Hi,
Last night I was working on some stuff around 1:30am EST. I got
a phone call and guess what? I picked it up. The woman on the
line was really shocked that it was me. I think she must have
thought she was calling into a HUGE giant call center.
Actually many people who work for me say that I need
to stop answer the phone at all hours and that I need
to take more time off. Which I will be doing soon but
that’s another story (Pascale, figured out a way to travel like
a celebrity and save up to 80% off the costs that normally
would be incurred. Pascale is smart like that).
Anyway, the woman wanted to get my course at:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
But she had some questions.
We got to talking as I finished up my stuff. I was actually
working on podcasting which I believe I FINALLY figured out.
(Keep reading for how you can hear my podcast.)
Actually I am lying, I didn’t figure it out 2 other people
figured it out and told me how to do it. I am VERY proud
of the fact I didn’t waste my time figuring it out.
Bipolar lesson: If you can get some else to figure out something
related to bipolar disorder faster, than get him/her to do
so.
Podcasting is a complicated term that when it’s all said
and done simply means putting audio on the internet so you
can hear it. I am going to be doing or making f.r.e.e podcasts
regularly. See below.
Well back to the lady that called. She was talking about
her situation and eventually she had mentioned that she
was being destroyed being a caregiver of someone with
bipolar disorder.
I listened and then she placed an order for my course. It got
me to thinking about a number of things.
There was a guy that was on my list who vanished. Here’s
what happen. He had someone he was supporting with bipolar
disorder. It was his son.
He told me he did everything that he could to support his
son but it was killing him. He said that he was going to
die supporting his son. I was like “What?” He explained
that he had gone from being in great shape, strong, mentally
well, financially independent to being in horrible shape,
not mentally well, completely broke, depressed, on anti
depressants, full of anxiety, on anxiety medication, no
sex drive, etc. etc. etc.
Just think of something bad and he had it. I felt really
bad for him. I spent hours on the phone trying to make him
feel better. I offered solution after solution to every problem
he had from how he could get a car with b.ad c.r.e.d.i.t to how
he could create m.oney fast to be able to retire.
He had almost given up. He also did get my course. I use
to have him call me on my cell so I could see how he was doing
this was back in the day when I had more time and there weren’t
80,000 subscribers on my list.
Eventually his son started doing well. He found a great doctor
and therapist. The doctor almost had the meds perfect. His
son was really stable. No more screaming and yelling.
Then for a while I didn’t hear from him. I called and called
all his numbers and eventually his wife picked up and said he
had a heart attack.
He was not doing okay but his wife said that he “probably” would
make it. To make a long story short, he did and got out of the
hospital, his son was doing well, but he lost virtually everything,
including his wife. She went on to file for divorce.
I am not sure what happen to him. If you are reading this and
you are the person that I am talking about please call me on
my cell. It’s been a looooooooooooong time since I heard from him.
It’s at this point, I created the term “Pyrrhic care taking” which is
when you support someone with an illness like bipolar disorder,
borderline personality disorder, or schizophrenia and you finally help
the person become stable and do well. You win the battle so to
speak, but the victory (getting them stable and doing well) is so difficult, you destroy yourself in the process.
Here is what I see caregivers of those with bipolar disorder:
lose their marriage or the person they are dating
gain tons of weight
lose tons of weight
have to start taking antidepressants, anxiety or other medications
Get depressed
Have no hope
Start to look really pale
Stop shaving (woman included)
Never have fun
Never do anything outside of supporting their loved one
Ignore friends
Forget about other family members
Etc.
You get the idea. If you have no idea what I am talking about that’s
great. But read this carefully and don’t let it happen to you.
When I was supporting my mom, here’s what happen to me. I started
off 221 pounds 8% body fat. A average person is probably 16 to 18%
body fat. I am not telling you this to brag but to illustrate
a point.
When was my mom was at her worst, I went from 221 to 191. Think about
it, if I am already 8% at 221, what percent body fat was I at 191? I
went from eating 6 times a day to eating ONCE every other day. I never
did my body fat at 191 but obviously it was DANGEROUSLY low.
I was battling bill collectors, my brother, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), my mom’s doctors, hospital officials, my dad about not giving
my mom any more money to spend, paying my mom’s bills with little money,
trying to find new doctors, handle my mom’s d.e.b.t problems, looking
for a therapist, etc. etc.
I stopped doing anything fun. I never went out. I never went to the
movies. I didn’t speak to one of my best friends for 9 straight months.
I didn’t return phone calls to people. I had one focus which was to
help my mom. I forgot about everybody and everything else.
I got virtually no sleep. I went to bed stressed I woke up stressed.
I had nightmares almost every night.
I let my businesses go. I lost a ton of m.oney doing that.
At one point. I felt like I was going to have a stroke. Eventually
I started to figure it all out which eventually which was put into
my three courses/systems:
FOR THE ADULT SUPPORTER
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
FOR THE SUPPORT OF CHILDREN
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/
FOR THE PERSON WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER
http://www.survivebipolar.net/
I am lucky that I made it. There were supporters on my list that
didn’t. The care giving cost them too much.
If you have gone through these courses, you can clearly see that I put a lot of effort into them. I cover virtually EVERYTHING you need to know.
Some write me if this is a scam. Which is such a dumb question. How in
the world would I know all this stuff if it’s a scam? I must say I get
annoyed when people write or ask me this. I mean you could ask, “Will
this help me” which is an intelligent question but “Is this a scam” is
dumb.
If someone was running a scam, and again I am obviously not, would
you write or call and ask them? Anyway, let me get back on track.
The bottom line is this. Don’t let being a supporter kill you like
the sad story I told you about.
Hey I have to take off to the gym. Oh, remember how I told you
I had to pay the kid next door to me to help me get the snow out of the
drive way. Many of you emailed me to ask why I paid him if his mom
would make him do it for f.r.e.e? Because it’s the right thing
to do and he worked harder getting paid–just like most doctors
and therapists will. So pay when you can.
Also, I heard that his mom got mad at him for taking money from me.
I have to head over to his mom and explain that I offered it and I want
to give it to him. She should commend him. He started a kind of
b.usiness–emergency snow removal.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. If you need my course on how to get out of d.e.b.t faster from bipolar disorder visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/debtletter
P.S.S. Here is more information from Wikipedia, the f.ree encyclopedia:
The phrase Pyrrhic Victory “is an allusion to King Pyrrhus of Epirus, whose army suffered irreplaceable casualties when he defeated the Romans during the Pyrrhic War at Heraclea in 280 BC and Asculum in 279 BC. After the latter battle, Plutarch relates in a report by Dionysius:
“The armies separated; and, it is said, Pyrrhus replied to one that gave him joy of his victory that one more such victory would utterly undo him. For he had lost a great part of the forces he brought with him, and almost all his particular friends and principal commanders; there were no others there to make recruits, and he found the confederates in Italy backward.
On the other hand, as from a fountain continually flowing out of the city, the Roman camp was quickly and plentifully filled up with fresh men, not at all abating in courage for the loss they sustained, but even from their very anger gaining new force and resolution to go on with the war.” [1]
In both of Pyrrhus’s victories, the Romans lost more men than Pyrrhus did. However, the Romans had a much larger supply of men from which to draw soldiers and their losses did less to their war effort than Pyrrhus’s losses did to his.
The report is often quoted as “Another such victory over the Romans and we are undone”. While it is most closely associated with a military battle, the term is used by analogy in fields such as business, politics, law, and sport to describe any similar struggle which is ruinous for the victor.”