get help. how long do i hold on to what used to be? why do i feel so confused by it all? thanks guys know that you are in my prayers, too

My boyfriend assaulted me for the seventh time the past year. I previously told him that I would get him locked up. He messed up our home, broke the expensive glass door and slapped me around. This was the last time. I had him locked up for 2 days in jail. I got a restraining order against him. 3 days later he begged me to let him come back because he has nowhere to go. I took him in again. I can take the bipolar, but not his abuse. Now we have strict rules about medication, money, bedtimes, food and his physical and emotional abusiveness. Either he meets me halfway or he is out. Thing is, taking action was needed, for my own protection. I took him to 1 psychologist, 2 psychiatrists, 1 social worker and for my trying to help him, he is abusive towards me? Things changed quite a bit since hecame out of jail. His has nothing but sweetness and kindness towards other people, but towards me his abusiveness is untolerable. No one seems to believe me, because of this angel face he puts up when he is around his therapist and psychiatrist. This does not confuse me anymore, it used to. Now it’s nothing more than unacceptable. And he knows this loud and clear. He’s been on best behaviour, best ever I should add. But his flipside is the most horrendous abusive selfish walking fu*ker on this godforsaken earth.

Dear Sybil,
if I would be in your place, I would forcibly put him in a proper hospital. Because thats where his condition can be monitored and controlled till he resumes normality.

I am saying this confidently as I had to do the same with my husband. If yours has been saying nasty things once a week, mine was saying real nasty things almost every minute that he was awake. Plus he had become very violent, and broke whatever could be broken including laptop, camera, microwave oven. He couldn’t break the TV as that was bullet proof.. which we realised after his try. He was dead against hospitalisation. And he too said that I don’t love him and all that just because we were all trying to get him into a hospital.

While in hospital he rebuked, said nasty things about me and others in general. But there was just one thing.. he couldn’t say much against the doctor.. Though he was dead against medication and all that, but somehow doctor managed to convinced him to take medication. Finally after some weeks in hospital his condition could be brought under control.

I remember I had given him a book to read in the hospital which was a collection of short stories on various kinds of love. He went mad on just reading the name of the book and called me by various names and how I don’t love him.. and he loves me so much. He had become so violent! Doctor had to take back the book from him. 🙂

I can dare to smile now.. but those days were nightmare.. and I don’t want them back again in my life. I hope my husband continues to take the medication…

Thank you for this forum. I have a 20 year old daughter who has been recently diagnosed bp. This article hit home. When she is manic, she is vry abusive and very angry. She has been on meds for about 2 weeks now and seems a bit better, but still very emotional. She is convinced that her bp has ruined her life and she has nothing to live for. The ups and downs of this disease are horrific, not only to the bp patient, but on the family as well. It is difficult to know how to be supportive of her, especially when she goes on these self destructive rampages. This forum helps us reallize we are not alone. Thank you again.
Mary

I am a 32 y/o mother of 2 who has b/p disorder. I was only diagnosed this year after YEARS of suicide attempts, “crazy” behavior, promiscuity like you wouldn’t believe…you name it. My husband and I married a year ago before the diagnosis and medications. It wasn’t long after we married I almost attempted suicide. None of the things I said or did were “me”. I couldn’t tell you what I said or did. Just that it was very bad and hurtful. My 3 y/o was awake and I was telling my husband how much I hated him and that I would never have anything to do with him if he saved me. Needless to say, he did. And I will never be able to thank him for that. Since then while adjusting meds and seeking therapy there have been many more attempts along with temper tantrums, outbursts of hatred and violence. Now with my meds were they are supposed to be, we have a great life. Both of us can tell when an episode is coming on and prepare. It’s the same principal as a tornado or hurricane. If you can learn to see it coming and head ALL of the warnings, everyone will be okay including YOU!!! When they say the Lord doesn’t give you anything you don’t have the strength to handle, it is true. The thing is you have to acknowledge the fact you have that strength and then utilize. That is the hardest part, I know first hand. But I also know it can be done. Keep your faith strong, your head up and know this is just one more bump in the road of life. One more thing you might keep in mind…bipolar is a disease…a disease of the mind. There is no cure but there is treatment and ways to control the symptoms. Just like diabetes, cancer, infection…bipolar disorder is a disease that can be lived with. Good luck!!!