Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

Hope this is a good day for you.

Hey I have to go really, really quick today. I actually mapped this out in my mind last night because I couldn’t sleep.

Oh someone was complaining that I had a typo here and there. Here’s the deal. I spend a ton of time every year on these daily emails.

Up to 75 minutes EVERY DAY. 365 days a year, including Christmas, my birthday, etc.

It’s not the easiest thing to do and I try to get great information out within 75 minutes.

If I have a typo here or there I am sorry. I can’t however spend even more time sending to multiple editors and making the entire process take hours. If I did this, I wouldn’t ever do it at all.

Just think, last year I spend more than 365 hours on this. That’s a lot. BUT I am committed to it. Anyway, I just wanted to address the typo issue.

Oh one last thing. People have asked to edit my daily emails. And then when I ask them if they are willing to do it at 8:00am EVERY SINGLE DAY with NO days off and get the editing done really fast, well they can’t do that or make a promise of that nature : )

Anyway, okay let’s move on.

I was talking to this girl the other day, and she was telling me about how when she was little, her and the girls in her neighborhood would make these things called “gum chains.” It was a woman in the gym. She was bored “out of her mind walking on the tread mill.”

Anyway, she said….

They would take the paper wrappers off sticks of gum, and somehow fold them (I suppose in ways that today we would call origami), and link them together and form chains with them.

So what does this have to do with bipolar disorder?

Well, I was thinking about that story, and it made me think of something like a bipolar liking chain.

It would go something like this:

Your loved one likes you.

They like themselves.

They like to live.

They like their doctor.

They like their treatment.

They like to feel better.

They like their life after the medication makes them feel better.

They like their life with you.

They like their family.

They like doing well.

They like their hobbies.

They like stability.

See what I mean?

It’s like a chain. And the chain keeps growing, and keeps getting better as long as certain things are in place.

In my courses/systems below, the (shall we say) chain starts with a treatment program:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Now, if your loved one has certain things in place, they will have a good CHAIN:

1. Medication

2. Doctor

3. Psychiatrist

4. Therapist

5. Supporter

6. Support System

7. Treatment Plan

8. Diet

9. Exercise

10. Sleep

11. Watch Triggers

12. Self-Care

See what I mean?

And all these things are necessary parts of the chain.

Some things may be added, like hobbies, and some things may change (like you may have a social worker instead of a therapist), but you must still have a bipolar liking chain.

Like the little girls’ gum chain, if any part of the chain comes out, the whole chain falls apart!

Like the bipolar liking chain, would you like to be the part of the liking chain that was missing? I’m sure you wouldn’t.

So all parts have to be present for your loved one to achieve stability, which is the end goal, after all, isn’t it?

Maybe there’s some things in YOUR bipolar liking chain that I’ve forgotten.

If there are, please share them with the rest of us?

I have to take off. Catch you tomorrow morning.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope your day is a good one.

People ask me why I work out so much.It’s because I like too. It has nothing to do with me having a bipolar disorder or anything. Working out is a hobby and I have a something that I have developed to make my workouts work for me. It relates to bipolar disorder perfectly.

If you haven’t learned this concept yet, you will. If your/your supporter or loved one’s routine is upset, it may upset your whole day. In fact, it can lead into a bipolar episode. Really! Upset routines are one of the triggers to a bipolar episode.

You may even have experienced this yourself.

Have you ever had one of those days where you missed your morning cup of coffee and the whole day just went off-kilter?

That’s what I’m talking about – your daily routine was upset.

Now, psychologists would probably tell you I’m crazy, and that this isn’t a proven fact, and where is the research to back it up, or whatever, but you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

There was this couple where the wife had bipolar disorder and one day she just went totally off because she couldn’t find her brush. Now, he kept offering her different brushes, even showed her that there were several brushes she could have used (more than enough for just the two of them in the house).

But she just got madder and kept demanding that he help her find HER brush!

Do you see what I mean? Her routine was disrupted.

I’m sure you’ve experienced similar events.

Bipolar disorder is like that.

Another man with bipolar disorder happened to wake up one Sunday morning before the paper had been delivered, and just paced and paced, irritable and impatient, because his paper wasn’t delivered on time (when, in fact, it was, the problem being that he had just awakened too early that day, disrupting his routine).

In my courses/systems below, I talk about how important it is for someone with bipolar disorder to have routines and to stick to them. It gives them a sense of order:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Bipolar disorder is disruptive enough in someone’s life. They will look for anything to restore order to it, and routine is the most common way.

People with the disorder will look for routines to help them. Therapists will encourage them to do this as well. And supporters will, too, because it helps their loved one to manage their disorder.

Routines aren’t just daily occurrences (like taking your medication, reading the paper, getting up at the same time every day, or drinking your morning cup of coffee).

Routines can be every other day or every few days (like tending a garden, reading a book, or calling a friend or family member).

Routines can be weekly (like going to see your Therapist or filling up your medicine container).

Routines can be monthly or bi-monthly (like going to see your doctor).

Routines can even be yearly (like going on vacation).

But never forget the importance of routines!

I have a workout routine that involves working out sometimes twice a day, sometimes taking 10 days off at a time, sometimes high intensity cardio, sometimes low intensity, sometimes weight training, etc.

The bottom line is I have one and you need one for bipolar disorder. It’s critical. So many people dealing with bipolar disorder don’t have one and disaster strikes.

Hey, I have to run. Agree or disagree with me?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

Here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews399

Woman’s Bipolar Disorder Inspires Book, Group
DO> Great article. Take al ook.

Winning the bipolar battle
DO> What do you think of this?

Call for public education on mental illness to be enhanced
DO> VERY important, don’t you think?

Experts ponder link between creativity, mood disorders
DO> I have been saying this for years.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews399

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

Hope your day is going great my is. Why?

Well I finally got my ipod working and I can listen to all this stuff on MP3s. I am totally low tech so this is a major accomplishment for me. An accomplishment first thing in the morning.

If you are wondering why considering there are like 200 million people with ipods, I don’t have an answer for you.

Okay so yesterday I was in the gym and my friend says to me, “Hey, look at that dude, he looks like one of those dudes from back in the day a long time ago.”

I was like, “huh?”

He’s like “you know those people in the castles that made the king laugh?”

I was like, “huh?”

He was like, “DUDE! You know the guy or the dude that made the kind laugh…I forget what he was called.”

NOTE-Notice how my friend thinks by saying the word dude louder that will help me understand in the world he is taking about. Also notice how he uses the word “dude” twice in a sentence two times.

I was said, “you mean a court jester?”

He was like, “yea dude, that’s right. Your smart.”

I looked at this guy and he really did. He had like a thing on his head like the old court jester. It was really funny.

Now before I tell you what this has to do with bipolar disorder and make sure you don’t think I am insane, I will say….

I DO NOT CONDONE MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE IN THEGYM.

But I will say this, the guy we were looking at was really big and strong so it’s okay to laugh since well he was a big guy and we weren’t making fun of a smaller person : )

Now, funny question, isn’t it –

Are you a Court Jester?

And what does it have to do with bipolar disorder, right?

Well, in old Medieval Times, it was the responsibility of the Court Jester to entertain the King.

So the question really is, are you spending too much time entertaining your loved one?

Here’s the point:

Your loved one shouldn’t need entertaining. Or at the very least, they should be able to entertain themselves.

They don’t need a Court Jester.

What they need from you is companionship.

They don’t need a Court Jester.

What they need is a supporter.

They need someone who can be there for them.

They need someone who can help them manage their bipolar disorder (not do it for them).

They need a partner not a parent (unless you are supporting a child/teen)

In my courses/systems below, I talk about how to maintain a good relationship in spite of the fact that your loved one has bipolar disorder:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

You don’t have to feel sorry for them, and you don’t have to be the Court Jester and entertain them all the time.

For example, it’s good for your relationship just to spend time together.

Yes, it’s also good for them to learn how to do things on their own, but companionship is a good thing for them in building a healthy relationship with you (or rebuilding one after an episode).

Spending an hour each morning just being together is a good way to do this. Just talking over a cup of coffee or tea, over breakfast, or just reading the morning paper together and sharing stories from it.

There’s a married couple I know who both have bipolar disorder and are each the other’s supporter, and every Friday night they go on “Date Night” together.

They don’t necessarily do anything expensive or extravagant (one night they just spent the night at home and played board games), but it’s just the companionship that’s important.

Since they started doing “Date Night,” their relationship has improved immensely.

These are just a few examples.

I’m sure you can come up with some more.

What do you think? I have to go to the gym

now so I will catch you tomorrow.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you have a great day today.

Hey, I was working a bunch of stuff yesterday and had to run out.

I was in a store and speaking to someone and I bought up how I run www.bipolarcentral.com

The person told me how she had a family member with bipolar disorder but she was totally out of control and there was no hope.

I spent some time educating her that there is hope and she can do well.

Eventually she said to me, I just don’t understand what bipolar is or why people have it. You can’t see it. What does it look like?

Today I want to talk about what bipolar disorder looks like. I know, a funny thing to talk about, right?

Well, what DOES it look like?

To a person who has bipolar disorder, it looks one way.

To a supporter of a loved one who has the disorder, it looks another way.

To a doctor diagnosing the disorder, it looks still another way.

Here’s a scenario to illustrate what I’m talking about:

One week Sally worked 50 hours, exercised every day, cleaned the house, and still had time to finish two novels. The following week, she could barely get out of bed.

Her mother said that Sally was a workaholic who only cared about herself, had no time for her family, and certainly didn’t care about her mother or anyone else (referring to the fact that Sally had no friends, nor any time for them).

Sally’s doctor diagnosed her with bipolar disorder.

—————————————————————

Same scenario, but three different views entirely.

A person with bipolar disorder looks at the disorder from the inside out. They look at how it FEELS to have the disorder.

Sometimes they feel as if they could tackle the world – that they have more energy than they know what to do with – that they are intelligent and creative – that they can produce more than the average person – that they have these really great ideas – that they hardly need any sleep at all, etc.

Then sometimes they feel as if they can’t even get out of bed, as if they could sleep forever – that they are worthless – they feel helpless and hopeless – they wonder where all their energy went – they don’t feel the least bit creative – they are totally depressed – sometimes to the point of suicidal thoughts or even suicide attempts.

This is really, really serious, and one of the topics I go over in my courses/systems below:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

The supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder looks at it totally different. They are looking from the outside in. They watch their loved one, and sometimes it is very confusing to them, the difference in this person they know, or think they know, or used to know.

Sometimes their loved one seems like two totally different people. Sometimes they feel sorry for them. Sometimes they feel sorry for themselves.

They experience feelings that trouble them. They want to be a good supporter. They want to show concern, love, and understanding toward their loved one.

However, sometimes their feelings are negative ones. Sometimes they feel insecure, angry, frustrated, resentful, unappreciated, lonely, and downright tired.

Sometimes they are nostalgic. They just want things to be the way they used to be, before their loved one had bipolar disorder.

The doctor looks only at his/her patient. They look at the signs/symptoms and make a diagnosis of bipolar disorder based on that.

They are not concerned with the patient’s personal life – they are much too busy to be concerned with how the supporter feels – they have other patients to see, and a busy practice to run.

Bipolar disorder is a complicated disorder.

So how does bipolar disorder look?

It depends on who you ask.

Hey, I have to head off to the gym. I have to actually do a TON of training this week. I have to work out twice a day 5 days a week. I am also walking about 40 miles a week as well.

But after the 17^th of October everything changes and I get a week off and then my training is much easier.

Okay, have to run.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re doing well today.

I have a ton of things to do today so I really have to get going.

I have some great news. There is actually a person that I found who is a super programmer and will be very instrumental in helping us reach more people who are dealing with mental illnesses in general.

Anyway, this is a great news!

Okay, let me ask you this question:

Are you a caregiver or supporter?

You might ask me right back,

“Well, Dave, what’s the difference?”

Because even in the many support groups that I volunteer at, I’ve heard both terms used inter- changeably. But I do believe there is a difference. When I think of a caregiver, I think of one of those people who help someone with a long-term illness, like cancer, who needs help with everyday things that they can’t do for themselves.

In the world of bipolar disorder, that’s called enabling, however. Your loved one is not that ill. There are many things they can do for themselves, and these are things that you should NOT be doing for them. For example, you can oversee to make sure your loved one takes their medication, but you don’t have to actually GIVE it to them (put it in their mouth), to make sure they take it.

Your loved one isn’t an invalid, and you are not their caretaker. You shouldn’t be their enabler, either. You are simply their supporter.

In fact, if you do things for your loved one that they can do perfectly well by themselves, you can be doing more harm than good.

Part of their treatment is to learn to be productive again, and that means learning how to do things for themselves. You shouldn’t interfere with this process.

Even if your loved one wants you to. This is called dependency. And they can become over-dependent on you, which is not good, either.

This is another thing they should be learning in treatment, but if it gets too difficult for them, theymay revert back to the easy way – depending on you to take care of them.

And there you are – right back in the circle of being a caretaker instead of being a supporter.

In my courses/systems, I talk about how you shouldn’t be an enabler and how not to be:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

I’m always talking about how knowledge is power. Well, if you have knowledge about what being an enabler is, you won’t be one!

Same as the difference between being a caretaker versus being a supporter.

You want to be a good supporter, right?

And you want your loved one to get better, right?

In fact, you want your loved one to become stable, right?

And I’ll even do you one better. I’ll bet you would love for your loved one to become high-functioning, wouldn’t you?

Well, the way to do that is for them to learn to become independent. And the only way to do that is if you become simply a support for them, and not a caretaker or enabler.

Now you know! And now that you know, hopefully you won’t make the mistake that a lot of other supporters make.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

What’s new?

Before I get started, I wanted to let you know that I will be looking for new writers for bipolar related topics soon.

We are actually having a super system to keep track of anyone interested and Megan is in charge of it’s development.

She is currently going through the system to make sure it’s all set for those that are interested.

Just keep reading these emails and you’ll see a notice.

I was talking to someone yesterday that’s actually a really tough guy and he is seeing a therapist.

He said that he has “a lot of issues from his childhood that were negatively affecting his wife.”

He said that he loved his wife and wanted to make sure she didn’t “split” (meaning leave) because of his “issues.”

I thought that was great on his part.

So it reminded me of the many bipolar supporters I know who see therapists.

Here’s a question for you:

As a bipolar supporter, should you see your own therapist?

Well, first of all, it’s a personal decision, and only you can answer that for yourself.

But I have personally talked to many therapists, their mental health professionals, and consultants, and the general consensus is that therapy is a must for your loved one, family (or marriage) therapy is an option, and therapy for the supporter can be a good idea.

Therapists are great for giving you feedback and helping you stay on track.

For many supporters, whose loved one has driven away family and friends, a therapist is the only person they can go to for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

Another thing about seeing your own therapist is that everything is kept strictly confidential. So you have the freedom to say anything you want to say without fear of your loved one finding out.

On the other hand, I know a couple who both see the same therapist (the therapist had to agree to it – many won’t) – in separate sessions. But each has given the therapist permission that if there is an issue involved that they can’t talk to each other about, that she can function (tactfully) as sort of a “go-between.”

This has really helped their communication, and their relationship has improved as well.

But you also have to trust your therapist, and have a good relationship with him/her. Like this couple I was just telling you about. They have to trust their therapist not to just “blab” to the other person what each other says. And the therapist doesn’t do that, because she’s a good therapist.

My mom likes the therapist she’s going to now, but she’s had some bad therapists in the past.

Now, I’m not saying that all therapists are bad, obviously, because I just talked about some good ones. But there are good therapists and bad therapists, just like there are good doctors and bad doctors, and that’s one of the things I go over in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Sometimes, being a supporter, you have to deal with some pretty big issues, like when it comes to episodes.

Especially when it comes to the fall-out (consequences) of those episodes. That’s one of the times that having your own therapist would be a good idea.

But even on a daily basis, with all the responsibilities you have as a supporter, it would still be a good idea to have your own therapist.

Being a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you have to deal with a lot of feelings (sometimes negative ones) and conflicting emotions.

Writing in a journal can help, but sometimes you just need someone to talk to, because you need that feedback. That’s where a therapist comes in.

Sometimes the “bipolar world” can get pretty crazy. Sometimes it can even feel as if bipolar disorder has taken over your whole life. Like I said before, a therapist is good at helping you keep your life on track.

Again, though, whether you see your own therapist or not is a personal decision.

It’s your choice.

One final thought. My dad use to be against therapy. You’re going to laugh but the said “only in America could you get paid to hear people talk to you.” Okay, first my dad is older and from the country (down south) where that wasn’t big in his time. Today of course people all over the world see therapists, people down south, north, in Canada, South America, Africa, Asia, etc.

But anyway, my dad use to just think it was like a waste of money. UNTIL he saw the results with my mom and other bipolar supporters he met once at a support group.

Some people think like my dad on my list. I think that SOME therapists gave the good therapists a bad name so to speak by not really helping and just trying to get money out of people.

Therapy reminds me of chiropractors, there are good ones and bad ones but the bad ones made it hard for the good ones.

Anyway, one thing that I pointed out to my dad that made him look at it differently is that I said, “instead of thinking of a therapist as a person that just listens to someone talk think of a therapist as a consultant or coach. Any good coach has to ask questions to determine how to help the person.”

That made sense to my dad. Even I don’t think of a therapist as a therapist I think of a therapist as a consultant. I think if we could do it all over again I think therapists should be called consultants.

Okay, maybe I am out of my mind but you get the idea right?

My dad does not see a therapist but he believes in them because he has seen great results for my mom and other bipolar supporters.

Hey I have to run. Think I am crazy?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME

Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.