Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

Lots of interesting news today.

SERIOUSLY take a look.

I am honestly dead tired this morning 🙂

But I have to get going. I still have to go to the gym as well.

Anyway, here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews408

Tragedy Focuses Spotlight on Crisis in North
DO> Wow, what do you think of this? Sad, huh?

Mental Disorders Common
DO> What are your thoughts on this?

Schools Fail at Recognizing Mental Disorders
DO> There is no question about this, don’t you agree?

28-Year-Old Lakeland Woman Missing, Needs Medication
DO> This unfortunately happens so much, don’t you think?

Specialized Canine Serves Bi-polar Partner
DO> Very interesting, article did you know this can happen?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews408

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

The other day I saw some birds flying south for the winter. No, it’s not a myth – they really do fly south for the winter!

And, come to think of it, they weren’t even really flying – they were more like gliding.

There were ten of them, all in a vee formation, flying all together, like one. It was really a beautiful sight to see.

But there was this one bird behind all the rest who wasn’t in the vee formation – who was kind of doing his own thing. And that’s what made me think of bipolar disorder.

In my courses/systems, I teach about something called the Bipolar Stability Equation, and all the parts to it:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So these birds kind of reminded me of the Bipolar Stability Equation – like all the ten birds gliding together in unison is like all the different parts of the equation all working together…

And that means stability for someone with bipolar disorder.

But the one bird not together with the other ones could be one of the parts of the equation that is out of  hack and can throw off a person’s stability.

Here’s what I’m talking about:

Ten birds, right? All flying together? And that would be stability.

So let’s list 10 things that would lead to stability (all working together) for a person with bipolar disorder:

1. Medication
2. Therapy
3. Strong support system
4. Healthy diet
5. Exercise
6. Short-term goals
7. Long-term goals
8. Productivity
9. Low stress

Now, let’s look at the stray bird. The independent bird. The one who thinks he can do things his own way.

And, for simplicity’s sake, let’s call that bird, say, sleep, because this is one of the components of stability that people don’t think is as important as the others.

So the person with bipolar disorder stops paying attention to their sleep habits.

Instead of following a good sleep regimen of 8-9 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night, they start staying up later and getting less sleep.

Then only 4 hours of sleep a night…

And the next thing you know…

They’re in a full-blown manic episode.

It doesn’t matter that the other 9 elements of the equation are still intact.

Just this one element being out of whack is enough to upset the whole apple cart and put the person into an episode.

That’s why I push the Bipolar Stability Equation so strongly –

I want you/your loved one to be stable.

But the only way to get stable and maintain that stability is to keep all the elements of it intact.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

Hope your day is going well.

I am already behind schedule and it’s only the morning.

Okay a friend of mind told me this story about when she was vacationing on the beach in Florida:

One morning, she was having coffee on her patio overlooking the beach (some vacation, huh?), and she saw this pelican fly into a tree (I didn’t even know pelicans could fly, did you?).

Anyway, this pelican got stuck in the tree. Every little while, it would flap its wings, but no go. So it would just sit there for awhile and try again, but still no go. My friend just sat there, watching this pelican…

And watching…

And watching…

Until… To hear the end of the story, scroll down…

Keep scrolling…

Almost there…
Ok, here’s what happened: After about an hour… The pelican just flew away! So here’s the question:

Was the pelican really stuck in the first place, or was it just taking a sun bath? LOL

But here was my friend’s point, and why she told me this story:

See, she’s a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, and she knows I do a lot of work with supporters.

She also knows that in my courses/systems, I teach about the difference between being a good supporter and being an enabler:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
So how does this relate to my friend and her story?

She was saying that several times when watching (what she thought was) that stuck pelican, she wanted to go over and rescue it.

Just like she wants to rescue her husband every time he gets himself “stuck.”

So her question to me, just like so many emails I get from other supporters, was this:

How do you know when you’re being a good supporter and when you’re being an enabler?

Well, I go into detail about enabling in my course, but simply put:

ENABLING is when you do something for the other person that they can (should) do for themselves. The question of whether you’re a good supporter or an enabler becomes tricky when you’re dealing with a loved one in an episode.

Do you cover for them?

Do you rescue them?

Do you “fix” the situation?

Do you try to make things easier for them?

Do you accept unacceptable behavior?

Do you tolerate things from them that you would never tolerate from anyone else?

———————————————————-

As difficult as these questions are, these could be signs of an enabler. OR…

Do you make them take responsibility for their actions?

Do you allow them to suffer the consequences of their own poor decisions and bad behavior?

Do you set limits and boundaries (and stick to them)?

Do you make it clear that you will not accept unacceptable behavior?

When they get “stuck,” do you make them get themselves out of their own jam?

———————————————————————-

As difficult as these second set of questions are, these are signs of a good supporter instead of an enabler. I know it’s hard, because you care for your loved one. But if you continue to rescue them, they’ll continue to let you.

What do you think?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope your day is going well.

Oh, yesterday I forgot to put the link into the blog message so you could type responses. Sorry about that. These days I have had to do so many things because so many people are ill in this organization it’s amazing. Two people with cancer. Another with kidney problems. Several with the flu.

Anyway, I have had to pick up the slack and it means I get little sleep : ) So again sorry.

Much of my message today I’m going to let Elisabeth tell you. She wrote me an email that pretty much spells out the story, so I’ll let her say it: “…After several weeks of taking the opportunity to hear about your experiences and the experiences of others who post on this forum, I feel far less anxiety and far less disruption from the actions of my boyfriend. In July, I was encouraged to file a Temporary Restraining Order against him due to his upsetting and erratic behavior towards me. Yes, much of it driven by his anger which I  finally took a stand against. I would like to include that as a victim of a previous traumatic experience I was very closely guided by the counselors and advocates whom I’ve depended upon in taking this type of action. I did not trust my own feelings or instincts about what was occurring which is why I contacted my counselor advocates – to get clear feedback on my perspective.

And, yes, he is angry with me for taking a stand and releasing myself from him and this relationship. I’m ok with my own life and being back on my own path again. There are some differences in my own nature and, in fact, there are a few other people with whom I’ve needed to and been able to set clearer boundaries. Persons who are close to me are enjoying, once again, my company, my smile and my self-assuring nature – and they don’t expect anything except my friendship in return. This is true validation.

Thank you for the opportunity to participate. Your feedback is always welcome.

Sincerely,
Elisabeth

——————————————————————-

Well, as you know, I’m not a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, or any other kind of medical or mental health professional, so I can’t give any kind of advice.

But Elisabeth just asked for my feedback, and that I can give.

I think we can all take a lesson from this woman, and the lesson is this: If you are a supporter there are many times you have to take a strong stand. Now, I am NOT saying to run right out and take out a restraining order on your loved one, so don’t get me wrong. Not everyone is in Elisabeth’s position (although if you are, you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself).

In my courses/systems below, I talk about setting boundaries. This is one of the things you have to do to be strong.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net

There is a difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior – between what you will tolerate from your loved one and what you will NOT tolerate.

Your loved one, like Elisabeth’s may exhibit what she called “upsetting and erratic behavior” towards you. If so, you need to take a strong stand.

And then you need to stick to those boundaries. You need to set boundaries between what you will take and what you won’t take in their treatment of you.Believe it or not, just because your loved one has a mental disorder/illness doesn’t mean you have to treat them any different than you would anyone else in a relationship. You don’t have to feel sorry for them.

And you deserve to be treated just as “normal” as you would in any other relationship.

Sometimes that means that you have to take a strong stand. Even if that means standing up to your loved one.

Some supporters won’t do this because they’re afraid they’re going to push their loved ones into a bipolar episode.

Trust me, your loved one (most likely) is not that fragile. You would’ve seen signs of that long before this.

And if they are, they’re probably just using their bipolar disorder as an excuse to treat you that way.

Don’t let them get away with poor treatment of you. Set boundaries.

Tell them how you want to be treated.

Tell them how you DON’T want to be treated.

Take a strong stand.

Then stick to your boundaries. What do you think of this all?

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

Hope things are going well with you.

Here’s a true story:

Bipolar disorder is usually diagnosed in the late teens and early 20’s, so it wasn’t a big surprise to Jessica’s mom when 22-year-old Jessica was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Even Jessica herself admitted to the doctor that she knew she had it!

The doctor prescribed medication for Jessica to take to help her with her bipolar disorder.

Then Jessica’s mom got the shock of her life –

Jessica refused the medication!

The doctor explained to Jessica what her future would be like if she didn’t take the medication, but Jessica still refused the prescription.

Her mom urged her to take the medication, and Jessica turned on her saying:

“This is who I am. If I take these drugs, I’m going to lose my personality! I’m just NOT going to do it!”

The doctor said, “Then that’s your choice.” (It wasn’t his fault she wouldn’t take it – he couldn’t force her to, since she was over 21)

Jessica’s mom said, “We’ll discuss this later.”

And Jessica said, “Why? It won’t do any good. I’m not changing my mind. I don’t need any medication. I’m fine just the way I am.”

—————————————————————

I’ve heard so many stories like this.

So many supporters, just like Jessica’s mom, have written or asked me what should they do?

And the only answer I can give is:

You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

I wish there was a better answer.

I wish I could give more encouraging news, I really do.

But even the experts will tell you that.

I go over this in my courses/systems and how you can deal with an uncooperative loved one:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Here’s another true story:

Bill was diagnosed with bipolar disorder too.

And Bill’s doctor told him that he needed medication to control his disorder.

But Bill was a prideful man, and he believed that he could control it by himself –

He didn’t need medication or doctors or anyone else.

Bill ended up losing his job, his marriage, his children, his house, his car, and all his belongings.

Bill lost everything because of his bipolar disorder.

It took losing everything for Bill to finally get help.

——————————————————————

Both of these true stories illustrate that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

But don’t lose hope!

It took losing everything, but Bill DID finally got the help he needed.

And Jessica?

She went into a manic episode so severe that she had to be hospitalized (after she was arrested).

She realized that the consequences of unmedicated bipolar disorder weren’t worth the “loss of her personality.”

Jessica, like Bill, got the help she needed, and is still stable today. The sad truth is, you really can’t force your loved one to get help if they refuse it.

But if they don’t get medication, they WILL get worse. There WILL be consequences to pay for their actions.

Then maybe those consequences will be enough to force them to get the help they need.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

Hope things are going well today.

I usually try to keep things uplifting in my messages, but I always want to be truthful, too, and not skirt the issue on serious topics.

So today I want to talk mainly to people who have bipolar disorder, and talk about the depressive side of the disorder and some things you can do about it.

There’s an ad on TV running some places right now that says, “Who does depression hurt? Everyone. Where does depression hurt? Everywhere.”

It’s true that most people experience some type of depression, (usually short-lived and situational) at some point in their lives.

It may go from just a few hours to a few days to even a few weeks. This is normal, and is very different from the type of depression that someone with bipolar disorder goes through.

Sometimes a bipolar depressive episode can last up to a few months, and can be so deep that it makes it hard for the person to function.

Let’s talk first about the “Where does depression hurt? Everywhere.” part of the ad.

There is some truth to that.

Some of the symptoms of a bipolar depressive episode can be physical symptoms.

The biggest physical symptom is fatigue.

This makes you want to sleep most of the time.

Body aches, headaches, and stomach aches are some of the other physical symptoms of depression in someone with bipolar disorder.

But for now let’s just talk about fatigue.

In my courses/systems below, I list all the signs/symptoms of bipolar disorder that may cause physical  symptoms:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Fatigue may be caused by one of the other symptoms of a bipolar depressive episode:

Loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities.

In other words, you just don’t want to get out of bed anymore.

Nothing interests you.

There’s nothing you want to do, no one you want to see, nowhere you want to go.

So why get up?

Now we’re getting to the “Who does depression hurt? Everyone.” part of the ad.

Because when your supporter sees you, day after day, lying in bed with the covers over your head, not  wanting to get out and face the world, it hurts them.

Your depression hurts your supporter very much.

It hurts them because if you hurt, your supporter hurts as well.

You may only be thinking of yourself and how much pain you’re in, but think about your supporter for just a moment.

Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Think of how helpless they feel when they see you depressed.

They hurt because they want to help you but they don’t know how.

They hurt because they have to watch you suffer.

They hurt because they know you don’t have to be this way.

They hurt because they know that this is the bipolar disorder and not the real you.

They hurt because they know that you both have a common enemy (bipolar disorder), and yet they don’t know how to destroy it to save you from this depression.

Did you hear what I said about, “They hurt because they want to help you but they don’t know how?”

That’s your responsibility.

Remember when I said at the beginning of this email that I would talk about the depressive side of the disorder and some things you can do about it?

Well, here’s some things you can do about it:

· Try to cut down on the amount of hours that you sleep.

· Get out of bed more, even if it only means going  into another room, like the living room or the kitchen.

· Spend more time with your supporter, instead of making them spend time with you (in your bedroom).

· Try to improve your attitude. Even though you’re depressed, you can do positive things such as pray, read uplifting books, watch inspirational books or TV shows, etc.

· Interact with other people. Even if you’re not up to company, you can at least talk to them on the phone or over the internet (there are even bipolar chat rooms and forums).

· Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal.

· Keep a daily mood chart.

· Talk to your loved one. Not only to share your own thoughts and feelings, but really listen to theirs as well.

· Use your creativity. Don’t let your depression stop you from doing creative things like: work in a garden, do scrapbooking, organize photos, plan for future holidays, etc.

· Keep in touch with family and friends. They are worried about you as much as your supporter is. Write letters and emails if you have to, but try to keep them positive as much as you are able. If you can’t, ask others about their lives and what is happening with them.

· Do as much for yourself as you can, so you don’t burn out your supporter.

· Take care of your own daily needs: get out of bed, get dressed, groom yourself, etc., whether you leave the house or not.

· Even though you may suffer from loss of hunger, make your own meals anyway (this will help with your  fatigue as well). Make meals for your supporter as a gesture of appreciation.

· Make an effort to leave the house occasionally on small errands, or just ride along with your supporter.

At first, these things will seem very difficult to you. Some of them you may not even be able to do. But the more you do them, the easier they will be. And the sooner your depression will lift.

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

I hope you’re having a good day.

I’m really not so far. I dropped my blender on the floor and it was glass. It shattered everywhere. While I was picking up the glass, I sliced open my finger and it started bleeding everywhere as well.

I can barely type. It’s going to take me forever to type this. But I will get it done.

Okay I was looking back at my blog responses and saw there was this one question that many people had that I wanted to address. It’s kind of an old question but better that I answer it late then never : )

I was reading a blog post that said the following:

Dave, why do you put these letters up as your daily e-mail? What is your purpose in writing the e-mails? I thought it was to give bits of information about bipolar disorder, with thoughts for bipolar supporters.

What have you taught us today? Many, many times you have written e-mails telling us about what people have said or done that make you mad. What does that teach us? Can’t you have the self-confidence to manage those things on your own? It really feels like you’re seeking praise and gratitude and reassurance from the people on your mailing list – and, boy, do you get it! With only a few exceptions, people fell all over
themselves to thank you and encourage you and praise you; many even felt so bad for you and told you not to be upset, etc., said they’d pray for you…

===============================

This was in reference to a daily email I sent out that had a response to a person that basically said really bad things to me.

This person asked why do I do this — Is it to seek praise? (Nope, but I would say hearing nice things once in a while in this field I certainty don’t reject:)) As a side note, I challenge anyone to do what I have done. I really do. Start something like this. Take no salary. Do it for YEARS. Hire those with the disorders that are on your list. Create all the systems. Build a team, etc.

Anyway back to my point. I do it to show people what people who are NOT on medication can and probably will do. These types of emails which I will certainly post every now and then TEACH LESSONS.

If you don’t think so, ask yourself this question:

If up to 20% of the people who have bipolar disorder and are not on medication commit suicide, why is that?

Probably because they didn’t even know what there were capable of doing when not following the right treatment plan.

So, yes, I post emails like this. And yes, I talk about your loved one sticking to their treatment plan so they will not be like one of these statistics.

I’ve also been accused in emails like this of “pushing” and “soft-selling” my courses/systems to you through these emails.

Well, I usually am not in the business of defending myself, but I’ll tell you why I do it (obviously it’s not to get rich, because I’m certainly NOT rich!). It’s so people can LEARN.

So people don’t write emails like the one this guy wrote me.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I want people to be informed about bipolar disorder.

I want their loved ones to be informed about bipolar disorder.

I am in the business to help people with bipolar disorder.

And part of that is to post negative emails so people can see what happens when people with bipolar disorder go off their medication and don’t follow a good treatment plan, which is what I advocate and what I teach in my courses/systems.

So even when I get negative emails, even when they cut me down, or say terrible, horrible things about me and/or my work (which they do, unfortunately), sometimes I do post them so you can see what can happen to your loved one – so you can see how very, very important it is, as a supporter, for you to help your loved one to stay on their medication and follow their treatment plan.

You don’t want them to become one of these people, do you?

I’m sorry I had to send you this email. Normally it’s not my philosophy to defend myself against negative emails.

But I wanted you to know so I could TEACH you something.

So I could WARN you.

I hope you understand now.

Don’t worry, I do get many more positive emails than negative ones. It took me like 1.5 hours to type this. Okay, I am heading to the gym now. Catch you later on.

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.

Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you are doing well.

Here is today’s news.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews407

Over-medicating for Mood Disorders
DO> What do you think of this?

Hundreds Mourn Web Suicide Student
DO> This is REALLY sad, don’t you think?

Study: Mental Illnesses Predict RepeatOffenders
DO> Hmm. This is interesting.

IU Team Maps Likely Bipolar Genes
DO> This is an amazing breakthrough

Holiday Help Offered For Families WithMental Illness
DO> This great.

About Half of College-Aged Had PsychiatricDisorders
DO> I have been saying this forever and a day.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews407

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for allaspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp

David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.