Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I had a man write to me, and I wanted to share his comments with you: “What do you do when you are all that and because of their condition they decide they don’t need you anymore? My wife is Bipolar ( we think) she went to a psydoc this week and the doctor said there was nothing wrong with her. She could not describe her symptoms very well (at times she is delusional and has no idea what she has said or done) My wife is 8 weeks pregnant and has been gone for a week now and of course blames me for everything and now can’t decide whether she wants to be with me or not (says she loves me and does not want to be with anyone else but has cheated on me in the past) what do you do???? I am there for my wife whom I love dearly but how do you help someone that does not have an official diagnosis and does not want your help because they are manic???? what do you do???”

———————————————————————————————————————

Wow. I truly sympathize with this man, don’t you? What an awful place to be in if you’re a supporter. Well, first of all, like I always have to say, I’m not a medical or mental health professional, so I can’t give any kind of professional advice in that way. I can only speak from experience and from all the thousands of emails and posts on my blog and all the other supporters who have contacted me and who I’ve talked to. When someone has bipolar disorder and they are in an episode, they are not in their right mind. So this man’s wife just up and deciding she doesn’t need him anymore is a sign of that.

But many people with bipolar disorder are also good at manipulating other people, like doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists. They can also be in denial. Especially in a manic episode, when they are so “high,” and feeling so good, that they really do not believe that anything is wrong with them. They can even act as if there is nothing wrong with them, and that’s how they can “fool” the doctors into not diagnosing their bipolar disorder, like this man’s wife did.

Unfortunately, many doctors will miss the diagnosis for this very reason. It’s easy to see depressive behavior, because it’s pretty much hard to hide, so a diagnosis is pretty easy to make.

But a manic episode is different, and that’s what this man is describing.

Many times someone in a manic episode cannot describe their symptoms because they just don’t know them very well, so the fact that she couldn’t describe them to the doctor very well either may not be just because she was delusional, but because she was just not aware of the symptoms of mania. He also could be right about her not having any idea about what she says or does. This is a big part of a manic episode.

There are several problems he describes in his post, some of which I can address, and some of which I can’t. Like the fact that she is 8 weeks pregnant. That really concerns me, but I am not a doctor. I would urge him to get her to a doctor, though, because this could be very dangerous both to his wife and to the baby. As far as her blaming him for everything, that is also typical manic behavior, and part of the irrational and delusional thinking I talked about earlier. He says, “She has cheated on me in the past…” and that is also part of manic behavior. One of the signs of a manic episode is risky sexual behavior. This can include affairs, no matter how loyal the spouse has been in the past.

Now, comes the hard part. Two questions: How do you get someone diagnosed? And how do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped because they are manic? As far as getting someone diagnosed while they are in an episode, you have to find a good doctor, or get them to a hospital, while they are acting out and the symptoms are obvious, so they can’t manipulate or “fool” the doctor. As far as the other question, it’s a little more complicated. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. The best you can do is try to get them to see that they do need help. If you can’t do that, you are going to have to consider involuntary hospitalization, where you will have to hospitalize them against their will. And that’s not easy.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews617/

Faith in Bipolar Disorder – Readers Find Help in Scriptures About – News & Issues
DO> What scripture would you pick?

Functionality-Based Understanding For Depression and Bipolar Disorder
DO> Do you agree with his assessment?

Brain scans could predict bipolar disorder risk long before onset
DO> Isn’t this an exciting discovery?

Ellen Forney Talks “Marbles,” Dealing with Bipolar Disorder
DO> You should read what she has to say about her book.

Bipolar Disorder Risk Could Be Spotted In Brain Scans
DO> You’ll be interested in the information besides the study here.

Forgiving Insanity: The Key to Surviving Bipolar Disorder
DO> This woman’s story will surprise you.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews617/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

I heard this funny story the other day and I wanted to share it with you: This man looked up at the sky and said, “What is the meaning of life?” A big, booming voice came down from the sky and said, “Life is like a river!” “You mean that it’s long and winding?” the man asked. “What do you think?” the booming voice answered. Puzzled, the man asked, “You mean because it has so many twists and turns?” Again, the booming voice answered, “What do you think?” Still puzzled, the man asked, “You mean because of all the things that get caught up in its way?”

“What do you think?” boomed the voice from above. This time the man thought he had the answer. He asked, “You mean because there seems to be no end in sight?” The voice boomed, “What do you think?” Frustrated by this point, the man answered, “I think I better figure out the answer for myself, that’s what I think.”

——————————————————————————————————————–

I don’t know about you, but I thought the story was funny. But I thought it made a good point, too. And, like always, I realized it could be related to bipolar disorder. Sometimes we have the answers to things, we just don’t know that we do. Sometimes we think we have the answer, but it turns out not to be. Sometimes we get really frustrated, because we just can’t see any answer to our problems at all. Sometimes the answer to our problems might be staring us right in the face, and we just can’t see it. Sometimes we can find our own answers by learning from other people and how they found their answers. Sometimes the answer seems to be so well-hidden that we think we’ll never be able to find it.

But just like the funny story about the man asking about the meaning of life…The bottom line is, you have to find the answer to your problems for yourself, however you have to do it. But I guarantee, the answer is there somewhere. You just have to look for it. Have you ever heard the expression, “The impossible just takes a little longer”? Some people don’t try at all. Some people blame their problems on other people. Some people with bipolar disorder blame their problems on the disorder. Some people try a little bit, but give up easily. Some people try to make their problems into someone else’s.

And then there are those who won’t give up. I like to think of most people with bipolar disorder and their supporters that way. It’s not their fault that they have the disorder. It’s not fair that they have to live with something they never asked for, or deserve. And there are a lot of problems that come with having bipolar disorder. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to deal with the problems that come with the disorder. It takes a lot to fight the disorder, and it takes a lot to manage the disorder and especially to not let the disorder manage you instead. Those are some pretty big problems, wouldn’t you say?

Yet I talk to or hear from people with bipolar disorder and their supporters every day, and they are doing it. Most of them don’t complain about it, even though I’m sure they don’t like it, and would rather it didn’t happen to them. But they’ve accepted the reality of their problems, and they do something about it. They face their problems head-on, and they look for solutions for them.

They don’t blame the disorder for their problems. They don’t try to blame other people for their problems. They don’t try to make excuses for their problems. They just accept life for what it is, and accept that there are problems that come with life. Whether you have bipolar disorder or not. These are the people that I respect the most. Because these are the people who don’t give up.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

You know I like to hike, right? It’s where I do some of my best thinking. And, usually, that’s about bipolar disorder, of course. But I was hiking one day and thinking about the staggering numbers of people who have the disorder, are supporting someone who does, or know of someone who has it. And the numbers are staggering. Then I was thinking about the difference between people when it comes to bipolar disorder. I hear from a lot of people in response to my daily emails, courses/systems, website, etc. And it’s almost like they’re divided in half. Half the people are really struggling with it, and the other half seem to have mastered it.

Well, maybe mastered it is the wrong way to put it – but they control and manage the disorder instead of it controlling or managing them. These are the people I like to hear from, because they have that “fighting attitude.” And that’s what you have to have when it comes to bipolar disorder – a FIGHTING ATTITUDE.

There are those people who take the diagnosis lying down, just like in a boxing match where you throw in the towel and give up. They don’t believe that stability is a possibility for them. Those people don’t do the right things, so they don’t get stable. But have you ever known someone who no matter what happens to them, they fight back? Like cancer survivors. I think it’s all in having a “fighting attitude.” They don’t take it laying down – they fight back! And many of them do win.

Even a doctor will tell you that your attitude towards your illness (whatever it is) can be crucial to your recovery. Well, that’s as true for bipolar disorder as it is for cancer. You’ve got to come out of your corner fighting. That’s the way to control it.

Of course, just like any fight, you have to be prepared. You have to have strategies. You have to have plans in place. And you have to have these things in advance, just like an army does in a war. Like, you need to sit down with your loved one and decide what to do in case they need to go in the hospital.

Strategies would include:

• A better lifestyle

• Eating a healthy diet

• Exercising

• Keeping a good sleep schedule

• Staying productive

• Attending a support group

• Having a strong support system

• Adhering to all treatment

Those who look at battling bipolar disorder as just that – a battle – and are willing to do what it takes to win, do find success. It is possible to recover from the disorder. I know, because I’ve gotten so many success stories. But all success stories have one thing in common: They did whatever they had to do to gain stability, including those things I just listed. They had a “fighting attitude.” That’s what your loved one will need to have, too, to gain stability with their bipolar disorder. They need to do all the basic things you need to do to become stable…But it’s just as important for them to have that fighting attitude.

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews616/

Cape Coral day care killing: Dunn murder trial in 3rd day of penalty phase
DO> What would you think if you were a juror on this trial?

Catherine Zeta-Jones is ‘sick’ of talking about her bipolar disorder: ‘I never …
DO> Do you think she’s complaining?

Borderline Personality, Bipolar Disorders Hamper Employment
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Family History Best Indicator That It’s Bipolar Disorder, Not Depression
DO> Do you think family history contributes to bipolar disorder?

Keep changing classifications of bipolar disorder on radar when prescribing …
DO> Do you think pediatricians know enough about bipolar?

Fun Gifts for People Who Have Bipolar
DO> You’ll love these gifts!

Health on About.com Wins Award!
DO> Can you guess the other winners?

ADHD comorbidity confounds brain findings in bipolar disorder
DO> Do you think these results were tainted by ADHD?

Parents struggle with decision to medicate bipolar kids
DO> Do you think it’s right to medicate bipolar kids?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews616/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

When I was younger, I had a landscaping business. And I really enjoyed doing it, and it helped people who couldn’t do their own lawns, etc. But part of landscaping is cutting back the bushes.

Trimming the dead parts, to make room for new ones. Getting the weeds out of the way. So that, in the end, people could be proud of their yards. Now, the trimming back and getting rid of weeds had to be done on a steady basis, or they would overgrow. Same with the lawns. In other words, without pruning, things get overgrown with the wrong thing. They need constant attention. And the more attention I gave them, the better the result.

Bipolar disorder is like that. First of all, let me say that everybody’s different, and what works for one person might not work for another. So I’m just going to talk in general. But let’s take medication for example. Your loved one might start out on one medication, but it may have some side effects that they don’t like. So what can you do about it? There’s only two things you can do:

1. Deal with the side effects 2. Change medications. Dealing with side effects can be done.

It’s worth it as long as the medication is working for them. But those side effects can be like the thorns on a rosebush – They bother you, but they are necessary. Most side effects, though, can be managed with not too much effort. But medication changes (dose, amount, maybe even a different medication or combination of medications), is like tending to that rosebush. You keep at it until it becomes what you want it to be. Or until it helps your loved one be what they want to be, which is stable.

There are other things your loved one does for their stability. Like see a doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist. And going to those appointments regularly is like landscaping the front of your home – you tend to it, and you do it regularly. Only by regular attention can your loved one get to where they want it (themselves) to be. Starting an entire exercise routine when you’re not used to exercising can be too much. But starting slow and building up to a better routine that works for you, is like tending to the weeds. One thing might not work so well for you, but another one will.

So you discard the old routine and begin a new one, adding and changing as you need to in order to get the result that you want. It’s the same with eating a healthy diet. You try one thing, and it might work, or it might not. But you prune and weed until you find something that does work well for you.

Stability in general is like landscaping your yard. You know what you want it to be like. But it needs tending to, so you do what you have to in order to get stable. Once you reach stability, though, it’s not such a big job as an overgrown garden with weeds. Once your loved one is stable, they may need tweaks here and there, but for the most part, they will have a well-tended “self.”

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

Today I wanted to talk to you about: The WORST thing you can do about bipolar disorder. And that is NOTHING. That’s right, the worst thing you can do about bipolar disorder is nothing. Even if you do accept that you or your loved one has bipolar disorder (which is hard enough to do in itself), if you do nothing about it, there’s no chance for stability. There are just certain things you MUST do to attain stability with bipolar disorder. You cannot simply do NOTHING!

It’s the same with life. If you graduate with a high school diploma, yet learn nothing else, you’ll never go anywhere in life. I’m not saying you then have to get a college degree, but you still have to learn – you at least have to get trained in a trade, or else you’ll have to work in fast food for the rest of your life. When you get married and want to have children, but learn nothing about being a parent, you will have more problems than you can handle. You at least need to learn something about being a parent to be a good one. You must learn something about children in order to raise them. If you want to be in a healthy relationship, then you have to learn how to be a good partner. If you’ve had bad relationships in the past, then you have to learn from them.

If you do nothing, you’ll just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, and you’ll never have a good relationship.

It’s the same with life lessons. If you’ve made bad choices and poor decisions in the past and didn’t learn the lessons you needed to in order to learn from them, then nothing changes. If you do nothing about them, you’ll just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You need to grow and learn from your mistakes, but if you do nothing, you won’t. There is a saying that goes, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” So, it’s the same with bipolar disorder. If you do nothing, you’ll stay unstable. If you’re a supporter and you do nothing, your loved one will stay unstable, because there’s a lot you do to help them manage their disorder. You may not like the way things are, but if you do nothing to change them, then they’ll just stay the way they are.

You can’t expect them to change by themselves.

Here’s an excerpt from a reading a friend showed me, and I think it relates to what I’m talking about: “…unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.” We can learn a lot from that. For instance, you can’t change the world. You may not even be able to change your circumstances, but you might be able to if you try. But if you do nothing, how will you ever know? You can’t change the fact that you or your loved one has bipolar disorder. But you can change the fact that there is no cure for it just by learning how to manage it. If you do nothing, then the disorder is in control over you. If you do something, then you are in control over it.

You can’t do anything about what’s already happened. You can’t change the past. But you can do something about today. But if you do nothing to change today, it will be just like the past that you can’t do anything about. You can make today better, but not if you do nothing. If you find that your attitude is negative, and you do nothing about it, it will affect everything you do – your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, your reactions, your behavior towards yourself and others.

You can change your attitude if you want to, but not if you do nothing. If you or your loved one with bipolar disorder are depressed and you do nothing about it, you are going to stay depressed.

But you can change that by changing your attitude to a more positive one as well.

You may not be able to change your loved one, but you can change yourself. But if you do nothing, you will still stay the same. And all of us need to be constantly growing, constantly changing, to better ourselves. And this especially relates to bipolar disorder. If you are a supporter, you definitely want your loved one to get better. You want them to be stable, but if they do nothing, they’ll never be stable. If they don’t do the things they need to do to be stable, like if they don’t watch their triggers, they’ll stay unstable. And if you don’t help them to watch for signs and symptoms of an oncoming bipolar episode, then they won’t ever reach stability.

And here is the worst of the worst: If you or your loved one see signs or symptoms of an episode and do nothing – if you don’t report them to the doctor or psychiatrist, say, then your loved one WILL go into that episode. Do NOTHING, and you might lose EVERYTHING.

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews615/

Commentary: New movie presents skewed view of bipolar disorder
DO> Article by someone with bipolar.

Research redefines ‘recovery’ in bipolar disorder
DO> This has the potential to be highly used.

Pediatricians’ Role in Treating Bipolar Disorder in Teens
DO> Wants doctors to take a greater role in treatment.

Wildcat overcomes mental disorder to succeed
DO> Young man deals with bipolar through basketball.

STATE: Participants sought for mental health study at U of M Depression Center
DO> Would you be interested in participating in this study?

Long-Term Use of Some Antipsychotics Not Warranted in Older Adults: Study
DO> This study researched four different drugs.

Bi-Polar Disorder on Trial in Race for Jesse Jackson Jr.’s 2nd District Seat
DO> Who will replace Jackson?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews615/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews614/

Combining Meds for Bipolar Disorder
DO> Interesting study what do you think?

Altered cognition, attitudes mostly state related in bipolar disorder
DO> Read for possible beneficial effect.

Pediatricians’ Role in Treating Bipolar Disorder in Teens
DO> Do you agree with this role?

Mental Illness: Don’t Throw Out the Good With the Bad
DO> Did you know about creativity?

Celebs coming out with bipolar? Bring it on!
DO> I think this is great don’t you think?

Memoir Traces How Cartoonist Lost Her ‘Marbles’
DO> This sounds great, don’t you think?

Single mom with bipolar disorder struggles to…
DO> What would you do if you were her?

Security guard unjustifiably sacked over bipolar disorder
DO> Where do you stand on this issue?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews614/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

You know, my brother and I couldn’t be any more different than we are. Not just physically, but I think psychologically, too. He looks at things negatively, while I choose to look at things positively. That’s why I think he couldn’t handle my mom’s bipolar disorder like I (eventually) could. I also think that’s why he has so many more problems than I do. It’s all in the way you look at things, I think.

Like one person may look at something as being impossible…While someone else might say, “The impossible just takes a little longer.” One person may look at something as a problem… While the other person looks at it as a challenge or an opportunity.

If you think about it, as the way I’m saying, you have the power of choice. You can choose the way you react to something. You can choose your attitude: You can choose to look at things in a negative way or in a positive way. It’s your choice. And your choice affects how you look at things. So let’s look at bipolar disorder. You can say, “My loved one suffers from bipolar disorder.” Or you can say, “My loved one is recovering from bipolar disorder.” Which do you think is the better way of looking at it? Do you see how even your choice of words reflects how you look at something?

If you look at a situation confronting you and call it a problem, that’s looking at it negatively. Especially if you don’t have good problem-solving skills. On the other hand, if you look at it as a challenge to overcome, you are looking at it in a more positive way. And chances are, you will conquer that challenge and even grow from it.

How does your loved one look at things? If they are negative about things, it can keep them sick. At its worst, a negative attitude can even cause them to go into a bipolar depressive episode.

Whereas, if they think positively, they can recover from bipolar disorder faster. They have to have an “I can do it” type of mentality to overcome the challenges of bipolar disorder, and so do you. You cannot defeat something that you don’t believe you can defeat. But you CAN defeat something if you have it in your mind that you can. Like the saying, “If you believe it, you can achieve it.” Do you see the difference? Because the difference is what will determine the outcome. It also has to do with effort. You need to put the right amount of effort into the task.

Your attitude also determines your effort. If you believe you can do it, you will put forth a great deal of effort to achieve it. But if you don’t believe you can do it, you won’t even try.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave