Hi,
Hope your day is going great my is. Why?
Well I finally got my ipod working and I can listen to all this stuff on MP3s. I am totally low tech so this is a major accomplishment for me. An accomplishment first thing in the morning.
If you are wondering why considering there are like 200 million people with ipods, I don’t have an answer for you.
Okay so yesterday I was in the gym and my friend says to me, “Hey, look at that dude, he looks like one of those dudes from back in the day a long time ago.”
I was like, “huh?”
He’s like “you know those people in the castles that made the king laugh?”
I was like, “huh?”
He was like, “DUDE! You know the guy or the dude that made the kind laugh…I forget what he was called.”
NOTE-Notice how my friend thinks by saying the word dude louder that will help me understand in the world he is taking about. Also notice how he uses the word “dude” twice in a sentence two times.
I was said, “you mean a court jester?”
He was like, “yea dude, that’s right. Your smart.”
I looked at this guy and he really did. He had like a thing on his head like the old court jester. It was really funny.
Now before I tell you what this has to do with bipolar disorder and make sure you don’t think I am insane, I will say….
I DO NOT CONDONE MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE IN THEGYM.
But I will say this, the guy we were looking at was really big and strong so it’s okay to laugh since well he was a big guy and we weren’t making fun of a smaller person : )
Now, funny question, isn’t it –
Are you a Court Jester?
And what does it have to do with bipolar disorder, right?
Well, in old Medieval Times, it was the responsibility of the Court Jester to entertain the King.
So the question really is, are you spending too much time entertaining your loved one?
Here’s the point:
Your loved one shouldn’t need entertaining. Or at the very least, they should be able to entertain themselves.
They don’t need a Court Jester.
What they need from you is companionship.
They don’t need a Court Jester.
What they need is a supporter.
They need someone who can be there for them.
They need someone who can help them manage their bipolar disorder (not do it for them).
They need a partner not a parent (unless you are supporting a child/teen)
In my courses/systems below, I talk about how to maintain a good relationship in spite of the fact that your loved one has bipolar disorder:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
You don’t have to feel sorry for them, and you don’t have to be the Court Jester and entertain them all the time.
For example, it’s good for your relationship just to spend time together.
Yes, it’s also good for them to learn how to do things on their own, but companionship is a good thing for them in building a healthy relationship with you (or rebuilding one after an episode).
Spending an hour each morning just being together is a good way to do this. Just talking over a cup of coffee or tea, over breakfast, or just reading the morning paper together and sharing stories from it.
There’s a married couple I know who both have bipolar disorder and are each the other’s supporter, and every Friday night they go on “Date Night” together.
They don’t necessarily do anything expensive or extravagant (one night they just spent the night at home and played board games), but it’s just the companionship that’s important.
Since they started doing “Date Night,” their relationship has improved immensely.
These are just a few examples.
I’m sure you can come up with some more.
What do you think? I have to go to the gym
now so I will catch you tomorrow.
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Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
i’ve been managing my bi polar since i was about 10 ofcourse it took till a later age to find out what was going on with the help from very close friend and suferer any hoot you are so right we should be able to entertain ourselfs i can especily when im manic which seems to be alot latly with the econimy failing ‘ oh got to go later DUDE!!!!.
Greetings David,
Initial shock and distrust is slowly wearing off as I read more and more of your emails, and a system [in your madness] is beginning to overtake madness! You are beginning to make sense. Benefited a lot from your writings. Just wanted to say, thank you and may God bless you.
Sincerely,
Lazar
Interesting but in my experience not very practical for a teen. If you do not assist in entertaining my teen then she will find plenty to do that is extremely inappropriate. I agree that entertainment does not have to be costly but I do think parents of teens should be prepared to give up some nights of their wants to make sure that their teen is safe. At least I have to. I’m not complaining but do feel inexperienced parents first time dealing with bipolar need to be aware.
Please, David, as I said before. Please have someone proof your copy. “You’re,” not “your.” Sorry to be so picky, but if I can’t trust your grammar, it’s hard to trust the message.
I really enjoy you’re mail everyday I just started to attend a bi-polar group 3 weeks ago I will pass you’re web site on take care
Hahahaha…..Dave What a witty email this morning!!! Your Bipolar Life lessons have no limits!!!! Really great…..Thanks.
Aloha, Denise
Just wondering, Dave… Just to clarify… Did you say that it’s okay to make fun of really big people but not small people? I don’t follow the logic.
Also, I asked you a while ago about what bipolar sufferers are supposed to do when they absolutely have NO supporter – no one in the family who cares or understands, no friends. Like, what if someone with bipolar disorder had only people like your brother around them? Then what?
It’s a good thing I had an active imagination growing up so that I could learn how to “entertain” myself. I had a vivid fantasy life. Since being diagnosed with bipolar, LIFE is my imagination. I no longer need to live in an imaginary world; every day brings its challenges and opportunities, and I have no need to cling to delving into my imagination to cope.
Unfortunately, I have NO supporter. I’m comletely on my own. It’s a good thing I can live “in” the world, but not be “of” it. There’s a Christian allegory here: “Be not in the world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” I must admit that when I go into a manic episode, my “religiosity” takes over, and I am in quite “another world.”
I have learned that THAT is a trigger for me when I am under a LOT of stress, which I am now. But – HOOORAY! I have found a roommate! She called yesterday, saw the room today – and is moving in the first of November! One down, SCADS to go!
To reiterate, I am doing quite well alone, and can always go on the Internet or read my “gossip” magazines for relief of stress. Sometimes, it’s NOT easy to be by myself (see above about religiosity), but I have adapted, and my last hospitalization for mania was 31 years ago.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
Dave, this was very funny to read today. I have to say that my husband tells me day after day that my son needs to find something to do to entertain himself. It is hard for me. I like to have my son around, but sometimes I just need a break. When we ask my son to find something to do, he always comes back with “there is nothing to do.” I try to give him ideas such as, clean your room, walk the dog, read a book, ride a bike, go practice football or soccer, but then he says “there is no one to do it with.” Then this simple task of having him entertain himself has turned into a battle, and a breakdown on his or my part. I wish it was easier. However, I do appreciate your words everyday. It is very inspiring and I told my husband about them and how they help. It is like going to a counselor without having to pay an arm and a leg. Thanks again Dave.
Dave,
You help so many people and it really makes me upset for someone to think they do not have any faults. Apparently the
person that is always trying to correct you, needs to look at her own faults and if she has none, then feel justified to find fault with other people.
I have been a supporter for my son, since he was about 17 yrs. old. He is now 46 and we have been though plenty for rough times. If you are a supporter, just keep praying to do the right things with your loved one. May God bless and keep you Dave and all the rest of us.
There is one phrase in this message that brought some hope of relief to my mind–a tiny phrase toward the end that people can rebuild a relationship after an episode. I was dating someone with bipolar for about four months. About two weeks ago, he suddenly decided to disconnect from me. One day he said how much he loved me and wanted a serious relationship and the next day he sounded really depressed on the phone and then quit returning my calls or emails. He did not contact me for a week and then emailed me, saying, among other things, that I was a negative influence in his life, that he would miss me, and that he hoped we could move on. Since he had made a suicide attempt in July, missed some therapy sessions after that, and forgot to take his medication sometimes too, I don’t believe I am responsible for his depression.
I bought the Bipolar Supporter’s Course two weeks ago and see, after reading it, many ways I could have been more sensitive to his needs and perhaps helped him become more stable. He told me over the summer that he would like to have a system and a plan to be more stable, but didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know either, because I had not studied the Bipolar Supporter’s Guide yet. I care about this man very much and so I worry about him. I see a person very much in need of help, surrounded by friends and family who do not have the resources to help him. I do have the resources now, but he doesn’t want to contact me. I am new to all of this. I am hurting from the sudden loss of my really good friend, scared for his well being, and not sure if I can or should do anything. I’m very nervous even writing this email. The phrase about rebuilding a relationship gave me a tiny bit of hope that I might hear from him again. Am I being unrealistic to hope for this? People keep telling me to forget him and move on, to stay away from anyone with bipolar disorder, but I don’t want to turn my back on him. Any help, hope, or understanding would be greatly appreciated.
I’m sorry for the length of this post. I’m feeling very alone in this. I’m also afraid of being told again that I am stupid and crazy to care about him. My personal email is below if anyone wants to contact me that way.
augie.bixby2005@sbcglobal.net
I just finished reading today’s column and was impressed. Over the weekend, I watched the movie about the fireman who was trying to fix his marriage with “the list.” I agree that the things you do for one another don’t have to be overly extravagant, but you need to have your whole heart into it. Thanks for the effort you make every day in making this column happen.