Hi, I hope you’re doing well today and having a good day.

Do you know someone who is a “Blamer?” They blame everything going against them for their troubles, and they complain to anyone who will listen.

It’s not comfortable to be around this type of person, is it?

Many people with bipolar disorder and their supporters want to blame someone for their trouble. They blame doctors. They blame the government. They blame hospital staff. They blame their parents. They blame their friends. They blame their boss. They blame their co-workers.

BUT…

Do you know who is really to blame? YOU ARE.

You must take responsibility for yourself and your own problems.

You are NOT a victim! Oh, you can have a victim mentality, but just try to see how far that gets you with your or your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

NOWHERE.

You will still have the same problems tomorrow that you have today.

It is not your family’s responsibility to solve your problems. It is not your friends’ responsibility to solve your problems. It is not your boss’s responsibility to solve your problems. It is YOUR responsibility to solve your problems.

You can’t just go around blaming others, expecting them to do something to help you. Sometimes you have to be your own help.

If you are struggling with bipolar disorder, if you have it, I mean, and you are having problems with it, get some help. Like if your medication isn’t working right, and/or you feel manic or depressed. Call your doctor for help – they won’t automatically “sense” that you need help. You need to reach out and tell someone so they can help you.

If you are a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, it’s the same thing. You can ask for help, too. But you CANNOT just do NOTHING… And then put the blame on someone else. YOU are responsible for finding solutions to your problems.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews533/

Here are the news headlines:

Company with a Conscience: Participant Media’s Social Action Campaign
DO> Wow, great article, take a look.

Psychotherapeutic Treatment can Cure Cyclothymic Disorder
DO> Very interesting article, take a look.

Slim Evidence Supporting Drug [Abilify] as Bipolar Maintenance Therapy
DO>Wow, what do you think of this?

Drug Addiction: Stigma Paints it as a Choice, Not a Mental Illness
DO> Do you think it’s a mental illness or choice?

Kids of Bipolar Parents more Susceptible to Stress
DO> Isn’t this obvious?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews533/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting: http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I want to talk about bubble gum. Yep. You read it correctly – bubble gum! Before you think I’ve gone crazy… I know you’re asking yourself, what does bubble gum have to do with bipolar disorder? Well, I’ll tell you: Remember that old song, “Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?” Well, whether you know the song or not, the idea is that after chewing bubble gum for awhile, it gets stale, doesn’t it? It loses its flavor, and it gets stale, and you have to throw it out.

Now here comes the bipolar disorder part. The truth is that after awhile, the things you’ve tried to help your loved one to stay stable with their bipolar disorder just get old. They get stale, just like bubble gum. What do you do with bubble gum when it gets stale?

You do one of two things:

1. You throw it out.

2. You get a fresh piece.

So that’s my point.

When what you’re doing with your loved one isn’t working any more, think about that bubble

gum, and take a lesson from it. Either stop doing what you’re doing that isn’t working any more… Or try something “fresh” – something new!

If you only do one thing over and over again, and if it doesn’t work, (it gets “stale” like the

bubble gum), it’s certainly NOT going to help your loved one get any better. And it’s not going to help you, either. You have to try something new. You can do it! Think of something you’ve not ever tried before. Think of new ideas. Talk to other supporters – maybe they’ve tried

things that you haven’t. But whatever you do, it has to be something you haven’t tried before.

Like…How about surprising your loved one with a “reward” for “good behavior”? Cook them their favorite meal. Take them out to their favorite restaurant. Go out to the movies. Or rent their favorite video and stay in, popping some popcorn to go with it. Visit some friends or family. Go to a museum or art gallery. Go shopping and let them buy something they want.

Just something “fresh,” something new. I’m sure you can come up with some good ideas, can’t you?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You know, so much of the material written about bipolar disorder centers around the person with the disorder and their happiness. There really isn’t a lot written about the supporter and their own happiness, is there?

Today’s subject is about how you deserve your own happiness too, and you shouldn’t have to put

it aside just because your loved one has bipolar disorder. DON’T!

You spend a lot of time as a supporter, and one of the problems with when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder is that you can get caught up in your loved one’s struggle with their own management of the disorder and your helping them with it. DON’T!

They may have a problem with their mood swings and their own happiness because of it, but you

should not let this affect your own happiness, as hard as this might be, just because of being their

supporter.

You should still do things that make you happy, like:

• Hobbies

• Doing things you enjoy

• Doing things that make you feel good

• Taking care of your own needs

• Going out with friends

• Going to the movies

• Reading

• Watching videos that your loved one

may not want to watch with you

• Doing things by yourself

• Going shopping

• Spending time with your own family

• Spending time away from your loved one

• Taking a break from your loved one

• Taking a mini-vacation from your loved one

• Having a job outside the home

Just being around your loved one 24/7 will not help you and your own mental health at all – you may get so caught up in their world of bipolar disorder that you might become as sick as they are! DON’T!

You have a right to your own happiness. Don’t delay that happiness! You really need to keep a life separate from your loved one, for your own sake. You have to hold onto your own happiness! Grab it right now!

Take some time for R and R (rest and relaxation). Even combat soldiers do that! Don’t stress yourself out by giving all your energy to your loved one – save some for yourself as well. Giving all your time and energy to your loved one will make you stressed out and sick. And you don’t want that, do you? DON’T!

Also, don’t try to be your loved one’s therapist. They should have their own therapist. They should be telling their therapist their problems, and not dumping them on you or taking out their problems on you, just because you are there!

Because your loved one has bipolar disorder, they may get depressed and may try to “take you down” with them when they are in that phase of their disorder. They may want to use you as a shoulder to cry on, which might steal your own happiness. Remember, don’t act like their

therapist. DON’T!

Again, you should not be their enabler, either, or that will steal your own happiness as well. You should not be doing things for them that they can do for themselves. So don’t be your loved one’s enabler, or you will be robbing yourself of your own happiness. DON’T!

You deserve a life of your own. You deserve to be happy. You deserve an identity of your own outside your relationship with your loved one with bipolar disorder . Don’t get so caught up in their disorder and their problems that you lose yourself in it/them. DON’T!

Don’t delay your own happiness. Take charge of it beginning right now! Don’t let bipolar disorder steal your happiness! DON’T!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a good week.

You know, I got an email from someone saying, “I am a Bipolar Sufferer….” and it bothered me. What she wrote in the email is not important for this message, but the introduction is.

I thought to myself “bipolar sufferer?” Do you have to suffer from bipolar disorder? I asked myself. Does everyone who has it suffer from bipolar disorder?

Then I thought about it.

No, in my opinion, everyone who has bipolar disorder does not necessarily suffer. I know my mom no longer does. Nobody that works for me with bipolar disorder suffers any more. Once you or your loved one reach stability, I believe the “suffering” part is over.

On the other hand, just using the term “sufferer” is probably a misnomer.

In general, we say people are suffering. For example, we may say, “They are “suffering from the flu,” or something as trivial as that (not that the flu is trivial, just when compared to something like bipolar disorder).

So we need to define “suffering.”

One of the ways that Webster’s dictionary defines suffer is: “to submit to or be forced to endure.” Another is: “to endure, death, pain, or distress.” And another: “to be subject to disability or handicap.”

According to these definitions, I can see how someone undiagnosed or newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder might truly suffer. But as they begin to recover, I believe the suffering lessens.

I think it also has to do with your attitude. Like whether you feel that you are in control, or the disorder is in control. For example: How you talk to your loved one with bipolar disorder and how you talk to yourself is really important. Watch the wording you use.

Like this woman in the email. If you think of yourself as a bipolar sufferer or your loved one as suffering from bipolar disorder, doesn’t that make it a very negative thing? Even something that can’t be defeated? Or recovered from? Don’t you think things will be far worse if you think of it in terms of suffering?

A couple of those definitions made it sound like a horrible thing, to suffer. And it is. But do you have to suffer if you have or are dealing with bipolar disorder?

On the other hand, let’s look at the term “recover.”

Webster’s dictionary defines it as: “to get back, to regain…” “to find or identify again…” “to bring back to normal position or condition…” “to save from loss and restore to usefulness.”

Do you see how these definitions are so much more positive? If you concentrate on recovery more than suffering, you will have a much easier time of it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re having a good day.

You know, my brother and I couldn’t be any more different. Not just physically, but I think psychologically, too. He looks at things negatively, while I choose to look at things positively.

That’s why I think he couldn’t handle my mom’s bipolar disorder like I (eventually) could. I also think that’s why he has so many more problems than I do.

It’s all in the way you look at things, I think. Like one person may look at something as impossible…While someone else might say, “The impossible just takes a little longer.” One person may look at something as a problem…While the other person looks at it as a challenge.

If you think about it, as the way I’m saying… You have the power of choice. You can choose the way you react to something. You can choose your attitude: You can choose to look at things

in a negative way or in a positive way. It’s your choice. And your choice affects how you look at things.

So let’s look at bipolar disorder. You can say, “My loved one suffers from bipolar disorder.” Or you can say, “My loved one is recovering from bipolar disorder.” Which do you think is the better way of looking at it? Do you see how even your choice of words reflects how you look at something?

If you look at a situation confronting you and call it a problem, that’s looking at it negatively (especially if you don’t have good problem-solving skills). On the other hand, if you look at it

as a challenge to overcome, you are looking at it in a more positive way. And chances are, you will conquer that challenge and even grow from it.

How does your loved one look at things? If they are negative about things, it can keep them sick. At its worst, a negative attitude can even cause them to go into a bipolar depressive episode. Whereas, if they think positively, they can recover from bipolar disorder faster.

They have to have an “I can do it” type of mentality to overcome the challenges of bipolar disorder, and so do you. You cannot defeat something that you don’t believe you can defeat.

But you CAN defeat something if you have it in your mind that you can.

Like the saying, “If you believe it, you can achieve it.”

Do you see the difference? Because the difference is what will determine the outcome.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews532/

Here are the news headlines:

Genetic Risk of Suicide in Bipolar Disorder
DO> Very, interesting article, take a look.

Selena Gomez Jokes About Bipolar Disorder — Was She Dissing Demi Lovato?
DO> What do you think about this?

Mental Health: Myth and Facts about Medications for Mental Illness
DO> Interesting, take a look.

Student Intern uses Art to Uplift Patients at St. Mary’s Warrick Hospital
DO> Great inspiring article, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews532/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting: http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.

I heard an expression the other day that I wanted to share with you: “Unless you change how you are, you’ll always have what you’ve got.”

Too many people with bipolar disorder and their supporters get to the point that they take their

condition for granted. In other words, they stop being vigilant with bipolar. They get in a rut.

Nothing’s bad, but nothing’s really good, either. Just a kind of “in between” state, where nothing changes.

Like another expression I’ve heard: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

Think about it. Whether you have bipolar disorder or are supporting a loved one with it, this can apply to you. But you don’t have to stay that way. As a matter of fact, staying that way can really go against you. You have to continually maintain stability and change what needs to be changed in order to do that. Even if what needs to be changed is yourself. Nobody can do that for you – you have to do it for yourself.

Other people may notice what needs to be changed – they might even tell you what needs to be

changed. But it’s up to you whether you take their advice. You are the one who, in the end,

has to do the work.

There are some things you have control over, and other things you don’t. You don’t have control over the fact that you or your loved one has bipolar disorder. Therefore, you can’t change it.

But you can change how you react to it.

First of all, you need to change the way you think about the disorder in relation to yourself: Instead of saying, “I am bipolar,” try saying, “I have bipolar.” There is a big difference.

In the first case, you’re identifying with the disorder, and it can have control over you instead of the other way around, because you believe it is what you ARE.

In the second case, you are acknowledging that you have this disorder, but you are in control of

it instead of it being in control over you, because you believe it is what you HAVE (and not who

you are).

The difference is knowing who you are outside the disorder, and it can make a big difference in

how you think about yourself.

You know how I like expressions that apply to bipolar disorder. Here’s another one that applies

to what I’m talking about: “We can have more than we’ve got because we can become more than

we are.”

Can you see how that applies to bipolar disorder?

It’s all in how you think about yourself.

You don’t have to let the bipolar disorder dictate who you are.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Whether you are the supporter or the loved one,

YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS:

Never wish you were somewhere else.

Haven’t you ever heard that old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are?” In other words, it doesn’t help to try to run from your problems, whether literally or just in your head. You can’t wish your problems away. You have to deal with them. I know it’s hard. I have to do it too. (Try being me for a day! LOL)

But NEVER wish you were somewhere else. “Somewhere else” has its problems there, too. Because, “Wherever you go, there you are.” And so are your problems. They’re still in your

head. A supporter doesn’t stop being a supporter just because they’re not home with their loved one. Running away doesn’t help. And neither does wishing you were somewhere else.

I know it’s hard dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And sometimes you’d rather be somewhere else doing something else (anything else). But it doesn’t help to think that way. In fact, you better NOT think that way, because it will only get you into trouble. You have to face reality. You have to deal with what’s in front of you, good AND bad.

And there are ways to do that:

1. Remain positive

2. Be proactive

3. Maintain contact with friends

4. Maintain contact with family

5. Take care of yourself

6. Journal your thoughts and feelings

7. Exercise (it gets out your frustration)

8. See your own therapist

9. Take up a hobby

10. Go places without your loved one

These are just some suggestions. I’m sure you can think of some of your own if you try.

Another thing is that you have to separate yourself from your loved one. You have your own identity outside your loved one and outside their disorder. Make sure you remember that! Also, try to separate your loved one from their disorder. I know that’s hard sometimes, especially because you have to live with them every day, but you have to try to do it anyway.

Some people do this by looking through old photo albums or scrapbooks and remembering what their loved one was like before the disorder. Other people keep in mind what their loved one is

like when they’re not in an episode (and they’re grateful for that!).

But whatever, always keep in mind NOT to think about being somewhere else – it will ruin your trying to stay “in the moment.” You may not be in the best “moment” of your life at the moment, but at least you’ll be dealing with reality. And that’s the important thing.

When people who are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder get off too much into the “I wish” type of thinking, they begin to resent their reality, and what they’re having to truly deal with. Then they begin to have other problems with their loved one and their relationship, besides

the bipolar disorder.

It’s hard enough dealing with things as they are. It’s even harder to try to deal with things with the interfering thoughts of how you would like them to be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

You’ve probably heard of the concept of doing things “One Day at a Time,” right? Many people have. In fact, many people, bipolar or not, live their lives that way. Twelve step programs have One Day at a Time built into their programs, too, and people follow that. Why? Because it works. Many people can’t handle things any other way. If they try to take things more than One Day at a Time, they get stressed out or overwhelmed. That’s the truth.

But today I want to talk about something similar. I want to talk about those people who even get stressed out and overwhelmed trying to take things One Day at a Time. For those people, I would recommend an Amish saying that I heard, that goes, “Do Ye Next Thing.”

That means you don’t even have to go as far as taking things one whole day at a time – you just worry about what’s in front of you at the moment, and deal with that. Instead of being overwhelmed by everything at once, you only take one thing at a time and deal with that. It works really well when you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder.

Because their moods can shift so quickly and so often, sometimes you never know what you’re going to be dealing with at any given time. Their behavior can be so unpredictable. And that can be very frustrating. If you try to deal with their bipolar behavior as a whole, it can become overwhelming for you. But if you try the “Do Ye Next Thing” method, it might simplify things for you, and take away some of that stress.

For example, say your loved one is depressed. Your first reaction might be, “Oh no, they’re in another bipolar depressive episode again.” Whoa! Slow down! Just because they’re depressed does NOT mean they’re in a full-blown episode (at least not yet). Remember “Do Ye Next Thing.” Deal with what’s in front of you. Try to communicate with your loved one. Maybe there is a reason for their depression.

There is something called situational depression. In this case, there is something that happens that directly causes the depression, and when the situation is over, the depression goes away.

I know one case where this woman had bipolar disorder, and her young son had moved back home temporarily, causing her to get depressed. As soon as he moved out again, she stopped being depressed! It was a situational depression, not a bipolar depressive episode.

Her supporter still got her to see her psychiatrist, and she still did need a short-term medication adjustment, so they didn’t ignore it, but at least she didn’t have to go to the hospital or anything.

That’s because they used the “Do Ye Next Thing” method of coping. They dealt with just what was in front of them and nothing more. They didn’t make more out of it than there was. They didn’t panic or get stressed or overwhelmed, as many people would have in the same situation.

It could be the same with your own loved one’s bipolar behaviors. Just because they exhibit one bipolar behavior does NOT necessarily mean that they’re going into a full-blown bipolar episode.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you should still be watching for signs and symptoms of an episode so that you can catch one early, but don’t overreact, either.

Just deal with what’s in front of you to deal with. The “Do Ye Next Thing” method helps you to do that.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave