Bipolar: Just Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Hi,

I was at one of the bipolar support groups that I attend the other night. And I was talking to this woman whose husband has bipolar disorder. I asked her how he was doing. And she said, “Great.” But she didn’t say it very enthusiastically at all. So I asked her how come she wasn’t very excited about that. And she said, ‘I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I asked her what she meant…

And she said, “Any time he does great for awhile, it seems like the next bipolar episode is right
around the corner, so it’s like I’m just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Like I know it’s coming any time now.” She was telling me how uncomfortable a position that places her into, how she can never relax when her husband is doing “great” – she never feels like she can enjoy his times of stability, because she’s afraid of an oncoming episode.

I told her that’s no way to live – that they should be able to enjoy his periods of normalcy and
stability much more. She said she would love to, except that she just can’t get the thought out of her mind that he’s bound to have that next episode any time now.

If your loved one is doing what they need to do to manage their bipolar disorder, they will go longer and longer between bipolar episodes. So it’s up to you, as their supporter, whether you
feel and think and act like this woman from the support group and wait around for the next bipolar shoe to drop…Or whether you enjoy your loved one’s periods of normalcy, understanding that, if they are managing their disorder the right way, they will have more
and more of them.

Bipolar episodes are hard enough to go through, you know that. And there is a period of time after each of them that you don’t trust your loved one, because you are afraid they will “slip” into bipolar behavior. This is normal. However, after awhile, you can begin to trust them again. After awhile of non-symptomatic behavior, your loved one will be acting stable. This is called a normal period.

And, like I said before, with proper management of their bipolar disorder, they (and you) will enjoy more and more normal periods, longer periods without bipolar episodes. You don’t have to sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can enjoy these periods. Do what you would enjoy doing. Go places, do things, especially those things you were putting off doing because your loved one was episodic.

As long as your loved one stays on their medication and adheres to their treatment (goes to see their psychiatrist and therapist) and takes care of themselves and their bipolar, there is no reason you can’t do the things you want to do when and where you want to do them. If you cower or give in to fear, like this woman from the support group, you are letting the disorder manage
you instead of the other way around. And that’s not right.

You need to be the ones managing your loved one’s bipolar disorder. And part of that management is controlling the time between episodes. The normal periods. Like I said, be determined to enjoy them as much as you can. You shouldn’t be spending those normal periods
just waiting around for the next bipolar episode to hit.

Well, I have to go!

Your Friend,

Dave

 

  1. I can certainly relate to that lady. My loved one n I had become just best friends, as our relationship was too uncertain with constant episodes n stress. We never stopped loving each other n I continued to be his supporter. He was on “earth level” n in good form for a few months after a bad episode in hospital. Only about a month ago I saw a lot of him again n we began to rebuild a relationship. I hadn’t met anyone else n was happy to have him back. A lot had changed since his last episode n his condition seemed to have improved considerably. I thought maybe something was working at last. He told me he loved me n would never leave me or hurt me again. 3 days later he is with someone. She means the world to him now, so he says. She is a very nice genuine person, although grossly overweight n very unfit n unhealthy (physically). I’m still his best friend n supporter, though heartbroken. I have to accept his choice n it’s good to see him happy. However, like the lady in your email, I’m expecting something to happen, knowing this can’t last. She is very motherly to him n she has a teenage daughter who is likely to get between them. I met him for tea today n there he dropped a bombshell. He has always been honest to me about his bipolar, right from the start. But he had told her that he had been in the psych ward so many times, because the doctors believed he had bipolar when there was nothing wrong with him. Today he told me: “I’m free at last. I need no meds ever again. She is the only meds I need.” OMG, I see troubled times ahead. She is unlikely to cope well with his inevitable episode. She is taking meds herself for weight loss n diabetes n should know how unwell you can get without. I don’t know her that well, so I’m not sure if I can talk to her about his bipolar n his meds. If our conversation gets back to him, he is sure to be mad at me. I would love to be able to help him prevent another bad episode, but don’t know what to do.

  2. I can relate to this woman as well. My husband is. Bipolar. He isn’t. On any medicine. Simply because he says they wear off and make I’m feeling like a zombie. But I get nervous still right before he comes home from work. This is every night. Seems in winter it gets worse. It’s been a while since.we”ve been to a meeting. It’s good to know that you still have them.

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