Have Bipolar Supporter Depression?

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What’s new?

I wanted to say that for those that
were wondering I didn’t post yesterday’s
message to my bipolar blog, it’s
because it’s broken.

There is some kind of technical problem
with new posts. Hopefully it will be
fixed today.

With that said, let’s jump into today’s

I got this email from someone the other day.
It’s really sad.

Here it is:

“Hi, Dave. I wanted to write you today
because I am soooo depressed. I don’t
have bi-polar disorder my wife does. But
all these months of dealing with her
has made me really depressed. I find it
hard to get up in the morning. I don’t
work out. I feel like there is no
hope. I feel like giving up. Nothing
makes me happy. Maybe I caught this
from my wife. I just don’t know
what to do. I really feel like a
weak person. You handled so much
more than me for so much longer.
I doubt you will read this.”


Hey Dan,

I have several comments for you. And
I know others can benefit as well.

First don’t feel bad if you are
feeling depressed. Bipolar disorder
IS depressing.

Many supporters wind up getting
depressed. I know several that
are on anti depressants and also
attending therapy sessions.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I notice that there are many bipolar
supporters all over the world that
are silently suffering because
they are trying so hard to help
their loved ones but nothing
seems to go right.

They find the more they try, the
more nothing happens. As a result
a form of what I call “Bipolar
Supporter Depression” sets in.

In addition to this, Bipolar
Supporter Anxiety can start as

I know MANY people that have
anxiety as a result of supporting
someone with bipolar disorder.

For those reading this that have
bipolar disorder, I think it’s important
for you to realize that many times
the people who are around you,
your supporters can get depressed
themselves and start to feel

Based on what my mom has told me,
and many people who work for me
with bipolar disorder, they have
said, that many times when you
have bipolar disorder, you think
about how much you are suffering
and you forget that others
around you could be suffering as

My mom and the people who work for
me said after a lot of thinking,
they realize how bipolar affects
the people around them.

Now back to Dan’s comments. Dan,
I really didn’t expereince Bipolar
Supporter Depression. I expereince
what I would call Bipolar Supporter

So I didn’t really get depressed,
my mom’s bipolar disorder made me
mad instead. I was mad, that it
was such a pain to deal with, I had
to take a year off from work, I lost
a ton of money, I was getting screamed
at all the time, I had tremendous
pressure every second of the day, I was
losing sleep, I couldn’t hang out with
my friends, etc.

That’s just a short list :).

BUT, even if I didn’t have depression
that doesn’t mean that I am tougher than
you. It just means that I dealt with it
differently than you did. Many times
anger is worse than depression.

Anyway, here is what I think that you
should do if you are feeling anxiety,
depression or anger from supporting someone
with bipolar disorder.

You have to start to look for solutions
and get back to basics. The biggest problem
with someone who is not doing well with
bipolar disorder is lack of proper

So you need to start to focus all efforts
into things like:

How do I get my loved one into treatment
How do I find a great doctor
How do I help the doctor get a diagnosis or
create the best treatment plan
How do I find a therapist
How do I help the therapist treat my loved one

You may read this and think, “Dave that’s
easy for you to say, of course I know
that stuff is important.”

The reason why I write this, is because many
times bipolar disorder causes us supporters
to get so off track we start to forget
the main objectives or what can help.

With Dan, I am betting this is the case
with him. Meaning Dan is depressed
because his loved one isn’t getting results.
Lack of progess or results with his loved
one is a function of lack of treatment
or treatment that isn’t working.

So if Dan starts to really focus and
set a goal of getting his loved one into
good treatment, good things will start
to happen.

That might sound strange to you, but
that’s what happen to many people who
are supporting someone with bipolar diosrder.

At first they were really reactive just
letting the disorder run the show so
to speak. Then eventually a swithch
happens and they decide things like

-I am not longer going to let my loved
one’s bipolar disorder rule me
-I have to get my loved one into
proper treatment
-I have to find a good doctor and help
him/her help my loved one
-I have to find a good therapist who
can help my loved one
-I can do it because many other people
have done it as well.

NOTE-I have spoken to several people
that have read my story and concluded
that if I could do it, then they could
too. What they meant if that after reading
my story many conclude that my situation
was an absolute disaster. EVERYTHING was
going against me. So much so, my brother
wanted to permanently instituationalize
my mom (which you really couldn’t do
but he thought was the only solution).

After changing my mindset, and starting
a new course of action, eventually I turned
it all around.

You should read my story, and realize if
I can do it, YOU can too. And it’s not
just me, there are now tens of thousands
of people that I have helped so my concepts
work. It can be done. Your loved one can
get better. You the supporter can have
a better life.

In many cases, the soltutons to
lots of the problems that you have
whether you have bipolar disroder or you
are supporting a loved one
with it, are contained in my
main courses/systems:




BUT, I want you to realize one thing,
it does take time. It’s going to take
time to help your loved one with bipolar
disorder. There will be ups and there
will be downs. There will be some days
when you slip into depression. There
will be days you slip into anger.
There will be days that you feel anxious
and worried beyond descxription.

If they days come, just go back and reread
my story and realize that if I can do it,
you can too. I am going to also start
posting more success stories online so
when you are down, you can read them
and realize YOU can do it. You can
help your loved one.

Well I have to run. I really hope
my blog gets fixed so I can keep
posting new messages.

As for now, you can’t post
responses to this message.

Anyway, have a great day.

Your Friend,


P.S. Don’t forget to take a look through the
different programs I’ve put together… each one is designed
to help you with a different area of bipolar disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:

P.P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:

P.P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can’t learn anywhere else.

  1. Dave, I can see how the bipolar sufferer’s depression can “rub off” on the supporter. It’s only logical – you pick up on the vibes of your loved one, and you BOTH suffer. I never had a supporter when I was clinically depressed, so would NOT be able to comment on this aspect of identification with the bipolar depression. Thank God.

    I had one relationship where we were both hypomanic; this lasted 3 years! Looking back, I can see how we “fed off” of each other. I was being treated as an outpatient during this time, and was on the company I worked for’s disability. I didn’t have to work, but I took in typing. It really wasn’t enough to live on, but I had the rents from the two apartments in my apartment house,so I wasn’t doing badly. It was only as I was becoming more “normal,” that I could see my partner as “worthless.” He was a paranoid schizophrenic, smoke pot, did “uppers,” and sold his woven flower baskets on the Mall.

    I met a really NICE guy at about the end of the former relationship, and had to decide between “fantasy and reality.” The fantasy was my current boyfriend, who could not offer me ANYTHING. The reality was my new boyfriend, who was the Executive Director of ASCS, He could take care of me. I broke up with the first boyfriend, and married my new one. I never had a depression while I was married to him. He died five years after we were married…

    It’s hard not to “reflect” a bad mood. Your suggestions sound good.

  2. Dan I might have a little insight… I have bipolar, and I like to think it is under control, at the very least its manageable. My wife had to deal with me, she went from a very exciting, energetic, and fun person to sitting on the couch in sweatpants because of me. The only advice I can give you – other than your obvious patience – is REALLY try to get her outside. baby steps I know, but trust me it will help, even if it is something so small as getting the newspaper with a cup of coffee go from from there but my bet is that when you start trying to help her you will feel better yourself – Best Wishess _ Andy akbojibud@yahoo.com

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