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Hi,
How’s it going?
If you celebrated Christmas yesterday, I hope
you enjoyed it.
I had a good yesterday. I hung out with
my parents for a while and then went to
visit my friend John and my friend Bob.
Actually Bob was a police officer in
Florida and he was telling me how so many
officers never knew how to handle someone
who had bipolar disorder and was in a manic
episode. He said police tried to avoid
those with mental illness because they
just didn’t know how to deal with them.
Anyway, my friend John is really
successful in the insurance industry.
I was talking to my friend John about
goal setting. He was telling me how none
of his friends takes any time to plan
out anything, set weekly, monthly or
even yearly goals. He was telling
me how many more goals he started hitting
when he just thought about them more and
wrote them down.
John knows that I have this entire organization
devoted to helping people deal with bipolar
disorder.
He said to me, “does your mom set goals for
herself?” I said, “Yes, she writes them down.
She has daily, weekly, and monthly goals.
She doesn’t have yearly goals I don’t think. But
they are written and she goes over them with
her therapist and doctor.”
John said, “That’s great. I bet that’s a major
reason she is doing so well.”
I said, “Yep.”
Then John said, “how many of your other
people have written goals?”
John was kind of asking out of the tens
of thousands of people on my list, how
many people have written goals? I have
no idea.
But I know when I speak to people who
are my coaching clients, use the free
certificates with my courses/systems
below, people I meet personally where
I volunteer, or people I speak to on
the phone, VERY few do.
I don’t know why.
I have gotten a lot of people asking
me how they can have a better 2008.
One way is through goal setting.
Let’s think about this. If your bipolar
disorder isn’t doing well, or your loved
one’s bipolar disorder isn’t doing well,
would writing down goals hurt or help?
Of course is would only help.
Let’s think about the advantages of goal
setting with bipolar disorder.
Gets us to think about the future
-If you don’t know where you are going to go,
how are you going to get their?
Get us to start brainstorming possible
ways to accomplish our goal
-If you don’t know what you want, how
are you going to come up with ways to
get it?
Gets us to get clear on what we want
-If you don’t know what you want, how
are you going to get it.
There’s a book that says, if you ask
a 100 men what they want, 99 can NOT
tell you what they want. Only one might
be able to. Most can only tell you really
general things like “be happy”, “be wealthy”
or “have great health.”
If we were talking right now, and I said,”
Hey, quick tell me what your goals are,
could you tell me?”
If you can’t how can you accomplish them,
then?
That brings me to another topic on bipolar
disorder and goal setting.
You have to be really specific not vague.
I was working with someone who is one of my
coaching clients that set a goal of:
“I want to find a great job that pays
more than $65,000 a year, isn’t stressful,
has great health benefits and retirement,
my boss is understanding to bipolar disorder,
I can help people, the commute is less than
25 minutes each way, and I have flexibility.”
Isn’t that really specific? Now you might
think, “Dave, that’s impossible, there is
no such job.” There are such jobs! I know
people with jobs like this who have bipolar
disorder.
BUT, even if you think this is not possible,
isn’t it more likely to be possible if you
actually set it as a goal? Of course.
Here’s another thing that I was talking to
my friend John about. He is taking an
entire day to set his goals and think about
them. He said it might take him 8 hours
or so.
Imagine that 8 hours of thinking?
Goal setting has helped John along with
hard work.
My friend John will be a self made millionaire
from his job. This is a guy that could NOT
read in high school, was almost sent to jail,
was thrown out of like 8 different high schools,
was physically abused as a kid, had no teeth because
he got into a fight, had guns put to
his head at least twice, was so poor at one point
he collected change to eat, didn’t know how to use the
photocopy machine 7 years ago when he started his
job, couldn’t use a computer and on and on.
Many people bet against him, like many people
bet against those that have bipolar disorder. I
always knew he could be a success like I always
knew the people who work for me who have
bipolar disorder could be successful in my
company.
Goal setting works.
Let me ask you, how many minutes of thinking
have you thought about with your own goals
for bipolar disorder whether you are a supporter
or a bipolar survivor?
Let me ask you, have you spent any time
with goal setting?
Most people I ask, haven’t spent any time
whatsoever.
Sad but true.
Now think of this, if you have no goals,
don’t think about the future really, never
write any goals down, never spend any time
thinking about your goals as the relate to
bipolar disorder, is your year going to be
better or worse than it would be if
you did the opposite of what I just
described?
YOU have the power to make things better
by taking action today and working on your
goals and thinking about them.
If you feel that the bipolar disorder
is not under control and you need help,
take a look at my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Most of the problems that you will encounter
are solved in this material.
BUT, after that, then you have to really think
about how you are going to move forward and
change.
Now if you are a bipolar supporter, you might
be thinking, “how am I going to set goals for
my loved one who isn’t stable?” Well you can,
when my mom wasn’t stable I set goals like:
I want to find a doctor that specializes in
bipolar disorder that can help her get stable
I want to find a therapist that specializes in
bipolar disorder that can help her get stable
I want my mom to be self sufficient and be
able to pay her own bills
I want my mom to be out of debt
I want my mom to be able to work and
earn an income
and I set several other goals. All have
been accomplished except the get out of
debt goal which will be accomplished
in January 2008–that’s when my mom’s
last payment is.
It’s really interesting to me, that I hit
all the goals that I had for my mom and her
bipolar disorder. If you would have asked
my dad if this was possible he would have
not commented but in his head thought that
it was impossible.
I remember when I told him about getting
a great doctor and my mom being stable and
working and he said, “well, we’ve tried
for over 30 years.” That was basically saying
to me, “there is no hope, don’t bother.”
Today he would say that wasn’t the case but
at the time, virtually everyone in the family
was betting against me and my mom. For some
reason, I had 100% belief that I could hit all
the goals I set for my mom.
I don’t know why, but I just believed it.
Today you should,
spend time thinking about your goals
Actually go to the library and spend some time
Write down all the goals you want
Be specific
Don’t let anything hold you back on what you want
Write it all down
If you do this you are ahead of 99% of the people
in the general public and when it comes to
bipolar disorder, there are so few people that
have written goals, you’ll be way ahead.
WARNING!
Don’t get caught up on how you are going
to accomplish you goals. Just write them down.
I also would recommend that if you find
goal setting tough. Get a good book on
goal setting. You can get them at the library
or in the bookstore. There are a zillion of
them. There are tons that are good. BUT, you
have to read them and do something.
Goal books don’t fall, the people fail
to read them.
Well I have to run. Catch you tomorrow.
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
Your Friend,
Dave
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my Free blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my Free podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
Personally for me, I am real careful about what I set as goals because I have to remain realistic about my illness. One of the things I had to learn was how to seperate mania wishes with stable realism. In mania I will set up the most unrealistic future goals that only a few can accomplish. It is not that I don’t believe in myself enough to accomplish the goal it is that realistically I can’t handle the stress that such a goal warrants. Now that I am stable I look at what I need and what I am emotionally capable of handling on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis without pushing myself and everyone around me over the edge.
For me the biggest goal I focus on is staying healthy by taking my meds, seeing my doctor, following therapy/ spirituality, exercise, and monitoring my moods regularly so that my family and I can live the peaceful life we are intended to live. The rest of the goals I make are not nearly as important but do help me keep moving in a forward and positive direction.
Your emails are starting to really hit home with me.
My husband started his episode later in the day on Christmas Eve and he officially cancelled Christmas on Christmas morning. No presents no turkey.
He yelled at everybody all day and we had nowhere to go but to sit and listen.
He told my son to get out, who is home for the holidays, which he didn’t he has been through this before and he went to a friends house instead and had dinner with them. He had me as a sounding board after that. He told me to get ready for divorce cause he was moving away as he can’t handle me, cause I don’t handle him. I don’t really know where to start. I have been with him 25 years and he has been like this through most of it. Although I am just recognizing it for what it is now. He won’t see a doctor tells me that I have the problem, not him. All very frustrating.
I try to protect him from the outside world so much that I think I have hurt him more than anything else, but he can’t cope with the neighbours, friends, etc.
Hopefully today will be better! Keep the emails coming they are my lifeline.
Hold on just a dang minute, David! Imagine – as I’m sure you can – that you are Bi Polar. You are hypo and in the mood to set yourself targets and you do. Then, the hypo period ends and you enter a longer period of depression. You become easily tired, you lack motivation and feel there is nothing really worth trying to achieve because you get precious little satisfaction from your triumphs anyway. So, you miss all those targets … Now, what do you imagine THAT will do to your self-esteem?? Boost it?? I don’t think so!
Well, Dave, I’ve never been one to sit down and write up “goals” for myself – until now. I THINK I know what I’m aiming for in 2008, and how to get there.
I will take your advice and go to the library and “camp out,” reading books on starting my own business. I will start out by going to the Manager of the local Senior Center, and teach “Computers 101” in the Computer Lab there, and hopefully “get my feet wet,” voluntarily, teaching the “seniors” how to use their computers in the most BASIC of ways, like how to “cut and paste,” “reboot,” “get out of trouble,” etc., things I’ve learned from a computer repairman (who used to be my boyfriend), and my current boyfriend – both of whom were so technically ADVANCED on the computer, that I learned a LOT of short-cuts on the computer.
It’s NOT going to be Computers 101 like I studied at the local Community College, that taught ONLY how to PROGRAM a computer – forget THAT. I don’t even remember WHAT I learned in that course. I just want the people I “mentor” to learn how to use their computers to write letters, answer surveys, etc. – the daily “grind” as it were. I’m sure there are people out there who are as “dumb” as I was when I started on the computer, who would be looking for someone with my skills – at least I HOPE there are!!
I’m also going to write my brother and request that he purchase my mortgage, and I will pay him back, with 10% interest, in TWO YEARS, with funds from a Reverse Mortgage on my condo. I KNOW he can afford it; it’s just that I have to have “the words” that will motivate him to do it!
I’m also setting a goal NOT to spend money I DON’T have, on things I DON’T need, using my credit card. I got into an awful habit of opening surveys, and buying into “Free* HDTV,” only to find I had to use my credit card for “free trials” and not canceling them after 7-10 days, or a month, and facing monthly charges of over $181 on EACH credit card! I’ve learned my lesson on THAT one!
I’m going to continue to follow a treatment plan to keep myself from going into manic episodes, with a LOT of help from Region X AND my boyfriend. I absolutely CAN NOT afford to “get sick;” I’ve got too many “irons in the fire,” and am feeling “too good” to backslide.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. My prayers are with you. Stay sane, and have a healthy, prosperous, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I need to know if there is a connection between ADHD and Bipolar disorders
liyorkyoh asked,”I need to know if there is a connection between ADHD and Bipolar disorders.”
I am not an expert – repeat – ot an expert! However, after extensive trawling for information on the Web, including reading several academic reports published thereon, I see no evidence of any link between BiPolar Disorder and ADHD save that both happen are probably genetic disorders.
Hi David,
I’m just catching up on e-mails, and the one about Santa having mania made me laugh. Good one!
I hope no one was offended by that, I noticed the link to the comments page wasn’t in that e-mail, but I truly think you need a sense of humor when it comes to this illness.
Goal setting is a great idea. I will definitely set some goals for next year. Thanks for a great list serve.
Juliet
This is my horoscope for Today Saturday 12-29. Just a couple days ago I wrote about this and thought it ironic.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your goals are so high that failure to reach them makes you feel bad. You may need to have a better assessment of your capabilities and realize that you may be prone to believing the fantasies you spin in your mind.
lol.