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I hope you’re doing ok today.
I got this disturbing email, but it’s really a
good description of mania, so I wanted to share
it with you.
I hate bipolar disorder. I hate having it so
much, because it practically ruins my life
every time I have a manic episode. It makes
me so out of control, and I don’t even know
what I’m doing, and what’s the worst is that
I hurt the people I love the most, because I
do and say stuff I normally wouldn’t do,
and then I don’t even remember it later!
And I hate that, because then they’re all mad
at me, or really hurt, and I don’t even know
what I’ve done, and then I feel really guilty
about it. And there’s no way I can make it
up to them.
I hate how I am in a manic episode, but I
can’t help it! I get really racy, like I can’t
sit down, and I’m, like, all over the place.
Everything feels like it’s going real fast.
I talk a lot, and I talk real fast. And I
always feel like I’ve got so much to say,
and that what I’ve got to say is so
important! And I’ve always got these great
ideas, and so many of them, and they come
so fast I can hardly keep up with them.
But when I’m normal, none of them are good at
all. When I’m manic, the plans I start just
never get completed at all, cuz they were no
good to begin with.
I hate feeling like I’m crazy, I really do, but
I do feel like that. That out of control
feeling. That’s what mania is like. Like
you’re crazy, out of control. And you do
things, like I said, you do all these great
(grandiose) plans, and sometimes they
might hurt other people, and you don’t
even realize it.
Like spending money. Like your family’s
money. A lot of it. Or the credit cards,
running up a lot of credit. But you don’t
think about the bills you (they) have to
pay later. And that hurts them, or makes
them mad at you.
I wish I could say it’s not my fault. I
wish I could say it’s the bipolar’s fault.
But I’m the one who has the disorder,
and I’m the one who feels guilty for
what I do when I’m in an episode.
And the worst part is, I don’t even
remember doing any of it!
This is a very accurate description of
what having bipolar mania is like based
on what I have learned through the people
who work for me, volunteering, and
lots of interviews.
It’s hard from a supporter’s point of view to
believe that the things that our loved ones
do are not their fault, or that they really
don’t remember what they did.
Sometimes we even believe they’re
faking it, that they really do remember
what they did, or they’re just using the
disorder as an excuse for unacceptable
In my courses and systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
I talk about how to cope and deal when you
loved one has mania.
There are many things that you have to
do to be fully prepared if a manic
And you can’t just sit and do nothing.
That’s because we’re the ones who are
there when they do it, or we’re the ones
who get the credit card bills. But maybe
you can see now, from an insider’s view,
that it hurts them just as much. And that
they are not faking it.
Well, I have to go.
P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.