Hi,
Hope you’re doing well today.
Hey – remember that old game show that had three doors…
And the contestant had to pick one of the three doors, because there were prizes behind them…
(But actually only behind TWO doors)
Behind Door Number One…
A…Brand…New…Car!!!
Behind Door Number Three…
BUZZZ!!! A goat.
Aww…You lose.
But behind Door Number Two…
The…Dream…Vacation…of…a…Lifetime!!!
Yeah! Scream! Jump up and down!
Audience goes crazy! Bells and whistles going
off!
So why should YOU pick Door Number Two?
First of all, because bipolar disorder or not, everyone would love a free dream vacation of a lifetime.
But for you specifically, because wouldn’t it be great if just for once you could escape from the world of bipolar disorder?
Wouldn’t it be nice if just for one week everything went perfect?
If just for one week you could forget about the fact that you’re a supporter to a loved one with a potentially fatal mental disorder?
If just for one week you could get away from all the anxiety and stress and pressure of being a supporter?
Yeah, it would be great, wouldn’t it?
But it’s not reality.
This isn’t a game show, and you don’t get to pick Bipolar Door Number Two and win the dream vacation of a lifetime.
I’m sorry, I really am.
Because if it were true, I would’ve already done it, and then showed you how.
Believe me, because that’s what all my courses/systems are all about. I check things out first to save you the time and trouble, and/or I develop systems for you to help you:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
But I deal with reality, and not dreams that won’t come true.
You’re probably not going to go on a game show.
You’re probably not going to win a million dollars in the lottery, either.
The reality is that even if your loved one had never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, your life wouldn’t have been perfect anyway. No one’s is.
The reality is that even if you hadn’t had to deal with a disorder like bipolar disorder, you would still have to deal with something serious in your life that would cause you as much stress – statistics just show this.
And people are dealing with more anxiety and stress in their lives now more than ever before.
So what can you do, since you can’t run away, and you probably won’t be going on that dream vacation of a lifetime?
You have to deal with what’s in front of you, and the best way to do that is one day at a time, or else you’re going to feel overwhelmed.
You take things as they come, and you deal with them the best you can.
I know that sounds rather simple, but that’s the way I have to do it, too.
Life is hard enough without complicating it yourself.
Keep it simple. Face the day that’s in front of you and only that day.
Even 12-step programs, where people are trying to change their whole lives have adopted the philosophy of “One Day at a Time.”
They know that trying to handle any more than that would just be too overwhelming.
A simple philosophy, but one that has been time-tested and proven to work.
Use the tools in your “bipolar toolbox” each day.
Practice what you’ve learned in this mini-course and in my bigger courses.
Use the knowledge that you’ve learned from books and your other research into bipolar disorder.
Be active and productive, so that you aren’t focused solely on your loved one’s disorder.
Do things that you enjoy.
Keep lines of communication open with your loved one.
Be a good supporter so that your loved one can become stable and there are fewer episodes to deal with.
Stay close to family and friends.
Have a social life.
In other words, do whatever it takes to have a happy life (in spite of the bipolar disorder), so that you don’t have to focus on your loved one’s disorder, and you don’t have to fantasize about lotteries and game shows and getting away on the dream vacation of a lifetime!
Just live for today, and be happy.
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Good Morning David,
Thanks again for the wonderful e-mail this morning,
about taking one day at a time, really that’s all we
can do, we never know from one day to the next what
will come our way, the day that I called and talked to
our Son, David, and invited him to go out to eat with us,
he said Mom I have to work on my atv machine, I told
him we loved him, and to be ready to meet Jesus at any
moment, I said we never know when our life is over,
he said I know Mom, well anyway the next night we get
a phone call at midnight, the Police chaplin is at our door,
so we got up and went down to let him in, and than he
tells us that our son David was killed tonight,he was
on his 4wheeler and a train hit him, needless to
say I had a heart attack, it has been so very hard to accept,
and I just pray that he was ready to meet the Lord, so we
sure never know from one day to the next what comes our
way. Thanks again for your e-mails, they help me a lot to
deal with life.
Yes it would be very nice to escape from myself for a week, or a couple of days, to a place (that doesn’t exist) where mental illness is not there. That would be great! But I also have to be a realist and know that place doesn’t exist and I have to do this one step at a time.
You are almost right David. The anxiety might be too much for some people. But if they are not having an eposide they also might be able to handle the trip and be proud of that accomplishment which might enable them, with encouragment, to take some more chances. Let’s both assume that they are on their meds and their supporter is with them. One can be on a ship with thousands of others and yet they can be alone if they so choose. And let’s face it for the most part those on a holiday are mostly happy with little care in the world. Recovery mixed with happiness is infectionous.
Hey all! This could not have come at a better time! Yes, I am extremely co-dependent and if my husband would only listen and do everything I tell him our life would be perfect! Yeah, right. I am delusional. You see, my husband suffers from bi-polar and has caused so much pain and hurt. Yes, he takes his meds but then he started to drink which we all know is basically the devil incarnate hiding beneath the man that I have known and seen in a normal state. He is still in Hawaii after fleeing there to “find himself” and now aching to come home and “why wont I just buy him a ticket to end all of this?” Sure, its my fault again! The promises of “I wont do it again, I promise” ring in my ear as if maybe this time he means it. So, I have been depressed since he has been gone for the last 3 months, he’s living in a homeless shelter called Safe Haven, when I should be kicking up my heels and finally living a life of peace and harmony. My marriage of 11 years is rocky and now he wants to go to marriage counseling, keep taking his meds, go back in the hospital, continue ECT treatments, and one on one counseling as well. All of the things I have begged him to do before. Do I risk it? How do I come out of my own depression. I have started taking anti-depressants and just wish I coild pull myself together. I am very angry! Last words he said during our last phone call was, “Honey tou sound like your very angry, maybe you need some anger management or counseling!” Yes, believe it. He said that to me!
Good Morning, Dave,
How appropriate this message was for me today! (Your messages almost always are just what I need to hear).
I had been dreaming, just yesterday, how wonderful it would be to get away, just for a day or two (a nice vacation trip would be better, of course, but one or two days would be heaven right now!
My way to approach to dealing with Bipolar has always been, “I’ll do the best I can today, and not fret about what tomorrow brings”, but there are days that I slip. Particularly it is hard right now because my 82 year old husband has been very ill, and I have him to care for as well as my Bipolar son. I refuse to feel sorry for myself, however, there are days when I feel so bad that it is hard to go on. When that happens, I always remember — God never gives us more than we can handle, as long as we trust Him, and know that He is always by our side.
Your daily emails help me to stay on track — and I think you are Great. I know that God led me to your program, and I will be forever grateful for the help that you have given me.
Thanks for your devotion and care for those who suffer from Bipolar AND their supporters.
Sincerely, Dolores
David,
Good after noon, I just finished with lunch. I try to have 3 meals a day but it doesn’t always work out that way. I have 3 Grand sons, one 16.17,and 4. Today is the 4 yrs Birthday. The Other Grandmother has custody of the 4 yrs old. I submitted an e-mail to the other Grandmother
asking to have a meeting place so that I might give him a gift. no responce.
In answer to a vacation thats a dream I have one to Las Vagas, The only expense is getting there the room and food and transportation to where I want to stay. I’ve been there back in 1982 and I understand that things
have changed. My ambitation to go there isn’t very high. I have a hip and back problem and it sometimes limits me from doing the the things I enjoy.
I had an interresting conversation with my eldest and I have never relayed to the girls what their father did to me, I will share a few
with you. I have had my hair pulled out by the roots in three places.
A son n law (youngest) child husband slam my head against the floor
besides other cruel and inhumane treatment.
I have had family members that had a great time spending it. Buying plane tickets to Isreal and other places. Now the times have gotton
hard and the money has run out.! Now it has switched, I have been getting
a larger ssn check to where I can buy food that is good for you and have a
saving. I don’t guess that Its in the stars for me to ever have any thing extra. I have 400. in one place and 845. in another so I’m not totally broke. I also try to be frugal but things happen to where you have to
use a credit card in order to get back home.
Yes, I could go on a spending spree but I don’t want to get myself in another situation right now. I’m about to get one credit card paid off
and working on another one. So if thats by polar i guess its so.?
Carol
Kelli,
Depression is anger turned inwards. That means you probably are angry at him but can’t take your anger out on him so you take it out on yourself. I lived this way for decades until I realized my dad was the one I should be angry at for what he did, not at me for being abused by him. He abused me when I was a child and I lived on and off suicidal for 3 decades because I blamed myself for provoking his anger. You may be blaming yourself, when you shouldn’t be, for not doing more, or not being able to fix him! You don’t want to do that. While anger management is not a bad thing, the thing that I learned was to stop thinking about what was making me angry and focus on something else until I could see things more clearly.
While it will be impossible to not think about your husband and what he does that makes you angry when he is doing it, there are some things we can do to deal with anger. One is to turn our anger into sadness. If we think about it, what makes us angry is the fact that what is happening makes us sad. If we focus on our sadness, it diminishes the anger. Other things do include recreation, finding time to do things for yourself, like maybe going out with the ladies for a night out, or going for a relaxing drive in the country. Going to see a good movie, or renting a movie. The thing is we get angry when our needs are not being met, there is something you need that you are not getting, whether it be respect, love, attention, affection, or any of our countless other needs. So find ways to get these needs met in any way you can. You have to ask yourself what you are needing that is not getting met, I don’t know, but if you can figure that out, and do all this, you may not need anger management cause I just gave you a crash course : )
About taking a dream getaway! Boy Dave, if could ONLY, Even for ONE DAY be free of my disorder, what a lovely vacation of a life time that would be. I do have good days, they are not all bad, but usually Something pops up and it is either the constant pain of my arthritis, or my ADHD, or my PTSD, or my childhood, or my Bipolar that makes each day a challenge at some point. If I could just be 100% healthy, that would be my dream vacation!
I have systems upon systems, I take my medication, I do my exercises, I eat right, and make lists, make my dr appointments on time, and it’s like you say, I just do what is in front of me. I don’t project into the future, and I don’t live in the past.
They say, Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is History and today is a gift, that is why it is called the Present! I think that is VERY TRUE! I live by that. I have found if I focus on what I do have, the blessings I do have, it makes the liabilities much smaller and easier to take. I do get plenty of recreation in, and my spirits are usually good. But to not have to deal with all my problems, WOW! What a trip that would be, I wouldn’t have anything to do!!! LOL?
Thanks Dave,
Bob
Dear Kelli,
Sounds like you have a problem just like my mother. My dad use to
drink like a fish. When he got drunk he was terrible and my poor mother
had more beat up episodes. My father always promised that he wouldn’t drink or fight any more and it went on for yrs.
The only thing is when he got older he didn’t beat her, he would degrade her. Call her terrible names . He never changed. 50 yrs this woman spent with an abuser.
I have been single for 21 yrs now. I do not miss the H… I do however miss a campanion. I will tell you that I have bought me a computer and
last yr I bought an embroidery machine. I have sorta made myself my own little world. Find where your interests are and persue something for
yourself. If a man can make you dependent on him he will.
One more thing my spouse use to do to me was to give me the check book
just to get groceries. Thats the only time I saw the check book . So take these situations for what they are worth. I’m not totally satisified with myself and I will soon be 61. I still want to be successful in life. I just
don’t want to be a couch potatoe. GOOD LUCK
CAROL
Hi David! I have a question about Borderline Personality. I click on the link that was supposed to go to a page about information for the person who has the disorder, but it went to the page for information for the supporter. I’m the one who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m upset about this diagnosis, but I do fit at least some of the description. However, we know that I did have a learning disability. (When I was tested as an adult the gap had closed.) I also have some of the characteristics of Aspergers, but I was never officially tested. I have also been diagnosed with ADD. And all my previous diagnoses had a depression component. Now, they have replace the depression with BPD. If you have any suggestions on how to get rid of BPD, I’d appreciate it. It seems that with this diagnosis there isn’t a medication to help it like depression and especially my ADD. I’m tired of being too emotional, feeling like people are picking on me, and having a hard time with jobs. I want to be successful.
Thank you,
Jen Gurd
I have been getting your emails end mini course for quite a while now and a lot of them hit home. My husband died in 1999 and my one son went totally out of control. I had no idea what it was and after almost two years and many wrong diagnosis and many different doctors his therapist gave me a book Manic Depression in Children he was now 13. He fit the profile to a T from the time he was born. We have come to the conclusion that my husband was never diagnosed but was able to stabilize as he got older. Of course his family only gave me bits and pieces of his life and totally denies the bipolar. At that time I was still dealing with my husbands death, Kevins’ problems and the other childern. Then I lose my job. Also my mother and retarded sister live with me. At first my mother was a help, but over the years she has become more dependant on me to take care of her affairs also. Would things have been different if my husband hadn’t died? Maybe. But Kevins’ bipolar would have just come out at another time and it could have taken longer to get a diagnosis and get him stabilized. Do I wish things had been different? Sometimes. Do I dwell on it? No. My life is what it is. We don’t deal with one day at a time, we deal with one situation at a time. Sometimes a day can be just too long otherwise. Life regardless, has its ups and downs. We live for the moment, good or bad and deal with what was given. We are still a family and I do believe we are better for it. Not everyone understands but they try now that they have gotten older. We still do things as a family and get joy out of the little things life has to offer and there really is alot of that if you just look. Is it easy? No. But then again, whose life is really?
To JEN: Unfortunately, my dear, there is NO “getting rid of biipolar.” It is incurable, but CAN be maintained with the proper treatment plan – i.e., taking your medications, eating nutritiously, and, especially, getting enough sleep and seeing your doctor/therapist religiously. I feel badly that you have soooo many diagnoses, but, unlike depression (which CAN be alleviated by meds), there is NO cure for bipolar.
I am having a “bad” day today. Got up at 4 this afternoon, and haven’t been able to “get it together.” A “little” depression combined with coming down with a cold – and I’m miserable. All I can do to make myself feel better, is getting on the computer and feeling “productive.” I have bills to pay (as do we all!), but haven’t heard from my mortgage broker on WHEN the closing will be (all my credit cards, as well as my mortgage), that will pay-off these debts. I am getting DESPERATE…I applied for my refinancing back in June – and don’t have a closing yet. The broker always says – it will be next week; it will be at the end of the month; yada, yada, yada. I KNOW the economy, along with lenders and banks, are “tanked” right now – but, jeesh, don’t you think I’ve waited enough??!!
I’m at the point where I can’t even REMEMBER what I was like before I was diagnosed with a mental illness (1968). Does that young woman STILL exist, somewhere in my psyche? If so, I can’t “bring her up;” I have to live with bipolar every day (just like you do), and sometimes it gets me “down.”
YES – I’d LOVE an all-expenses “dream vacation” AWAY from bipolar! To be that young woman with dreams again would be sooo worth it. I AM coping the best I can, but, unlike taking every day at a time, I take every HOUR and MINUTE at a time. This illness is the “pits.”
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
Hi David,
I appreciate the time it must take to write about bi-polar every day. However my inbox is constantly full with unread emails that you’ve taken the effort to write. Can I suggest you provide a weekly summary, (or the best email of the week) which one can then subscribe too instead of the daily emails?
Thanks
Hi David,
I am a Supporter of a Loved one with Bipolar Disorder and read your e mails each day, some I find interesting and helpful, others not relevant to our situation at all.
However, I have found your last article “Pick BP Door number two” very disappointing and negative!
I am in a relationship with a wonderful women and BPD has been a vast learning curve for me, never having experienced anything like it before. I am a very strong minded and very positive person and try try to use these characteristics with my loved one whenever necessary. We set goals and aim towards them, but at a pace that suits us both. Goals such as Christmas, Shopping, Next day out with the family etc. A weekend away perhaps, or even next year’s vacation. We set our goal but may not always get there but getting halfway there can be deemed as successful sometimes. I found your article to be so negative to the point of being a total turnoff to anyone reading your articles. There are those of us who do look forward to a week away, this is something that can lift the spirits of a loved one and take them out of their sometimes bleak and mundane world that they reside in. The only reminder perhaps on an “away from it all” break like this would be one’s medication, but who doesn’t have to take medication nowadays, whether Bipolar or otherwise?
Your comments about a week away are stark and harsh ” but it’s not reality….” We know that Bipolar IS reality, but so too is the opportunity to break into the real world and partake in a vacation or otherwise. Comments from an established authority like yourself could prove to be very off putting to a BP sufferer, convincing them that they have no chance in society. We know BP is incurable but it is not uncontrollable to the point that someone can’t still strive towards some sort of enjoyment some of the time . If we don’t give them the opportunity how can we expect them to have confidence in themselves?
I do appreciate that some people have far more serious cases of Bipolar Disorder than others, but do your articles exclude those of lesser suffering? Why use such terms “fatally mental disorder” ?- Stats don’t back that statement up. Bird flu can be potentially fatal, but isn’t classed that way. This is not good reading for people who have just met up or recently got involved in a relationship with BP person. It can scare people off from becoming involved.
thanks,
Iwill take each day as it comes.socialise and try to be happy.though it is very difficult!
grounding message, very true and uplifting. thanks for all the support
Hi Dave
I think we should stop complaining and thank the Lord each and everyday. I am sure the Lord will grant us our wishes if we trust and believe in Him. It so so true what one of the fellow messages state that the Lord won’t give us a burden that He knows we cannot carry. Sometimes I think it is part of testing our faith and for us to take it one day at a time and to lead the life that is good in the eyesight of God we will truly be able to receive strength, wisdom and understanding towards those sufferers, carers and those we come into contact with as well as family and friends.
Thank you Dave
God Bless!!