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It’s important that you don’t try to fix your loved one.

It’s important that you see them as a person first, and a person with bipolar disorder second.

They have the same needs as you do.

Like kindness, understanding, and support.

That’s how you can be a good supporter.

What if someone treated you like you were sick all the time?

You wouldn’t like that very much, would you?

Well, neither does your loved one.

I think they would rather be treated with respect and dignity.

They struggle with their disorder all the time.

But if you concentrate on that struggle all the time, too, you may just make things worse.

What if your loved one has a bad day?

Just a bad day.

It happens to people who don’t have bipolar disorder too.

But if you are concentrating on their disorder instead of them, you might jump to conclusions and assume that they’re going into a bipolar episode.

Or if they seem to have more energy than usual one day, or be in an “extra” happy mood.

If you’re concentrating on their disorder instead of them, you might jump to conclusions and assume that they’re going into a manic episode.

The emphasis needs to be on your loved one and not their disorder.

Your loved one doesn’t need to “be fixed.”

They just need you to be a good supporter while they are on their way to stability with their bipolar disorder.

The best way you can do that is by treating them as you would any other person.

Or how you yourself would like to be treated.

You should know your loved one’s signs and symptoms of a bipolar episode by now.

As long as they are not exhibiting them, just treat them like normal.

This will encourage them to continue striving for stability.

What do you think?

Can you separate your loved one from their bipolar disorder?

Can you treat them with dignity and respect in spite of the disorder?

Bipolar Supporter? This Separation is Important

David Oliver September 16, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 16 Comments

Hi,

I hope you’re doing good today.

I want to share a comment that was posted on my blog recently.

Andrew says:

“It must be a dismal existence

simply to wait for the next storm

or to have forgotten or put aside

the things about a person who has

bipolar disorder – what makes

defines them as a person.

How sad, and totally unnecessary. And even sadder that some people choose to live there.

I have bipolar disorder, but I came to the doctor/therapist with a whole being, a soul, and a presence that this condition cannot/did not erase!

I refuse to be a walking cluster of symptoms, a label, an apology, a dull recording of the misfortunes I have experienced.

Bipolar disorder is a condition I have. It is not my name (i.e., I am not “a bipolar,” I am not bipolar.”) I HAVE bipolar disorder. It is nothing more than the name the psychiatric professionals chose to describe my experience of the condition.

The other wonderful effect of separating the label/condition from the person is that it holds each of us responsible for who we are and what we do. I have some good character traits and others

that are not enviable. I refuse to let bipolar disorder take any credit or blame for those things.”

————————————————-

First of all, Andrew makes an excellent point about the difference between BEING bipolar and HAVING bipolar disorder.

That’s one thing I really preach about, especially in my courses/systems, where I talk about the difference between the two:

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But let me backtrack and comment on some of the other things he said.

In the beginning of his comments, he talks about “waiting for the next storm.”

I can totally relate to that.

I used to call my mom’s episodes “the storm.”

She would yell and yell at me when she was in an episode, so bad that it was like this huge storm.

And, like this man describes, my dad and me were always waiting for the next “storm”

to explode from my mom.

That was before she became stable, of course.

But after that he says, “…or to have forgotten or put aside the things about a person who

has bipolar disorder – what makes defines them as a person.”

That’s what I wanted to talk to you about today:

Separating your loved one from their bipolar disorder.

It is SO important that you be able to do this.

Supporters who cannot separate their loved one from their disorder can end up feeling angry and

resentful toward their loved one.

Then they can feel guilt and shame for feeling those negative feelings on top of it.

They might even begin to stress out or feel anxiety over it.

Or even get depressed over it.

And all of this is unnecessary…

If they could just separate their loved one from their bipolar disorder.

Now, in no way am I saying that this is an easy thing to do. I know that it isn’t.

But I think if someone had told me what I’m telling you, and if I had done it back when I was

living with my mom, a lot of my problems could have been eliminated.

One way you can separate your loved one from their disorder is to keep in mind what they are

like when they are “normal,” or between episodes.

But let’s get back to Andrew’s comment before I go, because I really like the way he ended

his comment.

He said, “The other wonderful effect of separating the label/condition from the person is that it holds each of us responsible for who we are and what we do.”

That means that your loved one, being separate from their disorder, cannot blame the disorder for what they say/do.

They have to take responsibility for their behavior.

Have you been able to separate your loved one from their bipolar disorder?

How have you done it?

Has it made it easier for you to deal with things?

Bipolar? Are You Like the Hare?

David Oliver September 15, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 3 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

Do you remember the old fable about the tortoise and the hare?

Some say that’s where we get the expression, “Slow and steady wins the race.”

But I was thinking about the hare in that story.

He started out of the gate real quick, but then he just didn’t follow through.

So I want to ask you:

Whatever you’re doing, can you do it long-term?

Because those people who are like the hare, can’t.

Or for whatever reason, they just don’t.

Maybe they get discouraged.

Maybe they feel like it’s too hard for them.

Maybe they can’t deal with the inevitable setbacks.

Maybe their negative feelings take over.

There could be many reasons why people with bipolar disorder don’t “slow and steady win the race.”

You start out at the gate with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

Then you’re told you have to be on medication for it, and that you have to be on that medication for the rest of your life.

And that’s hard for some people to take.

But then they do take the medication, and it makes them feel better.

Unfortunately, some people, when they start to feel better, they “drop out of the race,” and don’t want to take their medication any more, not realizing that it’s the medication that is making

them feel so good.

And when someone with bipolar disorder goes off their medication, there is sure to be an episode as a result.

Then they’re right back to the beginning of the race.

Some people start an exercise program, and they start out quick from the shoot, but then they eventually stop exercising.

Others start a diet and do really great in the beginning but then don’t keep up with it.

Some go to all their doctors, psychiatrists, and therapist appointments all the time at first, but then drop off.

You can’t go from bad (worst) to good (great) in one leap.

Because some things take time, and being steady over that time.

And you may not see the results at first – like a diet.

But if you stick with it, you will see the results.

Bipolar disorder does mean a change in lifestyle, to be sure.

But you have to maintain that lifestyle change over a period of time in order to recover, like I talk about in my courses/systems.

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Like they say with some things, “They didn’t get this way overnight, and they’re not going to change overnight.”

The problem is that we live in a “right now” kind of society.

Fast food restaurants.

TV dinners.

Credit cards.

People are used to getting things quickly.

But stability isn’t something that can be gotten quickly.

Yes, you have to do some things that you don’t want to do.

But it’s kind of like putting something on layaway at Christmas time, then making payments on it, until you eventually get it.

You do that because whatever you’re buying is worth it to you – is worth the wait to get it.

Well, stability is like that.

Everything positive you do to get it, every “payment” you make towards recovery is worth the wait.

You just have to keep doing what works.

And you need to do it over the long haul, steadily.

Because slow and steady, in this case, really does win the race.

And don’t you think it’s worth it?

Bipolar? Do NOT Listen To This RUMOR!

David Oliver September 14, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 10 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going?

I have brought this topic up before but I want to bring it up again.

Why? Because there is so much nonsense on the internet that creates a huge problem with information and bipolar disorder.

So today I want to talk to you about something I call:

THE BIPOLAR RUMOR

The bipolar rumor is when one person hears about someone they know claiming to have heard about someone they know being cured of bipolar disorder (did you get that? I know, it sounds confusing).

Then they tell someone they know about someone they know who knows someone they know who was cured of bipolar disorder.

Then they tell someone who tells someone else who tells someone else…

Get the picture?

It reminds me of that commercial on TV awhile back for some shampoo that said , “And they’ll tell 2 people…and they’ll tell 2 people…and they’ll tell 2 people…” and on and on and on…

And all this telling people is all based upon a RUMOR to begin with!!!

In my courses, I talk about how there is no cure for bipolar disorder at this time, but that doesn’t stop some people from seeking out “alternative therapies.” I even expose some of these supposed “cures”:

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews447

It’s important to me for you to know that there really is NOT a cure for bipolar disorder at this time. That is a sad fact, but at least there is treatment for the disorder, and management of it.

But for people to claim some miraculous cure should be illegal!

In fact, it is unethical, if not illegal, when some company tries to sell you some product that claims to cure bipolar disorder.

You need to be careful of any product that claims to be a “natural cure” for bipolar disorder, because there isn’t one!

So you should KNOW that it is bogus! It will never be able to say that it is backed by the FDA (except as a FOOD product, not as a cure).

But this is SO dangerous! I know of one woman who believed in this BIPOLAR RUMOR.

She believed in it so much that she stopped taking her medication, believing that she was CURED of bipolar disorder.

8 months later, she took a gun and killed herself.

What was worse was that she not only claimed this “cure” for herself (before she died), but she told MANY other people about it.

They, too, went off THEIR medication! And they, too, went into bipolar episodes!

Luckily, they didn’t kill themselves, because they had good supporters, and they realized they really weren’t “cured,” but just think about what could have happened to them!

There really is NO CURE for bipolar disorder at this time.

And anyone who claims that there is, is NOT telling the truth – they are only spreading a RUMOR.

A potentially deadly RUMOR.

If you have found yourself in this situation, I BEG YOU NOT TO LISTEN TO THIS RUMOR!

Please, please, DO NOT GO OFF YOUR MEDICATION, no matter what you hear!

I know, some of these claims can sound really good.

In fact, I’ve read some of them myself on the Internet.

There’s one man who claims he was able to go off his medication 5 years ago and is still stable with his bipolar disorder today.

And he is claiming that he is CURED of the disorder!

Not only that, but he is claiming that you can be cured, too!

And this is VERY dangerous.

Well, think about that.

Even if it were true that he is stable today (after ONLY 5 years), what works for (only, and I stress ONLY) one person, does not mean it’s going to work for another person.

Secondly, he is trying to sell you something.

He is trying to make money off this RUMOR!

And that is so dangerous, because if YOU go off your medications, you can die!

So please don’t listen to this deadly BIPOLAR RUMOR, and stay on your medications!

Have you ever seen these ads for natural cures for bipolar disorder?

If you’ve ever been tempted to try them, DON’T!

And even if you are, ALWAYS check with your doctor FIRST!

NEVER go off your medication without checking with your doctor.

Current Bipolar News

David Oliver September 11, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 1 Comment

Hi,

Here’s the bipolar news.

If you are in the United States, enjoy your holiday weekend.

Anyway, here’s the news.

To read this week’s news visit:

Suicide Prevention Week: Your Guide to Getting Help

DO> Must read article.

Help and Hope for Parents

DO> Great article to review.

Depression vs. Mania in Bipolar Disorder

DO> Another great article that helps explain something people are really confused about.

Display of Photographs Shows Bipolar Artist’s Point of View

DO> Interesting article. Many artists have bipolar disorder.

AstraZeneca Exhibit Highlights Depression Side of Bipolar Disorder

DO> Do you think this is okay, considering they are a drug company?

Family History Drives Director’s Efforts to Help the Mentally Ill

DO> I think this is great, don’t you?

For these stories and more, please visit:

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/bipolarnews447

==>Help with ALL aspects of bipolar disorder<<==

Check out all my resources, programs and information for all aspects of bipolar disorder by visiting:

http://www.bipolarcentralcatalog.com

Your Friend,

Dave

Bipolar Supporter – Are You Making This Mistake?

David Oliver September 10, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 6 Comments

Hi,

How’s it going today?

Today’s topic is VERY important, because you may be doing something that could be hurting both your loved one and yourself, without meaning to.

What am I talking about?

It’s called ENABLING.

Enabling is different than supporting. Enabling is when you do things for your loved one that they can do for themselves.

And you think you’re helping them, but in reality, you’re really making things worse for both of you.

It’s real easy for this to happen when you’re a supporter of a loved one who has bipolar disorder. I’m not saying this makes you a bad person or anything – in fact, it says just the opposite – just that you may be trying too hard.

Here’s an example of an enabler: Say, the father of a drug addict, and his son keeps getting thrown in jail, and the father just keeps bailing him out of jail. This pattern keeps repeating.

So the son learns that every time he gets arrested, he can call his father, and his father will bail him out of jail. The father is enabling his son to continue the pattern.

But what would happen if just one time, the father wouldn’t bail his son out of jail?

What if he told his son that from now on, he wouldn’t bail him out of jail, but hoped he would stay out of trouble, but that if he didn’t, here was the name of a bail bondsman?

See what I mean?

In my courses and systems I teach all about enabling, and how not to be an enabler, because it can be an easy pattern to fall into:

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In your case, think of some patterns that keep on repeating themselves – things that, during episodes, you keep “bailing” your loved one out of, like the consequences of their episodes.

I’ve talked about the definition of insanity before: Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. If you keep repeating the same behavior, then you are enabling your loved one.

Enabling is “bailing them out.” Rescuing them. Not making them take responsibility for their behavior. Covering up for them.

It’s anything you do that “enables” them to keep repeating their same old behavior.

See, the thing is, you can’t change them. You can’t change their behavior. You can’t make their choices for them. No matter how much you would like to.

The only one you can do anything about is yourself. You can only change yourself. You have got to stop enabling your loved one.

But boy, is it going to be hard.

Any habit that has been going on for any length of time is going to be hard to quit. But in this case, because your loved one has become used to you being there in a certain way, they are not going to take it well when you stop being there in that certain way.

For example, if they come to you for money during a manic episode, and in the past you’ve always given it to them, they are going to expect you to give it to them in their next episode.

Well, what would happen if you don’t give them money this time? They are not going to be happy about it if you don’t give them money this time, even if you try to explain why you aren’t giving it to them – that during their episode, they squandered the family’s money, and it just isn’t there to give to them this time.

What if you tell them that they need to take responsibility for the money they wasted during their episode?

Are they going to be mad? Probably. Are they going to understand? Probably not. Is it going to take a few times to make this a permanent change? Definitely so.

Things didn’t get this way overnight and will not become a permanent change overnight either.

The hard part for you is going to be not caving in. It would be so easy for you to just go back to the way things were before – to continue enabling your loved one.

I never said this would be easy, but in the long run, if you stop enabling your loved one, they will start taking responsibility for their own choices and behavior.

But if you really want permanent change here, you are going to have to stick to your guns. This will eventually work if you are persistent.

Your loved one will eventually learn that they can’t come to you for money (or whatever you’ve been enabling them), and that they will have to take responsibility for their actions and decisions and poor choices.

Then eventually, they will not overspend when they go into the episode, because they will learn that if they do, there won’t be money for them when they come out of the episode.

The only way to change the end of the movie is to change the plot of the movie. You are the director, and you have control over this.

Take control, and stop enabling your loved one – I know it will be hard, but I know you can do it, because I have heard from hundreds of people who have gotten my courses and have learned to do it, and I know it can be done!

Bipolar? What Does a Teacher Have to Do With You?

David Oliver September 9, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 6 Comments

Hi,

I hope you’re doing ok today.

Well, it’s back to school time.

You can tell, because every kind of store is having some kind of “Back to School Sale.”

You can also tell, because especially now the stores are more crowded, with parents

getting their children everything they need for the new school year.

College students are hitting the stores as well, buying what they need for their dorm rooms.

So all this back-to-school stuff got me thinking.

I was thinking about teachers.

About how they have to write lesson plans for their classes.

They have to know in advance what they are going to be teaching that week, that day… and some even have to make a monthly plan.

For one thing, it holds them accountable.

They can’t just teach anything they want to.

For another thing, if they have to be absent one day, their substitute teacher will have a Plan of Action to follow.

That’s what I wanted to talk to you about today.

Having a Plan of Action.

You may have already experienced a bipolar episode that has snuck up on you, and without any preparation, everything is all of a sudden upside down.

Things can get out of control very easily and very quickly.

You can get very confused, and not sure about what to do.

You’re in a battle without any preparation.

Like a substitute teacher “thrown to the wolves” without a lesson plan.

In my courses/systems, I always talk about planning for things in advance – like bipolar episodes.

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Did you know that some people already have their burial plots bought and paid for?

They have taken their life’s Plan of Action and extended it that far out.

Some people disagree with this, but I consider it good planning in advance.

Some young people already know where they’re going to go to college and what career they will go into.

That’s also good planning for the future.

People that don’t have a Plan of Action usually struggle when something unexpected happens.

Especially people who are dealing with bipolar disorder.

For example, what are you going to do if your loved one doesn’t want to take their medication any more?

That’s one of the biggest problems that other supporters have written about or asked me about.

You need to have a Plan of Action.

What are you going to do if your loved one needs to be hospitalized?

You need to have a Plan of Action for that as well.

And you especially need a Plan of Action for when your loved one goes into an episode.

You need to consider things like what you’re going to do about finances.

Otherwise, in a manic episode, your loved one could easily devastate your finances.

With a Plan of Action, you can protect your finances.

There are other things, too –

Like your loved one’s medical care.

What are you going to do if they refuse to go for treatment?

You need to have a Plan of Action for that.

A Plan of Action doesn’t have to be something really hard or extensive.

(In fact, the simpler it is, the easier it will be to implement when you need to use it.)

But say, in the example of finances that I was talking about before.

While your loved one is NOT in an episode, you can both decide what to do if they do go into an episode. Will they have access to money? Or how will you be able to control their excessive spending during a manic episode?

These are just some questions to consider.

The stronger and more complete your Plan of Action is, the better prepared you will be when you need it.

Do you have a Plan of Action?

If you don’t, don’t delay and do it right away so you’ll be ready.

Bipolar Disorder? Make sure you accept this

David Oliver September 8, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 6 Comments

Hi,

How are you?

I hope you’re doing well.

I want to tell you about a woman I read about.

This woman was so obsessed with perfection that she literally made herself sick.

The problem was, in her eyes, her body was fat.

Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw herself as fat.

Now, that didn’t make it true, it’s just the way she saw herself.

She would read magazines and want to be as thin and perfect as the models in the magazines.

She wanted a perfect body.

So she practically starved herself to get one.

There is such a thing as losing too much weight, however, and/or losing it in the wrong way.

Instead of simply eating a healthy diet and losing weight slowly like she should have, she just stopped eating almost altogether.

She did drink water, however, and lots of it.

The water only flushed out needed nutrients, though.

The next thing she knew, she was in the hospital with an almost fatal blood pressure and loss of electrolytes in her body.

She was down to 95 pounds.

But she still thought she was fat.

In the hospital, they had to give her several bags of fluids to get her blood pressure back up.

She was very weak, and very sick.

The problem was not in her body, it was in her mind.

She wanted to be perfect, and almost died in the process.

———————————————————————–

Imperfection is a fact of life.

It’s hard to accept our own imperfections, much less someone else’s.

This woman became obsessed with a perfect body.

You know I work out a lot, and I see men all the time who are trying to do the same thing.

Instead of just accepting that they aren’t Superman, they try and try to “buff up” not for healthy reasons, but for personal reasons.

Like this woman, they are unhappy with

their bodies.

They think that if they just work out enough, they will have “six-pack abs” and all the rest, and then their life will be perfect.

That’s the wrong way to approach it, though.

It’s one thing to try to improve yourself.

It’s quite another thing if your motivation is to be perfect.

Sometimes it’s hard for a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder to accept their own limitations.

They want to be the perfect supporter.

In my courses/systems, I talk about what makes a good supporter. But never do I say that you have to be perfect at it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

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All you can do is be the best supporter you can be, and accept that you’re not going to be perfect.

No one is.

If you’re looking for the magic formula that tells you how to be the perfect supporter, you won’t find one.

But if you can accept your own imperfections, it will be easier to accept your loved one’s imperfections.

No matter how much they try or what they do, your loved one will never be the perfect bipolar survivor, either.

There’s an expression that says, “It’s ok to strive for perfection, as long as you accept that you will never arrive there.”

If you accept your loved one as they are, understanding that they are trying their best to recover, things will be much easier for you.

Just don’t expect them to be perfect.

And don’t expect yourself to be perfect, either.

Bipolar Disorder? You Determine the Outcome

David Oliver September 7, 2009 Daily Bipolar Disorder Message 11 Comments

Hi,

Sorry for the delay. I had to go to the gym this morning because it closes early.

How are you doing today?

I hope you’re doing well.

Let me ask you something:

Have you ever watched two people playing a game of chess?

They’re so serious.

Each move is precise.

That’s because each move determines the outcome.

Just one move can mean the difference between winning or losing the game.

Coping and dealing with bipolar disorder is like that.

Oh, not that it’s a game by any means.

More like a war.

And a war is made up of battles.

Each battle is precisely planned.

It’s called STRATEGY.

Your strategy, too, determines the outcome, whether it’s a game of chess or a war.

Or your battle with bipolar disorder.

In my courses/systems, I discuss the fact that you need to develop strategies in order to control bipolar disorder.

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