I think that this has GOT to be one of THE best messages you have posted to date. I am the one who is BP and I am fervently praying that my husband (+) will read this message and get everything out of it that I did because I know how long it took for me to figure out that I HAD to take/stay on my meds to have any kind of stability in mine & my children’s lives and I just pray every day that it won’t take my husband as long to realize how much I need his help, support and most of all UNDERSTANDING.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR ALL OF US!!

My boyfriend is BP and I’ve only been with him for 8 months, but, I literally have had my fill. I am single with a 6 y/o and cannot continue to deal with his BP. I am now bankrupt and mentally worn out. I love him and will continue to support him, but I cannot LIVE with him. I had no idea he was BP when I met him, but since then he’s been honest with me and I at least got him back on his meds. He is still unstable (meds not working too well), but he’s working. I keep pushing him to work because he is about to receive insurance through his job that will help him get a decent doctor. He has a place to live, but I am somewhat afraid to let him go. It is wearing on me, but I truly love him and don’t know what to do. I have my own problems to deal with and there just doesn’t seem to be enough of me to go around. I do know that he’s doing much better with me in his life, but this is really not fair to me. I feel I am getting NOTHING out of this relationship and I too need somebody to lean on once in a while. I really don’t know what he would be like if he were stable. He’s a smart guy, and I believe he would be a really good guy, but I’m at my limit with it all. It’s bringing me down and I can’t afford that since I am my son’s only parent. His father is a loser and doesn’t see him much or pay child support, so I’m IT! My son doesn’t like my boyfriend at all, so it is really not a good situation. I agree that we supporters are the plus sign in their lives, but at what point do we get OUR life back?

Hi David,
thank you for the simple but I believe definately correct equation about bipolar. I am a supporter of my boyfriend of a year and a half who has bipolar. So often he wants to manage his bipolar on his own,on his own terms. My response when the bipolar keeps managing him, is so how is it working for you doing it your way? No so good so why won’t you let other help? Like a good psychiatrist, and talk to your couselor about what is really going on, like all the stuff you confide in me about, but won’t to anyone else, but I am JUST the girlfriend who can’t do anything!! Very frustrating. I pray each day for patience, and understanding, God seems to always come through.

Dear David,
My granddaughter is bipolar and ADHD,has learning disabilities, poor focusing,poor reasoning etc. you name it she has the problem. My daughter and I have been dealing with her problems since she was 11 years old. She is going to be 18 in August. Just about anything you can think of has been done or tried. She knows her problems but refuses to take meds. God knows we’ve tried to explain to her the benefits. I’m hoping your newsletter will give us some help and hope. I always say hope dies hard. We always tell her we love her, but don’t like the things she does. I might add that she has seen psychiatrists and had at one time taken meds. At this point my daughter is trying to get her on disability, but of course they denied her. We’re appealing it , but who knows. She would like to get a job but, frankly, if she is given more than one thing to do at a time, or given something to read, it’ll be over before it begins. I could go on but I appreciate being able to write to you. If you can offer any suggestions they will be greatly appreciated.

I just got the news that my 31 year old nephew committed suicide this past Tuesday. My sister said that he was diagnosed as being bipolar, but she doesn’t believe it. I really think he probably was as he had a lot of mood swings. I will try to send her some information so she can see for herself that it is possible. He will be cremated this afternoon and a memorial will be held for him on the 17th of June.

I have bipolar disorder. I am on Social Security disability. It took the doctors five years to diagnose my condition. It took another five years for them to create the pharmaceutical “cocktail” that finally stabilized my manic/depressive episodes. I currently take Risperdal, Clominaprine, Wellbutrin, Bethanicol, Clonazepam, and Lithium. I also take Synthroid for hypothyroidism. I have had my condition under control for five years. My struggle with bipolar disorder has gone on for a total of fifteen years. My husband has been very supportive; at the same time, he has been very frustrate because the psychiatrists took so long to stabilize me. I would have committed suicide without my husband. Loved ones need to research bipolar disorder and understand what the person is going through. I hate having my condition – I will be on these meds the rest of my life. I can’t have children because there is too great a risk of a birth defect. My husband has accepted this, but I know he is disappointed. This is my story. I hope someone else relates or can be helped by it. There are support systems – you just have to find the right person or persons to support you.

David,

Things are getting better. I go to interview for a job on Monday. Hopefully I will get it because I have been unemployed since the end of October and all this time on my hands has been killing me mentally. I spend most of my time at the library researching this or that or just killing time but I’m broke and waiting on GA and my disability and I’m broke so I really need this job. Thanks for your emails.

OK… I’ll give you a humorous take on equations… A story I heard from my grandmother, in poetic English:

Fred came from school the first half year, as learned as could be, and wished to prove to all around how smart a boy was he! And then at dinner he began, “Mama… you think you see TWO roasted chickens on that dish, now Iwill prove them THREE! So here is ONE, and there is TWO… as plain as plain can be…. I add the ONE unto the TWO, and ONE plus TWO makes THREE!!!”

“If that is so!” said his Papa… “And what you say is true! I’ll take the ONE, Mama takes TWO… The THIRD we leave for you!!!”

It pays to have the right perspective!

Cheers!
Spirited Eagle

Hello David. I am in a relationship with a man that has not been diagnosed with bipolar but shows all the symptoms. When I met him four years ago, he was different. After two months of a wonderful relationship, he ended up in jail. During his incarceration I remained in contact with him but tried to make my life outside. He would always yell at me on the phone and put me down. When he finally got out I helped him because I felt he was just frustrated with his incarceration and I did fall inlove with him. Little did I know the disease kept progressing. He is violent with me, pushes me around and calls me names. Other times he’s like an angel. Cooks for me, helps me around the house and gives me advise on how to raise my children and he is a very smart man.He’s even taught me many survival techniques. He did have some success in his past but the traumas he has had linger inside him. He lost custody of his son, he doesn’t talk to his mother anymore because he blaims her for his father leaving. She mentally abused him when he was little and then he married a woman that wasn’t an ideal match for him. When he got divorced he lost touch with his son. I have been with him off and on for four years and I’m very unhappy. He doesn’t work so I am supporting him. He thinks that the world is against him and keeps me living in fear. We are no longer intimate but he will not leave me because there is a legal pending case that I am a witness to.The legal case was caused on my property and he is innocent I also think he is still inlove with me but refuses to show intimacy anymore because of some mistake he swore I made and will never tell me. He keeps telling me he’s leaving me but doesn’t leave. He’s even threatened my life if I call the cops. He’s never hurt my children because I would never allow that and also he feels he’s some kind of father figure. Not one day goes by that he doesn’t find something I did wrong. I want him to be happy and to go to the doctor and take medication but he refuses to believe he has anything wrong with him. He gets mad at everything. It could be that I left something in the sink and puts me down saying I’m not a good mother or that I’m not smart enough for him. My family is against him as well because they found out he has a past record. I love him with all my heart and I know he’s a good person but I know he’s leaving me. I just wish this legal issue was resolved so that he may leave and leave me alone. I don’t make him happy. He brings up my past mistakes all the time and usually does all the talking. The only thing that would calm him down was to smoke but he doesn’t do that anymore because he doesn’t want me to spend money. I feel bad for everyone that is going thru hell by supporting anyone with bipolar. He wants a job but he says no one will hire him because of his record. He’s a very intelligent man and is knowledgable in many fields. He can’t leave the state until he legally resolves his issues. Personally he scares me. I live in fear in my own home. I took him in when he was in trouble. I blaim myself for putting myself in this mess and falling inlove with a man in this condition. I just want to help him and I want him to be free away from me and my home because my neighborhood he hates and he hates everyone around us. He is not on medication, just basicly eating the right foods and reading alot of things to survive some kind of end of times ordeal that is going thru his mind. I know times are tough but is it fare for me to live in fear with the man I love? I don’t want to get him in trouble because that would make things worse. I want to help him. Please David I don’t know who else to turn to. I’ve tried praying, chanting, meditating, improving my ways by being more organized but my memory is getting worse, I feel anxiety all the time, depression, I am working but want to quit because I want to just stay in bed and hide from my misery. It sounds cowardly but I’m just tired and numb. I take xanax to calm myself down and avoid arguments with him but sometimes it’s too much for me that I snap back, and that’s when he gets that look in his eye. I am trying hard but hard is not good enough. Thank you for sending me literature. I plan on learning as much as I can on this disease to help him. But does he want to be helped? Would he accept help from a woman he thinks so low of? Help.

I am living with, and supporting a woman with bipolar. I have gome through many ups and downs, some all in the same day. She rapid cycles-alot. Most of the episodes leave me wounded with my head spinning, insulted, feelings hurt, sad, depressed at times, even wanting to leave her. Bipolar is very hard to live with. She won’t get treated. When asked to, her reply is: I’m not sick… I really wish she new what this is doing to our relationship! Paranoia, fear, lying, low, and high opinions of herself-this is just some of what it is. She drinks, n ot all the time, but when she does-it’s alot. That is one of her self medicating things. I don’t like how she acts when drunk, saying stupid things, etc. I am madly in love with this person. I do not want to leave her-but I am spent. Alot of money get’s spent, alot of emotional energy get’s spent. I would like anothers perspective for coping… I am a very strong person-but as of late-I feel empty…
David

Ya know, I read these postings and I ask, why do you put up with it?????? My ex-husband, my oldest son (14 y/o), my husband, and all three of my step-kids are bp. My son is ADD and my husband has many diagnosis’s to mention. I am the supporter for my son and husband. My ex is just to far gone to even want to help which is why he is my ex . . . . . and my Step-kids wont admit it and/or dont want help, oh well, I cant make them, they are all adults.
1st! Take care of yourself! You cant “help anyone else if you are not stable – financially, emotionally, or physically. And those of you with children – ALL CHILDREN COME BEFORE ANYONE ELSE! If they are miserable, if they are lacking and if they are put after the one with BP, how do you think they will feel about you for putting them there? How do you think it will affect thier future? Children are God’s Gift, not something to take care of after everything else is taken care of!
2nd Dont take any “excuse” – tough love works! and if it doesnt then they dont want the help.
3rd Have faith – prayer works – God loves us and maybe it isnt what HE wants for you, so leave if it is unbearable. God didnt put us on this earth to be miserable but to praise and worship Him.
4th – If they want help (or in my son’s case – gets it whether he wants it or not) and they want to be with you, GREAT! Be thier support, be there for them, help them. Talk to them, talk to thier doctors – YOU can talk to the doctors, the doctors just cant tell you what He thinks or does with your loved one.
5th – have open communication with your loved one. My husband is still trying to get stable with moods. He has been manic (mildly) for over two months – something isnt right. The Anti-depressant is to strong or the manic meds are not strong enough . . . . . . TALK! BP isnt something you can ignore, and if you communicate, is the great for your relationship. If you can talk about moods, what is going on, finances, medications and doctors – then you can talk about anything!
Hospitalization is the best first step for thier stability. . . . . . Start the communications THEN.

The last thing I want to tell everyone – If you are trying to get someone or yourelf on disability – CONTACT YOUR US SENATOR!!!!! My husband was denied in 2004 – still got lots of problems, couldnt hold a job, couldnt function at times. I finally got him to reapply in April of this year. I immediately contacted my US Senators office, of course I didnt say help, I said “It isnt fair! We fight to get it as we are citizens and there are others getting benefits and arent. Between my husband and myself, we have been paying in for a combined 50 years!” or along those lines. My husband’s final interview was April 26th, the SSI received the paperwork from on doctor on May 2, and the other doctor on May 5th. They “allowed” it on May 11th – We received his first check on June 11th. The Senators office flagged his application for immediate notification of any changes on it. We knew he was approved before we got the letter from SSN because of the contact with the Senators office.

Dave – you can use any of this or all of this with your postings. And Thank you for your help to get me where I am today.

Hi Everyone!

Today is Friday the 13th. Heard this on the radio as I climbed out of bed this morning. That can only mean one thing ! The doomsday- soothsayers have regarded this date as a day of bad luck.

But today was the day that my 29year old son had an appointment with a NEW psychiatrist (after many) to try and get a diagnosis on his mental disorder which has had him living in limbo for so many years! ( and his parents with him)!!!! This CANNOT and WILL NOT be a negative day.
It HAS to be POSITIVE!!

He had a appointment for next week but it was brought forward to today because of a cancellation. That was a good sign, never mind the date!

The diagnosis ? Bipolar disorder!

Can anyone believe that I am sooo happy to hear that?? My son has bi-polar!!! To finally get a diagnosis?

After all these stressful and sad years ,marked with tears, fear, bewilderment, stress and hopelessness, I have finally been given a gift.

“Is she insane?” you may ask.

No I am not insane, I have been thrown a life line. It’s as if I was watching my son slowly dying and no-one could tell me the reason why.

Today is the 1st day of his life…. (now I am not so stupid to think that by taking a couple of pills, everything will be OK.) BUT it IS a start on the road to recovery (no matter how late in life it is) and while there will be big and small mountains to climb and fires to jump in and out of, nothing can compare to what I have gone through with him, over the past 29years. I WILL stand by his side, hold his hand and with the help of G-D’s power, I will have to embark on an unknown journey…. to recovery.

I know there is no miracle cure for this disorder but I am told and have read, that it CAN be managed (through trial and tribulation for the correct drugs) and one can live a fruitful, independent, successful and happy life.

The criteria is that the person who is suffering from the disorder, MUST educate him/herself with the knowledge of the disorder ( not JUST the supporter) and WANT to be helped.

Having read the above letters, my heart goes out to all those that are dealing with a loved one suffering with this disorder ( I CAN say that I UNDERSTAND, because I have been through it and will still continue to do so, until such time that my beloved son reaches a place of feeling safe and at peace with himself.

Those who are suffering with the disorder need our compassion and support ( Oh, it is soooooo hard , after all, we are also human) . They did not put in a special order to G-D to be given this disorder. Who would want to go through a precious life living with such a thing?

However it is a fact and we have to deal with it.

Don’t be so hard on yourself…take time, FIND TIME! to fill up your cup, nurture yourself, for if your cup is depleted, you cannot help anyone. YOU will need help in the end.

I bless you all, with strenght in your heart and body.( you really need it!)

With love in my heart

Brenda ( Johannesburg. South Africa)

I have been living with someone for 24yrs who has bipolar, married and two children later i still find myself here but am at the end of my tether now. The not knowingness of how he is going to be each day is wearing me out, its like everyday is like treading on egg shells i am fed up with pretending to be a so called happy family. It has really had an impact on both of my children and i am now wondering whether staying for the sake of the children has been a good or bad thing! I realise i have been living a lie for quite some time now and wondered if there is anyone out there who feels the same way as me or is my marriege just over?

what i find is that bp spouses are very confusing to a point you think its you and mine seemed very willing to blame me. i am divorced a year after being married for 25 we have a 21 year old son and a 17 year old daughter he took the money and had his paychecks direct deposited he was horrible and cruel for years to a point where i became a person with post traumatic stress syndrome, and anxiety attacks…. the anxiety is less now that we no longer live together. before the divorce was finalized i wanted to try again maybe there was something else we could try that i was missing he was horrible and vandictive made me feel horrible it was all my fault which at first as a pattern i took the blame then came back to reality and said noooo. i just found out recently that he has a new woman who my son knew about for all this time and didnt tell me… Instead of telling me himself my x then husband chose to be mean .. now he admits he dated this woman from october when we move into our separate places they just didnt hold hand….say what?! i know he knew her before by the way he was playing love songs , sneaking in the car to make private phone calls at 2 am and hotel bills with guests he denied them all ….she is completely unlike me much older by about 8 years has a lot of improvements such as fake nails , hair pieces and a little something else ..he led me to beleive he wanted a natural woman i thought i was high maintenance i can move in mine…the really strange thing is i keep thinking about him my daughter gets mad she says i want to go back with him….i know there was like one personality i fell in love with and saw glimpses of and i miss him what is it that i keep obsessing i worry about him he is going to go off his medications..he says the new woman understands his anger and deals with it….. he has totally made this woman his family ignoring his childrens needs. the way our kids were to meet her was at a family public function where he introduced her as the new love of his life who completes him. talk about snap…. i am still realing and he was able to go on with not looking back. i decided it would be easier to e-mail so i hadnt lost him complete even though i filed for the divorce i had been threatened for years. and he told me his new woman was uncomfortable . i told him i thought she should be since we were still married when she was dating him for months…. i told him things we were doing as a family and he didnt want to hear about me at all just the kids and i feel if they want to tell him things that’s up to them. its better for me not to be in contact with him, i think about him a lot but i am not crying all the time and in pain …..you get over relationships what is it with this one is it because i took care of him for years? i have always been confused about his behaviors the whys if i had done something different . i found i was losing my identity trying to fix him or help him and when he took the money then went out of town …..he said he was leaving me in three years i wonder if he would have and if he would ever have changed with help but he wouldnt go it was me. i dont know what will become of him when he stops his medications completely he was a bear on weekends when he wouldnt take it he could be more demanding and controling without it.

Dear David,
I understand that what you have done for your mother is a sincere and wonderful thing, to devote so much to a loved one who needs help without asking is truely a great thing. I do wonder though that if somone doesnt want help like some people have said here that maybe that could also be an awnser, I dont like to be a person who comes along and says this is wrong and that is wrong but if the person with the problem doesnt want help then maybe it shouldnt be given, Im not saying that when its not given to be a cold person but in general just be there and offer support and an ear when needed, love for a love one or friend is a given. My friend has been diagnosed with this disorder and I know how it effects her, it cuts me up when I see it and hear how she is so low. Im sorry if I sound agressive in with my post but its just that Im at a point now where I feel I cant do anymore to help my friend, I feel as though I have already let her down because Im out of things to say to her that can make her feel better without personally thinking Im going round in circles repeating the same things. Lately I have said to her that if this is a problem that wont go away then maybe you should try and accept it and take in as a part of you, I know she enjoys the mania.. explosive shopping spree’s, wild nights out and other such things but would you say that saying to her when the depression comes to just go with it and let it ride? I know how tactless that sounds but Im only trying to help, nobody will listen to her because they think she is mad. Ive said mad people can have the most fun? I sympathies with her because I too feel that I have this disorder but to what degree I dont know, I know what its like to be really down and then some days later up again. Its exhausting as you must know. I dont know what else to say really other than asking for tips? Sorry to sound narky.

Hi Garry. I have not gotten a response to my comments on my situation. Like I said earlier, I am in a relationship with a man that has bipolar. He has never been diagnosed with it but shows many mood swings and falls into deep depression. I cannot approach him and have a normal conversation with him because everything I say is wrong or he gets irritated. He keeps saying he’s leaving me and doesn’t leave. He scares the crap out of me and I just want him to be the same man I met four years ago. I don’t think he wants help or admit he has that disease so I keep my distance and try my best to stay happy. Can someone be helped if they don’t want help? I don’t think so. But atleast if you show that you care for your friend and watch out for her, not let her go to crazy with her shopping sprees because she could get into dept, that might help. Also about your depression or bipolar or whatever you have, it’s up to you what works for you. Some people exercise and keep away from junk food. Others take medications and it helps. I don’t know because I don’t have bipolar, I have more of what you call manic depression. What helps me is meditating, praying, keeping busy with my kids, cleaning, working, and exercising. Sometimes I take xanax to numb myself and to be able to deal with my boyfriend’s mood swings. It’s not easy but as long as you keep trying and don’t give up on her and yourself, then you can accomplish anything. It also helps to remember you’re not alone. I’m still waiting for David to respond, I just keep getting emails and links for me to buy something. Take care and hope you and your friend get the help you need. 🙂 I need help too. Heeelp! HEEELP! Have any thoughts to share? Bring it on. See ya.

I have bipolar disorder and have chronic hypomania. I have been manic four times. My research into mania suggests that it may not be a brain defect but an evolutionary attempt at developing a super brain. Research shows that many people with bipolar are goal oriented. This goal orientation is a key element of mania and is the trigger mechanism to mania. An increase in time spent on goal oriented tasks starts the manic episode. Mania will increase the time spent on goal oriented tasks creating an addictive behavior. Think of the brain as a computer. Computers are rated by the processing speed at which they process information. The fastest processors are known as super computers and are rated the best. Racing thoughts, works like Google with the first thought being the goal and all succeeding thoughts are documents to that goal. Mania increases the speed at which these thoughts are process with an increase in energy. An increase in time spent on goal oriented tasks, signals the brain that it needs a faster processor and increase energy to work on that goal oriented task. It takes evolution thousands of years to develop into the finished product.

I just have to tell you that I have been through hell since I was 4 years old and when I got divorced from my husband in Germany in 1983, it has been like WWIII in two countries for 28 years, fighting for my sanity and my children. That was before HIIPA. I was in hospitals and had shock treatments and false diagnoses and thousands of medications, all wrong ones, gained hundreds of pounds and had numerous breakdowns, had so many jobs I can’t even count them, had so many doctors who never even cared to listen what i had to say what I was telling them until I had one interim nurse practitioner who quit- she put me on geodon. That was the start of something good until she left the clinic. Then I had to go into the hospital to get an emergency appointment so they would take me into another clinic within two months instead waiting for two years. I had two doctors- both who quit within 9 months total time. Then I had a nut case of a doctor from November 2007- May 2008 who asked me what kind of medication I wanted and refused to give me the necessary medication and would give my Medicare Plan D the prior Authorizations needed for the medications so I reported her to the CEO of the hospital and the very next day I was able to get a new psychiatrist after months of requesting one. I got an interim psychiatrist- she was there for only three months- a substitute retiree from Florida who will have to leave on July 18th who knew exactly the medication I needed. I refused to have any more schock treatments ever again. They made me forget what I needed to forget and remember what I needed to forget so I will never have them again. That resistance saved me and helped her decide to give me Topamax which was a Godsend. It is usually given only as a last resort when all other medications have not worked for OCD, ADHD, PTSD, Mood Stabilizers, Bipolar Disorders, Depression . They usually give it for migraines and seizures- neither which I have- but they really aren’t sure what the diagnosis is for me otherwise. Anyway, the therapeutic level of 200 mg is working along with 450 mg of wellbutrin and 80 mg of geodon. I have no as you call episodes or anything else. Sometimes I get a bit sad, but most people have that. I get sad that my family isn’t in tact, but that is understandable. I just thought that I’d pass this on- that maybe it might help someone else and bring a ray of sunshine into an otherwise very dismal life. Hope someone finds happiness by reading it!

dear dave,
i’m a supporter of my husband’s big elephant as you called it and sometimes i can’t help but ask when its going to end. right now he’s in one of his episode but hopefully as i see it he is in control, i hope i’m right on that. its been a month now and still he’ s in a restless mood but very happy. what so good about his BP is that he can be so smart and can speak his mind which he cannot usually do in his normal state. just hoping though that it won’t cause his job LOL. however, with this crisis in the family still God was so good to send Angel Dave to us and he helped us understand that there is life after all to a BP situation. to all of you who share your BP experiences thank you and may God strengten us for our BP love ones depends in us too much. anyway we have a saving grace named dave. thank you again very dear friend
ellen

I sent the following in response to one of David ‘s e-mails last month but at that time I don’t think this blog site was up and working yet. Or at least I didn’t kow how to get here to post. I didn’t get a response to that e-mail so I have done a cut and paste of that e-mail below for all to read and with any luck someone can find a way to respond.

I have been married for the past twenty years to a woman that always seemed to have her own agenda and would do things without consulting with me. Her behaviors made those closest to us ask me why I put up with it. I put my all into being a good husband and a good father to our three children (one of which she had before I met her). She would come up with ideas that to those on the outside looked totally crazy but from the inside I tried to support her and would go along with her, and the funny thing is where she would claim success others would look at the idea puzzled as to what was so successful. She was always running us into debt. And I was always trying to bail us out. She never had a steady income for more than eight months. She had many jobs over the years. She took college classes but never earned a degree. She would learn things very quickly but never fully used the skill for very long. She would have month long depression cycles. She attempted suicide several times, other times she just made threats and cut on herself. When she would get angry she would throw things around the house and make messes. I tried to get her to go to counseling many times over the years but it seems like within three months of going she would get angry at the counselor and stop going. Our oldest child had behavior problems growing up and he was finally diagnosed as bi-polar. I learned that bi-polar can be hereditary. At that point I asked her doctor if she could be the one that passed this on to our son (I’m not his biological father). Her doctor told us she was bi-polar. Since then I’ve tried to reason that her behaviors are not her fault and I feel like I’ve just become and enabler for her. It has just gotten to difficult to deal with after 20 years. Our marriage counselor said he wasn’t sure about the bi-polar but said she definitely had personality disorders. I have talked to a lawyer and started divorce proceedings. When I told her I wanted a divorce she cut her wrist and I had to call an ambulance. The hospital released her to her mother’s care that night. The next night she attacked me and our middle child and I had to call for police support. She was arrested and spent four nights in jail. That was the first time I had ever called for police help. Usually they showed up with the ambulance when she would hurt herself. Now she is claiming that I abused her mentally and physically, I failed to protect her from our middle child. Now I’m afraid that she is going to cause me more problems and make my life miserable out of vindication.

Is there anything that you know of that I can use to protect myself and our children from her wrath? She already is talking bad about me to our children. She is spreading accusations and falsehoods to her side of the family and her doctors. And I’m sure her lawyer is going to attack me at the divorce trial. I’m so worried. Please help me!!

How exactly is a definite diagnosis of bipolar determined? Are there certain tests that can be administered to get a diagnosis? I truly feel that my husband is bipolar but after reading material describing other (mental)disorders, he seems to exhibit symptoms that could be considered one of those disorders. He refuses to seek any professional help and most times denies that he has any problems–but he has his “normal” moments when he will admit that he does have something wrong and has “issues” as he calls them that he needs to deal with. We live in a small town with limited medical assistance available. My husband and I do not have medical insurance. So even seeing a physician or mental health physician is basically impossible on our income. Any suggestions on convincing a loved one that they should seek help and how to do this with a very limited income.