Hi,

Whether you are the supporter or the loved one,

YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS:

Never wish you were somewhere else.

Haven’t you ever heard that old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are?” In other words, it doesn’t help to try to run from your problems, whether literally or just in your head. You can’t wish your problems away. You have to deal with them. I know it’s hard. I have to do it too. (Try being me for a day! LOL)

But NEVER wish you were somewhere else. “Somewhere else” has its problems there, too. Because, “Wherever you go, there you are.” And so are your problems. They’re still in your

head. A supporter doesn’t stop being a supporter just because they’re not home with their loved one. Running away doesn’t help. And neither does wishing you were somewhere else.

I know it’s hard dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And sometimes you’d rather be somewhere else doing something else (anything else). But it doesn’t help to think that way. In fact, you better NOT think that way, because it will only get you into trouble. You have to face reality. You have to deal with what’s in front of you, good AND bad.

And there are ways to do that:

1. Remain positive

2. Be proactive

3. Maintain contact with friends

4. Maintain contact with family

5. Take care of yourself

6. Journal your thoughts and feelings

7. Exercise (it gets out your frustration)

8. See your own therapist

9. Take up a hobby

10. Go places without your loved one

These are just some suggestions. I’m sure you can think of some of your own if you try.

Another thing is that you have to separate yourself from your loved one. You have your own identity outside your loved one and outside their disorder. Make sure you remember that! Also, try to separate your loved one from their disorder. I know that’s hard sometimes, especially because you have to live with them every day, but you have to try to do it anyway.

Some people do this by looking through old photo albums or scrapbooks and remembering what their loved one was like before the disorder. Other people keep in mind what their loved one is

like when they’re not in an episode (and they’re grateful for that!).

But whatever, always keep in mind NOT to think about being somewhere else – it will ruin your trying to stay “in the moment.” You may not be in the best “moment” of your life at the moment, but at least you’ll be dealing with reality. And that’s the important thing.

When people who are supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder get off too much into the “I wish” type of thinking, they begin to resent their reality, and what they’re having to truly deal with. Then they begin to have other problems with their loved one and their relationship, besides

the bipolar disorder.

It’s hard enough dealing with things as they are. It’s even harder to try to deal with things with the interfering thoughts of how you would like them to be.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave