Hi,

How’s it going?

I hope you’re doing ok today.

You know, we spend a lot of our lives just waiting.

Waiting to grow up.

Waiting to graduate from school.

Waiting to move out.

Waiting to get that career started.

Waiting for promotions.

Waiting for the right person to come along and marry.

Waiting for a baby to be born.

Waiting for our birthdays.

Waiting for holidays.

Waiting for vacations.

Waiting to retire.

Waiting for the weekend.

Waiting in lines.

Waiting at doctors’ offices.

Well, waiting is probably one of the hardest things for a supporter with a loved one who has bipolar disorder to do.

Not just the waiting in doctors’ offices…

But the waiting for your loved one to become stable.

It’s hard sometimes, especially if they aren’t stable right now.

It’s hard when you feel like you’re all alone.

That’s why you need to have your own support system, along with other things like I teach in my

courses/systems about dealing with bipolar disorder.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

It’s hard just to cope and deal with bipolar disorder in the first place.

That’s why you need to read everything you can about the disorder, so you can be educated.

And having knowledge, you can gain some control over the disorder.

It’s hard to be a good supporter.

Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes you may have negative feelings.

Sometimes you may even resent or be angry at your loved one, just because bipolar disorder is so much a part of your life together.

But waiting has to be the hardest thing to cope with as a supporter.

Waiting for your loved one’s medication to work.

Waiting for your loved one to learn to manage their bipolar disorder.

Waiting for them to get better.

Waiting for your loved one to GET STABLE.

But sometimes the wait is a long time.

Some people with bipolar disorder don’t take to their medications at first.

It’s a matter of trial and error to get them on the right medication.

Sometimes it’s hard to find the right doctor, psychiatrist and therapist for them.

Some supporters of people with bipolar disorder find it very hard to even get their loved one into treatment.

And waiting for a bipolar episode to end is the worst.

You may feel really helpless.

You may have to do some things that you don’t want to do, like put your loved one in the hospital.

You may have to count on other people to help you.

Your loved one may be hard to get along with.

They may even be in denial, which can be very frustrating for you.

So, yes, waiting is probably the hardest part.

But if your loved one does the things they need to do to get better (get stable), you will not have to spend all your time waiting any more.

The main thing is to get them into treatment and on the right medication.

And to take care of yourself as well.

Do you find yourself waiting on your loved one to get stable?

What are you doing in the meantime?

Hi,

How are you today?

I hope you’re doing good.

Someone wrote about what some of life’s biggest lifestyle changes were.

Like marriage or divorce.

Like moving.

Like changing jobs.

Like a death in the family.

Well, I think bipolar disorder is one of life’s biggest lifestyle changes.

And learning how to cope and deal with it doesn’t happen overnight.

There is no crash course to stability.

Even though in my courses/systems, I teach you how to cope and deal with bipolar disorder, I also tell you that it takes time to become stable.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Even my course is not a “crash course.”

I go through the elements of stability, but I don’t offer a magic word you can say to get there overnight.

Although the things I listed before about life’s major lifestyle changes happen quickly, the fallout from them happens more gradually.

It takes time to get used to being married and living with someone else, or being alone again from a divorce.

It takes time to pull off a move.

It takes time to get used to a new job.

And it definitely takes time to grieve for a lost family member.

So making the bipolar lifestyle change takes time as well.

Getting used to the medication can take time.

Just getting used to taking it is a change in itself.

Then there might be side effects that need to be dealt with.

Or medication changes.

But eventually you are on the right medications in the right dosages and you are used to taking your medication, so you have made the bipolar lifestyle change in that area.

You also have to get a good doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist, and you need to start seeing them on a regular basis.

But eventually you get used to it, and you have made the bipolar lifestyle change in that area.

Making the bipolar lifestyle change has other, smaller parts to it as well.

Such as learning how to stick to a good sleep schedule.

And eating right.

And exercising.

Then there are other, bigger parts to a bipolar lifestyle change.

You may have lost your job because of your bipolar disorder, and now have to live on disability.

Your finances may be affected by your disorder as well (bipolar disorder isn’t cheap), and you need to make an adjustment to the change.

I don’t think you ever get used to bipolar episodes, but learning how to cope and deal with them and their consequences is a lifestyle change.

Being productive in spite of having bipolar disorder is a big change as well.

You may not be able to work outside the home any more, but you can still be productive.

You can volunteer, or you can even start a home-based business.

You can set goals and achieve them.

Yes, having bipolar disorder definitely means making some lifestyle changes.

But the better you are at making and accepting those changes, the faster you will become stable.

What are some of the lifestyle changes you have had to make because of bipolar disorder?

How have you dealt with them?

Hi,

I hope you’re doing ok today.

We hear a lot about how important communication is.

Especially in a relationship, bipolar or not.

Many supporters of a loved one with bipolar disorder tell me that it’s very hard to communicate with their loved one.

Here are some of the complaints I’ve heard from other supporters:

1. My loved one sleeps too much

2. My loved one isolates

3. They won’t talk about things,

or will only talk about surface

things

4. They watch TV all the time

5. They are “in their own little

world”

6. They are rarely home (and

then only to eat and sleep)

7. They ignore me

8. They don’t listen to what

I’m really saying

9. They are self-centered

10. They complain all the time

Now, first of all, how can you communicate with someone who sleeps all the time?

Consider that they may have a problem such as being over-medicated, in which case you should talk to their doctor.

But also consider that they may be sleeping to avoid talking with you (or anyone else).

Don’t take this personally, it could be part of their bipolar disorder – possibly even a sign that they are in a depressive

episode.

As far as your loved one isolating (and therefore not really “there” to even talk to), isolation is both a trigger to a bipolar episode and a symptom of one.

So, again, don’t take it personally, but if you think they are in an episode, contact their doctor.

Hypersomnia (sleeping too much) and isolation are just two of the symptoms of a bipolar episode that I go over in my courses/systems:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Some supporters tell me that their loved one just sits around and watches TV all the time, seeming to shut them out.

Well, some people with bipolar disorder will do this, if they’re trying to escape their disorder (shut the world out).

The problem with that is not only that they won’t communicate with you, but also that they won’t get any better, because they need to be productive and do something other than just sit in front of the TV doing nothing.

Some supporters complain that their loved one is rarely home, and even then only to eat and sleep. They feel slighted, and their feelings are hurt. But they don’t tell their loved one that they’re feeling this way, so the person has no reason to act any different.

Even if they are home, they may ignore you, not listen to what you’re really saying, be self-centered, and complain all the time.

None of these situations lends itself to good communication.

Some supporters have even told me that even when their loved one does talk to them, that it’s only about surface things, and not their thoughts and feelings.

If your loved one is talking to you but doing it in the form of complaining, or only surface things, they are not really communicating.

They are just talking AT you, instead of WITH you (especially for those who say their loved one doesn’t listen to them).

Your loved one may be so consumed by their bipolar disorder and the issues surrounding it that they give no consideration toward good communication with you.

You need to sit down together when your loved one is NOT in an episode, and communicate your thoughts and feelings to them.

As long as you do it in a supportive, loving way, instead of an angry or hostile way (such as: “You NEVER talk to me!” which will make them feel defensive), they should be able to hear what you’re saying.

As long as you aren’t pushy, they may be willing to open up to you and trust you enough to tell you what their thoughts and feelings really are.

Have you had problems communicating with your loved one?

How did you solve the problem?

Hi,

Here’s the news.

To read this week’s news visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews450/

NAMI observes Mental Illness Awareness Week Oct. 4-10

DO> Hey, don’t forget about this important week.

Against the Wind: An Artist’s Struggle with Mental Illness

DO> Great article, take a look.

Family Talks about Teen Suicide so Others Don’t Suffer in Silence

DO> Another very difficult topic covered this week.

Local Woman Wants to Help Others who Struggle with Bipolar

DO> Another inspiring article, take a look.

Bipolar Disorder and Bad Judgment

DO> Interesting article, take a look.

Can Keeping a Routine Help Control Bipolar Symptoms

DO> YES. I will tell you this is 100% important.

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews450/

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

How’s it going for you today?

I hope everything is well.

I got the following email that I wanted to share with you:

“My wife has bipolar disorder, and

we fight a lot of the time, because

she says I don’t listen to her. Or

because the house isn’t clean and

I’m not helping. Or that I don’t know

how she feels or what she’s going

through. Or just that I’m not

a good supporter. How do I defend

myself against these things? –Dale”

Well, the first thing I would tell Dale is that I am not a family counselor or any type of therapist

or professional, so I can only give my opinion.

But it does sound like there might be something to this.

Maybe part of it is his fault.

One of these things is a common complaint from people that have bipolar disorder:

“You don’t how I feel or what I’m going through.”

Dale asks how to defend himself against this. He can’t.

There is no defense toward that type of comment.

Since we don’t have bipolar disorder, there is no way for us to know how they feel or what they’re going through.

That’s true, but we can still be sympathetic and understanding of what they are going through

without having to experience it for ourselves.

Maybe this guy’s wife just doesn’t feel his compassion and under-standing enough.

When I talk about this in my courses/systems, I advise you that you need to be unconditional in

your support – sometimes your loved one is going to say things you don’t like, but you need to

accept them.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

Many complaints that your loved one will have about you and/or the situation can be blamed on their bipolar disorder itself.

They will not always have rational thoughts.

But, let’s look at Dale’s email again to see if his wife maybe has a point, because you may be going through the same thing with your loved one.

He starts off by saying that they fight all the time because she says that he doesn’t listen to her.

He thinks he does, obviously, or he wouldn’t fight about it.

First of all, have you ever fought with your loved one?

Of course you have.

Even couples where one of them does not have bipolar disorder fight sometimes.

But have you ever WON a fight with your loved one?

Probably not.

Because their impression of the situation is going to be the opposite of yours.

So let’s see if Dale has any defense.

Hmmm…

Do you think he does?

Because you have probably been accused of the same thing.

This is a common complaint for people who have bipolar disorder.

My opinion would be that instead of fighting about it (and getting nowhere), he should examine his wife’s complaint to see if there is any truth to it.

It’s easy to assume that you’re being a good listener, but your loved one may not see you as one.

Your body language may give you away, for example – like rolling your eyes if she starts complaining, or crossing your arms when she starts talking.

You need to try to actively listen instead of react.

What this all boils down to is good communication.

And, instead of being defensive about it, I think this man should take a good hard look at how he’s communicating with his wife.

For example, he says she complains that he doesn’t help with the house.

What she’s really saying is that she doesn’t feel as if he’s supporting her in that area.

In that case, the situation is easily resolved if he would just start helping her around the house more.

Incorrect perceptions of what your loved one is really saying can keep you from being an effective supporter.

Try to put yourself in their shoes.

Also, listen to what they are NOT saying as much as what they ARE saying.

What would you tell Dale?

Are you dealing with the same type of complaints from your loved one?