Hi,
I hope your day is a good one.
People ask me why I work out so much.It’s because I like too. It has nothing to do with me having a bipolar disorder or anything. Working out is a hobby and I have a something that I have developed to make my workouts work for me. It relates to bipolar disorder perfectly.
If you haven’t learned this concept yet, you will. If your/your supporter or loved one’s routine is upset, it may upset your whole day. In fact, it can lead into a bipolar episode. Really! Upset routines are one of the triggers to a bipolar episode.
You may even have experienced this yourself.
Have you ever had one of those days where you missed your morning cup of coffee and the whole day just went off-kilter?
That’s what I’m talking about – your daily routine was upset.
Now, psychologists would probably tell you I’m crazy, and that this isn’t a proven fact, and where is the research to back it up, or whatever, but you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?
There was this couple where the wife had bipolar disorder and one day she just went totally off because she couldn’t find her brush. Now, he kept offering her different brushes, even showed her that there were several brushes she could have used (more than enough for just the two of them in the house).
But she just got madder and kept demanding that he help her find HER brush!
Do you see what I mean? Her routine was disrupted.
I’m sure you’ve experienced similar events.
Bipolar disorder is like that.
Another man with bipolar disorder happened to wake up one Sunday morning before the paper had been delivered, and just paced and paced, irritable and impatient, because his paper wasn’t delivered on time (when, in fact, it was, the problem being that he had just awakened too early that day, disrupting his routine).
In my courses/systems below, I talk about how important it is for someone with bipolar disorder to have routines and to stick to them. It gives them a sense of order:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
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Bipolar disorder is disruptive enough in someone’s life. They will look for anything to restore order to it, and routine is the most common way.
People with the disorder will look for routines to help them. Therapists will encourage them to do this as well. And supporters will, too, because it helps their loved one to manage their disorder.
Routines aren’t just daily occurrences (like taking your medication, reading the paper, getting up at the same time every day, or drinking your morning cup of coffee).
Routines can be every other day or every few days (like tending a garden, reading a book, or calling a friend or family member).
Routines can be weekly (like going to see your Therapist or filling up your medicine container).
Routines can be monthly or bi-monthly (like going to see your doctor).
Routines can even be yearly (like going on vacation).
But never forget the importance of routines!
I have a workout routine that involves working out sometimes twice a day, sometimes taking 10 days off at a time, sometimes high intensity cardio, sometimes low intensity, sometimes weight training, etc.
The bottom line is I have one and you need one for bipolar disorder. It’s critical. So many people dealing with bipolar disorder don’t have one and disaster strikes.
Hey, I have to run. Agree or disagree with me?
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David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
“Now, psychologists would probably tell you I’m crazy, and that this isn’t a proven fact, and where is the research to back it up, or whatever, but you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?”
Actually, my consultant medical psychologist thinks this is a proven fact, as do several others I have been reading about. What seemed weird, however, is that upsets to “routine” do not always effect an immediate response, that they can sometimes occur a day or two after the upset. Strange? My psychologist thinks this is because people tend to mull over things that have happened, get upset about them, and – bingo! On comes an episode induced by self-inflicted stress!
The lesson here – and it’s obviously a hard one to implement (don’t I know it!) – is to let go of things that have ALREADY happened and just deal with THE PRESENT. Similarly, there is no point in worrying about what MIGHT happen IN THE FUTURE.
Forward planning and devising strategies for possible things happening is one thing, worrying about them is another! Forward planning takes away much of the worry because you already have a strategy in place to deal with X if X happens, or deal with Y if Y happens. Planned for it, forget it until or if it ever happens! Like insurance – you insure your house in case it burns down, then you forget about it in the certain knowledge that you have a strategy in place that will deal with the problem IF it should arise.
Good Morning,
I completely agree with this! My daughter was just diagnosed with bipolar. One of the biggest things I’ve noticed is if she sleeps too much it messes up her whole day. If she is expecting a call at a certain time she gets very agitated. She is only 15 so I know I have to be the one to keep her on a routine. I find your information very helpful in helping her deal with her disorder. I have learned to know what (sometimes) triggers an eposide. Thank you for your help.
i totally agree if i cant get to my housework or do the things i want to do orshould i say the things i do on a regular basis i can feel it coming on i can feel my nerves start to unravel i amon meds for fibromyalgia i also live with hepc i live with a lot of pain the dr office gave me my scripts to early and i couldnt get them refilled i called the dr office to rewrite them and the nurse wouldnt do it accused me of not taking them right which wasnt true i had a bipolar moment
and now i have no dr not because of my dr because of her staff which probably has no idea what it is like to live with this much pain or have a bipolar episode i dont live on disability because i feel if i do that it will be the end for me i have to work but without my meds im incapable of doing my job thanks for understanding reading you helps
Since my daughter was born almost 5 years ago, I suffered from severe post depression. I was hospitalized twice and saw at least 15 psys, therapists, you name it. I have done so much research and I do not fit the “quota” of Bipolar. But that is what every doctor said I had. I was always depressed. I often expressed to my husband that I was bipolar so I would have the mania. I have been on every anti phsycotic, anti depressant, every benzo, mood stabilizers you name it, I’ve been on it. The last appt I had with my Psy, she said what all the other doctors have said, “It sounds like bipolar, but I’ve hit a wall, I don’t know what else to do for you” That is a very, very common excuse I’ve heard along the years. Have you heard anything like this? Am I bipolar if I never experience the Mania or happiness, compulsion to buy, emotions on a roller coaster. Do you have any suggestions, Because I am so tired of feeling like crap every day for the last 5 years. Thank you so much for your time.
Ficcfam2003@qwest.net
Thank you,
Stacey
YES! I agree! I have not been told I have bipolar yet. I have suffered from depression for years. I have done research on bipolar, and the more I learn about it the more I am leaning towards it. I know that I feel at times I am out of control (in my head) due to my kids may not want to get up for school or I have a day off from work aand I get called in. Even if I have nothing to do that day. It is knowing that I have it off. I don’t mind going in BUT In my head I am lost! I t is the little things sometimes that get to me. I have to be organized in everything to make it organized in my head.
I have started seeing a theripist (sp) which I hope will help me learn if I am bipolar or not. I am so glad that I signed up for your emails! I am learning alot ! Thank you!!!
I guess I’m just one of those people with bipolar disorder that DON’T have a routine. I live “in the moment,” and do whatever needs to be done at the time. Of COURSE I don’t miss doctor/therapist appointments, but being on Social Security Disability, there is no SET time to me to get up, either in the morning OR the afternoon, unless I decide to. My computer is the ONLY thing I HAVE to work on daily, and I DO make time for that. Otherwise, living with NO routine, has helped me manage my bipolar.
Of course, there are some people with bipolar who NEED and REQUIRE a routine. Without it, they are left floundering in a morass of anxiety and depression. Sure – if I’m missing my keys (and I have a special place for them), I go ballistic until I find them (I NEVER give up), and those around me at times like this, don’t understand my “nerves.” AND – I can’t FUNCTION without my coffee in the morning. Am I contradicting myself? I don’t think so. People who work for a living HAVE to have routines; I’m pretty flexible day-to-day and do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.
Sometimes it’s up to the supporter to make sure that routines are followed when their loved one is in a mania and can’t do for themselves at the time. But – enabling is NOT the answer. Allow your loved one to set their OWN routine, with your help, and give them a certain amount of independence. It WILL pay off in the end.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
First a note to Stacey–my friend with BP has tried most all meds, too and hasn’t had a whole lot of success with them. I encourage you to get a 2nd opinion and do a lot of research and don’t give up!!
Now, David, What you say about disruptions to routine being difficult for those with BP I am sure is very true. I am a support person to my friend. I’ve seen the evidence. However, detours in our lives are unavoidable, no matter how hard we try to avoid disruptions they are there. There is no getting around them. I believe God brings things into our lives or allows things to happen to teach us lessons and make us stronger. I also believe that we need to encourage our loved ones into accepting the unavoidable things in life and help them learn to live with them, just being there to help them through and reminding them that it’s just a bump in the road. As a support person I can not live with the guilt of feeling like I caused an episode just because life happens. SO, my point is that support people need to accept the disruptions, not feel guilty about taking the detours God brings our way and know that the episode, if any comes from these detours, is not our fault.
I have a routine that I follow daily. When that routine is disrupted, I notice that, it takes me a few days to get back to a sleep pattern where I get my eight hours. For example, If someone normally gets up at 0500hrs. and they get up at 0300hrs. for a job they may have a few days to get used to such a change in their routine. So to your question on a change in routine, I must agree with you. Thanks for all you do.
Sincerely,
Damon Monty, DC
i know what you mean, my big problem is always to be on time, i really get upset when i have to be somewhere and someone else is making me late. when i get lost going somewhere, i will get really upset, do alot of yelling and screaming, can’t stop myself, but later feel bad. i like to blame others for something gone wrong, or just putting something somewhere and can’t remember, i accuse others of moving it, then when i find it i realize that i did it, i end up apologizing to the person.
I wrote to david last night.
didn’t know about the blog. I didn’t tell you that I worked for 10 yrs without pay, living with my spouse for that time was to be a partnership ha, ha, I got fooled. I don’t think I told you that
I went out of town for a month. I had just bought 100.00 dollars in meat
and put it in the freezer. My power was turned off in my absense , the bill
was paid in full so there was no reason for it to be turned off. After a month the stinch was rotton. I had a terrible time getting the oder out of the freezer.
The 1999 beetle that I had constantly had something wrong with it. The abs light stayed on all the time, the air conditioner we gone among other things that needed to be repaired.
I lived in an apartment and come home from work and had a gas smell, Its a good thing that I don’t smoke, I would been blown up. So you see
things aren’t just in my mind.
have a good day.
carol
Hello Folks,
I had a job where I had to plow snow with a dump truck with five tons of salt on the back. I lived 35 miles from work (a high school) and my crew had to have parking lots cleared by 7:30 AM. Often I’d “get up” at 12:30 AM, drive over uncleared public roads so I could do my job. Sometimes we worked 12 hour days keeping the lots cleared. Sleep and sleep patterns are EXTREMELY important to me and this schedule was a major disruption. There is a lot of stress from the intense concentration required. And a major liability when operating big and powerful equipment.
I feared I WOULD go into an episode because of the stress and lack of sleep. If I had crashed–mentally–my employer would know about the bipolar disorder. And probably would have lost he job.
Luckily it never came to that. I was extremely lucky. But it did take a major toll on my health. The exhaustion was overwhelming and once I got home, it was straight to bed.
I know my triggers; snow plowing took me out of my “routine” and was a major trigger. I left that job when the first better job opportunity came along. This job is much more consistent and I don’t have to operate big equipment in adverse conditions.
We can’t always avoid triggers but we MUST know what they are. We must have a plan for alternative operations if we do get “triggered.” In my case removing a trigger meant changing jobs. I am fortunate that I had another job opportunity. I am fortunate that I can work full time with the health insurance I need to see the doctors and get the medication.
Discovering your triggers, like so much of bipolar survival, takes time and experience. It is essential tool for bipolar survival.
I agree with the routines. However, I find on the days of my manic phases that I am a lot more “random”- I do things on a whim. If I am evened out or in the depressive phase, I have to have my routine or my whole day is a train wreck.
It is interesting how different people respond differently to schedules/routines.
Hi Dave
I think for some it’s going to work to have a routine in some cases it might not work.
Hope you have a nice day
I have just stared to read about bipolar disorer. I had just found out that my sisters boyfriend(the father of he son) has this disorder. Know first I want to say i am glad i volintered to do research about the disoreder for her. She asked me to find out what it was and what she can do because her boyfriend is know in rehaib. He went one day stayed for a day or 2 and then came back and said that the doctor gave him meds and he started to talk about the future. But before he eft to go he had her promise that she wouldn’t leave him if he was to go and of cource she said,” YES” ofcource she loves him so,so,so, much i can’t explane how much she loves him. So any way he went, then came back and said that the doctor had perscribed him meds and that he wanted him to go back and check in with him. She said he was acting like a normal person. Then the next day he just stared to acked weird and he said he was going to the store but never came back. He called from the retreat saying,” I don’t want to be with you and you mack my life harder then what it needs to be.” He has been saying some real MEAN stuff to her.When she has been there through thick and thin with him supporting him in evey way. My sister is a changed person i can under stand if he was saying to her way back in the day but she is a changed person and she is a very GOD HARTED person. She is haveing such a hard time with all of this she doesn’t know what bipolar is or what it means or what to look for nothing. She new he had it but she didn’t know what to look for.his mother would call and ask if every thing was going ok with his disorder and he would say yes but i think it wasn’t (by what i have read about it and the info you have sent me). It sounds like a split personality kind of (i know that isn’t what it is). So i think if she knew more about it like i do she would under stand and it would be easier to uder stand him alittle more to. So hopefuly this will help them both and help there relationship. I think it is because she doesn’t under stand his disorder is way he is resentful to her.
yes, good writing
So i wanted to thank you for sending me information on bipolar disorder. I look forward to reading more about it and i wanted to thank you for suggesting that their kid gets some councleing on and about the disorder to so that when he grows up he can under stand it to. I also wanted to thank you for spending your time on explaning and teaching evey one on this disorder. Even the people that don’t have it i think it is important that we know about it to because if we love some one and we want to be with them for the rest of our life we will be liveing with this disorder to. So again thank you so much.
Routine can be the saving grace! Say if I can’t get to my regular tasks on my days off I feel like my whole world is wrong. I get nervous and edgy…knowing quite well this is rediculous to feel this way. But never the less I DO! My husband is becoming much better at working with this but he is a fly by night last minute kind of person. This does not always work well! But with your newsletters and information he has started to really understand much more and work on his end of things to keep this a happy smooth running home. I appreciate you more every day!
Dave, I also agree! My 16 yr old daughter has been dealing with some kind of emotional/mood swing thing. The dr is not ready to actually call it BP yet. We are learning some of her triggers and the upset of her daily routine seems to have a snowball effect. As her supporter, I have learned that I need to constantly monitor her routine in order to keep her on “an even keel.” Thanks for the advice, it is a great help.
Dave, I agree…. even if you are not bipolar and something happens it can throw the rest of the day off… 🙂
Thank you for all that you do.
Peace and Many Blessings,
Filiz
suzanne
Oh I sooo empathise! I’m the same with keys and especially my cell phone. When I can’t find them I go nuclear! The I hike it up a bit more when my ##### wife says something like, “You should always keep it/them in the same place!” Stupid bovine! I DO always keep them in the same place, which is why, when I absently minded put them down somewhere else because I have been distracted, I go nuclear. “Don’t tell me what to do because I usually do just that!!!!!” (I don’t know why she keeps saying that – she knows it only makes things/me worse and aggressive.)
thank you so much. i was diaganoised when i was 12 and now i am 29. no one has ever understood what i was feeling and going threw. now i feel like he is right here with me. when i read the emails it is me to a tee. i hope this is going to be more helpful in understanding and dealing with bipolar. i am in a 4 year marrage and have a 10 year old son. i know it is hard on them and the past few days i have been able to talk to them about how i feel and get an understanding from their side. thank to again david oliver. you are slowly changing my life..
Any suggestions for someone living with a husband constantly depressed, drinking/sleeping all day and with many signs & symptoms of BP but who is unable to contemplate any kind of therapy or treatment? It feels so frustrating when I think about how much better his life COULD be…but if I can’t change HIS behaviour what suggestions for changing MINE since that’s the only one I have any control over?
Please tell me how I can help my fiance to first even admit that there is a problem. He is 48 years old and and it is evident that his whole family is bi-polar, and he has passed it on to his children. His older son has been incarcerated for over a year now, he was due to be released but they determined that he needed psychiatric help, so they sent him to a mental institution to be evaluated for 30 days. During this time the counselor called and asked my fiance why he thought his son was there? He replied that he didn’t know because he(the son) was highly intelligent. I am the first one to tell him that there is something mentally wrong. He won’t seek help because of his pride. I dont know what else to do? Any help will be gr5eatly appreciated.
Hi David,
After reading your email I feel like making a new schedule for myself and a better one for my kids. Thanks for all you do!
Love,
Kat
Stacey,
I read your comment and immediately related to it. I am 45 y/o, female, unmarried, no children. Prior to age 39, I had no emotional disorders. However, six years ago, I found my dad, fallen on the driveway. He lost all feeling and movement from the neck down. He died a really terrible death only 2 months later. We were very close and his injury and subsequent death was overwhelming to me. I was diagnosed with severe/major depression. My first suicide attempt was only five months later, following his loss. They say that it was a ‘trigger’ to depression. I have had several attempts, since then.
The majority of my family has disowned me. They don’t understand depression or bipolar II and don’t believe it is really an illness, such as cancer or heart disease. They say I am a whiner, I drown in my own self pity, am lazy and a loser. They go out of their way to be hurtful, rather than find ways to be helpful. I could write a whole chapter about my family, but I just hope you have supportive people who are your friends and family.
Like you, I have had many, many psychiatrists and psychologists. I have been on all of the anti depressants, SSRI’s, tried a couple mood stabilizers, benzo’s, anti psychotics. I am currently taking Zoloft antidepressant with a mood stabilizer, ativan and ambien cr for sleep. I am struggling in everyway possible, not working, having the worst depression that I have ever had. I had an overdose in August, was hospitalized.
I again went to the hospital last week for headaches, dizziness and disorientation. I have to go in for an MRI of my head and a spinal tap to determine if the headaches were related to the meds or something else. I was supposed to contact my PCP to arrange for the tests, but honestly, I am scared.
I have never had the bipolar symptoms of mania. But, my psychiatrist recently diagnosed me with Bipolar II. I have racing thoughts, erratic mood changes, major depression, sleeplessness. I can’t keep a job. I have never felt as badly in my whole life.
I have never had the bipolar symptoms of mania. But, my psychiatrist recently diagnosed me with Bipolar II. I have racing thoughts, erratic mood changes, major depression, sleeplessness. I can’t keep a job. I have never felt as badly in my whole life.
I don’t know what the answer is…but if you figure out what it is…please let me know!
Just wanted to empathize with you and let you know that you are not alone.
David,
First, I want to say thank you for finding me on the internet with your program. I originally looked at it because I have a sister who is dealing with a mild version of this disorder, but I am now finding issues and areas where it is fitting for myself. I cited you in a paper today, as well… Your informative and helpful for those like me who are still getting their legs under them.
The routine is something that is a necessity for most human beings. As an educator, my routine is easy to disrupt, and it throws me for a huge loop. It is difficult and builds into a rage that is uncontrollable. The brush issue is one that caught my eye, however with me.. It is usually something else as inconsequential.
Thank you for sharing it
Sherrie
Hi Dave
It is true what you’re saying because I cannot start my work without having a cup of coffee in the morning. I thought it was just a habit, but I think BP have that effect on me. You know what concerns me is that my housework use to be a joy and that has changed I don’t have the strength or the energy to complete tasks. It really makes me feel so helpless and worthless. The fact that I used to be a perfectionist, but nowadays I care less about the state of my house or garden. It really makes me depress to look around and see that nothing is in place and the fact that I don’t have the ability to do it. I will have to get a gardener and a cleaner for a short while to help me cope as I cannot endure the fact that my place is in such a state. You know it all comes to the fact that you must have a routine. I slipped from my routine and now I have ended up in a disaster which I can no longer cope with and it cause me great distress. I will in future keep up with my routine to make life easier on myself and not listening to people telling me I must stop having an everyday routine. Thank you for the advice Dave
I am a bipolar supporter for my 22 year old son. He has been stable for some time but still has “issues”. He called me Friday night upset because he misplaced his wallet. I tried to give him some “helpful hints” on how to find the wallet and he hung up on me. He called back after he had taken my advice and was cussing because he still could not find his wallet. I tried to tell him to settle down or he would never find anything and when he cussed AT me I hung up. Fortunately, he found his wallet. Anyway, then I read your email on Saturday morning and just laughed. These daily emails hit so close to home on such a regular basis. Thanks for the daily dose. I appreciate the education and input!
David
My husband is 44 years old and has bipolar very bad. if he gets an episode, that is really often, he emotionaly abuses my kids and physical abuses me. its getting the best of me. I have treatend him with an divorce if he do not take his medication but that doesn’t even stop him. There will be a day that I will forget that I love him and defend myself and not only my kids, so badly that they will lock me up forever. how do you help someone that knows he has a problem but don’t want to help himself. He straight forward said I can try to hide but he has FRIENDS everywhere he will find me. I thought of having him locked up on several cases of assualt but what do I do if he comes out of jail I will be dead and my small kids with out a mother. I have read all your messages and have realised that I might be handeking the matter totally incorrectly i need to try a different approach but have no strenght or will power left.
This is sooooo true. My son has his routine and if the routine alters even the slightest, he gets upset. Sometimes, like last night, it is not as bad, but nevertheless, it still upsets him. Thank you again for your great information.
dear Marriette:
just writing on response to your abusive husband. i hope you are physically ok. Your situation requires you leave and go to s shelter immedately. pak up some things while your husband is gone, make arrangements re $ situation. when i left my ex- i gave no indication of what i was doing or planning to do. my ex- was bipolar and indicated drug use. the day will come when you will need to leave and you will be prepared. i stayed too long with my ex- which caused untold damage to my kids which is still affecting them today; fortunately though i did leave or things could be worse for them.
regarding routine my daughter becomes totally unhinged when she doesn’t follow a routine. i guess the reaction for bipolars is worse for bipolar than myself.
i will pray for you Marriette for you will need a great deal of strength if you make the decision to leave.
Dave
I agree routine is very important to everyone. That is why my husband is suffering the worst bout ever right now. He lost his routine of his job for ever. This loss is due to his physical condition. He used his job to manage his bi-polar episodes. He always makes lists and his thoughts keep him up most nights. I’ve been with him for 5 years married 1. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I saw signs of this disorder during the five years but now that the job loss is permanent the bi-polar episode has been spinning out of control. He is on meds right now but like the train it is going to take a while for it to regulate him. Thank you for having this support. Before this episode he was gambling all our money away. I don’t know if I can salvage us this time. Especially with no money coming in at all from him. But I really do agree with you about routines. I’ve been trying to get him into some regular routines around the house but it not quite working yet.