=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
First I wanted to welcome the more
than 2000 people that signed up
to my bipolar newsletter in the last 24 hours.
Welcome to everyone.
Also, I wanted to say a couple of things
about the video on bipolar disorder
that you can get for f.ree below on my
blog.
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone
know that for now, I want to keep things
simple. I am really simple when it comes
to this tech. stuff. I am not a tech person.
I know a bunch of people gave me ideas
to turn the video into well one that
could be probably in the movies…just
kidding. But, seriously I want to make sure
that I stick with the message and don’t
overly focus on spending so much time
on making it look fancy. I am not fancy
myself 🙂
You would laugh at all the comments
I got. Some were exact opposites.
“You sound sooo young.”
“You sounded so much older than I
thought you were.
“Your video is too long.”
“Your video is so short…why?”
“Your video broke my monitor”
(I have no idea how this is possible :))
“We should try to get your video in
the movies”
(I can assure you, this will not happen.)
Here’s the deal. This stuff takes a long time
to put together. I don’t think people realize
this. The reason why people don’t do
what I am doing is either they don’t have
the time, energy or money. It takes a lot
of all of this.
If you want to see the view, visit
my blog below and look for it.
Anyway, I wanted to jump into today’s
topic.
Today’s subject is a touchy one, so I’ll
tell you that up front.
It’s about how people in a manic episode
tend to choose the wrong people to
surround themselves with (negative or
toxic people) when they are in that
episode, and it comes back to
hurt them and their families.
If you remember way back—a long
time ago, someone who works for
me named Michele Soloway had
this situation.
Anyway, also, remember before when I’ve
told you about Michele and how
she taught her children about picking
the right friends by using this
equation:
If you are a 10 and they are a 2,
and you hang out with them, you are
not going to bring them up to an 8,
they are going to bring you down to
a 4!
So that’s what I’m talking about here.
It’s hard for a supporter to watch their
loved one go into a manic episode…
they get all outgoing and such (whether
that is their normal behavior or behavior
caused by the bipolar disorder)… and
the next thing you know, their loved one
is hanging around with these people…
…and the supporter KNOWS that these
people are bad for her loved one, but he
just uses excuses, or defends his “new
friends”… because he can’t see how
they are bad for him.
That can be so frustrating for the
supporter, because her loved one
just won’t listen to her, and she doesn’t
want to get into a fight with her loved
one, but she doesn’t know what else to do!
She just has to silently stand by and
watch her loved one be hurt by these
people – maybe they are just
negative people and will bring her
loved one down, and that’s not as
bad as what some will do –
some will take advantage of their “new
friend” (the person in the manic
episode) and possibly use them for
their money, etc. But still the one in
the episode will defend them!
In my courses and systems, I teach
not only about how to deal with your
loved one when they are in an episode,
but also what to do when they won’t
listen to you:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
It’s very difficult in this situation to
get your loved one to listen to you.
For example (true story):
Michele’s mom has bipolar disorder,
just like my mom. Michele spent hours
with her mom, working out a routine for
her. Her mom was doing great on her
routine. Until she met Mary.
Mary became close friends with Michele’s
Mom. But she decided that Michele’s
Mom didn’t need her routine any more,
so guess who Michele’s mom listened to?
Well, after awhile, Mary kind of
floated away from Michele’s mom,
and Michele’s mom went into a
mini-episode, most likely caused
by the fact that she had no routine
to cling to, like she had before.
Do you see the important point
that I’m making here? No one is
saying that people with bipolar
disorder shouldn’t have friends.
But only that they should be VERY
particular in who they choose for
friends.
In fact, to you people with bipolar,
I would trust my supporter with
this one – if your supporter thinks
that maybe there is something wrong
with your new friend, I would think
twice about it.
Just a suggestion – don’t throw stones
at me or anything!
I will tell you this as a p.s. –
Michele’s mom sure learned her
lesson about choosing her friends more
carefully. And now she sticks to her
routine, too!
Okay, well I have to run.
Want to hear something interesting. I have a person
that works for me that use to have 6 different personalities.
This person is incredibly smart. This person’s personalities
consolidated into one personality and now the person has
bipolar disorder as well.
The person is super smart, very creative, a great worker
and able to take complex problems and immediately simplify
them.
The person has extreme attention to detail as well. It’s pretty
amazing. Who would have thought that I would find such
a person.
I am actually going to try to get the person to do an interview
of what it is like to have so many different personalities.
Anyway, I have to run. Catch you tomorrow.
Your friend,
Dave
–
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David,
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder almost 4 years ago. I am 28 and I wonder how I made it 1/4 of a lifetime without proper care. After reading your article I realized something. When I was 18 I was misdiagnosed with severe depression. I continued living my “college days” abusing every substance I could get a hold of, especially marijauna. Once I graduated and started a career I dropped the “habit”,my freinds left, and my life started to spin downward after that.
Presently I quit my career and settled for one less stressful, my freinds are gone, I take my prescribed medications, and I am still unstable. Is it possible that my symptoms are getting worse as I grow older, or am I just sober enough to reconize them?
I still struggle everyday, and have just now accepted that I have such a complex illness.
Your avid reader,
Susan
Dave,
LOVED your message today! I’ve been watching my manic loved one for MONTHS now accumulate “friends” that are bad for him and make bad choices WITH him. It’s heartbreaking! I have attempted to bring it to his attention and he thinks I’m conspiring to take things away from him! Consequently, all these “friends” hate me! For now, I give up…can’t deal. Dave, I also liked what you mentioned about the individual that’s really good at solving problems. I read an article once about bp and problem solving. Interesting… talked about the “hunger” in the bp brain from the lack of (some chemical,I forget)and the ability to solve complex problems and riddles. Anyway, thanks!!
Hi Dave, Broke his moniter huh, I had I guy come into my store one time and tell me the Hillshire Farms sausage ruind his eye. It was all I could do to not say “well if you put it in your mouth instead of your eye”. I would always say the right stuff in my head I would be telling what I really thought. I do not have, no I have 3 friends. I do not need any more than that. I have trust issues, I concider myself to be a real person, many humans I have met through my life I am not sure, best to stay away, maybe it is Calif.Thanks Dave, Karen
cannot tell you how PERFECT the timing of this was – having trouble with 16yr step-son and choice of friends – THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
Dave,
I just want to say I am gald that you do this for everyone! I just want to let everyone know that you can have a very good life and have hope that you will be able to lead a normal Life a some point! I have had Bipolar Disorder for 14 Years!
And have had know Episoded since 2003 and have been doing very well still! And have had a very Tragic Life! And still come throught it.
You just have to have Hope and believe that God is a good God if you only will trust him he will bring you thought anything in your Life! I am living Proof of that and if any one wants to talk to me I am willing to do that for anyone out there that needs some Help. That is what I would Love to do!!
well I beter go for now! Take care you all!
Cindy from Ohio
Doing very well!!
When my husband is manic he attracts all sorts of people. They “buy into” his schemes and ideas and think he’s great. His “old” friends know better. When he’s manic, he’s very outgoing, talks to everyone, and makes friends easily. Unfortunately this would also include the crack addict at the gas station that he wants to help start a business. I had to draw CLEAR boundaries on that one. “Don’t bring him to our house!!” It’s so odd dealing with strange things like this. My husband doesn’t understand why I dont’ want to help the crack addict like he does!! It makes him feel grandiose if he has someone to take under his wing.
Dave,
My wife was found to be Bi-Polar in 2000 after our oldest son died (at age 19). The message today was right on. When she gets into a depression she needs to get away or escape (her word). She has two friends, both out of town, one is Bi-Polar herself and knows what she is going thru and helps her (also when this person has a bad depression she will call my wife and she will go stay with her until they get it under control (her family won’t except that she is Bi-Polar so she comes to my wife). The other understands the problem and gives her a place to get away from everybody and work thru the depression and doesn’t get as we say in her face, she just leaves her alone and when my wife is ready to visit she’s there for her. My wife’s family and friends don’t understand how I can let her leave for days on time. But I know it is what she needs. It was too bad from others until I became disabled and on oxygen 24/7. I’m not inmoble so I can handle it while she is off getting better and her for her when she start the up swing and then for the start of the down swing. But, the family-friends are worst now about their comments to me. At least never to her. I just let it roll of my back and go on doing what I feel is best for her. I live with her any she how she suffers and how getting away helps. One major trigger is stress so she can’t hold down a full time job. When she was able to the kids where she taught just loved her and some still keep in contact with her and understand her problem. Thank you so much for your messages, some I have already been doing but I also finding out new ones to help me and her.
Thank you,
Darrell
Great topic today Dave. My boyfriend (3rd time-round), who also has these esteem issues, towards himself, of course, & towards me. He’s divorced, from a bad marraige, (she was unfaithful), needless to say, he has never healed from the betrayal, (another good topic), in turn he doesn’t know how to make & set boundries. What I mean is that beacuse this was so painful for him, he cannot or does not know how to trust and/or respect me. (his own esteem is so shot), he also believes that I’m going to do it too (the infidelity). Also, he is drawn to so-called “friends” who also disrespect women. This attitude & behaviour, which seems to manifest itself, by its members, is extremely hard to take. All the work of trying tohelp him with esteem, is totally undone by one visit to his friends. So when I let him know that this behaviour is unacceptable, he takes it, turns it around, so then he’ll try & argue that I don’t appreciate his sense of humor. I don’t think making jokes & disrespecting, ANYONE, (size, race, sex, color, ets) is funny or amusing at all. He thinks his comments or ‘jokes’ as he calls them, are no reflections of himself. Then tries to say that I’m making a ‘big deal’ for nothing… I don’t take this very well. I have overcome abuse from childhood, and found my self-esteem again, so when I let him know thaqt he is disrespecting me & himself, by his actions & comments, it thwors him into a spin, and then we start all over again…. The influence of negative friends, music, thoughts, and attitudes, plays a huge part with these people that suffer, for the patient, and the supporter. Thank you for your thoughts & lessons Dave. I need all the help I can consume.
Dear Dave: Thank you for caring about all of us mentally ill people. You are doing a great work for us and I thank God for sending you around
Dear Dave: Thank you for all the material you have supply. I feel very supported. You are doing a geat well to humanity. Thank you God for keeping you around.
Lucero
Dave,
I read your daily e-mails and find them very interesting, especially todays. I have had bipolar disorder for at least 25 years or at least that was when I was diagnosed. I have been studied by the best doctors and at last count I have 17 differrent personalities. My close friends have witnessed up to at least nine of them and my Best friend since childhood has witnessed all of them!
I will tell you that multiple personality disorder is a real condition!!!
I am currently 39 years old and have two children, both of which have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I am their primary care giver. I am a licensed respiratory therapist, but I am not able to work anymore.
I wish to tell you of my experiences with different personalities. I will lose time sometimes hours and up to weeks at a time. I will have no memory of what the other personalities are doing or have done. I have no memory of childhood until I am about 17 and that first memory had to be verified by my brother about my father a vietnam vet and marksman holding a double barrel shotgun to my head loaded and telling me that the fireplace mantle didn’t pass the white glove test!! I guess the statement I made is going to blow people out of the water , but I told him to go ahead and shoot me so one of us could have some relief!!!
I have been hospitalized, but regression therapy was out of the question and has continualy been all my life with the same response” We are very afraid to travel that road because in our best opinion you may not live through it and it is just too risky”
I have been to one extreme to the other and al the ones in between.
Bipolar is a complicated illness in itself, but it is usually compounded with an associated illness.
I saw you looking for employees,but I was afraid t respond because I was afraid!
I hope this gives everyone a little insight into a world that is not discussed very much.
Thank you for mentioning it and I hope everyone has a nice day.
Donna Lynn
Dave,
I read your daily e-mails and find them very interesting, especially todays. I have had bipolar disorder for at least 25 years or at least that was when I was diagnosed. I have been studied by the best doctors and at last count I have 17 differrent personalities. My close friends have witnessed up to at least nine of them and my Best friend since childhood has witnessed all of them!
I will tell you that multiple personality disorder is a real condition!!!
I am currently 39 years old and have two children, both of which have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I am their primary care giver. I am a licensed respiratory therapist, but I am not able to work anymore.
I wish to tell you of my experiences with different personalities. I will lose time sometimes hours and up to weeks at a time. I will have no memory of what the other personalities are doing or have done. I have no memory of childhood until I am about 17 and that first memory had to be verified by my brother about my father a vietnam vet and marksman holding a double barrel shotgun to my head loaded and telling me that the fireplace mantle didn’t pass the white glove test!! I guess the statement I made is going to blow people out of the water , but I told him to go ahead and shoot me so one of us could have some relief!!!
I have been hospitalized, but regression therapy was out of the question and has continualy been all my life with the same response” We are very afraid to travel that road because in our best opinion you may not live through it and it is just too risky”
I have been to one extreme to the other and al the ones in between.
Bipolar is a complicated illness in itself, but it is usually compounded with an associated illness.
I saw you looking for employees,but I was afraid t respond because I was afraid!
I hope this gives everyone a little insight into a world that is not discussed very much.
Thank you for mentioning it and I hope everyone has a nice day.
Donna Lynn
David, I am glad you stick to the KISS rule. (keep it simple stupid).. we need your knowledge in bp…not in creative writing. Keep on doing what you know….Lyn
When I was working as a legal secretary, I made friends with someone I’ll call “Jackie,” who was another legal secretary. We had soooo much in common. We’d have lunch together; go to bars at night; and just “hang out.” She was a VERY sexy woman; it took a LOT to keep up with Jackie!
Well, it wasn’t too long after meeting her, that I went into my third nervous breakdown. Now, Jackie didn’t have ANYTHING to do with my manic episode – except for the kinds of things we were doing together.
When I was hospitalized, she and an ex-boyfriend of mine actually tried to break me out of the hospital! She had invited me to go with her to St. Louis, and I had even written up my “Change of Address” cards. My Mom got wind of this, and told the doctor to tell me that if I was serious of going with Jackie – she would have me committed to the State Mental Hospital! The doc said, “Looks like you’re caught between a rock and a hard place.”
Jackie even took a brick and was trying to smash in the glass door to the lobby. The doc took the matter into his own hands, and had Jackie meet with me. Of course, I was “coming down” off the mania, so when she saw me, she asked, “Are you on meds?” I hung my head down, and said, “Yes.” She left in a huff – and I NEVER heard from her again…
Jackie was not the only “bad” friend I gravitated to in a manic episode. Fortunately, the woman who lived upstairs in my apartment house, moved away when I married my last, late husband, BEFORE I could get involved with her drugs and druggie friends. The one clear piece of advice she gave me was: “Don’t start on ‘crack.’ You’ll have more troubles than you can handle.” This woman still smokes “crack,” and is living out of her car!
I do NOT know why “bad” people entice a person in a mania. Maybe it’s the thrills that they bring to the relationship, or their freedom to do what only “normal” people get away with. I just know I’ve had my share of “bad” people in my life. It’s only when my boyfriend pointed out how “bad” they were for me, that I cut them out of my life – for good.
Perhaps the worst person I let into my life was the man I met 2 months after my husband died. He found out I had refinanced my house for $200K, and asked for a $25K loan. That was in 2004, and he has NOT done anything to pay me back. I FINALLY took the bull by the horns and have an attorney working on getting the money back.
To bipolar survivors: listen to your supporters, or that “still, small voice” that tells you someone is “toxic” for you – you will never know what you’ve missed.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Keep an open mind, but a closed pocketbook.
DAVE, Another thing your emails and this blog have taught me is that choosing “bad friends” is another common symptom of bipolar disorder. My ex-husband had a trainload of fairweather friends. Some had achieved something through exploiting others and he always fell for their ideas and threw his money away at their “business projects”. They all had more money than him but happily let him buy all the rounds. Most of them didn’t like me, as I could see through them. When he got into any sort of trouble, they all disappeared. Another type of “friends” he attracted were the losers and drop-outs worse off than him. It made him feel good to have drunks and druggies look up to him and see him as some sort of benefactor. He threw his money away at them, paid bills for them when he couldn’t pay his own. He always said he just lent them money, but of course he never got a penny back from any of them.
My boyfriend is just the same with these weird “friends”. When he is stable he doesn’t want to know any of them. As soon as he gets into the slightest episode they all come out of the woodwork again, and occasionally a new one gets added to the list. Recently he allowed a woman who is a violent alcoholic wants to be his friend again. He had fallen out with her before because of her violence. Now he meets her for drinks now and then because she has fallen out with everyone else and he feels sorry for her. The biggest problem is that he might drink too much himself when he is with her. Another alcoholic (though not violent) man attached himself. I suggested the two drunks should get together and be a couple. They could be very happy together.
Late one night my boyfriend and I were walking the dog and found a young woman in the gutter, who was very drunk and possibly drugged as well. He picked her up and paid for her taxi home. If I hadn’t been with him he probably would have made another new “friend”. He does have a couple of real friends and he also goes out with other bipolar people and I fully understand why he wants to be with them some of the time. There is no support group here, although quite a number of people with bipolar and other mental illnesses in this area. That’s probably because the local hospital has a very large psychiatric ward. Some people came from other areas but stayed here after being discharged from the psych ward.
My boyfriend’s psychiatrist has adjusted his anti-depressants again and possibly stopped a full blown episode just in time. I have spent a lot of time with him over the last couple of weeks and have noticed the development. He was going up higher and higher and while we were having fun I was also worried that he might crash. Thank God that’s been prevented. Now he is gradually climbing down the steps so to speak and hopefully staying stable on the “ground floor” for a while. Only if he goes down into the “cellar” he will have to have his dose increased again and be careful not to climb up as far as the “attic”.
Thanks Dave, before I read your regular emails I would never have noticed any of this. Now I recognise the signs.
my boyfriend has bipolar disease and he is on meds lamictal and seroquel and i have never really known him to have an episode; other than when he is running out of his meds and in between; but that is not bad. i do, however notice him snapping on me from one extreme to another with his thoughts or personality and it is just so agonizing and uncertain; i guess I should just understand that it is the disease and not him. whatever comments you can give would be greatly appreciated!
Hi Vallabee,
I have bipo I am also on seriquil. Recently my 17 year old daughter, started snaping her own self. She has always been a model child, 3.87 gpa. Acouple years back she was molested when she stayed the night at a friends. The step father attacked her in her sleep. About a month ago the managers at her job moved, the new manager did not put her on the schedual, she started acting odd, then he did not schedual her the next week. She turned into me over night. I found the manager she worked with at another mall and he got her in his store within 2 days, I thought I fixed her. Wrong, she snapped because we had chunky peanut butter and no smooth- screaming, crying over peanut butter, then she attacked her older brother, started drinking, this took place the last 3 weeks, screaming over stuff that was nuts. She got so sick so fast I was in shock.Thursday I got her an appt. with a doctor I really like, most therapists I usually chew them up and spit them out, this guy is good. One day she was an Ap honor student on her way to college. Three weeks later she does not want to go to college, became violent, started drinking, screaming over anything and everything. It is the beast, I would be so devestated, and heartbroken, guility had this happened before I read Daves Books. It is very hard because I have been sick my whole life, with Daves books, I am tryin to be my supporter, i am far from stable, now my model child I fear the beast has her I have to keep it together enough to teach her to fight the beast. She has been studying, listening to Daves video, plus living with me her whole life she knows what I have done, stabbed people, job loss, credit card desaster. She changed so quick, bipolar is slick, plays dirty, got to fight it, it is a ongoing war. my house has turned into a mad house. Any of us can go off at any time, I am extreemely violent when I snap, not on my kids. I can get along great with people, but friendships are hard because if a friend hurts me it can be to dangerous. Take care. Karen
While in manic episodes I cultivated some folks as “friends”. I gave them jobs, lent them money, provided a roof over their heads, trusted them implicitly. History would bear out that the ones I thought were “friends” would use me, stab me in the back, abuse my generosity, betray my confidence and abandon me . I used to invest in these people. My motto was “Helping people help themselves.” These “friendships” cost me thousands of dollars and ultimately left me broke and homeless . Remember: it’s the supporters that stick it out with us through all our eposides that are our real friends!
Well said, Jim.
david, all i have to say is i wish i would have known what wonderful words of wisdom you have to offer in my past life. Living with this disorder has cause soooo much PAIN nothing good, i need help i feel really ill i dont feel like my husband understands and i’m falling apart. some days are good but more are bad. I was in a manic mode on the 24th of Feb. and decided to celebrate my birthday early so i went to a bar by myself had some drinks then drove, was going home then it hit me… I side swiped 3 cars then smacked into the back of 1, i was on the freeway so more cars were coming and i got hit and flipped a few times. things are now worse than they were i was finally getting my shit together then this or i thought i had it together. i never really know cause i spend most of my time lying to ppl about how i feel because well i feel like they just dont get it and thats ok
hell, sometimes i dont even understand. I have been diagnosed since i was 12 and hospitalized 4 times. there should have been more i know but my life has not always been so good especially the situations i put myself in. but thats the past now i have the current problems i cant find a doc that i can completely put my trust in (i have trust issues) yea i know i have it in me i know to do well and get back on track i am a mother of a 4yr old and 11month old and wife. I dont work at the moment i tried i have fits as i call them and they affect me so bad i have severe anxiety attacks.
I’m currently taking 2 meds but no therapists or docs. i think i need a miracle. i have so much to give and i love and want to give it back. my poor husband he sticks with me i think he understands but he thinks i blame everything on being ill. i say its not an escape and its still my resp. but im not really ever under control. All the hospitals that i have been to helped for the few months i was there but i was in a controlled environment and was not allowed to be exposed to outside influences so they couldnt help me, my parents didnt know what to do with me so they just kept putting me in . some days yes i want to die because i cry and cry and cry and im so moody but i try and hide it from the kids i love them and my little girl (4yr) mommy why are you so sad? i dont know what to say, they are both wonderful children and they deserve nothing but the best and i want to be the best for them and my hubby and the rest of my family, i would love to be stable and smile and even have normal ups and downs. without the feeling of guilt or being ashamed.
David i read every newsletter you email me and it helps me make it through the day even when the situation doesnt pertain to myself. it makes me feel good that you can make ppl like me feel good and help them, what you do is if i can say Godly. thank you so much for taking the time and all the investments you make to make my life a little better at a time.
~blessed be~
Dear David
I am 42 years old and was only diagnosed with Bipolar 3 years ago, allthough I ‘ve had it for longer. I think you are doing an excellent piece of work, your mum is a lucky lady.Please do not get despondant with the negetive comments, remember the millions like me who are dependant on your articles. I do not have a support system, you are it! My day begins with your article, I cannot imagine my life without it.
God Bless
Yasmin Turkey
dave its kate if you get this message please email me a personal email as i dont want my comments posted on your wall. thanks