Hi,
Hope you’re doing ok. I am actually getting some of this message ready on Saturday night because I have to get up at 5:00am tomorrow to volunteer in this charity for battered women.
So I wouldn’t have 1 hour to write this entire message.
As I thought about what I was going to write, I was thinking about how I had to put this all together fast because I have to go to bed early.
So today I want to talk to you about two words:
ACTIVITY and PRODUCTIVITY
There is a difference between “activity” and “productivity,” especially when it comes to your loved one.
Productivity, for the most part, involves having something to show for your “activity.”
I’ll show you what I mean.
Scenario #1:
Lisa works as an office worker in a major corporation.
Her co-workers are very busy, so no one has time no notice what Lisa is doing – they can’t tell if she is being productive or not.
So Lisa walks around carrying files in her arms for most of the day, looking as if she is busy (just in case anyone happens to be looking).
Is Lisa being productive?
No, Lisa is showing some activity, but is not actually being productive.
Scenario #2:
Mary works for a virtual organization in the customer service department; in other words, she works from home.
So there is no one looking over her shoulder, no one to see if she is really working or not.
However, she spends more time on the phone with the other members of the virtual organization than actually talking to customers.
Is Mary productive?
No.
Talking on the phone is an activity, but it is not productive.
In fact, in this case, it’s worse, because it’s a distraction to the other members of the organization who can’t get their own work done while they’re on the phone with Mary.
Scenario #3:
George has bipolar disorder and when he’s depressed, he tends to sleep more often.
The answer may seem obvious, but is George productive?
No, because although sleep is an activity, it isn’t productive, since there is nothing to show for it.
In fact, in the case of bipolar disorder, it can be harmful to your loved one.
Too little sleep can lead to a bipolar manic episode, and too much sleep can lead to a bipolar depressive episode.
Scenario #4:
Bill watches quite a bit of TV. His wife accuses him of being lazy, but he argues that at least he is doing something with his time!
Is Bill really being productive since he is doing something with his time, as he says?
Bill is doing something with his time, as watching TV is an activity. However, it is not a productive activity, as once you are done watching TV, you really have nothing to show for it.
So Bill is not really what I would consider productive.
————————————————————————-
You want your loved one to be more than the examples in the scenarios I just described.
You want them to be productive, since that will help them manage their bipolar disorder better.
You want them to be productive, because that will make them feel better about themselves.
You want them to be productive, because productivity brings more quality to a person’s life (bipolar or not).
So how can you help?
You can encourage your loved one to start making To-Do Lists, detailing out tasks they want to accomplish.
These can be things around the house, outside the house, or errands they can run.
The list doesn’t have to be long, but just something to make them feel a sense of accomplishment.
In my courses/systems below, I talk about To-Do Lists in detail:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
The difference between activity and productivity is having a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
And that can help your loved one feel better about themselves, increasing their self-esteem.
Being productive will keep your loved one from being bored (one of the triggers to a bipolar episode).
Being productive will also keep your loved one from getting depressed (which could also lead to a bipolar episode).
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
Post responses below
Loved the be productive not just active email. I have the last year taken on painting my home (which has never been previously painted) . It has pressed board with thin paper on it and is 10 yrs old. While this often leaves my house in less than a fit to show company state, I am really enjoy the results. I am actuallly accomplishing something and have something to show for my time. This will keep me occupied for quite some time as I am very slow but it does help keep me from sitting around getting more depressed. A bright cheery home will help keep me uplifted for years. I strongly reccomend this to anyone whose home is dull and dreary.
Little one I never complained when I was talking to lost souls at 4am and I had to leave for a 16 Hour shift in the Steel works at 5am.
How soft are you?
Is there any relationship between what triggers a bipolar disorder and a migraine?
When I was first getting Disability, I had an apartment house to take care of. Though I was “productive” – having many things to watch out for and “fix,” I always had a sense of accomplishment, even when I took time off to have fun.
When I moved to my condo, I watched DVDs every day of the week; “active,” but definitely NOT “productive.” I had NOTHING accomplished at the end of the day.
Then, I discovered the Internet! I started slowly, taking surveys for points/cash, opening emails for cash, reading blogs and giving responses, and signing up for mystery shopping. Boy! Did my life CHANGE!! Ultimately, I became “productive,” as I had something to show for the hours I spent on the computer.
Even though I sometimes max out the amount of emails per day (1000 is all AOL allows), I try to catch up, and answer the IMPORTANT FWs and emails from friends. And THAT – being in contact with my “cyberfriends” – is the MOST important aspect of my “work” on the computer. I have met the most WONDERFUL people on the Net, who have become like sisters and brothers to me, especially on Dave’s blog.
Even if you DON’T paint your house (and I give you plenty of accolades for such an activity!), working on your computer WILL give you satisfaction at the end of the day. AND – it’s cheaper than renting DVDs!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
It has now been 2 months having my bipolar son home again, this time he has stayed on him medication and I have kept him busy. He has also been helping with the JC’s haunted house in the evenings witch has filled those evenings. I can see he fills better about his days and nights now being of more meaning. We have worked on getting him medication for a reduce price and this is also worked out. Now, because of the arrest he has to find a treatment center for the drug and bipolar, also found but over a hunder miles away, worried on this one. Everything is going well at this point for all in the house even his mom is ok with Tony living at home, but she keeps close tab’s on his actives. I think takeing his cell phone away from him has a helped also, he is not getting those constent calls 24/7, has allowed for better rest. He also enjoyes the computer and will sit for hours on it, but his sites are pretty dark sided, and I would like to fine away to make it more productive.
Dave thanks for the site, it has helped me alot with my son and understanding his bipolar life, that is not easy. He is a loving son as is all my son’s and is trying harder than I have ever seen in year’s, I am prode of him for his efforts.
I also have a older son that I think has bipolar, but will not get a evaluation to see if this is the problem. He shows all the same signs as Tony, up and down episodes and a drinking problems, he says is not a problem. I am working on this also, but he lives 1500 miles from here and the phone does not get it done. I have told him to e-mail me rather than the phone as I can have a better understanding of what he is saying. Hopeing this works out for all of us, before he loses another girl he realy love’s.
Well have to go, thanks to all for your time and information, you all are a great gift to my son and I, thanks. John
Dave,
What ‘s so funny about my husband ‘s bipolar was he is more productive during the episode and that likewise signalled that he ‘s starting to have one. He does the household works. But just a suggestion and based from my own experience, that the more my husband took the medicine the longer his bipolar so I tried to test and allow the meds not longer than 1 week and observe for another week and he really gets better after that. Before I allow him to take the meds for 1 mo ang the BP lasted for 3 months. now the longest period is 3 days and bit by bit it passed and gets better. Sometimes, I felt that the longer period of the BP is an effect of the drugs. Just my observation in my case. I ‘m trying and as you’ve said to know the triggers and learn along the way. Thank you Dave and God bless.
Dave, I did not know too much sleep would trigger a Bi-Polar, Depressant Episode! I find your info. very helpful. I’m on a medicine now, that makes me sleepy all the time. I’m allergic to almost everything and had to come off my 4 1/2 yr. regular prescription, because I began to have blood pressure problems, from the med. I will absolutely discuss the sleeping problem w/ my Dr, next visit. Thanks so much for caring about us! Sara
What an interesting article…..activity/productivity….this is a must read for everyone….thank you for your very helpful articles…you are indeed helping many more than you may realize. I also love your laid-back way of communicating to where people can understand. You have a very special talent..you are blessed. May the good Lord continue to bless you. Mrs. M. Rodriguez
Dear David,
I am very interested in purchasing both courses, one for my bipolar
daughter and the other for myself…but I am wondering how different
the two courses really are…I have read through both course materials(as
much as I can glean from your provocative hints of what is within the
courses!) and they seem to be quite similar, and some parts even the same???
Can you help me out on this? Of course I am going to have my daughter take
a look at the materials offered and see if she will actually use them…I
know I will…and if she will then we really need both courses to use at the
same time….but do please let me know if they are very different, or just
from two perspectives…Vicki
Dear Dave,
Very pertinent email -productivity cures many ills which plague-bp or non-bp alike-as they relate to the mis-use of the only thing everyone has time. It is interesting that Freud said of a person he analysed for 20+ years that the two things he(Freud) didn’t give the patient were the two things which led to his recovery-he got married and found stable employment-in short he was loved and productive.
Thanks for the time you devote to bp supporters-it is always very very appreciated.
thanks again Dave,
Neville.
Thank you for your emails. I read them every day. Sometimes the Friday news is depressing for me (my daughter is the one who is BiPolar) but I read it all anyway in case there is something that will help me help my daughter. I appreciated the email today and I plan to print this one out for my daughter to read. I am working with her on this very thing and as she is getting more stable on her medications (she is 25 living in her own apartment). I have been trying to get her to understand the importance of making a schedule for herself to clean her apartment and clean out the box for her cat, etc. Try to teach her pride in her apartment and not just live slovenly and have guests over when her apt. is dirty even if her friends live in worse conditions.
I thank you for what you are trying to do. God bless you and your family.
Wish that I could say I had only less than body fat! LOL Something for me to work on for myself so that I will take care of myself too….just like you say.
How can you ask an 81 year old with bipolar to be productive? Lately she doesn’t even want to bother with her personal hygiene. Dave, you never speak about an elderly person with this disorder, a person who is slready set in her ways. please give me some insight as to how to help her and talk to her. Thanks
Hi Dave
I could not agree with you more on this one as I have become less productive. I cannot even draw up a to do list as I have so much to do and not the energy or mood to do anything. The only time I go into a productive mood is when I become manic and that only lasts for an hour or less maybe once or twice a day. Although I am active when I’M DEPRESSED I AM STILL NOT PRODUCTIVE BECAUSE I WILL SIT DOWN WATCHING TV OR SLEEP. My depress episodes lasts longer throughout the day everyday. I have no routine and I am really running out of options. I hope that this will help me and drive me to at least try everyday even short spaces. Thank you Dave and God Bless you with your future plans.
Dear Dave, I just wanted to comment on your email of activity and productivity.
I think you explained it very well. However in my situation an organixed activity usually overwhelms me. TV is my way of slowing down when my mind races, it quiets my mind. I am probably one of your weird fans. I have days I don’t achieve anything except make my bed,eat breakfast, get on my computer, take a shower and go to bed. In between moving from one event to another I watch TV. I guess I am just lazy. I have three disorders and I am trying to work on all of them at once. I am taking some DBT classes and doing the activities in the “Women’s Comfort Boo”. I am learning about mindfulness. I am 52 and my goal ist to be a grown up, mentally,emotinally and Spiritually stable person who happens to be a woman. I got off track. Your email is a good reminder that everyone wants a reason to be here and to feel important, The world doesn’t understand about mentally challenged people. Their concern goes out to the physically disabled people because they can see the disability. What they don’t see they don’t believe. Mental illness can be just as painful as physical only more because mental illness is a challenge everyday. We don’t get to a day and say we are cured. We keep going and pray we will die in God’s time and not by our own hands.
Your email topic provided me with activity to think about it and productivity to write about it.
Thanks, and Take Care
sandie
Hi Dave,
If there is one thing I am not it is unproductive. I am working on 3 books at one time, building a model of the aircraft carrier the Nimitz in my spare time, work on my mom’s house, my sister’s house, and my house, cut fire wood, workout, play the drums, write poems, email 3 people regularly, am working on two invention/prototypes, writing up a patent proposal, I saw 5 drs last week, usually only 2-3, and cook and clean, etc… I am more productive than I am active, lol? No really I am as productive as I am active. If I am doing something, there is results. The only tv I watch is in the evening “While I am eating dinner” LOL, Gotta get two things done at once there. haha.
I am a firm believer in setting goals, writing to-do lists, writing down what you want to cover with your drs and bringing it with you to see them and have a productive session. One day I got 15 errands done in one big round trip because everything was written in my to do book. Productivity is the way to stay ahead of the bipolar problem. I didn’t know too much sleep could cause depression, but I can see when I sleep too much I feel lethargic.
Thanks for a great topic… You are one of the kinds to get a million things done at a time too. Can’t say your not productive Dave : )
Bob
To ANIWAY:
I have suffered with severe and frequent migraines for most of my life. I can’t answer whether migraines can trigger bipolar disorder itself (I don’t think so), but I do know that if you have bipolar disorder, and you have a string of migraines (or any kind of chronic pain, for that matter), it can most definitely trigger a depressive episode. I’ve read a lot on this and have talked with my Dr.’s and therapist, and the research supports this pretty definitively.
David
Speaking as a BP survivor, I think your view on this is a little bit adrift in that it requires some qualification.
First, I would argue that sleeping is not an activity. Sleeping is inactivity and inactivity is welcome, even desirable, if the activity is detrimental to keeping a stable mood.
Second, I would point out that being productive is not necessarily constructive or useful in the context of BP (and others) especially if the activity is detrimental to keeping a stable mood. For example, it is not a good idea to ask someone with BP to a task they know they will never be able to finish before they hit a bad low mood. When the bad mood comes work stops. Once that mood goes, as like as not they will never be able to get back into that job because it will remind them of their inability to complete tasks (triggering depression) AND the assumption that they can’t finish it anyway. A guy I know stared to build a greenhouse in his garden. Depression hit him and work stopped. The unfinished greenhouse would stab his self esteem every time he looked at it. Finally he demolished the unfinished project so he need not have to look at it again. The same thing happened to a fence he started to erect, a wall he started to build and a number of other projects, too.
Third, I think inactivity can sometimes be more constructive or useful than being productive. For example, I make myself sleep (it’ not much of an effort!) when I can if I’m in a mixed episode. Being mixed is exhausting in several ways and as you get tired the worse it feels. Then, sleep is the best medicine, not keeping busy!
Fourth, it can be most damaging to remind someone of the things that they know need to be done but have felt unable to do. It is upsetting for the person with BP and can damage their self-esteem, which may be rock bottom as it is. So, I’d suggest to supporters, don’t draw up a list for your BP partner; help them with it when they are ready to do it. Forcing it on them may upset their fragile condition. Some of us live on a knife edge: We may become balanced but that does not mean we are well grounded! A shove can have us tumbling down either side of the edge.
Note also, where there is depression, keeping occupied is useful because it serves as a distraction (like do dreams when you are asleep – ever noticed how you never feel depressed when you’re asleep?) In such a case, it doesn’t matter a jot if the activity is productive or not. What’s important is that the mind is kept busy with the task.
Remember, BP is first about surviving, not being productive. You can get on to being productive when the moods are stable, always assuming what you do that is productive does not induce inappropriate levels of stress and risk triggering an episode.
Some of my neighbours must be very active people, if sleep is an activity (lol). I haven’t heard it called that before. Sleep is having a rest from activity. However, Dave, if you have dreams like mine, where you’re doing a lot of running around, you maybe active within your sleep and wake up exhausted! Graham, I have felt depressed in dreams before.
My boyfriend often tells me he can’t stand having nothing to do. It drives him nuts! He always has plenty to do when he is here, so there won’t be any boredom driving him into an episode either way. Before now he has produced some brilliant works of art during hypomania and as soon as he comes out of that phase even into a mild depression he says it’s all a load of rubbish and wants to throw it away. At present he is feeling “down” and no matter what I or anyone says in praise of his work (not just art, also fixing appliances and lots of useful talents) he still believes he is “no good.” In spite of this, he still wants to be kept busy all the time.
Two concepts productivity and active sure do remind me to keep up fast with do list instead of from slow with behind. I have known many people who has problems in past until I realized I ended up a bit more notices after my daughter born two yrs ago. I know about my mom first that has this and then my friends and then me. I also experienced living together second times too. I was wondering that men who has bipolar that has do with mad damaging things that can bring to abuse women. I do believe damaging things can lead to abuse women. I also learned from my spouse to think postive not negative. so when I said about damaging things I did warn him but it ended up this way. I know how to deal with him. the more I know him the more I have to shut up my negatives and walk off on his bad mood the less it is better for a while. I’m forwarding this about two concepts to my spouse that it has example about watching tv that lead causing no discussion with wife’s attention about what to do around this house when we both have no jobs. Hearing and deaf have same thing. I am deaf and it happens in the same way no matter if ears are damaged. I think Scifi TV Channel are bad affected on men with bipolar the more emotion to hurt and worry about my communication or my expression. I try to keep cool and keep simple. I guess I have to stop driving him crazy and keep doing things as I could and most to focus on daughter also I start to email about a month ago to my spouse. email is part of discussion that it might help. spouse makes it emotionally and wanting me to be perfection to not interrupt him or pick on him or etc what he is thinking. he admit to me yesterday that he thinks he should go to mental hospital but he seems okay today. I just let him be himself and I don’t bother him about hospital. I want God to take care of us with prayer. Prayer is the key but the bad thing I found out from this about few books in library which is people are too embarrassed to talk about it. my family are too embarrassed and not answering my mom long ago when I was young kids but now she’s good. while she’s isolating she have apartments neighbors and get free ride from church friends. I also gave her idea over phone to go to clubs and she did. she’s more activity but still tell me what she’s doing with her plans that she is little bit worried about which she does not need to tell me over phone. she used to bother me at my door or call me with phone calls everyday. so I have new life with spouse and daughter moved away from my mom. she called me every other day. I have sorta bad habits to postpone a bit with my spouse from my mom for not responding my mom at my door or phone call or to go somewhere. It was a lot of story in my lifetime. I am glad to express this finally!!!! I also hope I am doing right thing to say this on site??? Thanks.
when you write a to do list you feel defeated if you didn’t get it done in one day, but if you put it as some ideas to get done for the week and cross them off as you finish you have pride and accomplishment. it makes you feel better. this gives me activity and productivity. my husband notices the difference in my days off. instead of sleeping it away.
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11/
This is exactly what my fiance goes through with his mom and he ignores it, too because I think he feels helpless or scared or just hurt by her and doesnt want to scare her into a suicide attempt or something. I dont know what is wrong with his mother, but it sounds a lot like this. She sends him hateful email, and has acted out at family weddings when she doesn’t get her way. She has just not shown up to family events. Then she is as nice as nice can be other times and when she is getting her way.
It hurts me to see my fiance and his sister and brother go through this with his mother, yet I am not allowed to say anything or do anything and wouldnt know what to say or do that wouldnt be “overstepping my boundries”. I want to help for their sakes, and i guess for hers, too.
I think that maybe she even has multiple personalities, but I am not sure. I have come across at least two in the 10 years I have known him. It is hard for me to like her – let alone be in the same room with her, because she uses her disability as an excuse for her actions and to try to evoke pity.
I dont really think she likes me much either – which is okay with me. So, if you put the inlaw thing together with the disability thing, it doesn’t make for such a good relationship. I try as best as I can.
I am willing to be okay with that. However, if her son and I get married, I don’t know what to expect from her, and I dont really know what to expect from him in terms of managing her expectations. Perhaps this is one of the reasons we are not married yet. Im scared. And, then bring grandchildren into the picture and I just worry that it wouldn’t be a good thing.
Dave:
I have being with my girlfriend for 6 years. She has recently been diagnoised with bi-Polar disorder. She has just got over a manic episode, one of 3 that I know of. She was hospitalized at my requise to get this dianosize. She is on medication and going to seek professional help,but now she is saying I am her problem and it must have been a manic state she was in ever to have fallen in Love with me in the first place. Can You tell Me how I can support her with this and not take it personnal! I Love Her so mush…but just don’t know how to respond properley!!
Thanks so Much!!
Hi Dave, I really enjoy reading your daily notes. The one on Productvity, I like tthe other lady am back in to painting my house, It has been three yrs in the making. I would do a little and stop for months, this is before I new I had BP, I just found out afer a very bad fight with my husband in June, He was arrested a few days later . And he is a very upstanding man so that had almost ruined us.But I started thearphy because I though it was just a depression, Oh may I ad that I don’t remember the fight I just flew off the handle. Guess that was the straw that broke my back, They stared treating me for depression because I lost my mom 2yrs ago in april,Found out she had 4th stage lung cancer,In feb, Also the day we found out my son had left for Iraq, My mom said that she hoped she would be here when he came home, and to be very careful because you have but on life,Well my mom did not make it to see him come home and losing her was like losing my life,I had lost my dad 9yrs before that and had 6months to come to gripswit the fact that he was not going to be here long he had died,And I didn’t know what pain and true sadness was until the,But my mom blew me away, They would not let my son come home to say goodbye, I spent 6 days with her in the hosiptal before she passed The first 4 were the best But the fear I saw in her eyes I had never seen in her ever,and I will never forget it, and the fear was for her daughters and grandchildren, and great grand childian,I live 800 hundred miles away and had only moved 8months before she past, The next day after losing my mom I almost lost my oldest some to a motorcycle crash, And the red cross that I was crazy, when I called them the next day after calling for my mom.But thatnk the lord they let him come home, he is the youngest of 4 boys, I spent almost to months away from home my job and my husband, I was very sad and depressed, My son was left blind and can not taste or smell,but he is doing very well now,Then 7 months after all of this my husband cheated on me with a young girl that he worked with, A good 10 yrs younger and some how I had found out the same day. I then just went crazy I wanted to die, I cut my arm in a star shape trying to make the pain go away, I thought about dieing every day. Then I found out I had BP and this triggered a very bad episode, It made me think I had a break down, I am on meds now still working and no one there knows anthing is wrong with me, nor will I tell them,I stll have miner eposides but learning to deal with them But having a hard time what triggers them, lack of sleep, poor diet. Not sure, But my poor husband gets the blunt of it all the time . Could it be him that triggers them? Any one have anythoughts on that. Please let me know. Thank You and Good luck to All
Well, she is at it again… I dont really know what to say or do…I just dont know how to deal with this woman! After I cooked my butt off over Thanksgiving and she stayed at our house for her family get together, I offered to take her shopping…she got all huffy because her son said something about her running up his phone bill. ANd I made a comment and said well, when you dont pay for it, why should you care how much it costs. Yes, I made a comment. Excuse me. And, yes I do say several other things that she perceives as disrepectful…but it is probably just sarcasm because I am not allowed to say things directly to her. Her son even confronted her about the phone bill and she threw the phone down in the car and didnt talk to him or her daughter for what is now going on a month or more. It seems as though no one can say anything to her – either directly or indirectly. You might think she would have said something like, “Yah, maybe I should cut down on talking to my family and friends. I will try.” But instead she acts like a 4 year old. Is this part of her condition?
So, now she has resorted to not talking to two of her children, and the only one she is talking to happens to be helping her with a DSL issue, so of course she is being nice to him… Its always her using her children to get what she wants and it is very upsetting.
She also decided to make excuses for why she acted up at her nieces wedding…Of course instead of saying – I was on medication and I shouldnt have drank and made such a fool out of myself and said horrible nasty things to my daughter – she says that even though she wasnt feeling good – she went for her family because no one else was going to go (the whole rest of her family was there..so I dont know what she means). Totally ignoring the fact that she drank while on medication which was her choosing, and then embarrassed herself and us! We spent time with her at an emergency room and she peed on the driveway of the hotel..it was so horrible I had never been through anything so scarey in my life. On the way home she made threats to her daughter that was in the back seat. I am trying to understand what is going on in this woman’s mind.
My question is – how do you have respect for this person? I am trying to understand. I am trying to understand how if someone knows they arent feeling well or are on medications, why they would drink (even after the family tried to stop her) and then try to come off acting like the sacrificial lamb!
Then, I am the horrible “step child” while her daughter’s fiance is Mr. Perfect. Does she know about him cheating on her 3 times??? Not that I want her to even acknowledge what I do for the family and her son – because I do it because i want to – not for any appreciation from anyone – but please..treat us fairly in your hatred!
Anyway, the reason why I post this is that I dont know how to deal with this all. I am learning not to try not to take it out on my fiance. At some point in time, I should have a right to defend myself…I just dont know how…or what would be appropriate, if anything. I am really afraid that if I say something, she might try to commit suicide, and that wouldnt be good.
I actually think that she might have this.. especially the part about turning on her family if they say or do anything that even remotely says ‘act responsibly’.
“People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments”
This is her to a T. She always ends her emails about me with this… “you can find another girlfriend, but you cant find another mother.” And she is very jealous about us living near my parents (mom and dad) and them being an integral part of our lives and reciprocating love in return.
Help me to understand… please.
I really do appreciate being able to write this out since I cannot say a thing to anyone.