=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
I hope you are doing well.
I have something to tell you about my mom
today. I have her permission to do
so.
I got an email from my mom…
Subject: Episode
She wrote:
“I wanted you to know that I have had
some symptoms of a manic episode today-
restlessness, lack of appetite etc.”
I thought oh geeze, here we go. I really
wasn’t in the mood to have a bipolar battle.
So then I read on and I was amazed…
She went on to say…
“There is really nothing to worry about
because I have an excellent medical staff
(thanks to you).”
My mom went on to say how she called her
therapist AND doctor. She told them
exactly what was going on.
Her therapist called back immediately
and scheduled for her to come in tomorrow.
Within a couple of hours my mom
wrote me:
Subject: Increase In medication
“She raised me medication and I have
to check in tomorrow. I will be going to
Sandra as well.”
NOTE-Sandra is her therapist.
I was super happy about this. Amazed
quite frankly.
Why?
Well this was the goal of my system that
I set out years ago.
Here’s the deal.
Years ago when my mom had that big major
episode, my dad asked me to help.
I thought to myself, “Mom gets really
sick every X years. I can’t keep dealing
with this. Imagine if I was married. This
is crazy. I am going to figure out what she
has and prevent it once and for all.”
That was my thinking. Notice I used the
word “sick.” But then I didn’t know that
sick equaled bipolar episode. We always
called it “sick” growing up.
Then I discovered exactly what my mom
had.
I then said that I was willing to work
long, hard and take off work for a long
time to help her develop a way to manage
what I learned was bipolar disorder.
I spent almost year figuring this out putting
in an incredible amount of time, energy and
money.
Along the way, I invented strategies to
help her. Ways to find a good doctor. Ways
to find a good therapist. How to solve virtually
all the problems I faced. It took a whole lot of time.
I put all these strategies and tips into
three major courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I found out there were basically
three groups of people–people with
bipolar disorder, people supporting
adults with bipolar disorder and people
supporting children or teens that’s
why I have three major courses.
I had two major goals when I took
off that year to help my mom.
Want to know what they were?
#1 was to get my mom in a position
that she could manage and control her
bipolar disorder and it wasn’t managing
and controlling her like it did for decades.
#2 was to get my mom in a position where
she was not overly dependent on people
to help her, especially financially.
As of this year, I feel we have reached
these goals.
#1, my mom paid off her massive more than
$30,000 of d.ebt. And she paid it off, by
herself. All by herself using the system
I setup for her. It’s pretty amazing. I remember
when my brother told me, “There is NO way
she will pay off what she owes. Don’t even
waste your time trying to help her.”
Those are harsh words but realistically,
based on my mom’s track record of money
there was little hope. But I setup and invented
a system and my mom stuck to it.
#2, my mom is managing and controlling her
bipolar disorder. Back in the day, these signs
would have turned into a full blown manic bipolar
episode. I would be called in to help and the cycle
would repeat itself.
IN THE OLD DAYS
My mom would not report and signs or symptoms
to anyone. Manic episodes would get worse, and
worse and worse. Then there would be a complete
breakdown. Total destruction.
Today my mom is proactive and she is in control
of her bipolar. I am not a doctor or therapist
but I am 99% certain that this episode will
be controlled and the bipolar will lose this
particular war.
I was talking to my aunt last night remembering
how bad that last episode was. My aunt said, “it’s like
you went to hell and came back.” I said, “yes.”
She then mentioned, “imagine that we didn’t have
these systems in place, imagine another big episode
like years ago.”
I told her how if that happened, and we didn’t have
the systems in place it would ultimately have destroyed
the entire family. There’s something I call the Bipolar
Doomsday Scenario. It’s something that I am actually
going to be talking more about next week. Anyway,
it’s what happens after a person is stable. Something
really bad. Anyway, it was prevented.
I wanted to leave you with some last points. One
set of points to those with bipolar disorder and one
set of points to those who are supporters.
TO THE PERSON WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER
Learn from my mom, when you feel those feelings
and you know what I am talking about. Tell
your therapist, doctor and supporters. Take
action immediately. Don’t wait until you have
to let the episode run it’s course. You can
catch an episode in my opinion before it’s
totally out of control.
TO THE BIPOLAR SUPPORTER
Your goal is so that your loved one can take
control of you’re their bipolar disorder and
manage it. And also that they can become
high functioning.
It’s possible. It takes time but it’s possible.
If you look at some of my older writings versus
today’s story, you can see that my mom has come
a long way. There is hope for you as well.
TO EVERYONE
-Remember a stable person could slowly become
unstable overtime. It’s possible. It’s not guaranteed
but possible. You need systems in place as to
what to do.
-You don’t have to be controlled by bipolar
disorder, you can control and manage it.
I just wanted to pass this along.
I have to run. Catch you tomorrow. I will
keep you posted on what happens but I am
confident that the potential episode will
be controlled and managed.
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
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emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
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Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder
Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each
one is designed to help you with a different
area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or
you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE
Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
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Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
What a great feeling to have the bp person be proactive! For me there is so much fear underneath that an episode will happen again. The last episode my husband had was about 8 months ago. It left him almost losing me and the grown children. It left him in debt. It did-on a positive note- lead to a neurologist, neuropsychologist, and psychiatarist. He is now taking meds and had a complete workup by neuropsych. We are on, I feel, a new beginning. I have learned new limit and boundary setting. I see a therapist. The fear is still there but I have put the responsibility more in his care. Bipolar or not, an individual must accept responsibility for himself. I will help but he must follow through. He knows this now. Thank you for your messages. I do not feel so alone with supporting someone with this disease.
David,
I first wanted to thank you for all the updates you send.They really help alot.I have a sister theat is 34.She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a short time ago.It started with a deep depression that lasted four months straight.She was told by her doctors she was depressed,and was put on prozac.She did get better and then started with her manic episodes.She came to visit me in January(I live in Upstate new york she is in mass. I noticed she was spending alot of money when she was here,and acting very strange.She was having anger outburst.Very combative and really rude.Even to my three children.I have three brothers (who all live in CT)and I called them to let them know what was going on.Well her husband had to come and get her because she could not drive herself.Long story short she took a road trip alone when she got home from my house and got confused she stayed in a hotel in NH ended up in RI my brother had to get her because she said her car broke down.( she had run out of gas).We knew she needed alot of help.She just wasn’t Jamie(my sister).She is in denial.She has a husband who for some reason she wants to divorce.He has no idea why.They got married two years ago and everything was fine until now.She is very dilusional.Thinks nothing is wrong with her.Well jamie is now in a mental health facility.We all agreed it was the best place for her. She has good and bad days but does not feel that she needs to be there.I spoke to her yesterday and it did not go well.She won’t let me talk. She does not want to hear anything that has to do with her disorder. We love her so much and we are scared for her.she is taking seroquel, in higher and more frequent doses now. She has only been there for a week.They might let her out by the end of the week.i don’t think she should be let out yet.She can’t even admit that there is a problem. I know I’m rambling but my point is that you really help me alot.I look forward to your emails everyday.I just want my sister to get better.She also has MS and she is not doing well with that either. I feel for her. Thanks again for your updates please keep them coming. Your pretty much my lifeline.And your advise really helps.I always pass it on to my bothers.
Thanks again
Dear Dave,
My mother is currently in the phsychiatric unit at the hospital. For the last 9 yrs she has been having episodes of something similar to this. I don’t know how your mother reacted to you and others when this first happened, but through the yrs my mothers episodes, I say episodes because they only come for 1-2 monthes out of the yr. They have been getting increasingly worse as each yr passes, she is more physical this yr, she has gone after her mother, father, and now a male nurse, in her right state of mind she has never hit anyone, ever. She thinks she’s married to a man she works with, which she is NOT! She thinks she’s boss of the phsyciatric unit and fired people there. My family has fallen apart because of this and the Drs miss diagnose her, I really think they don’t take the time at all with people. Which we all know that. She will not take the meds. Says she doesnt need meds just L O V E! She hates her mother who she was close with. She has a boyfriend of 2 yrs and wants nothing to do with him, she wants to kick him out of his own house. It was brought to my attention that me being her daughter have the legal rights to get her institutionalized so she can get 1-2 monthes phsychiatric help with the hopes she would get the help she needs, the meds, get her mind straight and come out and continue the treatments. I don’t want to do this, can you express your opinion. I am an only child, my parents have gotten divorced now since my mom has gone through all this because at one episode my mother was very fearful of my father. And loved a guy who 3 yrs later (now) she thinks she’s married to. I do not have the funds at this time to purchase your program, but I would love to have it, maybe in the near future. I appreciate any help and incite you can give me regarding my mother and if it sounds like bypolar to you.
Thankyou
Dawn M
I can feel the pride, eminating off of your email! 😎
Hi Dave,
You did it, your systems are so complete, you really do have statigies for all the bipo brings. I think I have been here like 6 months now and one time it tricked you- I remember you were kinda upset- it was a time for a tune up but you were upset that it snuck up on your mom and you did not catch it. When you figured out what was trying to happen it seemed that bipo insulted you for even tryen. Your system is that damn good. I was so relieved when I first received the books I could tell just by flippen through them that I would be able to take control, educate myself through your hard work and the bipo cling on that wanted your mom and through your wars you did effectively learn how to kick its ass. You are one of a kind, I would be most likely in jail now, by the time they told me, iwas a extreemly dangerous pissed-off bipo. Karen was gone, I disasosiated and watched from above, I was premeditating, playen with guns, had a mark, target, someone the bipo was stalking, waiting for the perfect time. The bipo refused to take meds. I think you emailed me not sure for how many days- take the meds, you were like a broken record, finally I did had an allergic reaction thought i was going to die but for the first time in my life my brain started to quite down, wierd, I knew then I was sick.
Thank you Dave, Karen
Dave,
You say that Doomsday Scenario is a thing that happens after a person is stable.Three weeks ago I was feeling that my loved one was changing.Everything that we had talked and that had given me safety ,in relation to help her,she began to put in doubts.!) In relation the doctors yet d’ont have consulted none.2)Appears that manege to leave the work 3)Plays her husband agaisnt me ( he don’t no about her illness???)3)resolved make a trip at the wrong time, because it can harm her daughter in the school.4)Have accuse me of many things like to make interference. All this in fight climate.I am feeling as if received many flowers purple. Lilian P.
Hello David, thank you so much for your e-mail dabout your mum. I appreciate how much you have been through and how much effort you have made to understand your mum’s condition and why she behaves in the way she does. My problem with my friend of many years is that she, despite being hospitalised, despite immense support from family and friends and despite being told that she suffers and will always suffer from a bi-polar disorder appears not to accept her condition. I have known her for many years and have seen my compassionate, warm friend turn into an egotist. I understand she is ill and I understand she is coming down from a massive episode but, hey I have feelings too and she seems unable to embrace that. Thanks though David for some insight. Kind regards Diane.
Dave, I have been subscribed to your newsletter for a few months now, but have never posted a response. After reading the e-mail today about your mom recognizing her mania and actually taking the steps herself; I just had to! I myselfr am Bipolar; I was diagnosed nearly 8 years ago when I was 19. I have been on medication for the past 5 months (which is the longest ever) and until recently had a therapist. (not a good one, I have called to set-up an appointment with my new one already). Why do I tell you all of this? The reason is simple, I know and have known that I have an illness. I know that it will try to take over all the time, and until 5 months ago it always did. I periodically look on-line for bipolar info,a nd one night I stumbled across your site. I signed up and ever since I have read efvery e-mail, and talk to my doctors about certain things that may be mentioned or what have you. Bottom line is, I am finally doing what is needed and you helped!!! I know I have a long way to go before I have it under control, or at least have all of my systems in place so that if I do start to falter I can recover. I know that you are NOT a doctor, but I needed to let you know that you have truly helped.
Thanks for your time and dedication!!!
Meg C.
Dave, I have been subscribed to your newsletter for a few months now, but have never posted a response. After reading the e-mail today about your mom recognizing her mania and actually taking the steps herself; I just had to! I myselfr am Bipolar; I was diagnosed nearly 8 years ago when I was 19. I have been on medication for the past 5 months (which is the longest ever) and until recently had a therapist. (not a good one, I have called to set-up an appointment with my new one already). Why do I tell you all of this? The reason is simple, I know and have known that I have an illness. I know that it will try to take over all the time, and until 5 months ago it always did. I periodically look on-line for bipolar info,a nd one night I stumbled across your site. I signed up and ever since I have read efvery e-mail, and talk to my doctors about certain things that may be mentioned or what have you. Bottom line is, I am finally doing what is needed and you helped!!! I know I have a long way to go before I have it under control, or at least have all of my systems in place so that if I do start to falter I can recover. I know that you are NOT a doctor, but I needed to let you know that you have truly helped.
Thanks for your time and dedication!!!
Meg C.
Oh, Dave, I’m soooo proud of you for getting your Mom to this position. Not only has she recognized some of the symptoms of a major manic episode, but she’s willing to share what she’s doing, proactively, to curtail it. And – she’s letting you know what she’s done, using all your hard work and talent to forestall it. Now, we have to wait on the psychiatrist and therapist to do THEIR job!
I’m having a “black dog” day. I’m not exactly depressed, but I AM down. I woke up with excruciating pain in my left leg; it’s usually my RIGHT side that gives me problems. And – it lasted all day. I had to go grocery shopping, and just didn’t “feel right.” I came home and took 2 morphine – and the pain went away. But – not the “down.”
Right now, I have sooo much STRESS on me, not only physically, but financially as well. I have over 1000 emails to get to on both my sites, and THAT is weighing heavily on me. I will pull another all-nighter tonight to try to whittle them down a bit.
Since Daylight Savings Time, I haven’t adjusted as well as I should. I get really tired before Midnight, and although I set THREE alarms for 4 in the morning, I DON’T hear them, and end up sleeping until almost Noon! That leaves little time to do all I have to do during the day.
To all my friends here on Dave’s blog: please keep me in your prayers that this “black dog” day goes away tomorrow.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Stay sane, and enjoy the wonderful springtime weather that some of us are having.
Dave, like your mother I feel and episode comming and i was going to call my doctor yesterday but I fell asleep all day. My days are spent sleeping and my nights are filled with class work and reading and responding to e-mails. I know I’m out of sorts right now. I tried to let my husband know but I don’t think he heard me. I’m losing weight,no appetite,no nothing. I’m averaging a A- in my child development class.and even contiue to write. as well as holding down the house hold.reading your e-mails daily give me hope,and I keep going.
It is so good just to read a little bit of the BP reports and I look forward to them arriving in my inbox. I am in France and my boyfriend of 5 years is BP. He does his spending sprees, he is irritable but worse, he leaves me for young girls and that REALLY hurts. If I didn’t know he was BP, I would leave him! When he declines in to his depression, normally May/June every year, he needs me; I am there. We then spend the next 10 months heavenly together before he goes back to wanting to sleep with every girl possible (and succeeding..he is charming in his manic phase) when it all comes around again.
Why do I stay everyone asks?
I love him!
What is in it for me?
Very little but I love the person I have 10 months of the year.
It is so VERY hard and I spend a lot of time hurting but…..the BP Support helps when I am desperate.
The biggest problem for me is that he and his family don’t seeem to understand what is going on with him. To a degree they do but they never do any research in to the reasons for his behaviour. When he goes off with other women, he lies (not very well)and his mother protects him (her son would never do that – and she wouldn’t understand the reasons anyway!!) so he always has an alibi…..sometimes I feel very alone; so anything I read is always a help.
He has just left me for a young girl who works in the sports shop……I can’t breathe, I hurt so much. He thinks he is in love (she is 23, he is 40). He cuts me off….then he comes back so appologetic when he comes back to reality. I can’t talk to him at the moment; he doesn’t want to know!
I could leave him for someone else to deal with…but who can deal with a problem like this? It needs strength, commitment and a lot of love. Thank you BP Support!
As a bipolar of adult ex and adult daughter life has been complicated. I have another daughter who is completely normal.
Neither of my relatives admits to being bipolar. Did they change that term from paranoid schizophrenic or manic depressive. My ex has had both of these diagnoses and daughter now says she is post traumatic stress disorder sufferer. I know better. Having read a phenomenal amount of literature and exploring ex’s family history I clearly see bipolar in both of them.
I am remarried to a fairly understanding person –18 years.
However, he wonders why I keep in such constant contact with my ex. I do it because of the devastating effects that COULD happen to him and effect my children.
I myself, am a victim of suicide. My father took his life 20 years after WWII and my life has never been the same. His brain injury from shrapnel never healed. I have spent a lifetime trying to “save” people as my big brother says. I brought it into my own family when I married my first husband who is bipolar. I am just glad to keep reading this information and I keep all received emails in a special folder marked BP so I can go back and reread as needed. Thanks again, Dave
David:
What a great course. As a person dealing with bipolar disorder on a daily basis, it is refreshing to see that there is hope out there. After 20 years of dealing with this debilitating disorder, it is refreshing to see someone giving us ways to be proactive for ourselves. Although I have the therapist and the doctor(s), there is still a level of comfort to see someone who lives with every day, giving us the “real story” and the “real facts”. As the person who has always been seen as “having it all together” it is frustrating to not be able to ask people for support because you don’t want people to think less of you. Yeah…not really a good thought pattern, but its one I have ingrained in my life for many years. As I have been reading your e mails, it is refreshing to see that I can get through this and not have to hide anymore. The bipolar episodes are suffocating, it is comforting to see that if I reach out to the right people, it does not have to destroy my life any longer. I just have to learn the tools and learn what to do with them.
Thank you for giving hope!!
Tammy
Dear SuzanneWA,
You will be in my prayers. my mother is suffering from this as we speak she believes she is married to another man, I am and only child and don’t know what to do for her. She was restrained last night for beating on the glass each yr it gets worse and worse and every time she gets out of the hosp. she quits taking the meds and does not continue with treatment. I am so confused I don’t know if I should have her put in an institution for 1-2 monthes so she can really get better and get the help she needs I’m so scared, I don’t want to do it but i want my mom back. Her episodes come once a yr, she’s had it for 9 yrs. my head feels like it’s going to burst, do you have any incite being a sufferer. Thank you Dawn M
Dear SuzanneWA:
So sorry about your “black dog” day…
You know, your comments are always so intelligent, so compassionate, so completely honest… You have helped many and now are asking for prayers.
I know that many others join me in praying for you now when you’re having a rough time of it. Hang in there!! From your prior comments I know that you are very in tune with yourself, and you WILL do what it takes to continue to handle your bipolar disorder as successfully as you do.
God Bless you always; may you feel much better real soon.
Love, Susie
hello dave this is angie i just wanted to say that your bipolar emails have been helping me out a whole lot ,, i acrually didnt realize i was bipolar till i started getting and reading your emails on it once again i want thank you for all this helpfull information thank you so much dave
angie
Dave — you must be so proud of your mom for following the steps you’ve set up for her. And you should be proud of all the work you’ve done to help her and so many others! Now it’s time for you to take some “me” time and go off on a vacation. You derserve it!
Nancy
Dear Dave
Just wanted to thank you for all of your experience 🙂 My daughter is almost 17 and I am sure she is bipolar. I was told that she would not be diagnosed as such for at least a year and a half. OMG what a differance being on medication and getting theraphy has made. She was so out of control. And so so so Angry.
She is now on 1500 mil of Depakote a day and she is settling down.
I have read the end of the internet on mental illness and have now only been reading your material. Thank you most for helping me to blame her illness and not my baby. When she is stable she is so caring and loving, and when she was not it was like living with satan 🙂
Her illness was destroying our intire family and almost running my husband off. I think…no I know she and the rest of us have hope and I will never stop trying to help her and do what ever it takes.
Thank you again and again 🙂
Cindy
Let me tell you about my daughter…all three really, but the one who stands out is the youngest one, aged 24. These girls were raised in a loving home with both my husband and myself as devoted parents. The youngest got pregnant at age 15, was constantly on marijuana and then stronger drugs, has been in and out of four different drug programs. She had a horrible first marriage and a child with him. He was horribly abusive and controlling. Her behavior is perplexing and baffling and horrifying most of the time. She has been a prostitute since age 16. Even though she can do other things , that is what she returns to. This is completely unacceptable to us. We have custody of the oldest son, age 7.
She has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder but with the drug problem it is hard to say. Do you think she is? How can I get help for someone who resists everything I try to do? She is motivated right now because she wants to regain custody of her youngest son, but is really not doing anything actively as far as going for counselling.
Dave,God bless you for all you have done for your Mom,and all of us!You are a special kind of person.
I am 51 yrs. old and didnt get diagnosed with bipolaR untill about 15 yrs. ago.I think If I had had someone like you in my life I would not have made such a mess out of my life and all those close to me,especially my son I failed Him badly. He is 34 now and a wonderfull person,no thanks to me.
Me and my family just thought I was a bad person even though I tried hard to be what they wanted me to be,I couldnt and after a nervous breakdown and proper diagnoses I finally under stood that I wasnt a bad person just sick,and it had a name and medication for it(it only took 10yrs. to find the right medications).I read your e-mails daily and you are a huge insperation to me I trully thank God for you…..Pat yourself on the back you deserve it.We all are trully blessed to have you.
Thanks a million Dave.
Carol Hullander
Someone please make suggestions on how I respond to my bipolar loved one. We live in different states and he is again alienating me. No contact whatsoever. How can I talk to him or get thru to him? Any help is appreciated