I want to lose weight but my main goal for this year is saving money for our vacation this year and other things we need. Our vacation is to go see family and friends I haven’t seen in 25-30 years. Every penny counts I always say. Happy New Year to all. Sharon

Hi Dave,
I just joined your group very recently. My significant other was dx as bipolar 2 years ago and like your Mom I am afraid we are as low as I ever want to be. Here is a woman who has never even had a speeding ticket incarcerated due to the results of a manic episode. Your message of hope and staying positive are right where I need to be. I hope the year brings peace and serenity to us all. Best wishes to all.

Barry W

Dear Dave,
Happy New Year and thank you for all your insightful and helpful e-mails. I was diagnosed with bipolar disease several years ago but didn’t take heed until this past year when things got really out of control. I’m now on medication and am doing proactive things like therapy, AA and a self-esteem group. I’m still struggling with a nagging underlying depression but am working on that.
Thank you,
Renate

I am excited about a new year! I have a goal that is pretty lofty for me (GET STRUCTURED in my life). If I do that, only good can come from that! I don’t feel so alone being bipolar since I have found this website and I am grateful for your work, Dave Oliver, Thanks for all the great info! Happy New Year to all!

Well for me last year was the real significant turning point in my illness.

First, I chose to quit smoking cigarettes. I wanted to be healthier in 2007. I succeeded!

I also made a resolution last year to write a scifi novel..I did it in 3 months.

I said I would help others struggling with BP…I try to do it here.

I wanted peace in my life so I learned the skill of forgiveness (letting go) which is different than reconciliation.

I said I would get my oldest son help for his depression and I did.

I said that I wanted to prevent children from abuse and help children who have been sexually victimized because it leaves scars for life, and I have successfully started the process.

I said that I would focus more on other peoples problems instead of feeling pity about my own. I did very well with this…

My marriage has never been better in all the years we have been married as well. We actually get along quite well and I don’t feel angry with him for every little thing. I promised myself that I would never do anything to hurt him again!!! He has been way too good to me and he deserves peace and love from me.

I still wish I had money to spend, but I have focused on other priorities instead of whether or not my clothes are boring me, getting my kids the best of the best, or the need for electronics that outdate in less than six months. I used to think I deserved all things and that I would be able to pay for them somehow. New perspective get debt free!!!! I am closer to that mark this year than last. But very tight budget!!

I promised myself that I would take good care of me so that the rest of the world didn’t fall in around me. If I feel myself slipping I talk about it and monitor it, but also accept that I am human and will have moody days like normal people do so I don’t fear a relapse based on a week of stress and worry.

In the past I didn’t ask for help because I didn’t think anyone really cared and was going to complain about how awful I am and how much they have to help me behind my back…I am too proud. I have tried very hard to get over that mountain…trust is difficult. Plus I see many people around complaining about how awful it is to take care of other people when they have so much to do themselves…. I have been in that position and would rather help than walk away and wonder…plus I am human and have an illness that requires support from time to time…so I try to remember that now.

I also wanted to volunteer helping students learn reading, writing, and math…so I assist a 2nd grade teacher twice a week.

Everything I wanted I was very successful in doing this year and I look forward to continuing the goals of the past and adding more as they apply to my journey. I take it all one day at a time and evaluate my progress and monitor things so that I don’t get in over my head.

Happy New Years David! may this year bring even more people help with this illness. You are a life saver to many who are so lost in where to go and what to do with BP!!!

May all your successes lead you to more and setbacks be few and far between…cheers!

I was in worsening depression from when my adoptive father died in July 2003 and my adoptive mother died in February 2004, until the end of August 2007. I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar some time in 2003/2004. My wife suffered terribly. Now I believe I am “OK”. I believe I have addressed the single most important problem that I believe has always been to root cause of my depressive illness. That is to cope with my rejection by my birth mother who I “found” in July 1999.
She told me not to contact her, as I was causing her too many painful memories and she asked me to promise her that even after she was dead (she is 81 on 27th january) not to contact my two sisters and brother because it would hurt them terribly.
I sent her a 4 page letter asking questions because I intend to publish my life story and I feel she could fill in some gaps. I got no response. I sent her a Xmas card and also one to my younger sister but with that one I enclosed my birth certificate and a copy of the questions put earlier to my mother. I have, as yet, had no response. Still, I feel I am moving in the “right direction”; prior to that doing nothing at all I feel was the root cause of my depression.
I now have many other plans; the only problem is prioritising the consequent actions. More later, maybe…………

i would love to learn to be more patient, grow more spiritually,
be more involved with everything.
kristi37

Hello David, I have been a keen reader of your bi-polar supporter newsletters, I have been recently introduced to this affliction thru my husband. We are both on our second marriages and after just a short time I realize that this is a very complicated thing. Alas from all you wonderful help, over the holidays my husband and I have decided that we can no longer remain in this marriage. I am so emotionally raw. He is very verbally/emotionally abusive. He is also seeking companionship outside the marriage from other unsuspecting ladies. I give up!

Happy New Year to all!
I agree with Tere on her advice for Betsy.
No need to repeat her words.
After reading today’s email I remembered a joke which most likely will get killed in the translation:
What is the apogee of doom?
When the optimist says: It can’t get any worse than this. And the pessimist answers: You want a bet?

That was my first impulse to Dave’s statement: I really don’t know any cases
that are worse than my mom.
You want a bet Dave? (thinking of mine)
And then I saw Betsy’s day.
I almost felt good for myself, counting my own blessings. I thought I was at the end of my rope…
They say God won’t dish out more than one can bear. I have many days and even more nights when I doubt that a lot. Then I am sorry and ask forgiveness, afraid He might REALLY decide to test my limits.
Betsy, YOU are the HERO. Being a supporter is tough and we all need encouragement and validation at one time or another. Nothing like a good pat on the back for a job well done (which we so many times doubt). I try my absolute best to eradicate ALL stress for my spouse so there will be no trigger. How fragile do I see him? And look at you, dealing with all this and still stay on track.
I just received the course last night and yes, I did spend New Year reading it! And I still believe (Dave, don’t get mad at me) it’s mind over matter. At least at the stable phase. I think you Betsy are living proof of that!

I would so like to do something for you!
I am brand new to this site, computer challenged, no idea how to navigate the site, not even how I can see topics other than the direct link in the daily email, but I would love to do something for you: like send you a gift for a massage session (which is something I always wanted to do for myself but NEVER got to it), or just pay a caretaker so you could get out and catch a movie (another thing I never do myself)
Any idea anyone how this could be done anonymously?

Best wishes and God bless you all

What a day! I went to my friends home to watch football, because she doesn’t want me to spend the Holidays alone, but her husband and I don’t get along, so I don’t like to go but I know she is asking me for me. The game came on and her husband called me a F____ A____ for cheering for the team. Have you ever watched football and not cheered for your team? This is the way I was raised, screaming and yelling at me for not doing this right and that right and fighting, so needless to say I was very upset, couldn’t eat, ran to the bathroom constantly because of nerves, and I don’t mean piddle. I went in the other room and watched, and didn’t cheer the rest of the game. I thought, well this is the first day of the year and it is off to a good start, I can hardly wait to see what the rest of the year holds for me. I try to show respect for her husband by not getting in his face, and he knows He can sit there and verbally abuse me and I won’t do or say anything only because I try to show respect. You can’t win. How do you handle someone that pushes your buttons because he knows he can?

Insomnia….so put it to good use reading the comments. Wow. My 18 year old daughter is BP. It is so so hard. She is so unstable right now, and her dad hinders more then he helps; he, I think, is also BP!! He yells, calls her a b—–, tells her to get the f out, etc. over something like misplacing the remote to the TV. I don’t know what to do. I do have an appt. set up for re-evaluation. She is showing signs of schitzophrenia, “are there chips in my head, so people are controlling my thoughts?” I’m so scared. I’m worried about my own self holding up!! She depends on me too much, I’m not magic. Meanwhile, she is partying too much. Please pray for her. And me. I’m going to try to get her into a support group. When she was in middle school it was getting so bad, I called the State for help…I had called the police so many times, they said I needed more help. So, she’s been in the system, now “CINOA’d out” or however that’s spelled, because she’s 18. She sort of hit the streets, but I talked her into coming home, but now her dad is causing her to get worse, well, he isn’t helping. She is so confused, so unstable!! I wanted to feel better, found a friend Robyn, have been spending time at her apartment, but found out it’s back-firing, because I am starting to party, found out Robyn is an alcoholic….now I’ve opened a hornet’s nest, because my daughter has become friends with Robyn’s daughter….not helpful. Back to church I guess. My Mom, sisters etc. won’t have anything to do with me or my daughter, they stay way out of it.

Nightlady,

Hello! I decided to write the book just to prove that I could…a self goal. I found that it was very theraputic for me to do so…kind of like a release of negative and anxious energy. I had a great idea for a story and I already knew a great deal about the subject I was writing about so it didn’t require a great deal of research. I find that if I have a block I still continue to write…even if it is nonsense…because while I am writing nonsense….another idea hits me….if I didn’t do that then I went through what I had already written that I didn’t care for and would spend time working on making that scene more interesting….things fall into place if you don’t let the empty spaces get the better of you.

I committed a set amount of six hours a day on writing. I found it easier to write from start to finish but periodically writing a scene for the end or a scene for the middle…thank God for computers…it is so easy to keep all the writing in one folder without the papers flying all over the place. I made sure that I kept a journal of notes to refer to as well…such as what characters I chose to bring into the story…and their own personal information for future references. I felt a little overwhelmed about midway in the book…but I kept writing anyway. I wrote 412pages and felt really good for accomplishing the goal.

For some books it takes years of research and gathering sources to finish…I have heard of some writers spending 10 years writing one book…so take heart you are doing the best you know how and that is all that matters!!!

I would like to publish the next book I am going to write this year, but do not feel that the book I wrote last year would be one I want to share with strangers and have them pick it apart. I dedicated it to a loved one that passed away and to have it critizied might keep me from continuing to write at this point. I have had a good friend look it over and she gave me some really good feedback. I love to write and feel I am good at it but because I am BP I want the book to be a best seller when it is published….HIGH GOAL that I might not reach, but none the less I think if I really tried I could do it before I die. If not I’ll also be fine with it…accept and expect the worst….but always shoot for the best.

My husband is trying to quit smoking as well….still he is smoking somewhat. It was easy for me I guess…I just wanted to be healthier so badly…I was tired of hacking up a lung!!! I was the type that needed to have a cigarette frequently so it was a real issue when my children had field trips at school and mommy wouldn’t go because they won’t let you smoke for more than 6 hours. I was able to go on them last year and they were so happy that I was a chaprone on their trips…really made me proud that I quit. I was chronically ill with sinus infections and bronchitis and I just couldn’t stand it anymore, so that factor alone gave me the determination. For us with BP, getting sick can create depression especially if it is happening frequently. I was also told by a friend that quit smoking and still smokes when he visits my husband…that WOMEN HAVE MORE WILLPOWER!! Finally women get some credit…lol.

Yeah we have to be real careful who we choose for friends because it is real easy to influence someone when they are in mania. Weed was my biggest love…I am naturally anxious and easily angered….when I smoked a fatty all that tension faded away….but it was only temporary and some of the tension was also triggered cause my body wanted more of the drug. When my meds were finally right the cravings and that anxiety and anger went away. It is really difficult to maintain friendships where that weakness is so tempting…they are still smoking weed and I am living to stay healthy….I have to remember which person to turn to when I am in mania.

I’d lose it if an old girlfriend was still in the picture and creating havoc in my relationship….if my man disrespected me like that I would certainly make my feelings clear and that if he can’t figure out who he wants then I would figure it out for him…so long moron!!!! I’d say they deserve one another if he makes that choice….but that is me!! If he chose me then I’d make it clear that I want to move far away from the tramp….like moving to the next town if possible…keep the distance….out of sight…out of mind….free from the burden. Stand your ground or you will get walked on like a doormat!!

All the best and if you would like to brainstorm your book with someone I am willing to assist you anyway I can. tschopfer@yahoo.com I could use someone for those brain fart times, as well!!!

Tere

Ana
In my view, you are dead right – you should put your own well being first (even if you decided to support him.) If you get ill because of caring for him, you’d be no use nor ornament. But by the sound of it, you’ve done your share of care. There is only so much you can do.

As for the question of “does he want to get better?” Well, you must accept that no one is ever cured of BP. The illness is only ever controlled, and that can be difficult when patients stop taking their meds then they feel well enough and, especially if they don’t like the side-effects of the meds! Then, if he has a full-blown manic episode he won’t think HE is wrong or unwell anyway. It goes, “It’s not me that’s marching out of step, Sergeant Major – it’s all them others…” And you may be sure, even if he were just a Type 2 BP (as am I) you don’t “choose” to be ill with BP – it’s not fun. It’s so not fun that something like 1 in 4, 1 in 5 of us BPs hit the self-destruct button.

But there is so much a body can take or should take if they want to live a full life and not spend the rest of their natural caring for someone else. That is unless one has taken the oath of “for better or worse” at a Christian wedding. (Me, I opted for a simple civil ceremony, so no one can catch me out on that particular oath if I should ever choose to clear out of my marriage! But then, that could back-fire as it’s me with the BP, not my wife …)

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find a solution that is best for you, so you may have a happier 2008 than was 2007. Good luck.

WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW BEFORE FRIDAY BEFORE I PAY ALL THE BILLS AGAIN? I AM SO STRESSED OUT. THANKS. I CAN BE EMAILED DIRECTLY AT TAZHOTMAMA AT AOL.COM

Hello Everyone,
I want to thank all of you who posted a blog, with encouragment for me. It means alot, to have that. I only posted a blog on here once before, that was when I was doing real good. It is nice to know, that I can vent, and have feedback, from people who understand. My only wish is that my family could be as understanding, and supportive.
Though I am still very stressed out,I feel a little better today, and must keep going. If I quit, my son loses me, and will be put in a home, where he will not have the one on one care he needs.As for my daughter, I told her last night after a big fight, between us,that as soon as she gets a job, she is out, and until she becomes a responsible adult, I will go get custody of my grandchildren. Just pray for me, that she wakes up, and sees what she is doing, to add to my stress.
When I am in a depression, and tell her how I feel, I am accused of having an attitude with her. I try to tell her how I am feeling, but it always comes back, as she is the one who is feeling bad, and I have no right to feel as I do. It seems like I can never say or do anything right, at anytime, no matter, how I feel, good or bad. This is one of the many reasons, I divorced her father. I am tired of feeling guilty, about everything,even when it is not my fault.
Well, thank you all, for being you, understanding, supportive people. Have a Happy, Healthy New Year.

As a bipolar 1 person, I have learned life is much better since I have the right meds, get my sleep, and relax. It took over a decade for me to keep seeking help and got the right people that worked with me to ease my emotional ups and downs.

This is a success story, and I am taking courses through our community college for a human service degree. I also have a part time job staying with an elderly lady several hours a week at her home.

And I am married to a wonderful guy who works well with my desires as I do his, and our goals are being met one at a time.

Life is great. And I do see a therapist just to stay on an even keel, and talk about things that may make my perspectives change when dealing with others.

Breathe in fresh air with me….
Countrygirl1

Dave, thanks for your help. And Tere, thanks too, I will take your offer and email you with details of my book when I’m through these latest upheavals. It never rains but it pours! I’m currently doing my best to help prevent my boyfriend getting into a manic episode. We have not made a commitment to each other of any sort. We are gradually growing closer and closer and will leave it to nature as to how our relationship will develop. I do love him and I know he loves me. We don’t live together and the fact that I have a cat and he has a cat-chasing dog would make it a bit difficult too. The dog has been here a few times and the animals have got to the stage of ignoring each other instead of swearing at each other, which is an improvement.

My man loves me, while he also likes his own space. That crazy ex of his (I think she has far worse mental problems than he has, possibly schizophrenia)is totally obsessed with him. He wanted to be just platonic friends with her, but she can’t accept that. Just after Christmas she announced that she has put some sort of spell on him and a curse on me. We both know that this sort of thing is generally nonsense and can only upset you if you let it. We had a good laugh at it. However, with everything that happened in the last few days I’m beginning to wonder.

1. I broke a tooth, which is going to cost a fortune to fix. I must have it fixed as it is very uncomfortable.

2. My cat had a minor stroke and has been in an animal hospital for tests for the last two days. Thank goodness she is going to be ok, but I’m going to be out of pocket.

3. One of my housemates has disappeared leaving the others with unpaid bills and rent and the pain of finding a new housemate.

4. Someone who owes me a small sum of money has also vanished with her debt.

5. The worst thing happened to him though, when his flat caught fire a couple of nights ago while he was out. If he had been there he may be dead! The crazy neighbour alias ex-girlfriend put him up in her house for a night, after which he couldn’t stand it and came over to me until his home is properly cleaned up and habitable again. She believes she needs to fuss over him and sort of nurse him as with his bipolar he can’t look after himself. He is very offended by this (so would I be). All this is more writing material for me.

So far he hasn’t flipped, but I can tell that he is on the edge of an episode. He has been on the right medicine for a year or so now and his episodes are minor and manageable. He has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Just over a year ago, before I knew him, she drove him into a major episode and got him hospitalised for a whole month. This time I’m here and I won’t let that happen.

Just dropping in to let you know you have an interesting site. I hope you’ll continue to work on it. Wishing you all the best.
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