Hi,
How’s it going?
Still battling my sinus infection.
These things are amazing in their ability to hang on.
Hey, take a look at all of yesterday’s comments. Some really good one.
One person thinks that everyone is the same person. You can see where I wrote that doesn’t make any sense.
Anyway, take a look at this link:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarsupporterblog/?p=26#comment-73
Okay, there other day I was in this big argument with a friend of mine about something and it’s a really important lesson about bipolar disorder.
Here’s what happen. I have a friend that wants to start a b.usiness. He has been working on the idea for YEARS. I mean YEARS. Like 10 years maybe.
Every year he is going to get started but there is one thing stopping him… You know what that is?
It’s that he does NOT know how to handle all the “what if this happens…”
When he talks to me, it’s kind of annoying because he will say, “Well I am ready to get started BUT, what is this happens. I need a plan.”
I have told him 1,000,000 times (okay not exactly that many :)) but many times that he will NEVER have a plan for EVERYTHING that he will come up against starting a business.
Still, he insists on trying to have a plan for everything. As a result he gets NOTHING and I mean NOTHING ever done. Years go by and he isn’t getting any younger. It’s annoying just talking to him because he is always talking about all the bad things that can go wrong.
I thought of this because I spoke to someone who is a bipolar supporter who was the same exact way.
The actually had my main course but it was odd. They had gone through it but not taken any action. They were trying to figure out a totally comprehensive plan before they started supporting and helping their loved one.
I told them this was totally wrong and the longer they waited the more difficult it’s going to be AND they can’t account for everything. It’s impossible. Impossible. Impossible.
When you are dealing with bipolar disorder and trying to win the war against it, you make a plan based on the information you have, and then you get started. Things change, you have to adapt, you realize you need more information on this and that and you get it. You keep on working at it but you take action and move forward.
You can NOT have a plan for every possible thing that can go wrong.
Don’t be like my friend who follows “what is this happens” thinking and never takes action.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
I go over at lengthing lots of “if this happens here’s what you do” situations. Tons. But, there may be ones that slip past me and you may have to deal with. Now, what you do is take action to figure it out or in this case, you can fill out the f.ree consultation form for NON medical, and NON legal questions and I can personally help you. I have solved 99% of NON medical and NON legal problems people have brought to me.
NOTE
I am NOT a doctor, lawyer or professional and NOT offering medical or legal advice.
This concept that I bring up today is VERY important with bipolar disorder. VERY. This is what I brought it up.
So many people are getting ready, to get started to get set to get ready to get going to get set helping themselves with bipolar or helping a loved one. This process winds up taking YEARS and YEARS and YEARS.
Don’t let it happen to you.
Has this happen to you in the past? Let me know by posting responses below.
Hey, I have to run. Catch you tomorrow.
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Post responses below
I am new at this. My husband of less than 2 years is in the middle of an episode. He has packed all my belongings and moved me out of the house. I am trying to be supportive but it is hard when you can’t reach them. I did not know he was biopolar until now. I called his doctor and informed him that my husband was not taking his medication. I think he is back on his meds at this time. How long should I wait before trying to get him to talk with me? I love him but I am not sure which personality is the real one. I know that both are him but I don’t like this one that is here now. It is hard to be supportive when I am hurting myself. I love this man.
My plan is to take one day at a time (or more like one minute at a time) and do what I have to do when I have to do it and in my house of 3 with Bi-polar things can go sour very quickly. My daughter is the worst type of Bi-polar, my husband is next, and I am much milder than the other 2. I look out for signs of manic in my daughter and husband and my daughter tells me when I am starting to act manic and sometimes if she is around my husband (her step-father) and I am not, she will let me know if he is showing signs of a manic episode. So while we are 3 persons with Bi-polar we are all bi-polar supporters at the same time. I do not sweat the “what ifs” because the “what ifs” might never happen and I will tend to it as it comes.
I am new at this as well. I will have been married to my wife for 17 years this Saturday. We have always attributed her behavior to being an emotional person, due to her childhood issues. We have been through so many ups and downs over the years. Within the last year, my wife had gastric bypass surgery, then my sister’s husband commited suicide (drug addiction related), then our daughter got pregnant at 17 and moved out. It has been an emotional roller coaster for everyone. My wife had the most severe depression I had ever seen. Of course we blamed it on recent events. So, she finally went to the doctor, who prescribed medication for depression. She also started going to a mental clinic, to see if they could help. The doctors at the clinic diagnosed her with bi polar disorder and we were in denial. We were like, yeah right. Hoping it was just temporary. Then she started acting more distant, and avoiding family. She would plan everything she did to get away, so I thought. I started retaliating, because of my feelings. She decided to tell me, last week, that she needed to find herself, wanted to be seperated and could not say why. I was devistated. I tried everything to change her mind, but it only made her fight harder. Just yesterday, I was searching the net for answers and came across David’s web site. I started reading and went to other web sites fo more. All of a sudden, all of the things that have happened over the past 17 years came together. It was like a light was turned on after sitting in the dark for years. I immediately subscribed to the newsletter/mini-course. I went home and talked calmly with her. Not about how I felt or what she was doing wrong, but about me supporting her in finding out how to deal with bi-polar disorder through education, therapy and medication. I have to learn when it is the appropriate time to express myself and when it is not. It will be a long road, but I would gladly walk it barefoot, even if it was gravel. I love her that much. I plan on learning and helping and doing everything I can for her and our family.
Kenneth-
The same light bulb came on for me after 27 years of marriage. You’re taking the right steps in educating youself. Make sure you do other things to take care of YOUR health too. It’s amazing how it all comes together after you start researching. Everything that has happened over the years suddenly make sense. I wish you luck. She’s a very fortunate woman to have you by her side.
I have replied previously and have thanked you for the advice that you have given.
I have a son 29yrs old who still lives at home due to his condition.
If I look back in time and review his behaviour since a little boy, I can see that he exhibited signs of “some” disorder.
When he was 18yrs old writing his finals, for what we call Matric here in South Africa, the problem reared it’s ugly face.
We his parents thought it was due to the pressure of the exams.
Well to cut a long story short, things have gone from bad to worse.
He was always a short tempered, aggressive, explosive, irrational thinking, lying,short term memory retention,wanted what he wanted, when he wanted person but we just thought that was the personality of the human being that we had brought into this world and thus we would have to deal with it until he reached maturity.
Unfortunately, he never changed.
He sank into a deep depression and isolated himself from friends and the world.
We frantically sought Psychiatric help and over some years he was hospitalised 4 times.
However, although he seemed to improve for a while, it has deteriorated again.
He can’t hold onto a job and as a result, now has a bad track record.
He so BADLY wants to work but can’t sustain himself in the work place.
These “episodes” occur every three to four months
He is certainly not a happy person and has lost all his friends whith whom he was in school with.
Academically, he did well and achieved an International Marketing and Management Diploma.
Due to “affirmative action” in South Africa he has never been able to find the job in his field and this has frustrated him immensely.
When he has had these episodes we have either ordered him to leave the house or he storms out in temper. He is irrational and we do not have the “tools” to cope with it. A day later he will make contact, apologise profusely and promise never to do it again. He returns to the home very humble BUT some weeks later, something triggers him and wham!! we go through it again.
It has been 11 years of hell!
He originally was diagnosed as being manic depressive and had O.C.D and is on 60 mg Cipralex daily.
Just a few days ago ( his father passsed away 9 months ago) I stood alone experiencing another episode.
I threw him out after calling the police as I really feared for myself although he has NEVER lifted a hand.
I had four days to myself to mull over the events and after speaking to family someone asked me if perhaps he could have Bi-polar Disorder.
“What is that ?”I asked, hence my search on the web sites and found yours.
He exhibits all the criteria for Bi-polar Disorder, BUT I am not a Psychiatrist!
I have made an appointment with another Psychiatrist for next week ( the soonest I could get) but I do not know if he is suffering from the disorder or perhaps something else?
He is a lovely guy, does not smoke, drink or take drugs ( I am certain of it as I have asked him and have furtively searched his car and room and found nothing) and when he is nice, he is so nice, but when he gets ugly, he is sooo ugly.
He has run up debts on his credit card (I have paid it up and the card is now cancelled and I have paid up all outstanding accounts). Why? because I am terrified that he may be arrested and thrown in jail.
How can I allow that to happen if my son has a mental problem?
I read every word you send me, print it out and have opened a file.
My son is back home with me once again and I sit and read them to him.
We just can’t wait for the new appointment, for perhaps, someone WILL give us a correct diagnosis and treatment.
Thank you for your communications
It is much appreciated
Yours truly
Brenda
Hi everyone!
Gee that response ” but what if this happens” sounds familiar. With every thing I do needs careful decimation before doing. Anything less seems lazy and frivolous. I have to take baby steps to achieving any goal I set my mind to. Friends and family only tend to frustrate me when they give unsolitaing advice. I have to play life a little in order to figure out the reality around me. I’ve tried many different self help groups and my phycistist thinks I would benefit from resperdone. I have agreed to taking lamologrine but worry about the side effects. Making decisions is the toughest , however, the more decisions that are made the more confience I have. I appreciate any comments you have.
Thank You!
JulieB
Hey Guys,
My issue is a little diffrent then every one elses. My involves a friend at work we are concerned that she is bipolar. Other people at work are starting to complain about her “mood swings” and we are worried that she will get fired if this continues. She is on antidepressent medication which i have heard can make it worse. The problem is we are not sure how to confront her. Brittney my other friend has brought up the subject with her but has not pushed for her to see a dr. She is one of my best friends and i really want to help her but i am worried about sending her is to one of her mood swings by pushing the subject. Any one have any ideas that could help i am so worried about her
Thanks
Alisha
You are only a wittness to the effects of Bi-polar disorder. I know it’s not easy to live with a lovedone with this illness, because my family has to live it my life is a constant rollercoaster of emotions. You never no which nasty comment or …… I don’t know how to say this- it’s almost rare that i can speak without yelling or being frustrated- without sounding like a total monster. Now that summer is here and the kids are out of school, it’s a constant test of my nervous system. If the kids talk too much or there is too much noise i just blow up on them. Then i want’a just go hide away and calm down or just disapear alltogether. I’ve been on medication before tried several different kinds they made everything so much worse. Dr.s just wan’t money they don’t really care. And i believe your in this book stuff for payback for having to suffer through your mom’s illness. I know that sounds awlful but, you are making money off of people who feel like they have no hope of feeling peace until their life is over. No silverlining in their grey cloudy skies.
Hello Mr. Oliver:
Thank you again for the time you take daily to attend our problems and complaints. Even though your program is very new to me, I already see some results with my daughter. Now, and because of the information I got from you, she agreed to have medication also for her moods, and, at the moment seems to be working. I do not know why her doctor never prescribed it for her, even though she has been going to therapy for about fourteen years. She is not very easy to handle, since she is an adult, (38 years old), very introverted, keeping everything by herself, difficult to communicate with, but, since I am the only support she has, I try hard to help her. Finding you was a blessing, because you are a blessing to many people.God bless you for that! Also, I am trying to cope and understand that disease better, in a way I can help myself too. After all, it is very hard to fight something you do not comprehend at all. I lost my 15 year old daughter to suicide, fifteen an a half years ago, and I do not want to lost her too. Finding you was a life saver. Thank you again. Do not pay attention to all the negative comments. You can not make everybody happy. Sincerely yours,
Isolina Collazos
Hi,
In respose to all the what if this happens or what if that happens. I myself watched my father do this for years and for that matter I still watch it. So being the person I am I approach it from a different angle. I dont use what if’s in the present sense. I make decisions based on the fact that I do not want what ifs in my life. So I just try. If I fail so be it, I will not be sitting around later in life wondering what if.
Thanks for letting me comment.
JT Cohan
i have been with my husband for 20 years. 2 years ago he hit his head in an accident and hasn’t been the same since. he now has left me and filed for a divorce. he’s seeing another women and has bounced back and forth to me. i want to help and i still love him very much! but how much am i suppose to take? he is on medication i think. i bought your book, but like the other lady stated, how can you help when they won’t talk to you? we had a very close marriage.
HELP! i could go on forever with my story.
i need help in dealing with my situation. i am reading your book.
To Cynthia and Ginger, unfortunately I have already dealt with what you both are dealing with exactly one year from today. My husband was diagnosed with bi polar and left the home while in a very very manic espisode. I had no idea he was bi polar although his sister was diagnosed bi polar. I never read or research on this illness, because my husband was so strong I never thought he would get this illness. Anyhow we are divorced, by his choice, I still love him and was willing to help him but he didnt want to have anything to do with me. I guess I could say he did me a favor and I dont feel quilty that he left me. I only hope that he gets the proper help.
I’ve been reading the blog entries and your comments with much interest. My son-in-law was diagnosed and treated for depression nine years ago but discontinued meds after one year. He and my daughter have had a close happy marriage until two years ago; since then things have gone from bad to worse. He is like a different person–distant and extremely moody often explosive now. He has a high-pressure job and works abroad a great deal of the time, and openly states he prefers being there. Recently she has found evidence he is having an affair. In fact he says repeatedly that the “real” him is there, no longer here with her and the children. He has picked up addictions, seems miserable much of the time, yet refuses to admit that he needs help, or to see a psychiatrist or to consider taking medication. She has been advised (by a counselor she talked with) that nothing can be done, that he will have to “crash.” Is this true? Is there anything she can do to get him to seek help before he destroys himself, their marriage, HER health–everything?
Hi Brenda from SA
I am Bi-polar and from SA too. I am 38 and have also lost all
my friends and my wife of 14 years. I was diagnosed 1 year ago,
after a life time of symptoms. My only friend told me that she
too was Bi-polar and had been diagnosed 3 years earlier, she then
began to show me how she and others cope and have very
successfull careers. There is one common denominator… Medication
… the right combonation of meds (this can take some time). Your
son sounds 100% Bi-polar, get him on meds and be sure that he
understands the importance of staying on them. This will also
answer alot of his questions (and also the most important one ie
no I am not insane) it will give him the reason for his reactions and
most important it will give him a normal life. If he would like to get
together or chat with me or my friend (we live in Joburg) he can do
so. This bit will have to be in code so that I don’t receive 1000 calls.
Use the prefix for vodacom cell numbers (1st 3 dig) 903 8295.
A message to your son ” Welcome my friend, pedigree has always
been hard to tame ….. it takes alot of practice ” go well.
Thanks David. I just found your website last week. I have learned a lot from reading your daily postings.
I too was desperate for some help in dealing with an adult son who is living with us. Like others have mentioned he is a wonderful guy when not in one of his episodes.
My husband and I along with another son are planning on going to a family support group this evening to learn whatever else we can to help our son who has been diagnosed as bipolar.
We are all learning to remain calm and supportive and working on our support system for our affected son. I’ve gotten results this past week by just focusing on what he needs as opposed to what I need. In meeting his needs, I feel as though I’m getting my needs met too in that he is not so explosive.
I wonder if there are therapists whose practices focus on bipolar disorder? I get frustrated with my son’s therapist because I see little improvement in him. I’m wondering if he is getting the care to which I feel he is entitled.
I have been taking medication for depression for nearly 10 years now. About 2 years ago, my GP suggested that I might have BI-POLAR disorder. I was sent to a pychiatrist for evaluation, and he too confirmed that I have a mild case of BI-POLAR. I was in total denial of the fact and refused the medication. I didn’t want to give up the “productive, energetic, creative” highs that I experienced between my times of depression. At least twice a year, I feel compelled to leave my husband of 7 years. OUr marriage has been a wild roller-coaster…and I often find myself frustrated to the point of becoming a nasty, verbally abusive, controlling person. I spent a few months on my own at our Arizona residence…and did not experience the frustration. It only confirmed my compulsion to leave the marriage. After returning from Arizona to our summer home in Canada, I decided to give the BP medication a whirl and our marriage the “last ditch” effort. I have now been on Lamical (or something like that) for the past 2 weeks. I have been on a huge “productive” spree and am afraid that once the medication takes effect, I will turn into a blob. OUr marriage has been damaged with all of the verbal attacks and instability that I have inflicted over the years. I feel like I need a fresh start, and often times dream about surviving on my own…in a small cabin in the woods far from civilization . I am afraid to form close friendships in case people find out that I have BP. I don’t want to be labelled I guess. Hoping to make a few connections with people that understand where I am coming from.
Good morning,
I am not sure if I am posting in the right area but here goes…..I am the husband of a woman with bi-polar. She has been dianosed for about 3 years now. She was involved in a “study” of how particular meds interacted with one another and is now taking meds that do seem to help. The problem is that they are not consistently working. Each day my children and I wait to see what “version” of my wife we are living with today. I, perhaps selfishly” have a very difficult time living like this. My wife does not receive any therapy or have anybody monitoring her progress or lack there of.
Sorry, I’ll get to my question. My children are aged 12 and 9 and I am concerned they are interpreting my wifes disorder as normal behavior for mothers/women. I have explained it to my children as her being sick and that they are trying to get medication that will work for her. Is this enough? I dont really believe so. Nearly everything that my wife tells my children is brought to me for clarification. Much of what she says or for that matter doesnt say has no rational basis or logical reasoning involved.
I know I have not structured this very well, just a few of my concerns alll jumbled together, but any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
thanks,
JT