Bipolar: Can’t Do This Too Fast

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about something, and wanted to share my thoughts with you. It’s about what happens when you try to accomplish too much too fast. Think about it. When you try to accomplish too much too fast, you are just setting yourself up for failure, because you’ll never be able to do it. It can also get very discouraging for you. Also, if you don’t know how long something should take, you can start to think it’s taking too long.

For example, after an episode. It could take up to a year to fully “fix” the after effects of an episode. Like the financial ruin – you can’t fix a bankruptcy in just two weeks! But some people think you can just do it overnight! We don’t rush the stroke victim or even the cancer victim, why do we rush the victim of bipolar disorder? Thinking that they should be over an episode

after just a week or two is just plain unrealistic expectations. Would we have that same expectation if they were getting over a physical illness? Then why are we expecting it from a bipolar episode?

I have interviewed people who are success stories, and they talk about how long it took them sometimes to fully recover from some of their episodes, and some of them say it took a whole year, and some even longer! There are certain things in life that take a certain amount of time to happen. It’s just the way it has to be.

Think about things in nature. Like the butterfly – it starts off as a caterpillar…then it goes into a cocoon… and only after a certain period of time does it change (through the process of metamorphosis) into that beautiful butterfly! It just doesn’t happen overnight. And if you interrupt it at any point in the chain of events, the whole thing would be ruined! Some things just can’t be rushed. Other things just have to take place in a certain order. And still other things have to take place at a certain time.

Wanting your loved one who has bipolar disorder to get over their episode overnight is like wanting them to be that beautiful butterfly without going through the cocoon phase! Some things are just worth waiting for. You just have to be more patient sometimes. Part of being a good supporter is being patient and understanding. And this is one of those areas where that patience and understanding will be tried.

It helps to know the process. For one thing, your loved one didn’t get this way overnight, and they aren’t going to get better overnight, either. But they will be putting forth the effort to get

better, and they will need your love, patience, support, and understanding as they go through

the process of getting better. So understanding that it is a process might help you as well.

Your loved one won’t get better overnight, but the good news is that, working together with you

by their side, they can get better.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar: Can’t Do This Too Fast

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about something, and wanted to share my thoughts with you. It’s about what happens when you try to accomplish too much too fast. Think about it. When you try to accomplish too much too fast, you are just setting yourself up for failure, because you’ll never be able to do it. It can also get very discouraging for you. Also, if you don’t know how long something should take, you can start to think it’s taking too long.

For example, after an episode. It could take up to a year to fully “fix” the after effects of an episode. Like the financial ruin – you can’t fix a bankruptcy in just two weeks! But some people think you can just do it overnight! We don’t rush the stroke victim or even the cancer victim, why do we rush the victim of bipolar disorder? Thinking that they should be over an episode

after just a week or two is just plain unrealistic expectations. Would we have that same expectation if they were getting over a physical illness? Then why are we expecting it from a bipolar episode?

I have interviewed people who are success stories, and they talk about how long it took them sometimes to fully recover from some of their episodes, and some of them say it took a whole year, and some even longer! There are certain things in life that take a certain amount of time to happen. It’s just the way it has to be.

Think about things in nature. Like the butterfly – it starts off as a caterpillar…then it goes into a cocoon… and only after a certain period of time does it change (through the process of metamorphosis) into that beautiful butterfly! It just doesn’t happen overnight. And if you interrupt it at any point in the chain of events, the whole thing would be ruined! Some things just can’t be rushed. Other things just have to take place in a certain order. And still other things have to take place at a certain time.

Wanting your loved one who has bipolar disorder to get over their episode overnight is like wanting them to be that beautiful butterfly without going through the cocoon phase! Some things are just worth waiting for. You just have to be more patient sometimes. Part of being a good supporter is being patient and understanding. And this is one of those areas where that patience and understanding will be tried.

It helps to know the process. For one thing, your loved one didn’t get this way overnight, and they aren’t going to get better overnight, either. But they will be putting forth the effort to get

better, and they will need your love, patience, support, and understanding as they go through

the process of getting better. So understanding that it is a process might help you as well.

Your loved one won’t get better overnight, but the good news is that, working together with you

by their side, they can get better.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar Supporter, What Would You Say?

Hi, how’s it going? I hope you’re having a good day.

I got this response to one of my blog posts, and wanted to share it with you to get your comments on it.

Eric says:

“Hello,question for you,my wife has been diagnosed with bipolar, I suffer from extreme depression and anxity and fibromyalgia,How can I be an effective supporter to her when I have my own issues to deal with.I love my wife with all my heart,but she thinks i should be able to focus on her issues 24-7 when its hard enough for me to concentrate on just getting out of bed because i hurt so much and face a day i know is going to be hard, I would die for my wife but I just dont know what to do at this point any suggestions HELP!!!!!!!!!! Eric”

First of all, it makes things more difficult when both of you suffer from depression. Then, his physical condition complicates things even further. It sounds to me like he feels he can’t share his feelings with his wife, and might need to be reminded that she is not a mind-reader – she only knows what he tells her.

I know that may sound harsh and non-understanding, but think about it – She could be totally unaware of how he feels (physically and emotionally) if he doesn’t tell her. Too often, supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves and don’t share them with their loved one. This can lead to negative feelings on the part of the supporter,

because they just “stuff” their feelings, and when you do that, they will eventually overflow and

come out in some way, like getting angry and fighting. You need to share your feelings with your loved one in a way that they can understand.

Eric asks how he can be an effective supporter when he has his own issues to deal with. First of all, there is neither a simple nor an easy answer to that. I do commend him for wanting to be a good supporter in spite of what he is facing, though. But unless and until he learns to deal with his own problems, the truth is that he can’t be a good supporter to his wife and her problems. He just won’t have enough energy, both mentally and physically.

I’m always telling supporters to take care of themselves first, or they won’t be any good to their loved ones. This is true, but you still need to communicate well with them. You can’t expect them to understand what you don’t explain.

If you are feeling resentful, as it sounds like Eric is, you need to find a way to share this with your loved one, in a loving and non-threatening way. I’m sure Eric is a good supporter most of the time. But he could say to his wife something like, “I love you, but I’m afraid I can’t see to your needs right now because I’m dealing with my own.” And then share what he is going through, because she should be his supporter as well, and might just need a little direction.

What do you think? What would you say to this man?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Current Bipolar News

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews519/

Here are the news headlines:

Christians And Mental Illness: Our Experience With Bipolar Disorder
DO> Great article, take a look.

Health Tip: Symptoms That May Indicate Bipolar Disorder
DO> Interesting.

FCC Offers Options for Coping with Mental Illness
DO> Great article, take a look.

Stephen Fry – Fry Receives Honorary Doctorate
DO> Wow this is great, he is a very good person.

Wife seeks $34 Million from Newport Beach after Husband Hangs Himself in Jail
DO> Do you think this is too much money?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews519/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar: Do This Each Day

Hi,

I just interviewed a very nice man about his bipolar disorder, and there was something I gleaned from our interview that I wanted to share with you. I was asking him about what he does to keep

himself stable with his bipolar disorder. He named off several things. Then he said that he does something creative every day. He does something creative every day to keep himself stable. That really struck me as interesting, because I haven’t heard that before.

When I ask that question in an interview, I’m used to hearing things like eating right, sleeping right, exercising, keeping busy, and things like that…But doing something creative every day? No, I’d never heard that one before. It definitely piqued my interest. Especially because I know this man to be a very stable man. So this doing something creative every day must really work!

So I did a little research into it.

Patty Duke is probably the most famous actress with bipolar disorder, because she wrote about it in a book about herself and her struggle with it. And, for those of us who can remember her

acting on the TV, there is no disputing her creativity.

Jim Carey is a famous actor who is still acting today, who also has bipolar disorder. If you saw him in his role as the Riddler in the Batman movie, or several of his other roles, like The Mask, you know how creative he can be.

Robert Downey Jr., lately of Iron Man fame, is definitely a creative actor, but who also has bipolar disorder.

Carrie Fisher was very creative in her role in Star Wars, but she also suffers from bipolar disorder.

And Robin Williams, whose creative comedy and acting (Mrs. Doubtfire) has sometimes been

declared “insane,” also has bipolar disorder.

But bipolar disorder and creativity going hand in hand in famous people is not just limited to

actors and actresses, nor is it limited only to people who are alive today. In my research I discovered that Ludwig von Beethoven and Vincent van Gogh were believed to have had bipolar disorder as well.

Even Jimi Hendrix, that very famous creative rock musician was believed to have had bipolar

disorder.

So there are many, many creative famous people, in the present and in the past, who have (or have had) bipolar disorder.

But what this man said was to do something creative every day – not that you have to necessarily BE a creative person to begin with.

Think about it.

There are many ways to be creative.

Even in therapy, they have used creativity to help people with bipolar disorder, ways in which the person can continue to help themselves even after the therapy is discontinued – such as art and music therapy. Now, they don’t require that you be a famous artist or musician to partake of this type of therapy, but just that you let your creativity shine through, and that you make the effort.

So maybe your loved one’s way to do something creative each day might involve art or music.

The ways they can be creative are limited only by their imagination!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Letter of Apology about my email on Bipolar Disorder

Hi,

I need to respond to a blog post I sent out entitled “We Sometimes Have to Do This with Bipolar.”

In this blog post, I quoted the Serenity Prayer, but by mistake I called it the Lord’s Prayer. Believe me, this was just a mistake – I do know the difference between the two.

My appreciation goes out to those people who simply sent emails to point out the difference and to express concern for me personally, knowing that I would not usually make such a mistake. But, just like you, I am only human, and I do make mistakes.

So to those of you who were offended by my mistake, I sincerely apologize. Let me tell you, I have learned a great lesson because of this mistake.

Some things have been going on and I have been working too hard and losing sleep. I haven’t been following my own advice to you. I’m always talking about how important it is to follow good sleep habits and to stick to a good sleep schedule. Unfortunately, between the things going on at work and my dad having medical procedures every other week, I have let my own sleep

schedule get off track.

I know this is no excuse for mistaking the Serenity Prayer and the Lord’s Prayer, even though it was an honest mistake, but it at least explains my error to those of you who asked for an explanation.

I was simply tired when I wrote that blog post, and didn’t notice that I had mistakenly put the

Lord’s Prayer instead of the Serenity Prayer like I had meant to. Again, I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone. I certainly didn’t mean to.

To those followers who stood by me and understood that it was simply a human mistake and wrote to tell me about it, again, I appreciate your kindness and understanding. You were simply pointing out an error on my part that had gone unnoticed. Thank you for that.

To those of you who attacked me for my mistake, all I can say is that I’m sorry, and yes, I do know the difference between the two prayers. Someone even accused me of not knowing what

I’m talking about when it comes to bipolar disorder because I didn’t know the difference between the two prayers. That really hurt.

I can only hope that they read this blog post and find forgiveness in their heart.

People do make honest mistakes, and when they do, we have to forgive them. Just like your loved one may ask you to forgive them for something they may do because of their bipolar

disorder.

Forgiveness is something you can choose to do or not. But if you choose to forgive, you will feel so much better.

Just like your loved one makes mistakes, I do, too. So I am asking you to forgive me for my mistake.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar? Do You Use This Word Too Much?

Hi, how are you? I hope you’re doing well today.

Do you know anyone like this? Every time you ask them how they’re doing, they always say, “Fine.” Or could you be one of those people who always answers, “Fine,” no matter how you’re

feeling? Do you or your loved one maybe use this word too much?

Using “Fine” all the time is a cop-out. You’re not being honest. No one is “Fine” ALL the time!

You need to look at why you aren’t being honest about how you feel. What if you’re NOT fine? Do you just stuff your feelings, or are you honest about them and tell someone?

Stuffing feelings can lead to negative consequences. For example, people who get angry a lot, but keep it in, can get ulcers. Do you ever see people like that? They get all red in the face, and

pop antacids like they’re candy. You don’t want to be like that.

Your loved one or, specifically, their behavior, may make you angry, but you can’t just stuff

those feelings or, before long, you’ll be popping antacids, too. You need to have good communication with your loved one and be able to tell them how you’re feeling. Of course, you don’t want to tell them in such a way as it makes them angry, either.

There are ways to state your feelings, and then there are ways not to. For example, you want to keep blame out of the picture. And keep from using words like “always” and “never,” as these words are accusatory and won’t help your cause.

Divorce yourself from the notion that your anger is your loved one’s fault. Also, you need to take responsibility for your own feelings. If you can’t talk to your loved one about it in a way that won’t start a fight, try writing your feelings in a journal.

If you need to, if things get bad enough, find your own therapist. There is nothing that says that a supporter cannot have their own therapist! I know a couple who both see the same therapist (but at different times), and this works for them. Occasionally, they both go in together, and the therapist helps them air their grievances without anger. You might want to do that as well.

The main point is that you can’t just stuff your feelings, as eventually it will make you sick. Many supporters report headaches and body aches, and this could be from the stress of holding in your feelings.

The worst time to share your feelings with your loved one is when they are showing signs and symptoms of a bipolar episode, as they will tend to be more self-centered, and not care about your feelings.

The tone of your voice is also important when telling your loved one your feelings. You want to come off as concerned and sympathetic, rather than angry (even if the feeling you’re talking

about is anger), and calm. Use a soothing (but not patronizing) tone when speaking to your loved one and you will see that you get better results.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave