Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

Let me ask you a question: Have you ever belly laughed? I mean, laughed so hard that you cried? Laughed so much that it made your stomach hurt? Laughed until you didn’t think you could laugh another drop? (and then laughed some more?) That’s the kind of laughing I’m talking about.

You know, we don’t do too much of that when we’re dealing with bipolar disorder. Everything is so serious so much of the time. It’s like we’ve either forgotten how to laugh, or we’re

just plain afraid to laugh! Like if we were to laugh, we should feel guilty about it or something, because when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, laughter isn’t something you’re supposed to do.

Hmmmm…. Let’s think about that.

Laughter is one of the most natural things we could do in response to something. Think about a child. Think about how naturally they laugh at things. It seems like so much makes them laugh.

And they laugh so easily, too!

Don’t believe me? Just play a game of peek-a-boo with a child and you’ll see what I mean.

Laughter is a gift. And it is a gift that is necessary when you’re dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder.

I knew a bipolar supporter. And every time I saw her, she was smiling, and had such a positive way about her. It wasn’t a visit with her if she didn’t tell me a joke or two! I asked her one time how she could be that way, you know, joking around and all, when she had a husband who had bipolar disorder, such a serious mental illness. And this is what she told me: “Dave, I have to be this way. If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry.”

Wow. That blew me away. But it taught me a lesson, too. That you need to deal with things realistically. Well, realistically can sometimes mean with a sense of humor.

For a lot of people, it’s what keeps them going. Like that one supporter I was telling you about.

Now, I’m not saying that you have to go around telling jokes all the time, or ignore the seriousness of your loved one’s disorder… I’m just saying to lighten up a little bit… Have some fun once in a while… Enjoy yourself when you can… Learn to laugh again (if you’ve forgotten, or if it’s been a long time since you’ve done it)… Think about some things that have made you laugh in the past, and maybe repeat them. Maybe just the memory will be enough to make you

laugh again. Just thinking about some silly things you’ve done in the past may be enough to get the ball rolling. Or things that your children did when they were younger.

If nothing else, treat yourself to a comedyfest! Rent some of the funniest movies you’ve ever seen, and just enjoy yourself! You know, movies like Young Frankenstein, or Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Ghostbusters – it doesn’t even have to be a new movie. Any movie that makes you laugh counts.

Here’s another idea: Take out your old photo albums. Write one-line captions under your favorite pictures. That way, you don’t just have a ha-ha for now, you’ve got one for any time you feel blue – just take out that old photo album for a good laugh or two!

I’m sure you can come up with your own ideas if you try.

Humor is one of the most important tools we have in fighting this dreaded disorder called bipolar. We need to use it more!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I want to talk about what happened to my mom one time, and the lesson that can be learned from it. At that time, my mom started noticing some things that were “off.” She wasn’t feeling too well, so she asked a friend to describe what she noticed about changes in my mom’s recent behavior (she was afraid that she might be going into a bipolar depressive episode).

Well, I’ve told you before that my mom has systems in place, right? So the first thing she did was call her therapist and asked her for an emergency appointment, and she was able to see

her later that afternoon.

Then she made a list of the symptoms her friend had observed, and she took that list with her to her therapist. Her therapist said that my mom was in a “rapid cycle” of bipolar disorder. Rapid cycling means that your episodes happen more frequently than usual.

In my mom’s case, this is her “bad time” of the year anyway, so we were watching her more closely than usual. That’s why she was using her system. And she did the right thing, that when she noticed that something was “off,” or didn’t feel right, she called her therapist and then went to see her. By doing that, she avoided a full-blown bipolar episode. These are what we call “mini-episodes,” or “relapses.”

But then my mom felt as if she had failed. So is a relapse a failure? NO. Especially if you’ve followed your system and done everything right. Remember that with bipolar disorder, there are things you can control, and things you can’t control. You can’t control the chemical imbalance in your brain. But you CAN do something about it when the chemicals fire off unexpectedly. You can do exactly what my mom did. She didn’t fail. She did exactly what she should have done. And that’s not failure. In fact, it’s just the opposite.

I’m proud of her for the way she handled the situation. There was a time in the past when she didn’t have a system, and she would have gone into a full-blown episode. But because of what she did this time, it shows me that she is following her system, and did the right thing.

We can call this rapid-cycling, or we can call this a mini-episode, or we can just say that my mom just experienced a phase of bipolar depression. But the point is, she did NOT go into a bipolar depressive episode. Because she followed her system.

Your loved one should have a system in place as well. And you should be a part of it. You can help them by watching for signs and symptoms of an episode. Even if they don’t notice that they’re “off,” you can, and you can point it out to them, and encourage them to seek help (early).

And as long as they follow their system, they shouldn’t be going into episodes, either. At least not as often as they did before their systems were in place. But you can’t predict what their bipolar disorder is going to do. Because there still isn’t a cure for the disorder, episodes are

going to happen from time to time.

They can be minimized, though, and mini-episodes, or relapses are NOT failures. Relapses should actually be expected, but if you catch them early (by watching for signs and symptoms of episodes), you can keep your loved one from going into a full-blown episode.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I want to talk to you about two words:

ACTIVITY and PRODUCTIVITY

There is a difference between “activity” and “productivity,” especially when it comes to your

loved one. Productivity, for the most part, involves having something to show for your “activity.” I’ll show you what I mean.

Scenario #1:

Lisa works as an office worker in a major corporation. Her co-workers are very busy, so no one has time no notice what Lisa is doing – they can’t tell if she is being productive or not. So Lisa walks around carrying files in her arms for most of the day, looking as if she is busy (just in case anyone happens to be looking). Is Lisa being productive? No, Lisa is showing some activity, but is not actually being productive.

Scenario #2:

Mary works for a virtual organization in the customer service department; in other words, she works from home. So there is no one looking over her shoulder, no one to see if she is really working or not. However, she spends more time on the phone with the other members of the virtual organization than actually talking to customers. Is Mary productive? No. Talking on the phone is an activity, but it is not really productive. In fact, in this case, it’s worse, because it’s a distraction to the other members of the organization who can’t get their own work done while they’re on the phone with Mary.

Scenario #3:

George has bipolar disorder and when he’s depressed, he tends to sleep more often. The answer may seem obvious, but is George productive? No, because although sleep is an activity, it isn’t productive, since there is nothing to show for it. In fact, in the case of bipolar disorder, it can be harmful to your loved one. Too little sleep can lead to a bipolar manic episode, and too much sleep can lead to a bipolar depressive episode.

Scenario #4:

Bill watches quite a bit of TV. His wife accuses him of being lazy, but he argues that at least he is doing something with his time! Is Bill really being productive since he is doing something

with his time, as he says? Bill is doing something with his time, as watching TV is an activity. However, it is not a productive activity, as once you are done watching TV, you really have nothing to show for it. So Bill is not really what I would consider productive.

———————————————————————————————————————

You want your loved one to be more than the examples in the scenarios I just described. You want them to be productive, since that will help them manage their bipolar disorder better. You want them to be productive, because that will make them feel better about themselves. You want them to be productive, because productivity brings more quality to a person’s life (bipolar or not).

So how can you help?

You can encourage your loved one to start making To-Do Lists, detailing out tasks they want to accomplish. These can be things around the house, outside the house, or errands they can run.

The list doesn’t have to be long, but just something to make them feel a sense of accomplishment.

The difference between activity and productivity is having a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. And that can help your loved one feel better about themselves, increasing their self-esteem. Being productive will keep your loved one from being bored (one of the triggers to a bipolar episode). Being productive will also keep your loved one from getting depressed (which could also lead to a bipolar episode).

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews529/

Here are the news headlines:

Don’t add Alternative Treatments before Consulting a Professional
DO> I have been saying this for years and years and years.

Dealing with the Problem Pileup
DO> Great article about how to handle bipolar problems

Bar Set High for Committing Mentally Ill
DO> Do you think this is a good thing or bad thing?

Seasonal Episodes can Add to Burden of Bipolar Disorder
DO> Kind of common sense, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews529/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I want to talk to you about: APPRECIATION

We hear a lot about appreciating things in life, big and small.

We hear about appreciating the small things in life – like the air we breathe… Or the butterflies… Or to take time to stop and smell the roses… Or to hear the laughter of little children…

But the big things we should appreciate a lot – Like the fact that we are even alive, that counts

for a lot. Being healthy. Our spouses or significant others… Our families… And our children… And their health and well-being. Our homes. Our cars (and the fact that they are running). Our jobs, and the financial security they bring.

But where does bipolar disorder fit into all that?

Those are all GOOD things, you’re probably thinking. But how can you possibly appreciate something like bipolar disorder? You probably think I’m crazy. I’m not saying having bipolar disorder is something to appreciate (that WOULD be crazy of me! )

But there are both episodic times and non-episode times when it comes to bipolar disorder. What I’m saying is to appreciate the NON-episode times.

Many people think that bipolar disorder consists of episode after episode, but that’s not true. In the normal course of the disorder, people can go months and even years between episodes. That’s why I’m telling you to appreciate the NON-episode times. Yes, you do still need to be prepared for episodes when they do come, I’m not saying that you don’t. And you do still need to be vigilant and watch for signs and symptoms of episodes so that you can catch them before they happen. And you should still be careful of triggers that may signal an impending episode so that you can head it off at the pass. But there are longer periods of normalcy than there are periods of episodes, and I’m saying to appreciate THOSE times.

During periods of NON-episodes, you can do so much more than you can during episodic periods. You can even get to the point where you may be able to PLAN some things! Take advantage of those NON-symptomatic periods. Imagine doing things in between mood swings.

Imagine NOT having mood swings to deal with! Much less the other symptoms of bipolar disorder and bipolar episodes. You really need to appreciate these times. Especially because the struggle is less during these times. It becomes easier to deal with your loved one and their disorder during their NON-episodic times as well. They are much easier to be around, too. They even find themselves easier to be around! Both of you find their bipolar disorder easier to deal

with during NON-episodic periods, so you should appreciate these times.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I’d like to talk to both survivors and supporters, because it’s a very important topic that applies to both of you.

I’m also going to be talking about all different ages, too, because whether you are diagnosed as a child or adolescent or as an adult or older person, what I’m talking about will still apply to you.

I’m talking about something that is crucial to good recovery from bipolar disorder. Just as importantly, it’s crucial to keeping your sanity in the day-to-day living with the disorder.

I know you probably think I’m being all secretive about this topic and all, but I’m really not. I’m just stressing its importance.

What I’m talking about is the importance of having a good strong support system. Like I said, it is crucial to good recovery. It can literally make the difference between life and death when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder.

There have been some people with the disorder who have killed themselves because they didn’t have a support system, because they didn’t have anyone to turn to at that final moment, and that is sad, but avoidable.

You can start your support system with your medical and mental health professionals – doctor,

psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, social worker, or whoever else makes up your treatment team.

But that can’t be all that makes up your support system.

Especially if you are younger. When a child is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, their world

pretty much revolves around home and school, so their support system will probably consist more of their family and friends. It will be important to them to have friends in their support

system who do NOT have bipolar disorder, so they can feel a sense of normalcy.

What’s most important when you’re dealing with a child is that they feel as normal as possible, and that means fitting in with their friends and feeling loved and accepted unconditionally by

their family. If you are the parent of a child with bipolar disorder, this is where you should spend your best efforts.

Feeling a sense of normalcy is especially important as you get into the teen years. At that point, they will be dealing with the normal adolescent angst and crazy emotions along with their bipolar disorder, so having friends without the disorder who still care for them and accept them anyway will be very important to them, and should be included in their support system.

At that age, they are also trying to deal with a sense of self, and may struggle with their self-esteem, a common problem also associated with bipolar disorder. They may need to see a counselor, social worker, or therapist to discuss some of these issues.

Another issue that may need to be dealt with is the family situation. There are family therapists set up especially for this. You have to understand that these are the years during which they

will be wanting their freedom and independence, and the bipolar disorder may make that natural rebellion worse. It may be difficult to deal with these issues, which is why I said you might want to see a family counselor at this point in order to continue being a good support for your child.

You can’t expect to be their only (or even strongest) support at that age. To them, their friends will be more important than you are. So you may have to allow them this freedom. Think of it this way – at least they have a support system.

Supporters, let me talk to you for a minute. You need to have your own support system. You may not have even thought of that, but only thought of your loved one needing a support system, but you need one, too, or you will burn out. You have your own set of needs, and you have to see to them. If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of your loved one?

There are support groups for supporters, too. You also need people close to you to whom you can turn when you need help.

Your loved one, of course, needs their own support system separate from yours. This needs to consist of more than just their medical and mental health professionals or they won’t turn to them for help when they need someone. It also can’t only consist of you for the same reason (and

because they don’t need to burn you out). They should have their own set of friends.

These can come from their support group, so that some of them also have bipolar disorder and understand the unique challenges that accompany the disorder. But they should also have other friends and supporters as well. Having a good strong support system will lead to stability for

your loved one and will help you as well.

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews528/

Here are the news headlines:

Work, Social and Family Disability Affect 50% of Patients with Bipolar Disorder
DO> Great article, take a look.

Dr. Drew: “Charlie Sheen Needs Medication”
DO> What do you think of Charlie?

Childhood Bipolar Disorder or Just Childhood?
DO> What do you think?

Antipsychotics Found to Increase Death Risk in Older Bipolar Patients
DO> Wow, take a look at this.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews528/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I read a poem the other day, and I thought It was really beautiful.

Here it is:

Life is like a rose.

In order to partake of its beauty

You must also suffer the pain of

Its thorns

———————————————————————————————————————

Now, that may be a good statement about life in general, but I’ll tell you what it has to do with

bipolar disorder. It was written by someone who has bipolar disorder herself — Michele, who works for me.

So let’s talk about what she says, and how it does relate to bipolar disorder. We’d all like our loved one’s bipolar disorder to go along without a hitch. We’d love it if they were medication complaint, stuck with their treatment plan, had no more episodes, always saw their doctors, therapists, etc., without complaining… We’d love it if they would always take care of

themselves (so we wouldn’t have to)… Stick to a good diet (and never cheat)… Exercise (and not get lazy)… And sleep right (never staying up too late to watch those late movies or TV shows).

We’d love it if we had a stress-free life as a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder.

Yes, we’d love those things. But that’s not reality, is it? The reality is like what Michele wrote about the rose. You have to take the bad with the good. A rose is very beautiful. But it also has its thorns. Just like bipolar disorder. It has its good days. But it also has its bad days too, doesn’t it? What a beautiful life it would be if we didn’t have to deal with bipolar disorder…

NOT TRUE! We’d still have to deal with life itself. And, like the poem, which was NOT about

bipolar disorder, by the way, it was about LIFE… No life is perfect.

You’d still have to deal with many of the same problems you’re having to deal with that you are

now with your loved one’s bipolar disorder. So what I’m trying to say is… Don’t feel sorry for yourself when times get bad, because they would get bad sometimes with or without having to deal with bipolar disorder in your life. That’s just life itself.

If you have communication problems with your loved one who has bipolar disorder, you would probably have communication problems with them even if they didn’t have bipolar disorder. If you have problems with expressing your thoughts and feelings, and/or you tend to “stuff” them now, you probably would anyway, and that would still be a problem. If you feel distant from your loved one at times, you would probably feel distant from them even if they didn’t have

bipolar disorder. If you tend to get stressed and anxious, you would probably still get stressed and anxious whether your loved one had bipolar disorder or not. If you are short-tempered and tend to get angry easily, it is probably not because of your loved one’s bipolar disorder – it just may be the way you are.

What I’m saying is that you can’t blame all your problems on your loved one’s bipolar disorder.

Some of your problems would still be there whether your loved one had bipolar disorder or not.

Learn from the Lesson of the Rose.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Hey, today I want to tell you about a funny story that happened to me the other day. It will bring to your attention a really humorous way of looking at a bipolar disorder success strategy.

The other day, I was working on a whole lot of things. I mean working really hard. Nothing to

do with anything about mental health, just with my consulting business.

I have a friend of mine that I work within one of my businesses. Normally we talk every day first

thing in the morning. That morning I wasn’t around and talking to him because I had to leave early and my cell phone was down. As the day fast forwarded, it became like 4:00pm then

4:30. I was still working at like 5:00pm or so, so I headed to the good old gym. I was there for a while because I wound up working out for 45 minutes doing 30 minutes of cardio and then 1 hour of talking afterwards.

When I got home, here is what I saw: Text message after text message that said: NOTE each line is a DIFFERENT message.

“Are U there?”

“Are U there?”

“Are U there?”

“There?”

“There?”

“Why U ducking me today?”

Voice messages that said:

NOTE each line is a DIFFERENT voice message.

“Hey, call me back.”

“Hey, you there?”

“Call me back?”

“Why you ducking me?”

“Hey, why you ducking me?”

Emails that said:

NOTE each line is a DIFFERENT email.

“There?”

“There?”

“There?”

“Why you ducking me today?”

I know you think this is crazy. It really, really, is. But it’s funny.

As soon as I saw 25 different messages, guess what I did? I called him back immediately so I didn’t have any more messages.

It went like this, “Hey, what’s up? I got all your messages?”

He said, “Why you ducking me today?” Then he talked about what he had to. It was important. Not life or death but important.

I told another friend of mine about this, and she said that he is out of his mind. He actually isn’t

and is super smart. But he is determined. When he needs something he will call, email, IM, visit, and do whatever it takes. Period. He won’t leave one message, it will be TONS of them. He is not even phased if he fills up your voicemails!

What’s this have to do with bipolar disorder?

A TON. I call this the “Filler up” or “Are you There?” bipolar strategy. With bipolar disorder, many times you need to get stuff done fast. Or you need answers quick. You don’t need them in a couple of years. You don’t need it in 2028. You don’t need it at the other person’s leisure. You need it now.

What is it? Let me give you some examples:

-Medication or information on medication

-New medication or a refill of old medication

-Doctor to see yourself or your loved one

-Therapist to see yourself or your loved one

-Information from social security if you are on disability

-etc.

If you are support for a child or teen, the list of things you need is long and deep and nowhere are people slower than when you are dealing with a child or teen with bipolar disorder.

Why? Because you are dealing with school systems who 98% of the time are super slow, don’t really care and are more used to giving you a hard time than helping you.

There are so many examples it’s hard to list them all here.

There is this interesting phenomenon when it comes to mental health. Even though it’s life or death many times (your loved one could die or you could die when people are slow to get you information), people take their time. They are just not motivated.

If you are reading this and thinking, “Oh Dave, what’s the big deal, what could be so urgent? The biggest thing you can learn from me, especially from the “are you there strategy” is you have to push. You can’t wait around. One phone call will not do it all. People will not move fast in mental health especially when you are dealing with bipolar. You may think they will because they are supposed to or it’s the “right” thing to do. But let me warn you, it doesn’t work this way.

Be warned today.

Remember my friend and how he operates. He will call/text/email/visit and repeat over and over and over again. YES he is annoying but he gets results. He gets things done when 99% of others fail. In the last month, he was able to make a huge accomplishment in one of my businesses because he pushed, and pushed and pushed and pushed.

Many times in mental health, with bipolar disorder you wonder, “should I push harder?” In most cases, I always say yes. To help my mom, I had to push hard. Demand action. Demand better treatment. Demand responses. Demand that people focus on my mom. I had to call and fill up people’s voicemails.

NOTE- “Filler up” is when you leave so many voicemails that you are the focus when the person check’s the voicemail. Also, when you leave lots of voicemails, you can potentially eliminate

anyone else’s ability to leave voicemails. Some think this is wrong but many people have done this and endorse it. When you need action, you have to get extreme sometimes.

I was just thinking. People reading this might think I am out of my mind for even posting this message, but it’s the truth. Seriously, this is an important concept to grasp. If you understand

what I am saying and get it, great. If not reread this and be warned the “system” doesn’t respond fast and if you don’t use a strategy like this, you’re probably going to have a harder time than if you do use it.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I’m going to ask you a question. A hard question, but one you need to ask yourself.

What about YOU?

Have you ever asked yourself that? “What about ME?”

Sometimes bipolar disorder can take over your lives to such a degree that you really can get to the point that you ask yourself that question. If you have, you need to know that it is NORMAL! You’re not alone – many supporters ask themselves that question.

Do you sometimes feel as if you have a child instead of a partner? That’s a normal feeling, too. You may sometimes wonder why you are in the relationship at all if it only means taking care of someone who is ill more times than they are not. And this may be harder on you than you thought it would be.

Maybe the bipolar disorder cast you in a role you have no desire to play, but you see no way

out because there is no one else to do it if you don’t.

Maybe you’re just plain burnt out. That happens sometimes. So what about you? If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to take care of your loved one. Remember that.

You may be asking yourself, “What about me and what I want from life?” Well, what about you? What do you want and need?

Now that you have the tools to manage the disorder, it’s time for you to become clear about

the role you want to play in your relationship. You may feel that the bipolar disorder has taken

the choice away from you. This, too, is a normal feeling.

When your loved one is in an episode, you may feel that you HAVE to play the role of the loving

supporter. That you have to hold things together. But you don’t. Everything you do is a choice.

Whether it’s going to the hospital when your loved one is in an episode, helping your loved one take their medication, or putting up with constant mood swings, there is a choice. It may not be an easy choice, or you may feel like you have no choice, but it is all a choice.

If you choose to stay in a relationship where your loved one is often sick (in an episode), it’s important that you at least know who you are and why you do what you do.

Many of the people who write to me who are married to a loved one with bipolar disorder say that if they knew ahead of time what they would be getting into, they wouldn’t have married that person.

Is this you? Do you feel this way? It’s ok if you do, because others do, but not if you let this feeling turn into a resentment against your loved one, or you stuff it and it bubbles up inside you and reflects how you feel about your loved one. You need to deal with it.

If it’s your choice to stay with your loved one, no matter what (and remember, you do have a choice), then feeling like that is something that you just have to get over, as it will get in the way of being a good supporter.

I know, because I am a supporter myself, that sometimes it’s just not good enough to know that you’re not alone in your struggle against bipolar disorder – that you’re not the only one who feels the way you do…that so much is expected of you, especially when your loved one goes into an episode, because even though you’re the one who does all the work, your loved one is probably the one who gets all the attention.

“In sickness and in health” can be hard to take when it seems sometimes that there just isn’t any “health”! Your role gets so complicated sometimes that you wonder who you really are any more: You often have to be a financial planner, a confidant, a therapist, a nurse, a parent, a provider, a supporter, and any number of roles that maybe you didn’t sign on for.

This is a lot to ask of you. And many times it is a thankless job. And, again, if you don’t take care of yourself first, you may burn out from it. Don’t despair if it’s wearing you out. It wears everyone out.

Again, ask yourself the tough questions: What about ME? Who am I? What do I want out of life? How much longer can I continue on like this? Can I continue on like this? Is this all worth it?

Because you need to know the answers.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave