==>>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==
Check out all my resources, programs and information
for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
Hi,
How’s it going? I must say, this month
hasn’t really started off that good for
me. I’ve had a lot of problems advancing
my sites related to bipolar disorder and
other mental illnesses.
Someone called me the other day (know
I idea how he got my number) and said,
“Hey I wanted to know, is it hard to run
all your websites and a big mailing list?”
I told him yes.
Anyway, I am not here to complain because
I have a new set of solutions to the current
problems that I am having.
The good thing is, my mom is doing great and
I don’t have to worry about that right now.
She really has managing her bipolar disorder
down to a science.
I wanted to talk today about something I call
De-escalation.
Yesterday evening I was doing an interview
with a person by the name of Jackie. It was a
great interview. She is super knowledgeable
on how to help someone with bipolar disorder.
She works in an office that specializes in
this. It’s hard to find such a person. I am
not sure if people realize this, but whenever
you hear an interview or a success story
whether it’s a person with bipolar disorder,
supporting someone with bipolar disorder or
a person who is a doctor or therapist, it’s
the result of a whole lot of work.
To get just one good interview, we go through
many many people. Probably 25 or 30. To find
25 to 30 POTENTIAL interviews it requires contacting
hundreds of people. So you can see it’s a difficult
task.
Recently I hired Cherie to setup all kinds of systems
to help me make this more efficient. She has done
a fantastic job.
Anyway let me get on with my point. Sorry to digress đ
So I was on the phone with Jackie and we were talking
about the fact that in her office she can have people
who come in who have bipolar disorder, are super angry,
super manic, unhappy, screaming, yelling and blaming
it all on her.
I asked her how she deals with it and what kind of
techniques she uses. If you got my bipolar supporter
course at http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11 you know
there is a incredible interview with a woman who actually
leaves her office and goes out to people’s houses to
deal with people who have a mental illness and are
in serious and major episodes. Actually it was that
person who first taught me the concept of de-escalation.
Last evening Jackie mentioned it as well. What is
it? It’s the act of actually de-escalating a situation
with a person with a mental illness instead of
escalating it.
Let me give you some examples and if you have
bipolar disorder, you’ll appreciate this as well.
Let’s say that someone has bipolar disorder, you’re
loved one and he/she is not well. He/she is unstable
and needs a change in his/her treatment plan.
So they start yelling at you. For really no good
reason. The start blaming stuff on you. They even
make up things. So you have two choices. You can
either yell back at them (escalation), or lower
your voice, act calm, say very few words and
try to deescalate what’s occurring.
Many times, supporters wind up making conditions
worse by escalating the situation or what I call
feeding the mania. If you imagine the episode
is like a fire, you wouldn’t add more wood
or worse yet gas on to it. That’s what many
bipolar supporters find themselves doing.
If my courses/systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
You’ll notice that in the interviews
de-escalation is a common theme. That word
really isn’t used but the concept is talked
about regularly. It doesn’t matter if you
have bipolar disorder, are supporting an adult
or 18 or a child under 18, this concept works.
Listen to the success stories in my courses above
and you’ll hear how it works for people.
Even with those with bipolar disorder use this concept.
If you talk to someone who is high functioning, they
have trained themselves on how to deescalate situations
and to in many cases avoid places that will get
themselves worked up or upset. That’s another common
theme.
I actually find that this concept of de-escalation
works in all areas of life. Give it a try
and see how it works for you. When people are
yelling, screaming, arguing, talk lower, calmer
and ask if they don’t yell at you in a nice way.
You’ll be amazed with the results.
Oh side note, Jackie mentioned to me that this
technique has worked even on people who really
are very unstable and very angry and not coherent.
When I asked her why she thinks it works, she really
didn’t know. Which leads me to something else. Sometimes
stuff works with bipolar disorder and we don’t know
why but it works.
Hey one more thing. As for children, one person
that I know will hug her child when he/she
starts to go into an episode instead of back
away. I have not used this method personally,
but just wanted to let you know if you are
supporting a child.
Hey I have to run. Catch you tomorrow. Oh tomorrow
I will be sending out the bipolar news.
See you.
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Hi David. First, thanks of all the info I’ve gotten from your e-mails, I’m pretty sure my child is not bipolar. Why did I want to know if He was bipolar? Because He’s AD/HD and I read that sometimes doctors misdiagnose both conditions. Well, anyway, even knowing he is not bipolar, many things (if not all) you talk about in your e-mails are helpful for me, especially this new one about de-escalation. I’m dealing with a condition that directly affects my child’s behavior in a way I sometimes don’t have a clue about what to do and I’m getting some ideas from you. You could say your e-mails are not about AD/HD but I have to tell you they are helping me anyway. Thanks for sending them. Paloma.
Dear David,
Thanks for your advice and your updates.
Today, I have taken a big step in getting help. My doctor has set up an evaluation for me. For over a month, I have been in a deep state of depression. At the end of July, I said and did some ulgy things to my wife in front of our kids. I didn’t physically hurt her. But, emotionally, I did. Now, she wants a divorce and wants me to leave. This was not the first time I have had an episode like this. By far this was the worse. I completely lost control. I been very sick physically since and I am having a hard time dealing with everyday life. My wife is having a time dealing with this too. She doesn’t understand why we didn’t figure this out earler. I told her I didn’t know. All I know is that I don’t want to lose my wife and kids. Since my last episode, my wife has given up on our marriage and stop praying for marriage to work out. But, I am praying with the help I am getting now, she may come back around.
Thanks for your emails,
Thomas Gil
hi david , thanks for your newslatter, It has been amasing. I im in love with a girl that suffers from bi polar, i didnt know but ive found it out recently. I know it is not her fault , but for her it is nearly impisible to have a relationship with anyone , not even her own parents. She just dumped me, because i honestly didnt know how not to argue with her. But now that im aware of her mental condition i know that we both we not controling the relationship but rather her bipolar disorder was controling us.!! Now i know it is imposible to love her unless she accepts a tratment, but Im glad to know that she is not a bad person, but rather just a person looking for help
Any information on the alleged benefit of using the sea sickness patch for bipolar?
Dear David, September 6, 2007
I am responding to your email. I like the letters and information. I am not the only person out there who feels like they are going crazy. So here are my thoughts. I really need some help.
I have just recently been told that I may have a mild case of bipolar. And I thought about it for a minute, âWhatâs bipolar and what is mild?â I did not know you could have a mild case, you either have it or you donât. So I was on the internet and just happened to come across your information. I was not looking for it, it was just there. Maybe itâs fate, may be someone knew I need answers.
But any way, I keep reading your emails and they talk about episodes. What are episodes? My husband calls them bitch-fits. Are they the same, or are they different?
Iâm not sure about the difference between depression and bipolar. I have friends that are married and her husband is bipolar. She always would send him to his own space (the basement) where he would paint, that made him better to be around. I always thought he was so sad. I never really understood, but I never really asked either. I also have a client that told me she was bipolar, and she flyâs off the handle all the time for no reason. You can not be around her like that, sheâs really scary.
Maybe I should start with the beginning. Since I could remember (about 1974) I have always been sad or down. Family blamed it on my mom and how much we moved and how much my mom and step dad fought. I have a hard time making friends, nor did I want to. I did not want to do any thing but hide in my room and read, to be alone and away from every thing and everyone. I hated crowds and school, I did not do any thing but warm a seat for years. The doctors always said I was depressed, but at that time there where no medications for teens. So I lived with it, sort of. I did try to commit suicide. They finally divorced, but remarried a year latter only to divorce again in 1985.
My mom eventually made me leave the house with my sister and brother on the weekends. I met a boy and married, but things were rocky because I was so up and down. I did not know what to do, I would not tell any one how I felt. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I tried again to commit suicide while pregnant with my second child. But after my second child (which was healthy), I finally (1990) said something to my doctor. I thought I was going crazy. I could not control my thoughts or my moods anymore. I was afraid of myself and being alone, I did not know what would happen next. But I was labeled âPost Partum Depressedâ. And put on medication. But I stayed that way, never really getting better. A lot of the times getting worse. My medications have been changed so much, I canât remember everything I have been on.
But my mood swings progressed. No one wanted to be around me. I did not want to be around no one. I lost some friends. My husband moved me away from all contact of family on the advice of a psychologist. And I stopped all medications. I thought maybe that would help, and it did for awhile. But we moved back because my husband could not stand not having family around. And I stayed off the medications for two years. Then out of the blue for no reason the mood swings returned. I continued to stay off the medications for one year. But it was hard for everyone around me. I almost ended up divorced and one of my kids wanted to live with someone else. I was hard to be around.
I went to the doctor that I have had the best luck with. And we really talked. Thatâs when she said I think you are bipolar and insisted I be put back on medication. But she did not give me any information on it or any recommendations.
So here I am. What do you think? And what is the difference between the two? Or do you have some recommendations I can read that will not cost to much?
Desperately Seeking Help,
Mel
Dave, I again, plead for help, I am Bipolar, and have to be a supporter for my bipolar daughter who just turned 17 now a senior in high school with a child her father and I are guardians since birth.
I would believe the most difficult situation is to have Bipolar II with anxiety and panic attacks as a diagnosis and having to be a SUPPORTER of a teen with child.
ANY HELP/ANSWERS/BLOGS????
i have bi-polor had it all my life on med but they r always changeing them i would like to know if u have a questionair on ir u r bi-polor? im having a bit of a high now doing & saying things i would never do. thank god it will pass.
thank you
i hope u can help me
Hey Dave;
Really liked your article on de-esculation. It really makes sense, and I use it a lot with friends who are bipolar, usless of course I’m frazzled myself — lol. :>)
Got a question though: Is there a connection between bipolar episodes and diabetes? I have a fried who is both, and things can get real bad sometimes. If there is a connection, how can I help my friend, in simple terms, as his mental resources are slow to begin with?
Thanks — JJJ
David,
Very interseting email today. I have worked in the MH field and with persons in crisis and attempting suicide. We call de-escalation ‘lowering the perturbation level’. I think that the key here is helping to lessen the awful effects of extreme anxiety. That is probably the most unbearable emotion and, when at extreme levels, people simply MUST get it out of them. That is what leads to saying and doing extreme things that often hurt others. At that moment, the person really cannot contain that emotion at extreme levels.
That also helps explain some of the cross-over cited by some of your readers to other mental illnesses. The intervention is actually reaching a common symptom (increased anxiety) that works in tandem with many other disorders.
Paula
I thought I would just drop a quick line before my studies. My family on my Mothers side have mostly all been diagnosed with some form of metal illness, our conclusion is its hierditry. We are lucky to be able to support each other in our low, and occasional highs. To be able to pick up the phone, is a blessing. But sometimes the lows can be so low, that the last thing you want to do is talk. A while ago, my Uncle and I were talking, trying to brighten each other up, and out of this conversation we came up with the most funniest phrase. I want to share this, and David, if you want to use it, be may guest, cause it makes me smile and laugh.
You are sitting on the couch at 2am, because you are depressed and feel useless, and you can’t sleep. Then you start to get depressed because you are depressed. Then the only thing you can do, is LAUGH. And you know what… It feels so damn good to laugh at yourself.
I have noticed people who don’t have mental illnesses, or fear it out of not understanding, dont see the humour. We joke about being mental and crazy, because it makes us laugh. This is our way of dealing with it. It helps us understand. We feel it is better for someone else to say we have a great outlook, by us making jokes, than to be shunned. If you don’t dwell on the illness, people are then more open to understand and want to learn.
Ignorence creates incompentence.
But if you dwell on the illness and use it to get attention, and there are a lot of people like that, people just dont want to know. And it is sad, because mental illness affects alot of people.
But to the people out there who use Mental illnesses to get pity, please dont, it make other people discrimate us who are genuine.
Nickie
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Well, Dave, I have a different scant on the “de-escalation” thing. When my Mom would start talking to me (especially during a supposed intervention), and she was calm, composed, talked softly, and approached me in this manner, I was SCARED of her. It reminded me of how the nurses and techs would talk to me on a psychiatric ward. I would get increasingly anxious, and back away from her. I’d respond in a highly NEGATIVE way.
The de-escalation approach can sometimes BACK-FIRE, as evidenced above. However, since I have become a highly functional bipolar, I can recognize that I HAVE used this technique with friends of mine who are angry, or going through an episode themselves. All I do is stay calm, try to reason with them instead of “escalating” the situation, and, sometimes, it works.
Now, I’m no expert, but a supporter or a sufferer MUST assess a potential situation on its own merits and behave accordingly. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Knowing the difference is ALWAYS hard, but I would suggest the less agitating way of dealing with the episode rather than screaming and yelling; this does NO good whatsoever, and increases the sufferer’s anxiety.
I was glad to hear the blogger who used HUMOR to get through a depressive episode. Sometimes that’s all we’ve got!!
God bless each and every one of the bloggers today. I wish them peace.
You described my mother. She yells, blames and makes things up too. The most important thing is she seems unable to be in touch with how I am effected by her Yes, experience has taught me that escalation is hard on both of us. But I have also used deescalation and at times she calms down and then I ask if she took her medication. The answer was no.
your story was very interesting david. my boyfriend has bipolor manic depression too so it is hard to deal with this situation, honestly, its draining. how do i deal with this? paula cox
Hi David. I agree with your de-escalation blog. It works, put prepared for it to firt escalate because the person is very hurt, upset, angry on-and-on. They want you to fight with them to justify their anger. When someone stays calm it at first throws them off-guard. My 15 yr. daughter will escalate her hurt, frenzy and anger no matter what you do or say until she has totally drained her father and I of all our engery.
We love her dearly, put right now she is having a difficult time trying to use the skills she’s learned in the hospital. It’s like she doesn’t want to get better. And yes we believe in therapy. We have also finally started family therapy. This illness effects the whole family not just the person with bipolar.
Robin
Thank you for all the great info. I myself do not have bipolar disorder, nor am I supporting anyone with this illness. My mother, however suffers from severe depression and I have a friend that has bipolar type 2 disorder. So yes, this too affects me. I am learning a lot as I receive your emails. Thank you.
I must add, that because of this friend of mine, contact with her started making me so depressed that my health was affected negatively. I am reading what I can on this disorder so that I could in some way be helpful. Thinking of how I actually acted and reacted around this woman, I fear that I may have done more damage than good. I rarely have any contact with her now but still would like to understand more about the situation she, and many others finds herself in.