Hi,
I hope you’re doing all right.
I get many emails from supporters who are still worried about whether they’re “doing it right,” or are worried about what other people think about how they’re doing it. You need to stop needing approval from others – you have to believe that you’re doing just fine!
In the beginning, when your loved one was first diagnosed, you learned as much as you could about bipolar disorder, didn’t you? No one was looking over your shoulder to see if you were “doing it right.”
You got yourself as educated as you could, because that’s what you had to do to help your loved one, and that was the main thing. You probably helped your loved one become educated about the disorder as well.
Then you got involved in your loved one’s treatment plan. You found out about their medications, doctors, psychiatrist, therapist, etc.
You became their primary supporter and, hopefully, helped them build a strong support system, including a bipolar support group.
You’ve learned about what the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder are, and what the warning signs of your loved one’s episodes are – you’ve learned about what their “triggers” are, just like I teach about in my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
And you’ve both experienced bipolar episodes together, and come out on the other side.
So, tell me, where does this involve other people?
And where does this involve their opinion of you?
There is no wrong or right to doing “this thing.”
You just have to go with what you know, and what you learn along the way.
Each person with bipolar disorder experiences it in a different way.
Each person has their own signs/symptoms, triggers, sets of behaviors, etc.
Each supporter handles their loved one’s bipolar disorder in their own way as well.
What works for you may or may not work for the next supporter, and vice-versa.
You have your hands full enough without worrying what other people think of you.
You are a good supporter if you’re keeping your loved one from having bipolar episodes.
You are a good supporter if your loved one trusts you enough to keep good communication going, to tell you when they’re feeling “off,” and asking for your help.
You are a good supporter if you’re helping to keep your loved one out of the hospital.
Worrying about what other people think of you, or if you’re doing this thing “right,” or any number of useless worries, will only stress you out and decrease your effectiveness as a supporter.
Don’t worry, you’re “doing it right”!
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
David, I really need some advice, my daughter is bipolar, she is 32, married with three little boys. She doesn’t think she has a problem and her husband covers up for her because he is a drug additic, so they are co dependent on each other. He is also do illegal things, like stealing copper wiring from his company. I have turned them into the CPS, they are being investigated, they both had to take drug test, my daughter is only drinking but I know he didn’t pass unless he used someone else urin.
My three grandsons are suffering because of their parents life style, if I didn’t help them with their school work they would not get the help they need. They are 9,7, and 2.
Please tell me what I should do , my daughter will not ever get help as long as he covers for her. Would it be wrong for me to turn him in for the stealing, I have caught him several times, and his oldest son has found evidence of his drug use many times, and it really upsets him.
Any advice would be muchly appreciated.
Thanks a lot. I really appreciate the way you try to help supporters.
I guess with what your saying i was already doing. Because in in life in general it seems the best thing to do is evaluate things that another might say and if it is good use it. And if it is not leave it where you heard it. When you lack knowledge I’ve found you learn about what you don’t know and test it to see if it works. I learned a long time ago that you don’t need to worry about anything, Because if you can do something about it, you do it and if you can’t what is the use of worrying about it. That is if everything is going to end tomorrow and you can’t do anything about it don’t worry about it. But if you can do something about it then get moving and do what ever it is you need to do to make the change.
David, I have just finished your mini course and just want to say thank you.
My partner has bi-polar and from family and friends I have found that he has never managed his condition. We have been in a distant relationship for 6 months and when I am with him and remind him about taking the medication he is stable. But when he is on his own I can tell from phone calls as soon as he stops taking them or reduces the amount.
I have spent so much time with people telling me to walk away that I am taking on far too much. People look at me in a strange way when I tell them he is bi-polar and ask why I would be bothered getting involved with someone like that. To all those people there is one simple answer – we do it because we love them and care too much to walk away.
Yes it isn’t easy but like David said we can only do as much as we are capable of. And for me hope that the next episode will pass quickly. My partner is a rapid cycle person from what I have come to understand and the triggers vary. Mainly it is when he believes that I am putting others before him and he feels unimportant. It has been so hard trying different methods to calm him down and try to reassure him, but I think I am getting better at it.
All those people out there who reply to David’s posts, thank you. You guys have helped me to realise that I am not alone and stopped me from giving up hope.
When things are stable I see a future with this man but when he is angry and says the nasty things that he does I pull in tow directions. We will soon be moving in together and I can only cross my fingers that we can find the happiness I wish for…..
went to the library and on inter net and cant find ansers nothing seems to work they cant tweek my meds right feels like I am fighting a losing battel cant keep a job living on unemployment and that is going to runout i have a wonderful wife that deservs better and a beutiful son and i cant be the husband that i need to be thought about dissablity but i am a man dammit i want to work my profession is roughneck and its pretty cool and i want to stay at a job long enough to get promoted man that must be the coolest thing iam 35 and and i don’t know where I am going and that is not a cool thing i smoke weed all day that helps alot but i can get a job becouse of it but if i don’t smoke I am edgey and a a-hole and to keep the piece my wife tells me to smoke i don’t know what to do i really want help not need but want help for my family i want to give them the best of me and this fucking wont let me i have already put my parents through hell and back want help don’t where to find it
Thanks so much for your mail today. It is so scary doing this. My daughter is only 17 so we have a long road ahead of us. I am trying to educate her too. But tthis whole thing has been way out of my parenting know how.
Thanks. I have a child with Bipolar and people are constantly questioning me about his treatment. I appreciate your support. I needed it today.
What about the PERSON with bipolar? I’m constantly seeking reassurance that I am “OK” and NOT going into an episode. I have NO supporter; I’m a widow who lives alone with 2 cats (who keep me grounded!), but other than my therapist (who I see every other week), there is NO ONE to monitor my moods on a daily, not to mention, hourly, basis.
I’m not a rapid-cycler (thank God), but I find myself feeling “funny” at times during the day. I also have panic disorder, and if I lose something (or misplace it), I go “off.” Like this morning. My boyfriend woke me up and asked me where the keys were. I NEED my coffee FIRST thing in the morning, and he knows that. I looked in the normal place, where they end up on the floor of the closet, from being in my pocket – and didn’t see them. This sent him into a fury. He threw the chair out of the way to get to the kitchen to get me my cup of coffee! I don’t do well with “temper tantrums,” and this threw me.
After he left – about 1 – I went looking for my keys again. As soon as I looked in the closet on the floor – there they were! All that “drama” for nothing! He KNOWS about my illness, but has very LITTLE patience with it. He says he’s never seen me irritable, just “slow.” And that’s from the medications.
So, you see, I NEED the reassurance that I am NOT going crazy. I have a couple of friends I call when I’m not feeling “up to par,” and they “bring me down” almost immediately, by telling me ANY ONE would/could feel that way. Usually, this is all I need.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
Once again you say very little and show you know very little as a psychiatrist. You do not have to know, it will not effect your income or your opinion of yourself.
The psychiatrist is the WHOLE PROBLEM WITH MENTAL HEALTH!
YES IT IS A PROVEN FACT!
WHY DO YOU PRINT NOTHING I SEND IN?
Thank you David,I can never give back like I should but with BI-Polar striking in every family ,it is not easily avoided. I feel better knowing that others have the disorder.
I told you that my heart had to have a rest and the story is terrible ,yet time does heal a broken heart and it is healing mine. I have begun to try and be more open and caring about this disease. After you have had some bad experiences ,it makes you want to go into hiding.
My daughter is better and though she has had setbacks ,she is improving steadily. I just told her one day that she conveniently forgets all the things she does to hurt others so we are left with nothing but her not believing she ever does any of the things she does. I begged her to stop lieing and to accept the truth ,I would not lie to her .She has been streadily improving ever since and if she has a set back she is on the right track now. I may never be able to live in the same state with her but I love her and time does heal my broken heart and the teeth that I have missing can be replaced.
I believe now , with all my heart that many people suffer with this disorder,a very precious man my age has been diagnosed bi-Polar. I didn’t believe it. It is truly a chemical embalance. More people have this than are recognized by Drs. It is a very sad disorder but there is help from those who deal every day with it. I can’t say enough about how you have already helped me to cope with a very bad fact. I feel so helpless and everyone does. It is so dangerous but I have been honest with my daughter and it works fine . I vow my love for her every time I can talk to her.I know that she can over come this now with help and sharing. It is like anger management . It takes work and love. I keep telling her to face the problem deadon and she can stop a lot of the fallout that goes with bad behavior. When they realize the problem and that there are others out here in the world to share with,it will improve.
If you are reading my letter ,I know you can be helped now and it is not to be looked down on. The only time you are wrong is when you reject help and medicine. May God Bless your lives as he has mine. Don’t let the state of affairs and goverment set you off. things will be fine.
David, I appreciate you giving different perspectives of being bi-polar. I am a supporter of a close friend who has been living with bi polar for the past 20 years. She and I have had our battles with our friendship and business relationship constantly being challenged with her illness. The constant lying, shifting mood swings, accusations, anger, nasty and mean words have been slowly eating at my spirit. I am the only friend who has gone to support meetings to get more information on the illness because I wanted to get educated on being supportative for her but she snapped at me and demanded that I stop attending. Lately, she has been off and on her meds, taking diet pills to lose weight, taking various sexual partners and pushing her closest friends away. I have chosen to allow some space and time between us…it has become too painful to be in her life. My friends and family is insisting that I banish this person out of my life but in my heart, I feel she needs the help and support. She has been reaching out to me but I haven’t called her back because I can’t continue in the same routine again without setting some limits. None of my friends and family really understand bi polar and explaining it to them makes me look like I’m weak and not strong. I don’t want to abandon my friend, so in reading your advice, it really makes sense but I don’t know what my next move should be with her. Continue blessings to all of the supporters and people that are bi polar…please don’t push away the people that truly care and love you.
Hi Dave I wish it was that easy to explain to family and friends about bipolar. For years I have been trying to explain, but it seem that they really do not care or show no interest. It is very difficult if you are in a situation where family is not there for support. For all the times I have been hospitalised they never even bothered to visit or phone to just encourage me or to wish me well. It is really sad if you are in it alone although my children try to understand how I feel they make it even more difficult as they put me under severe stress worrying about them all the time. If I ask my husband to read through some of your info or experiences of others he is just not interested, maybe if he cares more about how I feel it won’t bother me that the others don’t care. He thinks by just being a good husband is good enough it is not I also need his understanding that he knows how I feel and to try and help me through it especially when I feel very depressed. He rather get angy with me when I cry or whenever I go into my quite phases. I have to give a reason. Sometimes the kids won’t listen and then I will say things that really hurts. I have a feeling they don’t want to be around me anymore and prefer to go to friends and just leave me on my own. It actually gets dangerous at times as that is the time when I get a feeling they don’t need me and I will be better of if I should take my own life. But you know Dave that is the time that I find myself here chatting to you or reading your sites just to find comfort. Thanks Dave