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Hi!
I hope you’re having a good week.
I was thinking about something today. I have
several people who work for me who have
bipolar disorder, and I always brag on them,
about how you would never know that they
have the disorder, unless they told you.
Of course, I live in New Jersey, and they
live in other places, all over the map. But I
was wondering about what they look like in
person. I mean, not their looks, but whether
in person, that you can or can’t tell that they
have bipolar disorder.
So that made me think about you and your
loved ones. If there’s almost 12 million people
with bipolar disorder, chances are you know
more than just your loved one with the
disorder. Can you tell or can you NOT tell
just by looking, if someone has bipolar disorder
or not?
Interesting question, don’t you think?
See, what made me think about it, too, was
the many emails I’ve gotten from people like
you, asking me about whether “it” is the
bipolar or the loved one, and about whether
they are “faking” it or not. That’s been a real
big issue, according to the emails and calls
I’ve gotten.
So I give it to you. What do you think?
What has been your experience? Can you
tell just by looking, if your loved one
has bipolar disorder or not? If so, what
is it about their behavior that gives them
away?
For those of you who can’t tell, what is
it about your loved one’s behavior
that is different, that doesn’t give them
away?
In my courses and systems, I talk about
what makes a person high-functioning.
This is what I think, at least by what the
people who work for me are concerned,
is what makes them different, and in my
courses I have a whole section on being
high functioning:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
High-functioning behavior can make a
person with bipolar disorder NOT stand
out as someone with the disorder. Does
that make sense?
Whereas, on the other hand, someone who
has bipolar disorder, but is NOT high
functioning, would be someone who you
can tell DOES have bipolar disorder.
I have seen this firsthand – in the people
who work for me, those I have interviewed
for my courses, those who I have talked
to at the support groups I attend, and
others I have heard from via email and phone.
Now, I’d like to hear from you. What do
you think? Where does your loved one fall?
Well, I have to go, but I’m looking forward
to hearing from you!
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
Your friend,
Dave
–
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
I have a significant other with dual diagnosis (bipolar & substance abuse) plus I suspect he has borderline personality disorder. I also have had two best friends who are bipolar, and a former boyfriend with bipolar. I feel like I attract bipolar people! With none of them, could you really tell they were bipolar just by appearances. With my SO, and with my one best friend, certain behaviors (with my SO, a lot of narcissistic behavior as well as exaggeration, lying and deception), on longer acquaintance, shows that there is something, some problem, running under the surface. Many of them especially the more high-functioning ones can cover their more off the wall behaviors and thinking patterns to the degree that it takes a long time to figure out there is anything wrong. That’s my opinion, after dealing with this disorder on a much more personal basis than I might have preferred, for quite some time.
There are times when you can tell something is different about that person: their expressions or attitudes. Other times you would never know.
my Bipolar child is definately very high functioning
Over the years my husband did things that I thought were very strange, but didn’t make much of them because I myself was in a deep depression. Now, having figured out what is wrong with him, I see it in him clear as day. Unfortunately, he refuses to see a doctor, so I’m watching it get worse every day at an alarming rate. I think it’s easier to see this disease in others when the observer has been educated about the disease. Personally, after living with this for 7 years, I can see it coming a mile away!
My Husband is High Functioning and you would never know he has bipolar. He suffers from ocd in the fact of never having enough money on hand. He is currently on SS disability and thinks that is enough support from him but I cannot work enough or fast enough bringing in the income.
I have bipolar and last year a friend of one of my relatives automatically came to me during a get together and just said I know what it is you have because I am bipolar too. I was offended because I know no one in my family told anyone. How could she pick up this fact, which I denied of course. It’s personal and I’m not that friendly with her and only see her three times or so per year. I now feel that others can also tell which makes me very uncomfortable to be around other people. Too make matters worse my husband disclosed to his boss and a few of his friends what my illness is which made me very mad. I haven’t been doing well for two years as I have been in and out of hospitals, but it is still no one’s business why unless I choose to disclose that information. So I don’t really know whether others can detect if we are bipolar or not I just prefer if they didn’t.
My husband is bp. He looks like a guy with great ideas and high energy. For someone who meets him during a “high” they think, “wow! He’s such a mover and a shaker. He’s got such great ideas!” Then he falls out of commission for a while(depression) and people will say, “how’s that husband of yours? Haven’t seen him for a while.” If they don’t know he’s bipolar, or don’t know the signs of bipolar disorder, I don’t think it’s obvious to them. UNLESS, they get to know him well and see the ups and downs. I feel like I can spot bipolar people because I live with a bp person. With my husband I can see the “markers” of when he’s going up. His thinking patterns, ideas, buying patterns, etc.
I’m high functioning when I know I have to be somewhere, have volunteered for a job, however I just had one of these jobs ripped out from under me the day before I was supposed to do it and It really wrecked me. My regular supporters aren’t here (hubby is in jail) family is on vacation and I really feel all alone, scared, and unsure of what is going to come next. Along with all of this are the earthquakes in the bay area of CA that also rattle your nerves. I currently just counting the minutes in the hours to get through the days, but I feel like that isn’t a good way to live.I have a meeting with my therapist in 2 weeks, but she’s parttime. sigh
My daughter is currently 36 years old and was diagnosed approximately 2 years ago with bipolar disorder. To look at her and meet her you would never know she has the disorder. As long as she is on her medication she is caring and loving. But when she is not on the medication she is as different as night and day. She becomes vicious with her mouth and we walk on “eggshells” when we are around her. Family who has not seen her in an episode has a hard time believing there is anything wrong with her. If she is off the medication long enough she becomes sucidual. She doesn’t like taking the medication as it makes her sleepy and non-energetic. If allowed she will sleep approximately 12-15 hours per day. She has a two year old child and therefore doesn’t like taking the medication for this reason.
Hi Tetralizard, I agree it is sometimes easier to hide your illness from others when on demand. However I have to be walking on eggshells just to be careful not to say or do anything weird as my husband claims. I am usually very outspoken and stand up for myself, but when I get very depressed I shut down and I am quiet. Whereas when I am hypomanic, I feel very happy and energized like to socialize much more and feel comfortable in my own skin so to speak.
In my husbands case he is a high fuctioning bipolar. We never knew there was a serious problem until he had a life threatening illness about 5 years ago. The depression showed up more and more. He is also an alcoholic so he was self medicating. He has been sober almost 2 years and is working on getting well. It is a struggle. Thanks for your information.
I can tell with my husband. He is either way UP or on a real low. He is no longer the man I married who was pretty easy going and seemingly just a happy person. He also has a substance abuse issue that hopefully is under control for the most part. It makes life a daily challenge.
I have a daughter who is 28 yrs old that was diagnosed pre-bipolar at 15. I really don’t know what she is but I do know she was very hard to deal with. She has been diagnosed everything in the book except Scitzophrenia (spelling?)and I would like to know how to distinguish between bipolar and borderline personality disorder??
My daughter is currently undergoing evaluationas/observations and we have an appt. w/a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. We are trying to regulate meds. Stomach cramps, diahrea, vomiting, and hives plus the neverending insomnia.
I would say she is not high functioning at this point , although I believe she will be because she desires to have some stability in her life.
There were so many other things that seemed to mask the bp symptoms in at the beginning. However, when those issues were addressed, it was clear that there was still something tht was out of balance.
Inability to concentrate, keep a job, manage money, make rational decisions, self image, appearance, etc., hostile behavior, panic aattacks,insomnia lack of modesty, etc.
I think people can tell that something isn’t in sync with her thinking, but maybe don’t know that it is bp.
CAT
My boyfriend, Matt is bipolar. When I first met him, he seemed the same as every other guy I’ve met and hung out with, but there was something different about him when I stopped and thought about it. We were in the front yard playing football, everything was fine, we were laughing and joking around with each other, but, out of nowhere, he got really frustrated when my brother said I could catch a football better than Matt could. His face got red and he quit the game, he then went and sat in my garage for a couple minutes. I was sitting in my driveway waiting for him to calm down, I thought he was just over reacting and being a baby. Later on that night, I asked him why he freaked out the way he did, he just looked at me in hesitation and told me he was bipolar. I thought he was joking at first, but he was serious. Now we’ve been together for a little over 7 months and I’ve come to realize that I’m the main one who can calm him down when he gets carried away and he comes to me for help whenever he needs it. He isn’t on medication anymore, but I wish he’d take to help him out on a greater level then what I can.
Actually Dave, I am the one with the bipolar disorder and most times I would agree that I am probably ‘High-Functioning’. There are those swings (I am in rapid cycling phase)that show my bipolar nature. Most of the time I am very productive at work, but I have been slightly manic lately. The doctor changed my medication (unfortunately, because I liked feeling this way) and I am getting back on track. Thank you for your letters as I find them all very interesting! Net outcome is that at times is shows, but most of time it doesn’t.
When I’m in a dysfunctional state with BD the first thing to go is my personal grooming,next is the state of my house, and then my mood which usually goes to depressive. For the last 6 months since I’ve been stabilized on my meds, no one would guess that I have bipolar disorder. My grooming is great, my house is clean (usually), and I have never laughed more than I have in last 10 years!! I’ve had a few hypo manic episodes but I’ve learned to channel the energy I feel with those– clean house,get ahead on homework, catch up with old friends,etc. I thank God every day that my doctors diagnosed me and got me on the proper medications.
After a lot of experience, including running a school for several years, I’ve become able to spot hot spot behavior that identifies people with extreme responses to live. These do not include drug or alcohol abuse, which are a different topic.
+ enthusiastic, often very winning, outlook on life that included discussing many successes.
+ even when failures were discussed, the conversation would be enthusiastic, if not outright happy, with the failures being bigger or better than other people’s failures.
+ black and white evaluations. Situations were either very right or very wrong.
+ violence. At its mildest, the violence could be called “verbal abuse,” that bordered on what might be called “demonic possession.”
+ when violent or angry, the concepts expressed are within a very narrow range. The issue at hand is entirely forgotten.
Note that enthusiastic people who use a lot of hyperboles are very magnetic. They are the type you want to party with. They often make outstanding salespeople until they crash.
I’ve noticed that they tend to live in a dreamworld. They can articulate their successes, but upon examination, you’ll see a downward spiral.
Not all people with extreme violence have the manic side. Of those I’ve seen, many will express an ultra-high opinion of themselves during the violent episode. They set themselves up as a type of judge or perhaps, god. They know what is right; no one else does. Road-rage, where one person continuously notices the foibles of others is an example.
Note that when physical violence is involved, people in the relationship must reach out for help. Often the violent person will isolate those people (wives, girl/boyfriends, children) and will attack them verbally. The best way to get out of this type of game is to reach out and ask to be pulled from the grip. This is not always easy, but it is always doable.
A message here by Candi is very disturbing.
The only person any of us can control is our self. The way we manage our self is the way we manage who is in our life and what that person does when present in our life.
No one is so smart that they can control another. This is especially true when the other person is in a rage. What happens is that the controllee feels like a saint and perhaps feels somewhat high on the knowledge that she helped another be stable. I call it the angel or saint syndrome.
The best information on the subject of violence is found in literature on battered women. Note that there are plenty of battered men who need to read this information, too.
With respect to Candi, if a boyfriend was on medication for bipolar, he needs to get back on them. Candi is a person; not a drug. The day that she gets battered, she’ll realize that.
Note that when you invite a violent person into your life, you expose your sibilings and friends to this person. If they get hurt by your friend, you have to examine your own behavior.
I have both a son and daughter who have been diagnosed bipolar. My son was diagnosed at 16 although I am certain he was that long before that age – plus he has the ADHD, Learning Disability and PTSD. Although he has these problems he is a good looking kid (26) that you could not tell until he opens his mouth and starts talking or an episode hits. My daughter who was at the opposite end of the learning scale, top 5% of her class – had signs and symptoms which for some reason people just didn’t recognize all though school. She is a beautiful girl who was very athletic and talented. When she finally admitted to having the problem it was like the world collapsed and she has turned into a withdrawn and very lonely creature who has withdrawn from society a great deal of the time. Takeing a look at pictures you could not believe the difference in her from high school till now (she is 32) and my son looks the same and really hasn’t shown the symptoms to the world unless as I said before he has an episode. So low intelligence doesn’t always show that there is a problem. Even the very intelligent like my daughter who was a top graduate, has a BS which she is unable to use – I believe that the differences between high and low intelligence does not necessarily allow a person to recognize that they have the problem.
Can anyone recognise someone with Bi Polar? I didn’t think so but wait until you hear this ….
Many years ago, long before I was diagnosed with Bi Polar (and Dysthymic Disorder – luverly combination!) I had a a girlfriend who became seriously ill with what was then called Manic Depression. Oh boy! he couldn’t have flown any further between the extremes. She was put into a hospital. I started to visit here there, where I met some of her inmate friends, including one scary schizophrenic. Now at this time I often used to feel low. I was not sure if it was Depression because my doctor and Dad told me “not to be so stupid” and “pull yourself together!” (Hmmm… sound familiar?) When I started visiting my friend she used to tell me that I was “a bit manic depressive”. Yeah! Right! On another visit, the scary schizophrenic very purposely strode across the room towards me. Now, this guy looked fierce all the time, he would think aloud and talk to someone. he was a serious case. Anyway! Over he came and stooped really close to my face. I was scared and wondered what he was going to do next.
“Do you know why we all like you?” he asked.
“Phew!” I thought, “He’s being friendly!”
“Errr … no”, I replied.
“It’s because …” he paused looking around contemptuously at the nursing staff, “you are one of us!”
I was totally freaked out! Totally! I came away from the place in turmoil! I was so disturbed by what I heard I just couldn’t go back there again. Another 20 or so years later, I found out that ex-girlfiend and the scary schizophrenic were dead right. A coincidence? I recall reading a book some time ago which I bought when that girlfriend first became ill) called The Psychotic. In there I read that psychiatric in-patients were often more able to spot the criminals pretending to be mentally ill that the psychiatrists. And that without even having much, if any, conversation with them. This suggests to me that there is something that gives us away … Maybe it’s that others with the same, or simlar conditions, become so adept at hiding their unhappiness that they can spot when others are doing the same.
(Umm… I’m a little bit high tonight … does it show?)
Now that I have been diagnosed and I know what the symptoms are I believe that yea I can point out who has or who could have if I am around them enough. Those that do not know what bipolar is would not beable to tell. People I work with think I am the life of the party, that just has a temper sometimes.they do not know unless they tell me. I know my dad has it but he refuses to go get help.
David, You cant tell I have bipolar be looking at me but alot of my friends and family know somethings not right with how I act and speak. My behavior is off. I get high functioned and then I cry, then Ill think the worsed is going to happen. I believe we all go through this but I cant help but feel alone. Thank god for the comments page, it helps out.
Danielle
I just wish everyone with bipolar would accept that the medication works! It is not a cure but seriously goes a long way to allowing all the other ‘tools’ as dave calls them to work. i hate that i will have to take this medication indefinitely (because it went undiagnosed for so long there are now permanent changes to my brain plus my form of the disorder is moderate) but really i know that if i dont take my pills then i will become very unladylike/hard to be around/rude/stop sleeping/paranoid/spend LOTS!!!!
Hi David
I have been struggling with my untreated bipolar husband for over four years now.
I have been reading your text for about 2 months now.
It does give me moral support and direction as to how to handle it/him.
But you know i feel i am breaking down. I just wanna know when is it okay to “give up”. I have lost it and got myself back up numerous times. Trust me I do beleive in trying trying and trying.
This time its just too much. As much as I can’t stand him, I can’t even leave him coz i know i am his last support left and he probably will go “crazy” if i withdraw my support. He had pretty much insulted everyone by this time and no one can stand him. But i know its not him, its “the bipolar”.
I have stood up so many times to him telling him he needs treatment, he needs a doctor, with love and persistence. But he thinks he needs a job after loosing 5 in last 3 years.
He thinks its a natural human emotion to get frustrated. Thanks to your education I don’t give in to his illogical reasoning for his behaviour. But so far nothing really has worked.
I actually feel a little better as i write this mail to you. May be it will a good idea to take a break and go somewhere for few days. I am not sure. And yeah, I was the one looking for “magic words” and did see your response to that. I did apologize and responded to that.
Right now I am living with shotage for funds to pay bills, insecurity, verbal abuse, no family support (most of my immediate family is in india), no friends. I do find support in God and in the knowledge of the situation.
Well sorry for venting. I’ll try as much as I can.
I do want to appreciate you for supporting people like me ” the supporters”: trust me it matters a lot. I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me that “it will happen” just don’t loose it. “you can win” and get your “loved one” back from the clutches of “bipolar.
Thank you
Sukhjit
I like that you have such high hopes for people with bipolar disorder. It makes me feel appreciated, and valued. So many people don’t even touch us(like not hiring, not talking with us) and it’s nice to know that you trust people with this disorder(generally).
Need any more employees?? 🙂
I am bipolar and am currently stable, taking my meds as prescribed, every day. The chances of someone knowing or guessing you’re bipolar are heavily influenced by whether or not your meds are working (if you’re taking any). If not, then people may notice that something is off, but not be sure what. This is because the standard symptoms of bipolar will show more, i.e. talking too fast, too enthusiastically, loudly, swearing, irritability, spending too much, inability to concentrate. I find most people are unable to pinpoint what is wrong, unless they are bipolar themselves, or personally know someone that is.
Depressed people usually look sad, run down, low self esteem, seems to be a tell tale sign of Bipolar to me. My fiance’ tends to put off taking a shower, shaving, brushing his teeth for 3 days but still goes to the store or picks up my daughter & IT DOESN’T SEEM TO BOTHER HIM. OTHER TIMES HE IS NEAT AS A PIN AND WOULD NOT DREAM OF LEAVING THE HOUSE W/O A SHOWER & SHAVING.
Emma,This is CAT, my daughter is 21. I posted about how her meds are effecting her. If you wouldn’t mind sharing, did your meds effect you this way? This is the beginning of recognizing bp as an issue with my daughter. I’m feeling very lost and ignorant on just what we do from day to day. We are scheduled to see a psychiatrist in about 2 weeks. Today, the hives are under control.
We were told to stop meds and see if the abdominal cramps improve.
What do I expect behavior to be like? We have tried two different meds in three weeks and can’t take either of them. We are now taking a sleeping aid to help with insomnia.
CAT
Just read the comments of Sukhjit and also Candi. Sukhjit could have been my story. The only difference is I have been married for 35 years! I am now willing to think of myself first and if he isn’t willing to go for meds that work he will be leaving. I could write a book. I know all the feelings of how he will be alone and no one will care but Sukhjit you must think of yourself. There is light out there somewhere. As for Candi-RUN- as fast as you can and find a well man. This one, who you mentioned would not take meds, will carry you down a slippery slope. At this point you have a potential for a great life ahead-a well one. Anyone reading this need not tell me how I am being harsh-I have done my time. I will be finding a different life-even at this age-if changes are not made soon. I believe people should take some responsibility. Many of you have done that. I salute you and tell you how GREAT you are for the courage to admit and make you life better and better for those you love and who love you. There is simply no excuse for not seeking meds for this debilitating disease. My life has been shaped and formed by this illness-and it is not in my brain but seems to be.
No, I am not able to distinguish if a person has bipolar upon initial meetings. If I spend much time with or interact much with that person I may think that there is something unusual about that person. I really try not put people in a box or category,let alone diagnose them with a psychiatric disorder. I am not a MD or PHD.
I hope this was helpful.
Respectfully,
Shelly Oxford
Upon meeting someone, I likely would not be able to tell if they had bipolar.They would have to display several signs of an episode for me to even suspect there was a mental illness, and even then, I wouldn’t know which one.
I can see all the markers of an episode in my fiance’s face. His eyes change. When they are dull gray, trouble is brewing. When they are hazel green with a line yellow around the iris, he will try to argue with me about something. He also smiles in a way that is both charming and uncomfortable – his smile is a bit too wide.
The best marker is the knot of anxiety I get in the pit of my stomach. I get this anxiety when I see something that isn’t right. I am a keen observer of his behaviour and my intuition has yet to fail me. Trust your intuition.
my daughter is 32 educated mother of 3 little kids loving toward me not high functioning.she takes care of her mental health in fact she works in the field.she takes her meds goes to group 2 x a month and sees her md.If something is wrong she tells me and we talk it over we also have a great minister and a group called Stevens society she meets 1 on 1 who are specially trained to deal with all.
betty bi-polar? people around you,
how they treat you,events with family, that’s the biggest trigger.
not that they know, it just pushes or puts a finger on that piont and sticks in your mind. hoilday’s are really bad.
I can ALWAYS tell when my boyfriend is manic, and is experiencing bipolar symptoms. He gets that “crazy look in his eye”, I tell him too. I kinda make a joke out of it, and he knows I know. To other people he can fake it though, usually it comes across as being super high energy, super social, charismatic, to a point that people are attracted to it. His “life of the party” manic behavior is scary to me though, or at least it was when he had it when he wasn’t medicated, because I knew he wasn’t in control of it. At one moment he had everyones attention in a good way, and then snap! he had their attention in a bad way. He let it get out of control, or it WAS out of control, controlling him….whatever the case. I know I can see bipolar on him, and I feel like now that I know what it looks like, there are other people I come across in life that make me wonder….now that I have this biplar radar turned on :0)
I have bipolar and to the people who were with me through the rougher years they know. But most of the time I am very up front about having it. Over the past few years most people seem shocked when they find out. But I don’t think its my appearances so much as it is my knowledge. I have spend the last three years reading a lot education about your illness is so important to changing what people see.
It is interesting that you ask about what makes a bipolar person stick out or not. I myself am bipolar so I would of never thought that my husband is. When I have had episodes they were not of the magnitude and they were projected in a totally different way. This is why I really didnt’ know what his problem was. But my husband is a functioning bipolar.You would not know he was unless you actually spend time with him to see how he is. We thought at one point maybe he had a brain tumor or some other neurological problem that would set him off. He is also a recovering acoholic ( four years now) and he stopped smoking in Feb this year. He has made so many changes that we also thought maybe that is whats wrong.He has always struggled with his weight and his spiratic need for sugar. There were so many signs but it just didn’t click. I felt really dumb knowing I am bipolar that I didnt’ see it.
I am a highly functioning bipolar, and no one, unless I tell them, even guesses that I have the disorder. However, the other bipolar people I know exhibit rapid speech, hand movements, exciteability, curiosity, and are brash in their speech. What I mean by that, is they often ask questions that are inappropriately honest, expecting the person they’re talking to to respond as honestly.
However, when I am hypomanic or in a manic episode, I, too, have rapid speech, rapid thoughts (though you can’t see them!), throw my hands all around, and can’t sit still. These are the actions that most “give away” my condition, and people are often afraid of being in contact with me. I am aware when I get this way that I AM “going off,” but sometimes I’m NOT. These actions often mimic enthusiasm and creative activity. When I get too “high,” my psychiatrist and/or my therapist will notice it, and adjust my medication before the manic “monster” can get ahold of me.
As far as being “picked out in a crowd,” most bipolars are like anybody else! “If you aren’t one, you know one.”
BIG HUGS to all bipolars and the ones who love them. My prayers are with you.
To SUKHJIT: You really NEED to go away for awhile and get out of the “abusive” situation you are in. You’re too close to your significant other to think rationally about what he needs, and he’s too dependent on you. This is called “co-dependency” and it can absolutely RUIN a relationship. It’s like you’re “joined at the hip” and feed on each other’s weaknesses.
If he WON’T seek help on his own, there’s very little you can do to FORCE him; he will need to “hit bottom” and very well may need hospitalization to get him on the medications he needs to function “normally.”
So – take a little break to get yourself rested and ease up on your thought processes to look at your relationship rationally. A bipolar person CAN be very charming and lovable; I have had two great loves in my life who were diagnosed with mental illnesses. I stayed with them until they died (NOT by their own hand).
You are a VERY good person, but you need to help yourself before you can help your loved one. God never gives us more than we can bear. Turn to him in prayer, and listen to the “still, small voice” that will tell you how to proceed.
i feel people can alwas tell because i dont feel right. but i find that after telling someone ther alwas so suprised. but in my head i just feel everyone can tell because i just cant function as i use to as a teen.
I would guess I am the dysfunctional type. I have been diagnosed of being lower than the low swing in bp. It is awful hard for me to function most of the time. I go to a mental health clinic, but sometime I don’t think they are helping me much. They give me my meds, which some days seems to help but most often they don’t. What I would really love to know is why aren’t they giving me the meds for bp, instead they are usually given to those with Seizers? I don’t under stand this. And I have been on so many of them that really don’t do much to help.
I have 3 children, well they are all grown up, but they all have bp too.
But to answer your question I can usually tell when one of them have the mood swings, because they become Argument state of mind, and other times they seem on a natural high, feeling good, they sometimes want to give away things that they once treasured. This is usually how I can tell, but knowing myself when slipping into my mood swings is when I start snapping at anyone and start to find things wrong with what they are saying to me or telling about something.
I would guess I am the dysfunctional type. I have been diagnosed of being lower than the low swing in bp. It is awful hard for me to function most of the time. I go to a mental health clinic, but sometime I don’t think they are helping me much. They give me my meds, which some days seems to help but most often they don’t. What I would really love to know is why aren’t they giving me the meds for bp, instead they are usually given to those with Seizers? I don’t under stand this. And I have been on so many of them that really don’t do much to help.
I have 3 children, well they are all grown up, but they all have bp too.
But to answer your question I can usually tell when one of them have the mood swings, because they become Argument state of mind, and other times they seem on a natural high, feeling good, they sometimes want to give away things that they once treasured. This is usually how I can tell, but knowing myself when slipping into my mood swings is when I start snapping at anyone and start to find things wrong with what they are saying to me or telling about something.
Similar to titania, sometimes its very obvious (when she sleeps for 2-3 months 22 hours a day; then gets up looking like she’s landed on a foreign land). Other times she looks perfectly normal; i go to work, come home to find she’s cut her arms, been using, shop lifted and think “why couldn’t i tell she was in tough shape”.
It’s a frustrating disease and incredibly powerful at running the show, so to speak.
Kinda cracks me up when her or another friend have been deeply depressed for days and then slide into a manic phase and say “i kinda like being manic”. If you try realy hard, it is possible to see the humor in the dang thing.
Certainly seems to have given Jim Carey and Robin Williams lucritive careers… now, of course i don’t know that they are truly bipolar.. but lordy they sure imitate it well !!
I was married 23 years to a beautiful, vivacious woman who was the life of a party, the one with the creative ideas, a great host and someone generally fun to be around. She did, however, have long periods of depression during which I supported her. She also had periods of exuberance, racing thoughts,confusion, memory lapses and having to have things done instantly. Our furniture was being rearranged monthly (between floors) and once she threw out all her winter clothes and blamed the mover (we live in Canada). She would have blind rages,that resulted in furniture being broken, road rage, and screaming and yelling for long periods of time. It was like walking on eggshells. I began to clue in when,this past year, on the spur of the moment, she went on a three week Far East holiday, blew tens of thousands of dollars, had an affair with a 65 year old divorcee, came back and fell into a suicidal depression, and then walked out. Upon hearing the news,my oldest son (22 years old) told me he had been diagnosed with BP and suggested his mother could have the same. That’s when the lights went on for me. I remembered my son’s sleepness nights on the computer, his manic ramblings and the trouble he got in at high school which was totally out of character for a former “A” student. Being away from my wife has given me perspective, and I have educated myself of the bipolar illness. She still refuses to believe she has a problem and get medical treatment. So I guess my answer is “No, you can’t spot BP in high functioning individuals unless (A) you know what to look for and/or (B) they are in a really bad episode”
Now I can spot someone with any mental illness. Growing up I didn’t realize the behavior I saw in my mother wasn’t “just drunkeness”. I could not have known. I attributed her behavior to drunkeness, which was a daily occurrence with both of my parents.
Since dealing with a sibling with schizophrenia and a failed marriage to a man with a family history of mental illness, I have learned to spot behaviors that are “telling”. I work in a field with clients with substance abuse and mental illness and many other challenges and the training has helped my learning. There is nothing like real-world experience plus reading and learning about the illness.However,I just put together that what my ex did means he was very likely bipolar, like his sister, his mother was schizophrenic.
Interestingly, he was the one who told me some of my mother’s behaviors weren’t due to being intoxicated, and this after just one time meeting her. I never thought about what it was, other than what it was like to live with. I find it more important to realize that an intelligent person who knew about all the illness in his own family could point out my mother’s behaviors to me and spot what was most likely schizophrenia right away, but when it came to himself be so completely stubborn about seeking any help although I asked him to. Not until I made it clear I was leaving and going to divorce him did he even go to counseling, and he told me he wouldn’t go until after the divorce. I know now that the only reason he survived the divorce is because he finally chose not to wait anymore and went to counseling on his own, to the male half of the married couple therapists who couples counseled us for a while.
I have no idea what he’s like today, I cut all ties completely. My sibling is doing very well this year after being very messed up due to being noncompliant with her medication and not in therapy along with medication for most of 11 years.
My mother is dead and I realize I was raised by someone we all tiptoed around and adapted to, she never was treated and my father worked hard and long hours. I know my father felt bad about leaving us kids alone with her and exposed to her behavior, based on things he said to her in my hearing, for example, he asked her when she was haranguing me one day if she was going to drive this one (meaning this child, I was in constant contact with them but some of my siblings avoided them or stayed away and made sure my parents knew they were out of their lives on purpose) away, too. She stopped badgering me and looked sort of startled or surprised, and you could have knocked me down with a feather.
I don’t know if he knew she was mentally ill, my guess is he knew something was wrong but not what to do about it and he went out to support six children and just got through somehow. Whenever she would start to tell me about my grandfather, her father, in front of my father, my Dad would interrupt the conversation angrily and state that “your father was a drunk!” and my mother would stop talking about her father. She did tell me when I was older about her father’s drinking and my father’s grandfather’s being a very mean drunk. I went out and really worked at learning about the dis-ease of addiction and got support for myself to stop buying into my mother’s more horrible behaviors toward me and my total codenpendency which I thought was going to kill me for a while. I worked very hard at having a relationship with my mother and I accomplished that, but I had to learn to walk out when she would start verbally abusing me and not to pick up the phone or come back over to the house until she stopped the abuse…until the next time. She never ever stopped trying to manipulate me into doing things she wanted me to do rather than just coming out and asking for what she wanted and taking the chance of not being in control of my every move and every decision. I learned not to share most of my personal life information with her as she would use it to try to mess with me. She really could not stop herself.
My father passed eight years ago this coming January which means she’s been dead 11 years this December, and I am still figuring a lot of this out. Whether he knew specifically what was wrong with her, I’ll never really know. I think he thought he married an alcoholic, both of her sisters struggled and became sober in AA, her father tried AA but it didn’t help him.
At least one of my sibs blamed my mother’s behavior on the alcohol consumption, was very angry at both our parents, and disowned them. The drinking was a daily thing and we always had one garbage can full of bottles every week. I know I blamed a lot on the drinking and was a very angry kid with self-esteem problems for a very long time. I also know it saddened my father to watch Mom suffer because he did love her. I know she was sad, lonely and in a lot of emotional pain a lot of the time. I’ve forgiven, but not forgotten. As a kid, I blamed myself for the problems between my mother and I and never really understood until near the end of her life half of what was really going on. My older sibs (thirteen years and eleven years older than I) said “Mom was fine” but they weren’t raised by a woman who was as sick as she got later on, they had her raising them before she got quite as bad as she did as the years wore on and she deteriorated. Several of them will never admit to themselves that she was mentally ill as well as a substance abuser, they just can’t face that, although some of their children have turned up with mental illnesses. One nephew barely survived a suicide attempt two years ago, throwing himself in front of a car. He was in treatment since his early 20s for bipolar disorder and so miserable. It came from somewhere in the family. Keep up the good work and information, I wish this had been available to me so very long ago, at least I would have known what to do for my own sister.
A question…are you still going to interview for the research assistant, working from home that you mentioned a few weeks back? I’m still very interested and eager to find out when and how to apply.
Peggyrose
I have four grown children. My daughter told me at least 20 years ago that my son had some depression problems– but I did not and could not see that as a problem. Now I do. But,when he is manic, he has a delightful sense of humor;when he is depressed he is a very different person. In either condition, he doesn’t appear to me to be any different than several other persons I know.
ready done
I already give an reaction
I was diagnosed with bp four years ago. I am 37 years old. I knew something was wrong long before then. My husband refuses to accept that I have bp. I have been hospitalized 4-5 times for suicidal intentions. I am very depressed. I rarely experience highs. I have major lows. I have been in a major depression for several months now and I won’t answer my phone, my door, and I am terrified when someone knocks on my door when my husband and daughter are not at home. I try to talk to my husband about my feelings and he gets mad and curses at me and tells me I don’t have bp disorder, that it is all in my head. But I have had several doctors tell me that I do have it. I don’t take medication for it because my husband tells me I don’t need it, that it makes me worse and that we can’t afford it. But I know I am getting worse all the time. I don’t know if anyone can look at me and tell that I have bp disorder, but I am sure they know something is terribly wrong.
Hello,
This is my first time ever having a comment about anything on line.
My husband was diagnosed in 2005 with BP. We have been married 46 years have 2 Grown Daughters.
I feel you cannot tell unless you have been with a bp person in different situations. My spouse seemed to be able to function well during the years the girls were at home. they saw the manic side when he would (what I called aggrevate them to tears) Me also. Most people that knows us as a couple think that I am the luckest woman in the world. Little did they know. I have lived 46 years with this man. Love him yes. But there were so many times during our relationship, I couldn’t understand why I stayed. So many times I could have left, here I am now. Sad sometimes when things get so rough like today. He is in the middle of what I now is and episode,manic behavior. What to me is so strange with him, When the Girls were at home,small,grade school. This man worked 3 jobs. The Girls always had nice everything. He handled the money. We bought a house. I now know when He got depressed, He would go in his workshop,never did anyone go bother him. He somehow managed His BP by himself.
Things started to go bad when He had his first Accident, Work Related. He had 1 leg surgery,3neck Surgerys. He got hook on zanax,for depression,anxiety.Got himself off. But Then he couldn’t function anymore at work. lost job after job.He managed to get on SS disability. He spiralled down. Then he was volenterring at a school. Got Better. Was going to pick up some supplies for the science teacher.Got hit in the rear. Had to have 3 lazer surgies on his back, didnt’ help. Finally they put metal rods in. He was so sick. Got hooked on pain pills. Got himself off, even though the doc. wanted to put him in rehab. That was really rough.
He was diagnosed a year later. Took the drugs. WAS So WONDERFUL. then He got a reaction from the drugs the UNCONTROLED MOVEMENT. SCARED US. HE ALSO WENT THROUGH AN EPISODE OF THINGING HE WAS DIEING. IF IT WASN’T FOR MY OLDEST DAUGHTER,DURING THIS TIME I DON’T WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. HE WALKED FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES AROUND THE BIG RUG IN OUR LIVING ROOM. HIS DOC. SAID SOMETIMES THIS IS PREM. THANK GOD IT WASN’T.BUT HE STILL HAS MOUTH MOVEMENTS HE DOESN’T REALIZE.UNLESS I POINT THEM OUT.
SO thank god if anyone of you are taking the drugs and you are fine. Don’t stop because you think you are fine. because you do feel good when you take them.
We have moved to another state,not because of his bp but because of a Hurricane. He will be 65 nove. 12. He is a wonderful man. He understands he has a problem and not me. But Sometimes like this morning, I look at myself and ask why are you still here. Bonnie
I have bipolar disorder and am high-functioning. I have been told by others with the disorder that they can tell I have the same disorder. They mentioned the eyes being a sign, which has nothing to do with behavior.
To SuzzaneWA
I really appreciate you reading my feelings and responding back.
I do need a “break” rather than a break up.
Thank you so much.
Sukhjit
dear david, my son has bipolar, by looking at him you would never know, just think he is immature,where we live, people don’t understand, or don’t want to, so in doing so they say he should know better, and yes he should, but he has his urges, or compulsiveness, and doesn;t stop to think, so my 17 yr old sits in a jail, because there is nothing around here to help him, they just want to drug him up. i have recently been dianosed with bipolar, my friends all say they never would have guessed. even though i isolate myself, because people are so judgemental, they still never know.
Geez David as if I am not self conscious enough without worrying if someone suspects I am not right just from our first encounter. I would like to think no one can tell unless they are very close to me. I would also like to think that since I feel normal now that I am medicated properly I also act normal. My family has noticed the difference in me now that the meds are right. In public I am tense and feel overwhelmed by the people around me but I try to keep my best foot forward. I am good at realizing when I am not right and will avoid public situations if I can’t keep control of my self. I will also beat myself up internally later if I think I said something I should not have to someone. I just want to fit in and be normal.
P.S. Someone on this blog mentioned that intelligence has nothing to do with this disorder. I am also a high achiever in academics and feel like I have to be the best at everything. I’ve always felt like I need to be perfect or I am not good enough. Which was not so good; because I expected everyone else to be perfect. The new me sees that everyone contributes their skills in different ways and no one is perfect and I can’t beat myself up for not being perfect either.
P.S.S. Also someone else, on this blog mentioned that their spouse has days where they don’t care about their appearance or taking care of their personal needs. Some medications can make a person this way, the why bother mentality kicks in. One med I was taking made me not care about my personal hygiene where as before I was always primping. It was like going to the extremes. One day I felt sexy (highly manic) the next I was an ugly dog (severely depressed). But I did not go out in public when I was not taking care of myself. I was a hermit and completely withdrawn and sleeping around the clock.
I agree that other bipolar sufferers + supporters can see bipolar in others but it is like anything-if you know a fair bit on any disorder it is easier to spot. My partner has bipolar, I think I can tell as he is very expressional facially so every frame of mind shows to me but I dont think others see it.
I have bipolar and I believe with LIMITED contact with me you probably will not be able to tell I am. I say this because I know that I am able to “control” certain characteristics of the illness for short amounts of time.But with prolonged time frames it becomes more difficult for me to keep it under wraps. So I dont think there is a “look” or what not associated with the illness but certain behaviors that in time cannot be held back. An example in my case would be that I tend to get overly irritated but am able to tone it down for short periods of time. Its sad really, that I am unable to do it for longer but it is a piece of my illness that I have learned to deal with.
betty, trying to figure who’s who in the bipolar gang? bi-polar’s run
in families, personal experience,
Family is all from poland, grand-
mother, my father ,had the same personaliy,the depression, no conversation, lots of quite, no facal expression. my brother is bi-polar too. i was a kid, always seemed lost, didn’t know til i was 30yrs, partying exposed it.
I have battled with “an illness” for years now, my mother first mentioned to my councellor that she suspected bipolar when I was thirteen, i was unaware of what this was then so did not pay much attention to this. With the huge ups and downs I stopped seeing my councellor many times but found myself having to return many times also. I am now at college studying mental health and am really struggling… this course is hitting home really badly and alot of the time is very upsetting. My close friends claim that the more they read up on this it all makes perfect sence so I guess that would mean that you can see straight through me huh!
58 Comments-Larraine Thank you for posting your comments. Its helped me greatly and just what I needed to hear today. My fiance’ of 3 yrs., only seems to be able to take 2 of the 3 meds his dr., prescribes. And to make a long story short, we have for the last year been trying to sell his home which is too big and now mine which is too small. All the time getting closer to possible picking a date as to when to get married. But the closer we get to his making a commitment for life the more he seems to turn on me and say I am only after his money. Which of course he does not have. I truley love him and after all we have been thru don’t want to give up. But he keeps pushing me away. I pray once we are in one home and get back to going to chuch. He can and will find peace of mind, before I have a nervous break down. He was mixing meds and alcohol all his life. And can now say he only drinks Bush NA (non-alcohoic beer) for 5 months and had been doing great. But all of a sudden is accousing and hateful 2-3 times a week. He is retired and I have to get up for work & come home after driving 40 miles to and from work, cook, do laundry…Am really starting to really get run down from his episodes and of only getting 4 hrs of sleep. Praying that I can endure and survive. Thanks for listening & just being there it really helps me survive everday, Amen.
Kris My son has recently been diagnosed with BP. My husban has suffered for 20 or so yrs. My son manipulates his Dad into giving him money we do not have, go out for coffedd my husband pays. Lying, bored to tears,son never has any money. Trys to work but has such a bad history of financial and monetary fines he has trouble locating work. When he does he is excellent at Sales as he is so good with Manic High. We in the family often say he is great at b……… his way into a sale. When he was a young teen had to have all the latest colognes,clothing popular brands. I always attributed it to my mom having fun being a grandmother. Not the case as I see now. He was so manic. Living with two very opposite and extreme BP MEN>
To MELINDA: I suggest you take a good, hard look at what you’re facing if you marry your BP lover. You admit that he has changed toward you since the engagement, arguing 2-3X per week. This is NOT a happy occurrence. I KNOW how much you must love him, but love don’t feed the bulldog. Since he is retired and you are working “overtime” to make a nice home for the two of you – cooking, cleaning, laundry – while it sounds like he won’t get off his fat a** to help, you’re asking for a LOT of trouble if/when you marry this guy.
I was in love once with a paranoid schizophrenic, who lost every attempt at a job, even as a dishwasher, because of physical complaints that were psychosomatic. BUT – I LOVED him. I was “addicted” to him – had to have my “daily fix” of Rene. I only left him to have a “normal” life with someone else. It was a trying time with Rene – sometimes he would physically move all his stuff out if we had an argument, and my heart was broken – until he wormed his way back in – then I was happy again. This is NO WAY to live.
PLEASE give some more DEEP thought into how YOU will keep YOUR sanity married to him. You already mentioned you thought YOU might have a nervous breakdown with his highs and lows. Your sanity and well-being are important, too. It’s asking too much to give up your SELF catering to his every whim.
As I said, I can empathize with where you’re at. I’ve been in love with TWO, not just Rene. The last one was OCD, and BP, and I married him anyway. He was verbally abusive, but to me, he was the love of my life. Only death separated us.
Take care, and listen to that “still, small voice” and follow your own intuition about this situation. The hardest lessons are the ones we go through ourselves.
God bless you real good.
To MICHAELA: I found that when I worked as a medical records transcriptionist in 1970, I would start to see symptoms of ALL the procedures and hospitalized patients until it got so bad, I would stay in bed all day and NOT go to work. I assimilated the symptoms of the people I read about. I wonder if it is the most HEALTHY thing for you to be studying mental illnesses as a bipolar survivor. I was told that even medical students in their first years would “take on” the symptoms of THEIR patients, and if such “normal” people would do this, how much harder is it for us bipolars to learn about symptoms of mental illness.
I admire your courage to study such things, but it COULD make your own symptoms come to the forefront and make them worse. Personally, I did take Psych 101 in college, and DID recognize certain similarities in myself. However, I wasn’t hospitalized for mania until AFTER my first year of college. Now, whether studying acute mental illness contributed to my breakdown or not, is problematical.
Take it easy with your coursework; it sounds as if it DOES bother you somewhat, so don’t take it too personally. Just a word to the wise. I’m 59 now, and have suffered with bipolar disorder for 39 years.
Good luck to you, and God bless.
Hello T. Your comment about you,re
man, you make a joke when he has a
eposide, is really wrong. I had a 27yr relationship which my man did the same thing, then remembered word for word what was said,details
Everytime something went wrong I had to hear it. Mentally retarded
etc.Moved in 2005, I’m lonely, mostly do things myself.But til this day I hurt him, with words?
lady di, I worked and when to college (4) criminal justice, socialogy, never had a clue. I became a serious partier, thenit came out. Dr. Phil just had bi-polar on. The biggest thing every
one always thinks your mad, cause your minds some where else. Also, you see bi-polar everything, years
ago you didn’t. Every forth comcerial.Everyone’s illness different, no bi-polar the same.
Are you sure your bi-polar? Blood tells, but racing thoughts could be
aniety, a little depression.It’s really odd, not related out of the blue. They use some many drugs that
aren’t for bi-polar, always fishing
and some do. My self I’ve been on just about everything one time or another. You get fat, skinney,hands
shake, headachnes, blurred vision
runs, stomach, insomia,just handfuls of effects.
WOW, where to begin. My husband how do I put it… unbearable @ times. He has no drive, he screams in my face if I say something that may effect him, even in front of our son. He has no motorvation. He isn’t a dad to my son as far as father son relationship. He use to be my best friend now I have a hard time wanting to be in the same space as him. We are facing possible foreclosure on our house for the second time and he want even call the bank to talk to them. I told him about bipolar disorder and he said “what you think I mental? I said no I think you have issues that “I can’t help you with.” A few weeks later he said he did think something was wrong with him. He said that everything gets on his nerves. Our granddaughter-I can’t let her get around him for very long or even my son for that matter. He wants to come home have noone ask anything of him and just be left alone, he wants us in the room and if we go to our other rooms he comes looking for us. But if we stay in the room with him we have to be quiet. HELP. Does this sound like bipolar disorder or something else. I am at the end of my rope. I am considering leaving him if things don’t change.
To RDAISY: I suggest you make an appointment with your family doctor so that he can make a referral to a psychiatrist for your husband. He is showing all the symptoms of a deep depression. Whether it is unipolar (depression only) or bipolar (depression with manic, euphoric mood swings), is best left up to a doctor to decide.
If you can’t afford a private psychatrist, mention to your doctor you would prefer to go to a local Community Mental Health Clinic, where they charge on a sliding scale. Most insurance carriers WILL cover psychiatric care.
You don’t say how long you’ve been married or how old your son is, but if you have put up with this kind of behavior for SO long that it interferes with YOUR quality of life, then see to it that he gets the help he so desperately needs to lead a “normal” life. The disorder is unfair to your comfortable family life, and something NEEDS to be done about it.
DON’T wait TOO long; a depression like this CAN lead to suicidal thoughts.
My prayers are with you.
Dear bipolar supporters, Being a Phase II I must say that I have been Bipolar since birth and had a Bipolar Mother, but I never would have looked into a crowd and said; “Wow! She’s Manic Depressive or Bipolar!” She never looked any different until she began to speak if she was “cycling” and in a Manic Phase. I know that I am very much like her, but I like to talk and if you are listening, you would know there is something wrong. I live in a wide spot in the road and have NO FRIENDS! Everyone knows I am Bipolar and I make them afraid! They are simple farmers and Common Folks. Sorry about that but there is NO LOVE LOST HERE. (Just conversation and Human friendship) I have 3 Dogs and I like them better most of the time anyway. They do not judge, they just love and most days that is just right.
Grannytrkr, Iowa (soon to be from Nevada again, or maybe back to California)! I don’t belong here and never will.
My 12 year old son is high funtioning. He is mainstreamed in a Jr. High, but because he has other problems besides just being BP it is sometimes hard to tell what is causing his problems. He is ODD, Hyperactive and leaglly blind, and although he can see with glasses, he does get very frustrated when something happens and he could not see why(i.e being hit with a ball), and sometimes this will bring on an episode, where he, just looses it and starts fights at school, none of the other kids who sees him knows what is happening. (He is also big for his age and once had a fight with 3 other kids at once, and I fear he will hurt someone.) He is on medication, that alwas needs updating as he grows, and we see a great Doctor, as well as a therapist, and we are thriving currently, and I am learning much from David’s emails.
All I knew when My son was first diagnosed was the horror stories about my ex husband’s family of BP, mixed with no medication and alcohol. I know what can’t be done, but what we needed to do next was a mystery until I found the right steps to take.
Here’s a thought … I wonder how many of us would have had children if we had known a) BP is hereditary and b) there is a history of it in the family?
Mine was not properly diagnosed until the last year or so (it’s been a “fun” 30-40 years!) by which time I’d already fathered two boys. (Great kids. Not just me that says so.) And it wasn;t until I described to my pDoc some of my relatives on BOTH family lines of my parents, was it apparent that the blasted gene is probably coming down from the pair of them! Had I known that before I doubt I’d have had children because I would’t/don’t want my kids to go through what I have … and I’m only (did I say “only”?) BP2. Hmmm … What d’ya reckon, folks? Should we BP bleeders not be breeders?