Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

Have you ever thought about how things were in the beginning when your loved one was first diagnosed compared to how things are now?

I know how frustrating things can be sometimes, because I’m a supporter, too, but…

Sometimes it helps to think back to how helpless you felt back before your loved one was diagnosed and before you had any information on bipolar disorder to begin with.

Then think of how much you’ve learned since then, and how much your loved one has, hopefully, also learned since then about how to manage his/her bipolar disorder.

But think about it – In the beginning, you knew nothing about the disorder. All you knew was that your loved one just wasn’t “normal,” just wasn’t “themselves.” But now you know so much more, don’t you? Hopefully, you’ve done some research, gotten educated, read my material, and

at least I know you’ve been learning from these emails. Educating yourself is the main thing,

as I teach in my emails.

You have to learn as much as you can about the disorder in order to help your loved one. It’s like you have this enemy that you’re fighting, and the enemy isn’t your loved one, it’s bipolar disorder.

In any war, they tell you to know your enemy. In order to know your enemy, you have to know as much about your enemy as you can.

So I encourage you, keep learning. Keep studying. Keep reading. Keep researching. Never stop growing in knowledge, for the more you know, the better equipped you are to deal with the disorder and your loved one.

• Keep researching on the Internet

• Order BP Magazine or read it online

• Read books about it

• Visit your local library

• Research online articles or at your

Library periodicals section

• Go to your loved one’s bipolar

support group for f.ree literature

• Ask your loved one’s doctor for

f.ree pamphlets

Keep learning as much about bipolar disorder as you can…so you can stay in control of it instead of it in control of you and your loved one. Remember, knowledge is power! And that knowledge empowers you in the fight against bipolar disorder.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews544/

Here are the news headlines:

Protect your finances when your spouse is bipolar
DO> Great tip, make sure you heed it

Can Feeling Too Good Be Bad? Positive Emotion in Bipolar Disorder
DO> Interesting debate, what do you think?

Key blockbuster drugs about to get generic rivals
DO> This should save money for people

Recovering from Mental Illness? Be Your Own Best Friend
DO> Great article, take a look.

Amy Winehouse’s Life – Manic Depression Without Treatment
DO> Don’t you think this is just so sad?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews544/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Remember the movie from way back called, “What About Bob?”

Well, I was just thinking about it the other day.

I was thinking about the plot — how this guy Bob, he’s just a regular guy (well, not regular,

really, he’s actually pretty neurotic) – he is so afraid of everything that he goes to this psychiatrist to help him.

The main theme is “Baby Steps.” (That’s the name of the psychiatrist’s book and the type of psychiatry he pushes.)

So I was thinking about it and thinking about you and how the two go together.

So this is how I see it: So much of the time I talk about the “heavy” issues associated with bipolar disorder and your loved one. And maybe some of these things are too hard for you (or your loved one) to deal with right now. Maybe your loved one has just been diagnosed, for example, or maybe they’re in denial, or maybe they are medication non-compliant, or maybe

they’re just hard for you to deal with, or whatever.

So some of the things I talk about are hard for you to apply to your situation. So today I want to talk about BABY STEPS. Celebrating small victories.

In the beginning, I talk to people about medication, setting up a strong support system, following a treatment plan, etc. But it is in the implementing of these things that the small victories come, in the beginning (for some people, even in the later stages, as well!). when they are first learning about the disorder and how to manage it.

For example, if you’re struggling with your loved one just to get them to take their medication,

and you finally “win the battle,” that is a small victory! (in the big scheme of things). Or if you’re just trying to get them to get out of bed because they’re so depressed, and they’ve been in bed for a week… and then one day you’re able to get them out of bed (finally) – that is a small victory!

Celebrate small victories!

What if your loved one doesn’t want to go to their doctor’s appointment, but you talk them

into it, or even go with them? That’s a small victory.

What if they don’t want to go see their family? But you convince them to let their family

come to see them? That’s a small victory. Celebrate it!

What if they refuse to go to their bipolar support group one night, but you talk them into it by agreeing to go with them? That’s a small victory. Celebrate small victories!

What if they go one month without an episode? That’s a small victory! What if they go 3 months without an episode? That’s an even bigger victory! So you go from baby step to baby step, and pretty soon you get to where you want your loved one to be.

And, along the way…That’s right! You…Celebrate small victories!

You and your loved one set realistic goals…And when your loved one meets those goals…Yes, you celebrate those victories!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Last year I worked with Dr. Daniel Lieberman, who started a website called moodchart.org. There people with bipolar disorder can go to sign up for a F.R.E.E. daily email where they can keep a daily online mood chart. I highly recommend it as a bipolar tool to help you or your

loved one manage your bipolar disorder.

Dr. Lieberman said something to me that I want to pass along to you, because I think it’s really important. He says the best investment is an investment in bipolar disorder and its management.

Interesting, don’t you think? So let’s talk about that for a minute.

Think about all the things that you invest in:

You invest in your car – you make car payments and insurance payments. You invest in upkeep as well. You even invest in repairs when necessary. Why is this a wise investment? Because everyone needs good, dependable transportation.

You invest in your house – you have a mortgage payment; you may even have a land payment. You pay for upkeep and repairs when necessary. And you have homeowner’s insurance in case anything should happen. Why is this a wise investment? Because everyone needs a home.

You invest in your children – at the very least, you provide, food, clothing, and shelter for them.

But you also invest in their health care, education, sports, hobbies, and other activities. Why is this a wise investment? Because everyone wants their children to grow up to be responsible

adults.

You invest in your education (if you choose to) – these days. Most people go to college after

they graduate from high school. Why is this a wise investment? Because in order to get the higher paying jobs or a good career, most employers are looking for college graduates.

You invest in your career. When you do land that higher paying job, you will probably continue your education by taking CEU’s (Continuing Education Units). Why is this a wise investment?

Because it will help you advance in your career. (Some jobs actually require it.)

You invest in your own self-improvement – You buy self-improvement books, join a gym, take classes to learn new things (like dance classes). Why is this a wise investment? Because we

all like to feel better about ourselves.

These are all wise investments.

But why would Dr. Lieberman say that the BEST investment is an investment in bipolar disorder and its management?

If you’ve got bipolar disorder (or are supporting someone who does), you have to invest both time and money, and you need to be prepared to make this investment for the rest of your life. And it IS an investment, just like the other investments I just listed, and just as important.

You’re investing in your health (both physical and mental), your stability, and your future.

You’re investing in the disorder, and the management of it. Remember, although there is still no cure for bipolar disorder, there is management of it. This takes as much a part of the supporter’s time and money as well as the survivor’s.

Treatment for bipolar disorder is expensive. It usually consists of medication, doctors, and therapy. If you don’t have insurance, you have to pay for all this yourself. Even if you have insurance, you probably have a co-pay, and that is still money out of your pocket.

Still, as Dr. Lieberman said, investing in bipolar disorder and its management is the BEST investment you can make.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today’s subject is about how you deserve your own happiness too, just like your loved one does and you shouldn’t have to put it aside just because your loved one has bipolar disorder.

DON’T!

You spend a lot of time as a supporter, and one of the problems with that when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder is that you can get caught up in your loved one’s struggle with their own management of the disorder and your helping them with it.

DON’T!

Your loved one may have a problem with their mood swings and their own happiness because of it, but you should not let this affect your own happiness, as hard as this might be, just because of being their supporter.

You should still do things that make you happy, like:

• Hobbies

• Doing things you enjoy

• Doing things that make you feel good

• Taking care of your own needs

• Going out with friends

• Going to the movies

• Reading

• Watching videos that your loved one

may not want to watch with you

• Doing things by yourself

• Going shopping

• Spending time with your own family

• Spending time away from your loved one

• Taking a break from your loved one

• Taking a mini-vacation from your loved one

• Having a job outside the home

Just being around your loved one 24/7 will not help you and your own mental health at all –

you may get so caught up in their world of bipolar disorder that you might become as

sick as they are!

DON’T!

You have a right to your own happiness. Don’t delay that happiness! You really need to keep a

life separate from your loved one, for your own sake. You have to hold onto your own happiness! Grab it right now!

Take some time for R and R (rest and relaxation). Even combat soldiers do that! Don’t stress yourself out by giving all your energy to your loved one – save some for yourself as well.

Giving all your time and energy to your loved one will make you stressed out and sick. And you don’t want that, do you?

DON’T!

Also, don’t try to be your loved one’s therapist. They should have their own therapist. They should be telling their therapist their problems, and not dumping them on you or taking out their problems out on you, just because you are there!

Because your loved one has bipolar disorder, they may get depressed and may try to “take you down” with them when they are in that phase of their disorder. They may want to use you as a shoulder to cry on, which might steal your own happiness. Remember, don’t act like their therapist.

DON’T!

Again, you should not be their enabler, either, or that will steal your own happiness as well. You should not be doing things for them that they can do for themselves. So don’t be your loved one’s enabler, or you will be robbing yourself of your own happiness.

DON’T!

You deserve a life of your own. You deserve to be happy. You deserve an identity of your own outside of your relationship with your loved one with bipolar disorder . Don’t get so caught up in their disorder and their problems that you lose yourself in it/them.

DON’T!

Don’t delay your own happiness. Take charge of it beginning right now! Don’t let bipolar disorder steal your happiness!

DON’T!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Whether you are the supporter or the person with bipolar disorder, YOU BETTER NOT DO THIS: Never wish you were somewhere else. Haven’t you ever heard that old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are?” In other words, it doesn’t help to try to run from your problems, whether literally or just in your head. You can’t wish your problems away. You have to deal with them.

I know it’s hard. I have to do it too. (Try being me for a day! LOL) But NEVER wish you were somewhere else. It is definitely non-productive. It will not help you at all. “Somewhere else” has its problems there, too. Because, “Wherever you go, there you are.” And so are your problems. They’re still in your head.

A supporter doesn’t stop being a supporter just because they’re not home with their loved one.

Running away doesn’t help. And neither does wishing you were somewhere else. When I talk to people, I teach them how they have to face what’s in front of them – how they have to develop systems to help them deal with those things.

I know it’s hard dealing with a loved one with bipolar disorder. And sometimes you’d rather

be somewhere else doing something else (anything else). But it doesn’t help to think that way.

In fact, you better NOT think that way, because it will only get you into trouble. You have to face reality. You have to deal with what’s in front of you, good AND bad.

And there are ways to do that:

1. Remain positive

2. Be proactive

3. Maintain contact with friends

4. Maintain contact with family

5. Take care of yourself

6. Journal your thoughts and feelings

7. Exercise (it gets out your frustration)

8. See your own therapist

9. Take up a hobby

10. Go places without your loved one

These are just some suggestions. I’m sure you can think of some of your own if you try.

Another thing is that you have to separate yourself from your loved one. You have your own identity outside your loved one and outside their disorder. Make sure you remember that!

Also, try to separate your loved one from their disorder. I know that’s hard sometimes, especially because you have to live with them every day, but you have to try to do it anyway. Some people do this by looking through old photo albums or scrapbooks and remembering what their loved one was like before the disorder. Other people keep in mind what their loved one is like when they’re not in an episode (and they’re grateful for that!).

But whatever, always keep in mind NOT to think about being somewhere else – it will ruin your

trying to stay “in the moment.” “In the moment” is where you should be.” You may not be in the best “moment” of your life, but at least you’ll be dealing with reality. This is a part of mindfulness, which comes from dialectical behavioral therapy. Mindfulness teaches you to stay in the present – To focus on the reality of what is happening now and not what you’d like to be happening.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews543/

Here are the news headlines:

Israeli Research Links Depression with Smoking
DO> Very interesting article

How I Overcame Bipolar II (and Saved My Own Life)
DO> Very interesting and long article.

Seroquel to Get New Heart Warnings
DO> Think this is good or bad?

Holistic Psychology the Key to Unlocking Bipolar Disorder
DO> Do you agree?

Open Doors to Aid Mental Health Care in Savannah
DO> This is great, don’t you think?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews543/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I want to talk to you about something that is hurting a lot of people with bipolar disorder and even their families. Something I call: THE BIPOLAR RUMOR.

The bipolar rumor is when one person hears about someone they know claiming to have heard about someone they know being cured of bipolar disorder. Then they tell someone else they know about someone they know who knows someone they know who was cured of bipolar

disorder. Then they tell someone else who tells someone else who tells someone else…

Get the picture?

It reminds me of that commercial on TV awhile back for some shampoo that said (and showed), “And they’ll tell 2 people…and they’ll tell 2 people…and they’ll tell 2 people…” and on and on

and on…

And all this telling people is all based upon a RUMOR to begin with!!!

It’s important to me for you to know that there really is NOT a cure for bipolar disorder

at this time. That is a sad fact, but at least there is treatment for the disorder. It is NOT a death sentence! But for people to claim some miraculous cure should be illegal!

In fact, it is unethical, if not illegal, when some company tries to sell you some product that claims to cure bipolar disorder, you should KNOW that it is bogus! It will never be able to say that it is backed by the FDA, and that is what you should look for. But this is SO dangerous!

I know of one woman who believed in this rumor. She believed in it so much that she stopped

taking her medication, believing that she was cured of bipolar disorder. 8 months later, she took a gun and killed herself. What was worse was that she not only claimed this “cure” for herself, she told MANY other people about it. They, too, went off THEIR medication! And they, too, went into bipolar episodes! Luckily, they didn’t kill themselves, because they had good supporters, and they realized they really weren’t “cured,” but just think about what could have happened to them!

There really is NO CURE for bipolar disorder at this time. And anyone who claims that there is, is NOT telling the truth – they are only spreading A RUMOR. A potentially deadly RUMOR.

If you have found yourself in this situation, I BEG YOU NOT TO LISTEN TO THIS RUMOR!

Please, please, DO NOT GO OFF YOUR MEDICATION, no matter what you hear!

If you are a supporter to a loved one with bipolar disorder, you need to encourage them not to fall for this RUMOR either! Encourage them to stay on their medication at all times. That’s one of the best things you can do as a supporter.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today I’m going to talk about something different. I’m going to talk about the pain of childbirth. I know, you’re probably thinking well, what does that have to do with bipolar

disorder? Well, bear with me, and I’ll show you how it does.

In childbirth, there is immediate pain, but then the pain goes away. And in its place is something very beautiful.

I’ve done this, and I challenge you to do it, too. Ask around, and you will not find even one

mother who will tell you that the pain was not worth it.

Ok, let’s compare that to bipolar disorder. I’m here to tell you today that recovery from

bipolar disorder is every bit just as painful (you already knew that) but is also worth the pain.

When talking about childbirth itself, the act of it, the pain of it, that’s called the birth process.

Well, there’s something I call: THE BIPOLAR PROCESS. And the Bipolar Process can be

compared to the birth process. In the Bipolar Process, you grow in your stability like going from a child into an adult. In other words, you go from low functioning to high functioning.

See, learning to manage bipolar disorder is a process. It won’t happen overnight. And it will be painful.

You know I work out a lot, so in the gyms I’m always hearing the saying, “No pain, no gain.”

Well, in the Bipolar Process, it’s the same thing. There will be pain. But it’s like the childbirth process. Whatever pain there is, will be forgotten in the end, when you are left with something

beautiful – When you become that high functioning person with bipolar disorder – When you are stable and in recovery.

Now, remember that this is a process. And, like any other process…It will not happen overnight.

The birth process doesn’t happen overnight, does it?

But if you are consistent in the Bipolar Process…Just as in the birthing process…You will be successful.

There are many things in life that you can be successful in if you are consistent at them. And the Bipolar Process is one of them.

Consistency is one of the things you must have to be successful at it. Persistency is another thing you must have to be successful at it. It also helps to be determined. You will want to set realistic goals as well. Self-care is important. Taking the right steps toward recovery will help

you reach stability through the Bipolar Process.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Today’s topic is a touchy one, so I’ll tell you that up front.

It’s about how people in a manic episode make mistakes.

In this case, they tend to choose the wrong people to surround themselves with (negative

or toxic people) when they are in that episode, and it comes back to hurt them and their

families.

Remember before when I’ve told you about Michele and how she taught her children about

picking the right friends by using the 10/2 Equation.

It works like this:

If you are a 10 and they are a 2, and you hang out with them, you are not going to bring them

up to an 8, they are going to bring you down to a 4!

So that’s what I’m talking about here.

It’s hard for a supporter to watch their loved one go into a manic episode…Your loved one might get all outgoing and such (whether that is their normal behavior or behavior caused by the bipolar disorder)… and the next thing you know, your loved one is hanging around with these people…

…and you KNOW that these people are bad for your loved one, but he just uses excuses, or defends his “new friends”…

Because he can’t see how they are bad for him.

In a manic episode, your loved one’s judgment can be totally altered by their bipolar disorder.

They may not even realize that these people are bad for them (or you). That can be so frustrating for you, because your loved one just won’t listen to you when it comes to their friends, because they think they’re ok, and they may get defensive about it.

And you don’t want to get into a fight with your loved one over their choice in friends, but you may not know what else to do! It’s really tough, but you may have to stand silently by and watch your loved one get hurt by these “friends.”

Maybe they are just negative people and will bring your loved one down, but that’s not as

bad as what some will do – Some will take advantage of their “new friend” (your loved one while they’re in a manic episode) and possibly use them for their money, etc. Even so, your loved one might still defend them!

It’s very difficult in this situation to get your loved one to listen to you.

For example: Michele (who works for me), her mom has bipolar disorder, just like my mom. Michele spent hours with her mom, working out a routine for her to be able to manage her

bipolar disorder. Her mom was doing great on her routine.

Until she met Mary.

Mary became close friends with Michele’s mom.

But Mary decided that Michele’s mom didn’t need her routine any more, and that she had better

advice for her.

So guess who Michele’s mom listened to?

Well, after awhile, Mary kind of floated away from Michele’s mom, and Michele’s mom went

into a mini-episode, most likely caused by the fact that she had no routine to cling to, like she

had before.

Do you see the important point that I’m making here?

Now, I’m not saying that people with bipolar disorder shouldn’t have friends. But only that they should be VERY particular in who they choose for friends. In fact, this is one of the areas where your loved one should trust you more than themselves. A manic episode will definitely affect their thoughts and, like I said before, it will affect their judgment as well.

If you see that your loved one is making a poor choice in friends, or even being taken

advantage of, then you should tell them. Hopefully, they will listen to you. Or at least think twice about who they are hanging around with.

I will tell you this as a p.s. – Michele’s mom sure learned her lesson about choosing her friends more carefully. And now she sticks to her routine, too!

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave