Bipolar Supporter Blog

Hi,

I want you to look carefully at this word: CONTROL. Think about it. Just by its insinuation it’s a strong word. Webster’s dictionary defines control as, “power or authority to guide or to manage.” It also defines it as “direction, regulation, and coordination… restraint and reserve.”

These state important qualities of the word CONTROL. But today I want to look at the quality of
SELF-CONTROL as it relates to bipolar disorder. Self-control is one of the qualities needed in order to manage bipolar disorder successfully. Whether you are the one with the disorder, or
whether you are the supporter, self-control is an important quality to possess.

Just look at the definition per Webster’s dictionary. “Power or authority to guide or to manage.”
We all need that power and authority to guide and to manage ourselves and our lives, whether
we have a disorder like bipolar disorder or not. When it comes to bipolar disorder, though, you
need that power and authority to guide and to manage the disorder as well as your life in general.

If you are a supporter, you need that power and authority to guide and to manage your part as a
supporter to a loved one with the disorder. For example, you need the power and authority to guide and to manage the finances for your family. You also need the power and authority to guide and to manage the home environment, as you need to make it as stress-free as possible for
your loved one.

Speaking to the person who has bipolar disorder for a second here…You absolutely need self-control when it comes to dealing with your bipolar disorder. Medication and therapy can only go so far in the management of your disorder. It is up to you to manage what you can, and self-control has something to do with that.

You need to have control over your behavior, for one thing. And you need to have control over your choices and decisions, for another thing. Because these are the two areas where you get
into trouble when you go into a bipolar episode. The more self-control you have, the less trouble
the episode itself will get you into.

For example, in a manic episode, you will have a tendency to have grandiose thoughts and ideas.
You may want to act on these thoughts and ideas because of your bipolar disorder, and what
it makes you do during that episode. But the greater your sense of self-control, the greater the chance that you won’t act on them, and will make better choices and decisions, despite the bipolar disorder.

Now, to the supporter…You need to exercise self-control as well. For example, when your loved one is raging at you, which they may sometimes do in a manic episode. Your natural instinct will be to fight back, but if you exercise self-control, you won’t, and it will end the fight that much easier and may even de-escalate your loved one’s bipolar behavior.

Can you see how necessary self-control is for both the survivor and the supporter in the management of bipolar disorder? It can really make a difference. It’s not just the word that is strong…It’s the quality that is strong in the person. And it can make you strong.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

 

David

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews667/

Early natural history of bipolar disorder mapped
DO> This will help you understand the connection.

Rescue dog helps Fargo woman manage challenges of bipolar …
DO> You’ll find this woman’s story intriguing.

Rejection sensitivity differentiates unipolar, bipolar depression
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Bipolar-specific disease management gives good returns
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Reckoning day looms for Tampa man in abortion pill case
DO> What do you think the judge should do?

Bipolar-specific disease management gives good returns
DO> Encouraging information for you to know.

DSM-5 mania duration criterion questioned
DO> Where do you weigh in on this controversial issue?

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews667/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Hi,

I was at one of the bipolar support groups that I attend the other night. And I was talking to this woman whose husband has bipolar disorder. I asked her how he was doing. And she said, “Great.” But she didn’t say it very enthusiastically at all. So I asked her how come she wasn’t very excited about that. And she said, ‘I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I asked her what she meant…

And she said, “Any time he does great for awhile, it seems like the next bipolar episode is right
around the corner, so it’s like I’m just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Like I know it’s coming any time now.” She was telling me how uncomfortable a position that places her into, how she can never relax when her husband is doing “great” – she never feels like she can enjoy his times of stability, because she’s afraid of an oncoming episode.

I told her that’s no way to live – that they should be able to enjoy his periods of normalcy and
stability much more. She said she would love to, except that she just can’t get the thought out of her mind that he’s bound to have that next episode any time now.

If your loved one is doing what they need to do to manage their bipolar disorder, they will go longer and longer between bipolar episodes. So it’s up to you, as their supporter, whether you
feel and think and act like this woman from the support group and wait around for the next bipolar shoe to drop…Or whether you enjoy your loved one’s periods of normalcy, understanding that, if they are managing their disorder the right way, they will have more
and more of them.

Bipolar episodes are hard enough to go through, you know that. And there is a period of time after each of them that you don’t trust your loved one, because you are afraid they will “slip” into bipolar behavior. This is normal. However, after awhile, you can begin to trust them again. After awhile of non-symptomatic behavior, your loved one will be acting stable. This is called a normal period.

And, like I said before, with proper management of their bipolar disorder, they (and you) will enjoy more and more normal periods, longer periods without bipolar episodes. You don’t have to sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can enjoy these periods. Do what you would enjoy doing. Go places, do things, especially those things you were putting off doing because your loved one was episodic.

As long as your loved one stays on their medication and adheres to their treatment (goes to see their psychiatrist and therapist) and takes care of themselves and their bipolar, there is no reason you can’t do the things you want to do when and where you want to do them. If you cower or give in to fear, like this woman from the support group, you are letting the disorder manage
you instead of the other way around. And that’s not right.

You need to be the ones managing your loved one’s bipolar disorder. And part of that management is controlling the time between episodes. The normal periods. Like I said, be determined to enjoy them as much as you can. You shouldn’t be spending those normal periods
just waiting around for the next bipolar episode to hit.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews666/

Bipolar disorder treatment nonadherence ‘needs more attention’
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Researchers identify new genetic risk factor for psychiatric disorders …
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Cognition and illness course predict bipolar employment
DO> This just makes sense, doesn’t it?

Prison term for lighting fires
DO> You’ll find this man’s story very sad.

Conversion from psychotic depression to bipolar disorder explored
DO> Important information for you to know.

Childhood trauma link to bipolar symptoms strengthened
DO> Did you know this about bipolar?

Son of Stabbed State Senator Treated for Bipolar Disorder, Friends …
DO> This man’s story will move you.

Bipolarity caution in depressed MS patients
DO> Don’t you think this is an important study?

Support for personal recovery concept in bipolar disorder
DO> Do you agree with these results?

Lefties more likely to have psychotic disorders such as …
DO> Don’t you find this fact interesting?

Early natural history of bipolar disorder mapped
DO> Good information for you to know.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews666/

 

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

This question might sound strange, but…If you were your loved one, would you be able to
depend on you? I told you it would sound strange! But I mean, put yourself in your loved one’s
shoes. They’re depending on you to be their supporter, so they have certain needs that they’re hoping you can meet.

For instance, they need you to be understanding. They need you to understand that they are not
always going to be themselves – In other words, they might swing from one mood to
the other (depressed to manic and back again)…And even they may not know why, so they may
need you to be understanding of that, too – so that you won’t expect them to give you a reason for their mood changes.

They need you to be understanding when they might not want to be around people – they might feel anxious or stressed when they do. This might even include family gatherings. This might even include plans that you’ve made, and it might happen at the last minute, so you have to be real understanding if it does happen.

Hopefully, you’ll have this much understanding in you to give. If, at times, you don’t, just put yourself in your loved one’s shoes and ask yourself, would you be able to depend on you?

Your loved one may also depend on you for help. They might need you to help remind them when they forget appointments with their doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist. They might need you to help remind them to take their medication. Or maybe to help them come up with ways for them to remember to take it.

They might need your help in explaining bipolar disorder to their family and/or friends, because they may be scared to do it by themselves. They may need your help in accepting their diagnosis.
They may need your help with small things. They may need your help with big things.

But somewhere, down the line or now, however it’s going to happen, your loved one is going to need your help. Are you going to be able to help them? If you were your loved one, would you be able to depend on you?

Your loved one may even need your forgiveness, and this may be the hardest part of all for you.
As you may have already experienced, when someone with bipolar disorder goes into a bipolar manic episode, they exhibit behaviors that are very unlike themselves. They do things they wouldn’t normally do – risky and impulsive behaviors, bizarre behaviors, even some that
might shock you! Behaviors like excessive spending of money, or even shoplifting. Draining out your bank accounts, maxing out your credit cards. Poor or foolish decision making, bad business
investments.

Causing you to re-mortgage your home or possibly lose it. Driving you to bankruptcy. Will your loved one be able to depend on you then? Or risky driving, gambling, or even substance abuse. Jail, high lawyer’s fees. They might exhibit risky sexual behavior, promiscuity – they might even have an affair, get pregnant, or make someone else pregnant. I’ve heard these stories too often not to accept the reality of them, and you may have to as well. Will you be forgiving? Will your loved one be able to depend on you then?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews665/

White matter integrity supports heritability of bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Men’s cognitive advantage maintained in early bipolar disorder
DO> Interesting study, don’t you think?

Gray matter changes reflect psychosis burden
DO> Do you see the value of doing this?

Postpartum psychiatric risk varies with birth order
DO> Good information for you to know, especially if you want to have children.

VCAT finds Manningham Council discriminated against disabled man
DO> Do you think this was fair?

Flamboyant fraudster who conned taxman out of £130000 is spared …
DO> Is this right, do you think?

Bipolar disorder treatment nonadherence ‘needs more attention’
DO> What do you think about this controversial topic?

Researchers identify new genetic risk factor for psychiatric disorders …
DO> Some interesting information for you to know.

Cognition and illness course predict bipolar employment
DO> This study makes sense, doesn’t it?

A Bipolar Dad Is Serving Life For Stealing Three WWII Rifles, Two …
DO> Isn’t this man’s story sad?

Mother: Lennord Whittle, Middletown man killed by police, suffered …
DO> What do you think about this controversial shooting?

Conversion from psychotic depression to bipolar disorder explored
DO> Good information for you to know.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews665/

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

I was reading about this philanthropist the other day. Now, if you don’t know what a philanthropist is, it’s someone with a great deal of money, who gives away lots of that money to charity. So it made me think of something. I think it’s not necessarily what you think that counts, but what you do that matters. Like, remember that old saying: “Actions speak louder than words.” I think it’s like that.

You know how I’m always urging you to be a positive thinker. Well, I’m not changing my stand on that or anything. But what I’m saying is that your actions will be a natural offshoot of what you think. If you think positively, your actions will reflect that, and they will be positive actions.
But what if you have negative thoughts? Do your actions have to necessarily be negative ones?

That’s what’s challenged my thinking. See, I don’t think it has to be that way. I know as a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder, you experience some pretty negative feelings toward your loved one, their bipolar disorder, and sometimes even your life in general.

Having negative feelings is a natural part of having to deal with bipolar disorder. What’s important is the action you take on those feelings, though. And what I’m saying is that I don’t think your actions have to necessarily be negative ones as a response to your negative feelings.

Now, I’m not saying you have to stuff your feelings, either, as that wouldn’t be healthy for you.
But I’m saying that you can deal with your negative feelings in a healthy way and make a
decision to act in a positive manner toward your loved one IN SPITE OF your negative feelings toward them.

Here’s an example: Say you’re feeling angry at your loved one. First, you need to recognize and get to the root of WHY you’re angry at them in the first place. Because there can be a variety of reasons why you’re mad at them. You could even be angry at them simply because they have bipolar disorder, or because it’s caused a big change in your lives, and you resent that. But you can decide IN SPITE OF that anger, to not treat them in an angry manner, and to still be supportive of them and their attempts at recovery from their bipolar disorder.

Or…Say they’ve done something specific to make you angry. Say you’re even in an argument over something they’ve done. Here’s a good one (and a very common one for people dealing with bipolar disorder): Say you’ve caught your loved one spending money excessively, and now you’re in an argument about it. Are you angry? Yes. Is this a negative feeling? Yes. Do you want to fight about it? Yes. But can you CHOOSE to react in a positive manner IN SPITE OF your negative feeling? Yes. You can choose to walk away from the fight. You can choose to rise above your anger. You can choose to manage your money so that it doesn’t happen again.

Do you see how you can do positive things with a negative feeling?

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

 

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews664/

Richard Dreyfuss Opens Up About His Battle with Bipolar Disorder
DO> His story will interest you.

Journalist Michael Hastings ‘battled with bipolar disorder and drugs …
DO> This man’s tragic story will move you.

Obesity, bipolarity may have common mechanisms
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Emotional processing in bipolar disorder studied
DO> Don’t you find this surprising?

Psychotic disorders more likely in left-handed
DO> Good information for you to know.

“Mathematical deficits” in bipolar disorder
DO> This is important, especially if you have a teenager.

Pregnant Women Need Stronger Bipolar Drugs, Study Reports
DO> This can be dangerous if you’re pregnant.

First-episode type predicts morbidity, disease course in bipolar …
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Comorbid anxiety problematic for adolescents with bipolar disorder
DO> Good information for you if you have an adolescent.

Bipolar primary care prevalence varies by assessment method
DO> Don’t you find this interesting?

Gene Variants May Contribute to Bipolar Illness by Changing Brain
DO> Important information for you to know.

Two factors predict suicide in teens with bipolar disorder
DO> You need to know this information if you have a teen.

Mood disorder subtypes remain in the family
DO> Don’t you think this is an interesting study?

White matter integrity supports heritability of bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Men’s cognitive advantage maintained in early bipolar disorder
DO> Some interesting information for you to know.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews664/

 

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

What’s new? Hope you are doing well.

To read this week’s news visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews664/

Richard Dreyfuss Opens Up About His Battle with Bipolar Disorder
DO> His story will interest you.

Journalist Michael Hastings ‘battled with bipolar disorder and drugs …
DO> This man’s tragic story will move you.

Obesity, bipolarity may have common mechanisms
DO> Important study, don’t you think?

Emotional processing in bipolar disorder studied
DO> Don’t you find this surprising?

Psychotic disorders more likely in left-handed
DO> Good information for you to know.

“Mathematical deficits” in bipolar disorder
DO> This is important, especially if you have a teenager.

Pregnant Women Need Stronger Bipolar Drugs, Study Reports
DO> This can be dangerous if you’re pregnant.

First-episode type predicts morbidity, disease course in bipolar …
DO> Interesting study, don’t you agree?

Comorbid anxiety problematic for adolescents with bipolar disorder
DO> Good information for you if you have an adolescent.

Bipolar primary care prevalence varies by assessment method
DO> Don’t you find this interesting?

Gene Variants May Contribute to Bipolar Illness by Changing Brain
DO> Important information for you to know.

Two factors predict suicide in teens with bipolar disorder
DO> You need to know this information if you have a teen.

Mood disorder subtypes remain in the family
DO> Don’t you think this is an interesting study?

White matter integrity supports heritability of bipolar disorder
DO> Important study, don’t you agree?

Men’s cognitive advantage maintained in early bipolar disorder
DO> Some interesting information for you to know.

For these stories and more, please visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews664/

 

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:
http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Hi,

Let me ask you something: When is enough not enough? In other words, do you sometimes
feel like you’re giving all you can, but it’s still not enough? Do you sometimes feel like it’s
not fair? Let me tell you about Mark and his wife Dianne:

You see, Dianne has bipolar disorder, and Mark is her main supporter. Usually, Dianne is pretty good about taking her medication, going to see her doctor, and doing all the other things to
keep her bipolar in check. And usually, she treats Mark pretty good. But sometimes, she gets in these awful moods, and then she takes them out on him.

She doesn’t go into a full-blown episode or anything, but it’s like she just has a “bad day,” and just doesn’t act like herself. Then, no matter what he does, no matter how much compassion he shows her, it’s just not enough. She gets really angry, for example. Then she takes it out on him, and Mark gets on the defensive, and before you know it, they’re in a fight.

He usually doesn’t even know what they’re even fighting about, but there you have it – they certainly are fighting! And sometimes Mark can’t control his temper, so even though he knows he shouldn’t fight back, he does it anyway, which just makes matters worse, because Dianne just gets madder and the fight just goes on. But then Mark tries to end the fight, even admits he was wrong, and Dianne just keeps fighting.

No matter what Mark does, it’s not good enough for Dianne. She’s just in this bad mood, and she just keeps taking it out on him! This is just so frustrating for him. He tries to show love and compassion for her, but it’s like it’s not good enough when she gets like this. He just doesn’t know what to do when she gets like this.

Sometimes your loved one will just have a bad bipolar day. That’s just going to happen sometimes. It’s just really tough when they take it out on you. And, unfortunately, sometimes that will happen as well. Because when we’re not at our best, we tend to take it out on the person closest to us, and for someone with bipolar disorder, that’s their supporter.

If I were to give any advice to Mark, I would explain that it doesn’t mean that Dianne doesn’t
love him, or that she is even doing this on purpose, but that it’s part of her disorder. Sometimes, when someone with bipolar disorder has a “bad bipolar day,” they take it out on those around them. They just aren’t themselves. However, this can leave their supporter feeling like no matter how much they do, no matter how much compassion they show, that it’s just not enough.

I would tell Mark the same thing I’ll tell you: Don’t take it personally. It’s just a bad day. They happen. Try to keep your loved one separate from their disorder and remember what they’re like when they’re not manifesting symptoms of their disorder, and try to have more patience with them than usual.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave