I actually made a new years resalution for 2007 and went through with it. I said I was going to quit smoking on my birthday and I slowed myself down and quit the 3rd. of july and my birthday is the 25th. I still haven’t touched one and I love it. So you can if you have will power. Sharon

Christine asked, “What about sexual perversions and bipolar? Is it part of the disorder?”

Short answer is “yes, it can be.” People in a manic phase often have a significantly greater sexual appetite and they sometimes find their partners unable to meet their demands and find them “boring”. In such cases, it is not uncommon for them to have affairs, leave partner and family for a fresh lover and even to have unsafe, risky sex with complete strangers in the most unlikely times and places. I understand they are usually full of regret and guilt once they come down from the mania, by which time it may be too late to recover broken relationships. (It takes a very special partner to watch their other half go off-the-rails like that and take them back into their heart afterwards, especially if this happens most times they have a manic episode.) Furthermore, it is typical for those in mania to lose most (if not all!) inhibitions and try to realise their sexual fantasies.

This is as I have been told by some Type 1 BP folk who have experienced this. I am not aware of Type 2’s going quite a far, but they do get an increased sexual appetite when hypo. If the state of their relationship with a partner is already on sandy ground, I imagine they may also be tempted to stray into the arms of a fresh lover.

attainable Goals. That is certainly the key. Fill your thoughts with the ‘can do’s’ and not the ‘I’m gonna trie’s’. If your goals are outlined in a positive and reasonable manner. ‘I’m gonna try to …’ is a negative. Use ‘I will’ You’ll be surprised as to how much you empower yourself with this statement. Share your goals with a spouse or family member that understands bi-polar attitude.Invite your spouse or family member to participate by including goals of their own, then help each other monitor those goals. positive support goes a long way. Have a safe, happy, and supportive new year.

mcqueen1971,

Hello, I have some experience working with my own children and one that has illnesses as well. I will try to be as brief as possible with little bits of personal information that has helped me through it all. I have done a whole lot more than the little bit I write about below.

I have 3 boys 17,7,and 5. I have BP so far they don’t. One is questionable at this point.

First getting your son stable is most important, until you are able to get him to that point expecting him to make goals that he will only fail to achieve will only make his condition worse…sorry to tell you this fact!!!!! I am sure it is his goal at this point to get better as well… or is he different than most people???

At this point make your own goals on getting him better then when he is ready it will all fall into place. Start by introducing him to a mentor or someone who will encourage him to move forward in a positive direction. It can be anyone who acts responsibly that your son will respect and look to for guidance besides “you”…such as a youth pastor, or coach, or even the school counselor. (Be sure you do your homework about this mentor before your son spends time with them. Know what kind of person they are before your son does!!)

My 17 year old son has a 504 plan at school and whenever he needs to see the school counselor she makes herself available and he also has scheduled times with her on a regular basis. She is very good at keeping him focused and working with his teachers if he has any trouble. Plus he has a resourse teacher that helps keep him organized. On top of the counselor he also sees a therapist every other week. He is not BP but has ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, and Depression. He does not take any medication because he is not violent, out of control, nor will act upon suicidal thoughts. We have an open line of communication in our house. Knowledge is power!! I feel very strongly about avoiding meds with children because when my son was put on Ritalin at 5 it triggered the Tourettes. I also know that a child’s brain is still developing until the age of at least 21 so we have chosen other methods to treat him. But as I pointed out he was not violent or out of control just hyperactive and impulsive. Irritating to deal with but manageable.

I can’t stress enough about the importants of routine, routine, routine, routine. For me with BP I have to maintain a real strick routine daily or I can backslide very quickly. When my kids have alot of days off school I get out of the routine and I have trouble getting back into it again.

On an even brighter note: With each year my son has blossomed more and more and the symptoms have almost disappeared. I am not nieve that he won’t have future issues with any of his illnesses but for now he is doing really well.

This year he has really matured into a man. It will happen for your 12 year old just have faith and do everything you can to give him the advantages you would want if it were you. I know you want to see him succeed and if you keep progressing in knowledge you will get there…ask lots of questions and find all the answers!!! Talk about his future with him in an encouraging way…what does he really enjoy doing or feel real strongly about??? He could potentially become a counselor someday or psychiatrist????

There are some other sites online besides David (Whom I love most of all BP sites) that are for BP and depression and they offer free guides to planning and tracking BP do some research for them online and you will find it, if you don’t find it then click my name above to my blog link and email me I will send you the PDF file.

Best wishes and many prayers!
Tere

happy new year!! thank-you all for post’n your coments! seems to be help’n me? i might have waited to late though to salvage this situation-my wife doesn’t seem to be able to stabalize!! been 8 mos. now–try’n to be firm!! compassion seems to breed passiveness!!! must do something leagaly this week thats my goal!!

I have been a goal setter for fifty years or more. There is a simple plan towards acheiving your set goals . Also there is a compound complex way of not meeting set goals. Problems arise when we make goal setting a reality. What do we have when a immovable force meets an immovable object? Something or someone has to give. In a world where every Athing is relative the immovable will wins every time. In short will power is the most powerful force in the actual and virtual universe. In responce to graham who helped me last month when I started into a major episode. He told me something simple as call your shrink. Do you remember that advice Graham? Why is there sexual indiscretions in biplolar 1?I hope you all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR! JAMES L MAHER

Yay James! You met one target, buddy – you’re still alive! ;o) And I am damned pleased! Sometimes the only target worth having is just to get through the day, ain’t it – never mind promising to wash the face, let alone clean the house. All that Stephen Covey “self improvement” stuff just isn’t relevant to suriving BP.

Why are do sexual indiscretions occur when there is mania? “I’m no expert” but as an educated guess, I expect its because the mania sets off such energy and stimulous that triggers the sexual appetite while the “nothing can touch me” energetic delusions and lack of inhibitions cause hitherto suppressed sexual fantasies to jump out of the bag! They are then sought out and may be found …

Wishing you James, and all fellow BPs out there, a VERY HAPPY(and virtually episode-free!) 2008!!!

I am new at this. This bipolar seems like an ocean for me to wade into. I believe my wife has bipolor and our Doctor is the first one who mentioned to me. She is very offened that I even talked to the doctor about her bizarr behaivior. My wife changed doctors and she left me over a year ago. We are pursuing counciling together and the councilor we see has connection to a theripist that can diognos it. But he has not done that yet. I am a christian and do have a strong faith in my Savior but there are times that I suffer depression from the constant put downs, She ripps me up at times that cut to the core of my sole. Monster, less than a man, the worst friend she has ever had, and about 50 other references to my character.
The whole relationship is dependent upon me servimg her needs in which I don’t do all the time. I reach out to her and try to minister even in the midst of this. I have filed for separation to protect myself financily , which was the best thing because she is now over 15,000 in debt. Like I said I am new at this but am not sure how to wade though all. I don’t know where to start. She is not open to any of my input unless it has to do with money or doing things her way. ONe last confusing note. There are time when I can tell she is so lonely and it breaks my heart. She will call me for one reason when I can tell she wants me to come to make her feel better. I chose to stay in the home we bought together and ask her to come over here if she wants relationship. We are not sexualy active and have not been since she left me. I try to date her in our home by fixing dinner or watching movies. But after all the multipul times I have reached out to her it nevers seem stay in her mind that I love her. The dates are always followed up by some thing that she gets offended over about me. All of which are things that can be proven not true but she won’t listen or belive me. Not sure where I am going with all this other than is there anyone who has been here and can tell me I m not alone.

HELP

Marshal, I was not saying that to you. I am so sorry you are going through this, I am guilty of treating mine like dirt too. You are not alone ever with this disorder you are in great numbers.

But until she gets help you have to protect yourself. If she does get help then support her through it all. I know it is hard to deal with, but you must continue to positively encourage her to get help. You seem very sweet…setting up dates for someone who is so mean to you. You are loved she just doesn’t tell you and is too manic to get her high horse…so to speak..lol.

HAVE A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR, DAVE!!

I am looking forward to implementing my “reasonable” goals for 2008. I want to start a “cottage” industry job by helping people with “Internet 101,” a one-on-one process by which they can learn to USE the computer for routine emails, for maybe “writing” their grandkids or other personal use.

I THINK this goal is obtainable. My first step is going to the Mgr of the local Senior Center and offering to teach some people there who are interested in such a service. I would do this volunteer, just to “get my feet wet” on what kinds of things they WANT/NEED to learn, and how best to implement it.

I am NOT a professional webmaster, computer repairman, or teacher (see – I use YOUR disclaimer for my OWN purposes!). But – after signing up for “Computer 101” at the local junior college 20 years ago – all they taught the pupils was how to PROGRAM a computer – and I HATED it. All I WANTED to learn was the “short-cuts,” the ability to do simple things for correspondence and other activities, like “surfing the Web.” I was SO disappointed in this course, that I have been thinking about MY “job” for a number of years. Only now – do I feel I have enough knowledge (through learning from two great friends who ARE computer repairmen AND a user since the 1980s), to impart to anyone interested in such a service.

I am hoping to perform my job “under the table,” without having to get a “license” or “Tax ID Number” in order to keep my earnings for myself. I will see how THAT goes!!

I had a “minor” psychotic break this evening with my boyfriend (he started out by having a “Welsh Black Mood,” barking at EVERYTHING I did, so that I felt like I was “walking on eggshells”), and consequently EVERYTHING I did or said was WRONG. I apologized to him for my “nerves,” and he said, “Oh, you blame everything on your illness.” Well – THAT made me MAD. I haven’t exhibited ANY such behavior before with him, so he’s not aware that subtle clues of anger and abuse CAN/WILL affect me. We got over it by dinner time, but I’m still not sure if my “nerves” are BECAUSE of him, or DESPITE him.

Usually, a mood will disappear as fast as it happens, but not always. I have to compose myself in order to “please” him. I also wonder if these “moods” will affect my “professional” life. Ah – the “fear factor!”

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. My prayers are with you. Stay sane, and have a blessed, healthy, prosperous and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Remember – “party responsibly,” and have a GREAT ’08!!

Marshall,
Your wife is obviously very sick, and of course, you want to help. But you can be of no use to her or anyone else for that matter, if you do not first look after yourself! You’re a religious man – remember that bit about removing the plank from your own eye before taking the splinters out of ayone else? It’s dead right. You must loo after you own health, your own sanity FIRST! None of that self-sacrifice. You must protect YOU. Now, only you can decide what that means, and you are obviously some way along the line by putting a distance between you and her. However, if it means your sanity or trying to give support to her, then get the heck outta there. Be not afraid, or feel any guilt, about breaking away entirely. I am not suggesting this is the time for you, but there ARE times when we have to let go of the rope before the one who’s dangling at the end of it pulls us over with them.

Best of luck – may you find the solution and the strength to effect it soon in 2008.

Hey, TERRYB! Thanx for your kind comments. I have thought of the “volunteer”-thing at the Senior Center for just that very reason – find out WHAT is wanted/needed and WHO will be happy to PAY for it!

At this point, I’m TIRED of playing “cat and mouse” with my boyfriend. I asked him to join me in THE room at 8 – and the New Year’s fireworks started about that time (9PM), so we went out and watched them! At least he enjoyed THEM!! Problem is – I have a VERY high libido – and he has NONE at all! He’s a recovering alcoholic who was married FOUR times before he became sober. I guess he has SOME issues from THAT – but WHY take them out on me??!! I wasn’t a part of his life back then…and, we only see each other on weekends or special occasions (he lives an hour-and-a-half away).

I feel VERY frustrated right now – it’s 9:30, and STILL no action. I would absolutely HATE to NOT usher in the New Year without getting some…but, alas, that’s the way it looks…I’ll give him another half-hour – then I will turn back into a PUMPKIN!

HAVE A HAPPY!! AND A GREAT ’08!!

thank’s for post’n your coments Marshal, relating helps me a bunch, along with alot of good advice, solutions I never even thought of before….”court ordered treatment!!” I feel so stupid I have a good case concern’n behavoir!!I’m really not intrested in divorce because I’m aware she’s ill!! again thanks Marshal

Vicky
The first thing you must do is go see your doc and tell him, or her, exactly how you feel. Hold nothing back! Let out all your feelings. The doc can help you get through this dark time.

So, in addition to seeing your doc’ your resolution should be simply this: get through this day. Once you’ve achieved that – and you can, get through the next one. One day at a time.
These low periods seem enormous. like being asked to eat an elephant in one sitting. But you know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
You will find the meds starting to kick in fairly quickly. But until then, take it a day at a time, girl. No quicker, no looking even as far as the end of the week. Just get through the day!
I know this probably feels like you are in a dark and oppressive tunnel – cold and lonely – and the further in you walk the smaller it seems to get. But believe me. It won’t always be like this. I know, it’s absolute hell while it lasts, but you will get to the end of this horrid tunnel! I know. I know because I’ve been there. The thought of this dreadful feeling going on and on drove me to looking down the line at an approaching train. But I stopped thinking about next week, nor the end of this week, not even about tomorrow. I just plodded though the day, even one minute at a time, doing whatever I could do divert attention from how wretched I felt, and I slept, too. Sleep – it’s good. While you dream, the bad feelings vanish. It’s another world in dreamland, free from the oppression of depression! You go see what I mean.

Forget for now how bad you think you have been to your husband or anyone else. What counts right now is not them but you! This illness can, and does, affect “the innocent”; but you’re an innocent victim, too. You did not ask for this, you don’t deserve it. None of us deserve it. This illness makes us, yes makes us, do thinks we know we would not normally do. But that’s not your fault any more is it your fault when you sneeze if you have a Cold! It’s just what happens with BP, it’s part of the course. You can’t help it. You can learn ways to dig yourself out of the holes when you are well enough. But forget them for now. What’s important is you get well, and your doc should be our next port of call. GO THERE NOW! If the surgery is closed CALL HIM. If he’s not there, take yourself to the Emergency unit at the nearest hospital. Do one or all these things to get you through this day.
But if you cannot help feeling bad about what your BP, NOT YOU, have done to your husband, think on this: imagine what you would do to him if you gave up now. Do him a favour? No. He’d probably feel he’d let you down, not done enough to help you. So would others in your family and amongst your friends. Some of them would blame each other – your husband would be a target – claiming the other had not done enough to help you! Those feeling guilt will carry it with them to their graves, and the divisions caused amongst friend wand family will last a lifetime, too. Plus, if you have children, they will become much more likely to do the same when if they ever become depressed, and the cycle of blame and guilt will go on through the next generation, and thereon after. So, you can’t opt out now! There are too many people now, and in the future, relying on you staying alive!

Dear Vickie,
Im Bipolar 40 yrs or more. on top of that i was a full pledge Alcoholic. maybe the first time i put my lips on a bottle. but it made me into Superman . no one could ever hurt me . i was the greatest thing to hit this planet. that lasted a few years and i lost the warm feeling of alcohol and it turned on me (My Best Friend ) i was in & out of jails for fighting . i thought people were talking behind my back and making fun of me . i wanted to get even for hurting me so (crushed) i thought i was the only normal person but i had Bipolar and didn’t want to look at that .i finally had to look at myself in the mirror and change my life around i quit drinking and went on Pozac. took it foe 36 yrs . then it wasn’t working anymore. i quit taking it for 6 yrs but i never went back to drinking but had lot of mood swings with anger, people following me around. my family was starting to be afraid of my mood swings and told me .the next day i went to see a Doctor to help me. they put me on Depakote. it’s working been on it a month i feel so much better and in control of my life. it took years to win the Trust & Respect of my Family back. I would never trade that for anything. Happy New Years Vickie

said no! to a 12 step buddy, in recovery, big book study! and going to meet my wfe at church we have been seperated for 8 mo.this is all new to me. I have been sober for 12 years, and feel like such a new comer!

Let’s face it Dave, sometimes even a grown 21 year old gotta learn to “get the monkey off their backs” Resolutions are a very good idea

Attract Healthier Conversationalists

Attract like a magnet those that will clearly “enrich” your life beyond what it already is

Everyone has some sort of “reason” (or issue as some choose to call it) for not feeling 100%

it’s all about Choice.

You are the Change You seek

“playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others wont feel insecure around you” Nelson