I’ve been diagnosed with BMD about 7 years ago after numerous suicide attempts since age 9. I know the importance of medication but sometimes wished I could go without them. I often try and adapt my meds myself and soon afterwards see no point in living although I have a beautifull 3 year old daughter and a wonderfull husband. I take my meds as per doc’s orders and feel good. The importance of taking the correct medication as prescribed is of utmost importance. I agree that someone WILL die if I stopped taking them. I’ve been homicidal and believe you me, I thank God for giving me the insight to TAKE MY MEDS!

I have Bipolar II and can’t understand why anybody would not take their medication. While I admit I was inititially over medicated *by the wrong doctors* I found a doctor who would work with me and together we developed a plan that included the right amount of medication (minimal side effects) and CBT thought therapy. The result is I’m extremely well, sure I have the odd day, but nothing like it used to be. Heck. I’m even running for public office. I could never have done that without the right treatment.

Daughter just home after disappearing for three days.. my heart was heavier and heavier, she’s been sleeping her life away the past month and I’ve been terrified that this might just be the time she kills herself either by accidental overdose of street drugs or other means.

Today, she admits to cycling into bad behaviors and deciding she has to tell those people they can’t be in her life. She’s in “I have to take control of my life, ME I have to do it for myself.

Blessedly she took meds just before leaving; one day while she was gone… typically she stops the meds and goes to street drugs to medicate herself and its just such a mess when she comes back. Thank you God she survived and am hopeful her head seems to be in a good place today, with Vocational rehab next week and therapist the week after and somewhere in there, her psychiatrist.

NANA: a wise therapist once told me, you don’t have to wait for the crisis, you can “force” it; there are lots of ways to do this and perhaps your other daughter’s psychiatrist/doctors can guide you in the most effective.

DAVID: thank you for that breathe of sanity and hope I so badly needed this morning.

Dave, our Hero: God bless you for your guidance and strength.

My daughter is bipolar. She takes meds., however, she constantly threatens suicide almost every day. Has recently been arrested for being drunk and assaulted and threatened police officer and resisted arrest. She will take other meds not prescribed to get high. Will try to fight her 14yr old daughter (I mean fight like a man). Her children have been taken from her temp. and if she continues down this road, they will be taken perm. I am at the end of my rope with her. i havd tried to find institution for long term treatment, but there are none. Does anyone have any suggestions. If fear for her life and others. Her meds do no good and the doc’s won’t listen.

Gail in Florence

my male friend, has manic bipolar depression, He is on a down to the point he won’t go to work., lays around in bed with his headcovered up, won’t talk won’t go outside, mean to our dog..I suffered from heart problems and diabetis and can’t deal with this stress. He lives with me, I just can’t set him out the door like this. We have called mental health twice now, but no reply..I get an income, and can pay the rent but his income goes on utility bills, groceries etc..What should I do next??

This has been going on since college over 25 years, but it wasn’t until the last 2 years that I was actually diagnosed. I’m still working with the doctors to get the right combination of meds. My problem is that I take so many other meds for a multitude of illnesses that sometimes I start to cycle inspite of my meds. Last night was real bad for me and I discovered it was because I neglected eating all day and with my diabetes meds my blood sugar had dropped dramatically so much I was out of control. I recognized I was losing it but didn’t even know where to start to get better. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin then my glasses broke and it just seemed to put me over the edge. I took my son (20) to go get some dinner at 8:00 but by the time I got back home all I did was drop him off, food and all, and take off in the car. I felt like I just neede to hit someone and there I was driving down the freeway to parts unknown, crying uncontrollable, talking to myself, wanting to strangle a boyfriend who unknown to him had set me off earlier that day. Then another friend called my car phone and recognized the problem immediately and told me to come over. She talked with me, fed me, and called my son to let him know mom was safe. Now as I sit here this morning back at work I realize I could have killed someone on the road last night with my eradic behavior and I didn’t even see it coming this time. Usually I can tell when I’m cycling at least to some degree and I seek help immediately, when I read David’s note this morning I decided for the first time to write a blog. This has helped me so much to better understand myself and the importance of my meds like never before.

my boyfriend of six months is in a major episode using street drugs alcohol and completely out of control we had a discussion that went terribly wrong and now hes gone just gone. i dont know what to do who to call how to help him. thats part of my problem wanting to help “save “him he says i am a complete emotional wreck. there is no doctor that i know of and his family is really no help. i am trying to take care of myself and nothing is taking away the very bad feeling i have of impending doom something awful is gonna happen, please please someone any advice

I have a brother with bipolar disorder and have tried to get him help repeatedly. The last time, he was forced to receive help because the police and the doctors at the hospital all felt he was suicidal. He took the medicine for about a month after he was discharged but couldnt afford to purchase more medication after he ran out of the samples they gave him. He is currently not on medicine and has been having huge raging episodes, making things up and telling very obsurd lies. During his last rage he was screaming that I didnt want him in my house anymore and if that’s how I felt then all I had to do was say so. I never even said anything like that. I had just asked him go to work because they really needed his help. I ended up having to work for him and missed work at my job. I was fed up trying to help him and cant get him on his medication without getting him in to see a doctor. I had to call his bluff on threatening to leave because he says it just to try to make me feel bad for him. I told him in a note that if he wasnt going to get help, then maybe it WOULD be best if he DID find somewhere else to live, because I just couldnt live like that anymore, especially since I have an 8 yr old daughter seeing his raging episodes. He decided not to get help, and that he was going to just run away again. Im at a loss. I dont know what to do or where to look for him. I have his discharge papers from the Army, stating the reason for discharge is Personality Disorder and his discharge papers from the mental health facility, dianosing him with Bipolar. Any suggestions from anyone would be greatly appreciated. Please help!

i have a25 year old son whomi know is bipolar but he won’t admit it or get help every time i bond him out of jail he goes back i’m so afraid he is gonna kill his self or some one else.the courts won’t even help. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

, and prepared for anything!I have an 11 year old grandson who is bipolar add adhd ocd odd and multiple personalities, so you never know what or who is getting up in the morning for school , this child has been thru numerous med changes , with many distonic reactions, but he will not leave our house without taking his meds and making very sure that the school nurse has what she needs to get him thru the day. We also have a teacher that has her own adhd son at home ! But we are changing doctors to one that has more experience with children and is more available . so he will be scared but thats okay he has me right behind him right along with his counselor , we just have to be strong and prepared for anything!!!!

My wife was diognosed with bipolar 1 after a very very short stay in a pysch ward for only 48 hours. She was being treated for depression, and told my son and I she wanted to kill herself. There were other signs of the disease, but I never had a clue.

One thing I have not seen here is the sexual promiscuity issue. I found out my wife of 19 years was setting up dates with a married man on “My Space.” She was using words like “when is best for you for a drink,” “after your work would be good,” and “IM me, we will do something tomorrow.” I found out she had been contacting this guy for two months. I was crushed, almost suicidal. I would have never thought my wife would do such a thing. I go on to find out she was seeing guys in the parking lot after her work at a local bar. I found very sexy panties, not ones you wear outside the bedroom,in her wash. And the nights she was late without as much as a phone call, and her coming home with her clothes all askew. And then she admitted to seeing a guy in our marriage counsiling, but it was “at his moms house.” And then her truck broke down, and three guys just happened to be “parked next to her” at 10:30pm at her school.

Now I suspect her pshychologist has been setting her up with other men. Paranoid? After not charging her for 8 months of therapy, I find out he calls her several times a week on her cell before she heads out the door. My wife recently forged one of my checks, took money out of a joint account and denied it, and she refuses to admit she is sexually active.

So maybe you won’t print this. I have been denied any contact with my wifes doctors(HIPA) and I suspect she has never got out of her manic episode. My wife was NEVER close to this way before she was on meds. She now refuses to admit she ever took money out of the bank, never forged a check, and never had any contact with any other guy.(NOTE: she hasn’t slept with me for 8 months)So my life is in turmiol. I think my wife lives for the thrill, and will not include me. I filed for divorce, resended it, and now that I have been checking up on my wifes activities, she now SHE wants the divorce. She lies about everything, refuses to take responcebility for any of her actions, and will not show any affection towards me. Basically, our marraige is over at this point in time.

So side effects? Or is my wife manic, and just enjoys being there. She will not let me talk to her doctors, and her therapist refuses to let me tell him about my wifes action. I am at wits end. Maybe I’m the one who should be on meds.

Anyway, I know I got off the subject, and maybe off the wall, but I hope you print this and give some feed back…

i was diagnosed when i was 40 and i will be 47 next week. i believed for a while that i could survive this without medication. what a devastating joke that turned out to be. i now take my meds religiously. the side effects are minimal compared to what i put myself through when i was off my meds.

Now, my partner was just recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. we go round and round daily about her taking her meds. it saddens and worries me so. i watch her cycle back and forth and i just can’t get her to see it. she says the side effects are too much (the weight gain, the hair loss, etc). i can’t get her to see that the excessive spending, irradic behavior and manic/depressive stages are a bigger threat than the side effects of the meds.

PLEASE!!!! Keep taking your meds – you need them and your loved ones need you on them.

phenix

While i agree that those of us with this blasted disorder should get on and stay on meds there are some of us who simply can not due to the cost. My health at this time leaves a lot to be dessired (as does my spelling)and i can not afford meds. I’m waiting to find out if i have cancer in my lung. So at this time i’m not even thiking about meds for my bi-polar dissored. I’m not able to get help from the state due to politics. So I can’t think of how to get on any kind of meds for bi-polar.
thank you for all your info dave.
Janet Deasy

PRAYERS and MEDICINES Go HAND in HAND plus support from FAmilies and Friends

It is the key on how to handle our sickness as pipolar patients

lainie, Philippines

I am a person suffering from Bipolar but deal with a father who refuses to take medication, do counseling or even try to understand it.

As for the medication write up it is very good but there are times when the docs take you off all meds. … leave one to hang so to speak for a wk while your system cleans itself. I have been through the wringer with meds but l can tell you one thing. Biofeedback is the best thing my counselor taught me for combating mood swings, behavior modification and to allow myself time to regoup.

I love your sites. Read them all the time .. thanks to Caza.

Keep up the good work!

I am bi-polar and also suffer from sczophrenia. Even taking my medication at all times, does not stop the racing thoughts. I continue to think I am invincable and with my IQ, I really feel in another reality sometimes. Thoughts become confused, I cannot focus. My memories become a fixation, but I cannot keep focused for very long. Frustation and confusion rule most of my days. I cannot get a grip and I become angry at myself. I have contemplated suicide 3 times in 2 years, under medication. I feel useless.

tinker13, snowbaby: some manufacturers of psychiatric meds (ely lily with zyprexa and whoever it is that makes Lamictal come to mind) have programs in which they GIVE the drugs to patients who have financial hardships. Most practitioners can get you in on these programs. Open up a phonebook and look for psychiatric nurse practitioners with prescriptive priveleges – they are relatively cheap. Just keep calling till you get one or more referrals to someone who has the prescriptive authority and is cheap. Bring old prescription bottles to the meeting. Have him bring a note from one or more family members and friends describing his recent behavioral history in about a page.

Sandra: some people have real dominance issues. You have to keep in mind in dealing with any kind of bipolar episode, that the privative parts of their brain are really running the show because they are the overwhelmingly loudest element of the active circuitry in their heads. As soon as you try to suggest something will make their lives better, they automatically take it and anything that attempts to control them as directly butting heads with their instinctive drives for dominance. You have to find some way to avoid making it look like any element of the outside world is trying to dominate him.

ptumminello: antidepressants can make a bipolar go off the deep end.
You don’t want those. Other than that, you have to experiment to find the right combination, and often change the drugs you are on…. nobody ever said it was easy.

I really enjoyed your blog entry about bipolar disorder. I also want to mention that it is very important that we work with our doctors to get on the right *kind* of medication. My meds have been changed several times in the past few months, and the effects have been pretty much disastrous. In the past four days, I have seriously considered suicide three different times. This is highly unusual for me. I have been taking my meds. I was told I could go off of Prozac because Geodon and Lamictal also had an antidepressant in them, but I am starting to wonder if that was such a good idea. I mainly take Geodon for sleep, but I want to see if the doctor will put me back on Seroquel for sleep. I really do not want to stay on Geodon because that was how I planned to kill myself-to take some Geodon with alcohol, which I was told could kill me. I normally do not have a problem with taking my meds, but I am not sure I am on the right *kind* of meds. That is just as important as taking them at all.

Thank you for your blog. I don’t want to be defined by my disorder, but it is good to know that someone else understands what it is like to be us.

Thanks for asking how I am. I am great I do not have bipolar, but my sister and daughter do. My daughter stays on her med my sister has finally found the right combo of meds and therepy I believe you need both.

i am here to tell you if you and lucky enogh to get the help and the meds you need to get thru this diaorder please do. i am not that lucky and when i have bad days the can get real bad and on my good days i spend most of them fixing all the bad thing i did on my bad days so please always take your meds and as for the side effects tell your doc and let them help with it good luck everyone

I am on meds and have been on meds since I was diagnosed in 1992. Most of the time I am depressed with only one full manic epic and several hypomanic episodes. I have been suicidal several times. I have only gone off my meds 1 time for 2 mos and didn’t find it made things any worse at that time. I am back on meds but don’t feel today’s available meds work for bipolar depression and I am just left to “suck it up.” My doctor says I have mixed episodes and his main concern is the manic side of things.

My boyfriend of almost 4yrs. has been diagnossed with bipolar. He is on medication for it but wants to get off of it and is slowly without the doctor knowing cutting his doses. I have told him not to go off of them but he said he is tired of taking the meds. I dont know what to do anymore, i dont know if i can handle him anymore without him being on the meds. He has many outbursts already i cant imagine what he would be like being off the meds. We have a 10 month old son together and want to be a happy family but i seriously dont know if he knows what happy is. 2 of his sisters and his father all have bipolar and his sisters are on meds and doing so much better, even though it took them awhile to get the right meds. It hurts me everyday to see him like he is, i know he is a good guy but i hardly ever see that in him anymore, he is always so negitive.

what about before meds.?