Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

You know, in everyone’s life there are milestones – those events that mark time or progress in something. For example: Your first milestone was, as a toddler, learning to talk. Then walking was probably your next milestone. Then teething…Then starting to grow up. Then maybe your next milestone was just getting through adolescence (which is a job in itself). A milestone in adolescence might have been getting your first girlfriend/boyfriend. Another milestone might be getting your first job. Then your first car. Then your first apartment. Then (maybe) your first credit card. These are all milestones to becoming an adult.

Then when you’re a young adult…A milestone might be getting engaged, and another one the wedding itself. Then come children. Many parents think just getting through the “terrible twos” is a milestone in itself. You should also have milestones to cross at work, if you plan to get ahead. You might work as a stock boy in a grocery store…Then your next milestone might be a clerk, then head clerk…Then even assistant manager…Or even store manager someday.

Milestones are goals that we set for ourselves. You may set a long-term goal, and the milestones are the short-term goals you have to reach to get there. That goes for bipolar disorder as well as in life in general. Your loved one’s first milestone was probably just accepting the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. For many people, this is a very hard task for them to accomplish. But once they accept it, they can go on to other milestones.

For example: Getting used to taking their medication (without complaining). Or finally finding that right combinations of medications could be a milestone. Finding the right professionals is another milestone your loved one will have to reach on their way to stability. Your loved one’s learning how to communicate their needs to you might be a milestone. Going to a bipolar support group could be another milestone. Then charting their progress on the way.

There will be several more milestones before they reach stability. Hopefully, the medication will make this easier. Sometimes getting over the side effect hurdle from their medication is a milestone. And especially having the right medical and mental health professionals. They will have milestones to cross in therapy alone. So they will have professional or business milestones.

They will have financial milestones to cross if they go on disability, because it’s hard to live on that limited income, and some spending habits will have to change. And also personal milestones to cross along the way. Getting through a bad bipolar episode is a milestone. But once they cross their bipolar milestones, the result is stability. And that is the result you’re looking and waiting for.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews648/

Clinical antecedents predict first-episode bipolar I type
DO> Important information for you to know.

Affective temperaments steer mood disorder disease course
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Phenotypic overlap across schizophrenia spectrum
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

NM officer sues PD over mental hospital stay
DO> Do you think this is fair?

Substance abuse linked to bipolar suicide risk
DO> Important information that you need to know.

Lack of sleep linked to mental disorders
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Catherine Zeta Jones on bipolar disorder: 43-year-old actress opens up
DO> You’ll find this update interesting.

Hypomania screen valid across cultures
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Holdsclaw rebounds, free from ‘mental prison’
DO> You’ll find this woman’s story interesting.

Polarity index helps focus bipolar treatment medwireNews
DO> Don’t you agree that this is a useful study?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews648/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

I recently heard a story about a woman whose husband was an alcoholic. And she was frustrated (and all sorts of other negative feelings) because of it. The biggest thing she felt, though, was anger and resentment toward him because she had to keep “covering up” for his behavior. He would do something when he was drunk, and she would have to “bail” him out of it. In fact, one time she actually did. She had to bail him out of jail after he got a DUI – drinking and driving. But she would constantly make excuses for his behavior. If he was hungover and couldn’t go into work that day, she would call his boss and make up some excuse for him. If he was drunk at a family gathering or something, her “cover up” (excuse) was usually that he was “just tired.”

She even made excuses to herself, to justify her husband’s behavior. “He’s just been stressed out,” she would think. She was even afraid that she might have something to do with the reason why he drank, so she made more excuses. He squandered away so much money on a gambling spree when he was drunk one time, that his wife had enough. She stopped covering up for him, and she wouldn’t even stand for his own excuse for it.

It had gotten to the point where she told him he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and the consequences of those actions. For example, she told him that if he ever got arrested for drunk driving again, that she would NOT bail him out. In other words, she set a boundary. Now she just has to stick with it – if it does, indeed , happen, she can NOT bail him out of jail, even if she wants to, or else he will keep repeating the bad behavior.

Well…Eventually things got worse, and she stopped covering up for him at work, so he lost his job. Their relationship suffered so greatly that even her self-excuse that maybe she had something to do with his drinking didn’t hold water for her anymore. She tried to get him to take responsibility for himself and to go get help, but he refused. Finally, this woman left her husband.

———————————————————————————————————————

You might be asking what this story about the alcoholic has to do with bipolar disorder. Or else you’ve seen the parallel between this woman’s story and your own. When someone with bipolar disorder is unstable, they can act just like this alcoholic man. They can go into a manic episode and do all sorts of things, leaving you to clean up the mess behind them. You better not do this!

If you keep making excuses for your loved one’s bipolar behavior, you may end up like the woman in the story. Your loved one needs to learn to take responsibility for themselves, their actions (in or out of an episode), and the consequences of those actions. What if your loved one gets arrested during a manic episode (for reckless driving, or shoplifting). What would you do?

The first time, bail them out, probably. But what if it happens again? It would be just like the wife of the alcoholic.

Sometimes, the only way your loved one will take responsibility is if you make them. If you are not there to bail them out. If you stop making excuses (or covering up) for them. If you set boundaries and limits, and stick to them. If you make them pay their own consequences.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

I heard an expression the other day that I thought was really neat: “Problems are just solutions in work clothes.” I mean, everybody has problems, right? Whether you have bipolar disorder or not, or whether you’re a supporter to someone who has the disorder or not. Everybody has problems.

But you know how some people seem to be able to handle their problems better than other people handle theirs? Well, that’s why I like this expression so much. To me it’s having a positive attitude toward solving your problems. And for people with bipolar disorder and their supporters, that’s very important.

But let’s talk about that expression: “Problems are just solutions in work clothes.” Let’s compare solving problems to working in a garden. In your garden, you might have the most beautiful flowers in the world, right? But they wouldn’t come without a lot of hard work, would they? You would have to clear away a lot of weeds to get to the beauty of those flowers, wouldn’t you? Well, what if you let the weeds and pests overwhelm you and depress you and make you give up? You wouldn’t have that beautiful garden, now, would you?

See, problems are like that. Some are easy to solve. But others are harder to solve. The solutions are, like the saying says, “in work clothes.” You have to work at them, like the person in the garden. The solution is going to be a little harder to find. But it’s there somewhere! You just have to get all the weeds and pests out of the way first so you can see clear to the answer to your problem, and you’ll have “beautiful flowers” (the solution)! You just can’t give up too soon. You have to work hard at it. You have to try something, and if that doesn’t work, you have to be willing to try something else. And if that doesn’t work…Even try something else. But don’t give up trying. Then, eventually, you WILL find the right solution to your problems!

I’m not saying it’s easy. No problem is easy to solve. Otherwise it wouldn’t be called a problem, right? I’m just saying it CAN be done. Having a positive attitude is the right approach to take.

And also having perseverance…That “never give up trying” approach. You may need to try many different solutions before you find the one solution that works for your particular problem.

There are several different approaches you can take to problem solving. I like the one where you brainstorm all possible solutions to your problem. Then number the solutions in order of possibility, of being a reasonable solution, of being the best solution to your problem. Then out of those, choose the best solution to your problem.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews647/

Women at risk of developing postpartum psychosis need close monitoring, says …
DO> Important review, don’t you agree?

Catherine Zeta-Jones makes glamorous return to the red carpet after treatment …
DO> Aren’t you glad she’s taking her treatment seriously?

Woman receives brain ‘pacemaker’ after antipsychotic meds cause debilitating …
DO> This woman’s story will move you.

Ex-Springfielder researches brain
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Man Blames Hospital for Deaths of Wife & Kids
DO> You will find this story shocking.

Bipolar disorder tied to risk of disease, early death
DO> Some interesting information for you to know.

THE AGONY AND ECSTASY OF THE BIPOLAR MIND is Released
DO> You’ll want to read this book.

Alonzo Spellman, former NFL lineman and county native, charged with threats
DO> Do you think he’s gotten off easy?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews647/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

There’s a saying that goes, “Anything that doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger.” Now, here’s the thing about bipolar disorder that I tell people all the time: Bipolar disorder is a lifelong disease with no cure (yet), but it is not a death sentence. Some people feel like it is. I feel sorry for these people, because they just “roll over and play dead.” Then they don’t learn about the disorder or how to manage it. It manages them instead. They think having bipolar disorder is the worst thing that could have ever happened to them. I get quite a few negative responses like that.

But here’s one that encouraged me:

“Dave, I never asked for my husband to have bipolar disorder. Of course, he didn’t ask for it, either. It wasn’t his fault. Nevertheless, there it is, right smack dab in the middle of our lives, with no escape. But you know, I’m actually grateful. It could have been worse, it could have been cancer or something. At least bipolar disorder won’t kill him, and I still have my husband.

I think it’s how you look at it. We choose to look at it like the glass is half full, and try to find the positive things about it. Like, he is much more aware of his health because of his bipolar disorder. We make sure he eats a healthy diet, exercises, and keeps a good sleep schedule.

We go to a support group, so he can be with others struggling with the same things that he is (and so can I). We are close with our families, so they are part of his support system too.

And we both monitor his moods, are careful of his triggers, and watch for signs and symptoms of an episode. And of course, he sees a psychiatrist and a therapist who can tell, too. We’ve been able to avoid much more serious episodes this way.

I can’t really say we’re used to his bipolar disorder, because how can you ever really get used to it? But we have learned to accept that this is something he has and will have for the rest of his life, and it’s something we battle together.

I think my husband’s bipolar disorder has actually made him stronger. With his medication, he is very stable, and is very productive. He helps me around the house, and he also does volunteer work, which makes him feel good about himself. We also believe that the disorder itself makes him more creative, so that really helps with us solving problems and other stuff.

I’m not saying that we like the fact that he has bipolar disorder, but it has united us, and I do believe it has made us both stronger, fighting this battle together. Anyway, thanks for listening. Barbara.”

——————————————————————————————————————–

Wow. What a testimonial about the positive side of bipolar disorder. Bet you didn’t think there was one, huh? I usually hear the opposite, people talking about how difficult it is, but that’s why I wanted to share this with you. Bipolar disorder can make you stronger, just like Barbara was saying in her comments. It’s all in how you look at it – You can look at it as something that ruins your life and makes you miserable, or you can do like she said – You can accept it. How you or your loved one looks at the disorder has a lot to do with whether they will get stable.

When you accept something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you just lay down and take it. Especially when it comes to something like bipolar disorder. But acceptance is necessary when it comes to the disorder and the fight for stability. Here’s the thing though – Just because you accept it doesn’t mean you have to like it. I’m not saying that. Obviously, nobody is going to like having the disorder. But if you accept it like Barbara and her husband do, you can do things to battle it. I think they have the right attitude.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

Today I want to talk to you about a principle I’ve heard of called: ACT AS IF. Yogi Berra once said: “You can observe a lot just by watching.” When we watch other people, we learn how to “act as if.” We watch a patient person, and we learn how to be patient. We don’t have to spend $150 on a course we buy through the mail, or attend a college course, or get a degree in patience, or pay $1,000 to a “patience coach” to teach us how to be patient – We just “act as if” we are patient, until we become a patient person. Over time, we will become more patient.

If we watch how good listeners listen, we can “act as if” we know how to listen. Then, one day, we will realize that we really do know how to be a good listener! Of course, we can’t just watch a doctor and “act as if” we’re a doctor and one day put a shingle on our door and begin practicing medicine, but I think you can understand the principle.

Here’s how it applies to bipolar disorder: Say you have bipolar disorder, and you go to your bipolar support group, and there’s someone there who is really stable. Well, you observe them, and you “act as if” you are stable. Over time, IF you do the same things that they do to be stable, then, you can be stable, too. Same thing with being a supporter. If you see someone who’s a good supporter, “act as if” you’re a good supporter, and IF you do the same things they do to be a good supporter, then, over time, you can be a good supporter, too.

Here’s how it can work with attitudes: If you have a bad attitude, just “act as if” you have a good attitude and, with time, you will have a good attitude! If you’re in a bad mood, even, just “act as if” you’re in a good mood and, over time, you will be in a good mood.

Same thing with understanding. Pick a person you know who you consider an understanding person. Observe them. Then “act as if.” Pretty soon, you will be an understanding person, too. And if you’re a supporter, you know how important being understanding of your loved one is.

Whatever characteristic you want, this principle will work for it. Try kindness, for example. Find someone who is kind, then “act as if.” If you want to be a hard worker, find someone who is, then “act as if.” Or creative. Everyone can be creative in some way or another. Now, I’m not saying everyone was born to be a Picasso or an actor or a famous composer or writer. But everyone has some creativity in them. Find someone you would like to model. Then “act as if” you are creative, and you will be!

You can do anything you want to do. You can have any characteristic you want to have. You can be anything you want to be. Just “act as if.” If you have bipolar disorder, and you want stability, then “act as if” you are stable (just remember to do all the things you need to do in order to be stable as well). If you want to be a good supporter, then just “act as if” you are a good supporter.

The rest will come over time. If you want to be a good person, find a good person whose qualities you admire. Then “act as if” you already have those qualities. Over time, you will have those qualities.

Just remember the principle of: ACT AS IF. Try this principle for yourself.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews646/

Police search for St. Louis teenager missing in Florida
DO> You’ll find this news disturbing.

Yoga Meditation can help Frank Bruno fight bipolar disorder :Subodh Gupta
DO> Do you think this could help?

Larchmont rabbi, now hospitalized, cites mental disorder in cop-impersonation … 
DO> This man’s story may bother you.

Affective processing may differ in bipolar I patients
DO> An important study, don’t you agree?

Jesse Jackson Jr. submits letter of resignation
DO> This video will interest you.

Treatment helps mental illness, taxpayers 
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

A Molecular Link Between Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder
DO> Some good information for you to know.

Bi-polar patients ‘undertreated’ for common physical health problems
DO> Don’t you think this is important to know?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews646/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews646/

Police search for St. Louis teenager missing in Florida
DO> You’ll find this news disturbing.

Yoga Meditation can help Frank Bruno fight bipolar disorder :Subodh Gupta
DO> Do you think this could help?

Larchmont rabbi, now hospitalized, cites mental disorder in cop-impersonation … 
DO> This man’s story may bother you.

Affective processing may differ in bipolar I patients
DO> An important study, don’t you agree?

Jesse Jackson Jr. submits letter of resignation
DO> This video will interest you.

Treatment helps mental illness, taxpayers 
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

A Molecular Link Between Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder
DO> Some good information for you to know.

Bi-polar patients ‘undertreated’ for common physical health problems
DO> Don’t you think this is important to know?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews646/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

 

Dave

Hi,

They say that life experiences change people. You know about Superstorm Sandy? Well, I was lucky. It didn’t get me bad, just some flooded streets. But my mom lost power for a while. And other people were hurt much worse. Those people’s lives were forever changed by a natural disaster. It was a horrible life experience for them. But now they have a chance to start over and make changes.

Divorce changes people. Have you ever known anyone who got divorced (or gotten divorced yourself)? Then you know that divorce definitely changes people. Two people that may have been in love at one time now may hate each other, or at least have nothing good to say about each other. They’re different people now. They may be bitter.

Changing careers can change a person as well. They may have to adapt to a whole new way of doing things than they did at their other job. And aging definitely changes people. All their life experiences combined change them from who they were at one time to who they are now.

We are all the result of our life experiences. Good and bad. Having children, for example.

Somehow, being responsible for a small baby changes people. For one thing, it makes them more serious and responsible. They want to be a good parent, so they change into one.

Other experiences change people, too. Finding out that you have an incurable disease can really change you. Like bipolar disorder. It can bring with it changes, which can be for better or for worse.

Okay, let’s talk about the down side first. Your loved one may become a different person

because of the disorder. They are definitely different when they go through episodes as opposed to when they are in a normal period. If your loved one gets depressed, they are not the same person you usually know. They may be sad, lose interest in things, feel helpless and hopeless, or even talk of suicide. Of course this is a bad experience. If your loved one gets manic, they also experience changes. They may be more energetic and/or be excessively happy, which sound like they would be good things, but for someone in a bipolar manic episode, they aren’t. They may become very impulsive, do risk-taking behavior, and make bad decisions. So a manic episode is a bad experience as well.

However, let’s look at the other side of the coin. Yes, bipolar disorder does change a person, but sometimes it’s for the better. For one thing, now you have a reason for why your loved one said and did the things they did. Bipolar disorder can make a person more determined. Many people refuse to let the disorder rule their lives, so they do what they can to be in control of it instead of it being in control of them. Bipolar disorder can make a person take more responsibility for themselves. Many people, bound for stability, will make the necessary life changes to insure that stability. They will take medication, go to see their doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist on a regular basis, learn stress reduction techniques, eat a healthy diet, get better sleep, exercise, etc.

Bipolar disorder can also change your loved one into someone who may have been a pessimist before, but now is an optimist, believing that they can recover from the disorder.

All our life experiences change us. But it’s up to us whether they change us for the better or for the worse.

Well, I have to go!

 

Your Friend,

 

Dave