Bipolar Disorder? Make sure you accept this

Hi,

How are you?

I hope you’re doing well.

I want to tell you about a woman I read about.

This woman was so obsessed with perfection that she literally made herself sick.

The problem was, in her eyes, her body was fat.

Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw herself as fat.

Now, that didn’t make it true, it’s just the way she saw herself.

She would read magazines and want to be as thin and perfect as the models in the magazines.

She wanted a perfect body.

So she practically starved herself to get one.

There is such a thing as losing too much weight, however, and/or losing it in the wrong way.

Instead of simply eating a healthy diet and losing weight slowly like she should have, she just stopped eating almost altogether.

She did drink water, however, and lots of it.

The water only flushed out needed nutrients, though.

The next thing she knew, she was in the hospital with an almost fatal blood pressure and loss of electrolytes in her body.

She was down to 95 pounds.

But she still thought she was fat.

In the hospital, they had to give her several bags of fluids to get her blood pressure back up.

She was very weak, and very sick.

The problem was not in her body, it was in her mind.

She wanted to be perfect, and almost died in the process.

———————————————————————–

Imperfection is a fact of life.

It’s hard to accept our own imperfections, much less someone else’s.

This woman became obsessed with a perfect body.

You know I work out a lot, and I see men all the time who are trying to do the same thing.

Instead of just accepting that they aren’t Superman, they try and try to “buff up” not for healthy reasons, but for personal reasons.

Like this woman, they are unhappy with

their bodies.

They think that if they just work out enough, they will have “six-pack abs” and all the rest, and then their life will be perfect.

That’s the wrong way to approach it, though.

It’s one thing to try to improve yourself.

It’s quite another thing if your motivation is to be perfect.

Sometimes it’s hard for a supporter of a loved one with bipolar disorder to accept their own limitations.

They want to be the perfect supporter.

In my courses/systems, I talk about what makes a good supporter. But never do I say that you have to be perfect at it.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Visit:

http://www.survivebipolar.net

All you can do is be the best supporter you can be, and accept that you’re not going to be perfect.

No one is.

If you’re looking for the magic formula that tells you how to be the perfect supporter, you won’t find one.

But if you can accept your own imperfections, it will be easier to accept your loved one’s imperfections.

No matter how much they try or what they do, your loved one will never be the perfect bipolar survivor, either.

There’s an expression that says, “It’s ok to strive for perfection, as long as you accept that you will never arrive there.”

If you accept your loved one as they are, understanding that they are trying their best to recover, things will be much easier for you.

Just don’t expect them to be perfect.

And don’t expect yourself to be perfect, either.

  1. Thank You for an enlightening reminder to try my best w my imperfections–
    Advice on how to respond to several directives at one time from a family member Parent I live with. It is overwhelming sometimes -just life hugh?

  2. this morning my daughter and I had a heated discussion about her sons:
    my daughter has BP she had a major episode followed by a depression when she became suicidal and I took over care of teh children. My daughter is now stable and has been consistently, for 4 months now.
    so we had a pretty full on discussion where rachel became highly critical about the way I handle her sons. She believes I am very angry and loud with them all the time.I don’t believe this is true it is an exaggeration and Rachel knew that. She intervenes by siding with her sons against me the action is covert and the boys know that so they play us off against each other I had to bring up our relationship with the ongoing care of the boys even although it might be hard for her to take.
    First I told her that if she feels she is in the right space and frame of mind to have a major input into her sons upbringing then I would not/ could not stand in her way since I have looked forward to that day for ever.But if she was still in the 2 hour zone( that 2 hour zone is as long as she normally can be with her sons before she can’t take them any more and wanders off to her bedroom and shuts the door)then we needed to discuss what is happening here. I needed to tell her that the way she perceived things was from a position of privilige ( she could leave the scene of the battle at any time of her choosing without having to mind the children )but this attitude was undermining the ongoing relationships in the household and she needed to know that. If she had any issue she might want to take me aside and deal with her concerns between the two of us.
    I needed to discuss this event here because although Rachel agreed, in the end and apologised that how she has gone about reassuring her boys and standing up for them has been covert and destructive and I apologised for overreacting to the situation I am sitting here crying because I believe I handled it all badly and I could have damaged both Rachels and my relationship and her ongoing stability.
    So when I read your email about imperfect supporters I am quietened by its simple message so I thank you
    thank you Dave
    regards
    Shona

  3. Sure was good to see this post today from Dave. I have been working real hard this last month to be just that, the perfect supporter of my bipolar son. Life is just like that when your a mother, you want to be the best you can be for your children.

    It’s nice to see and realize my own imperfections, and I have many. So I began to realize that as long as I am doing the very best I can, that is enough. This was not something I realized overnight though. You see I am bipolar myself. So dealing with a son that lives right next to me is no easy deal. But everyone please know that we all need support from someone. Whether it be a posotive word from a total stranger, or just something that puts a smile on your face-somedays that’s all it takes to make the whole world ok again. Huge hugs to all that contribute and share on this site, I have never stopped learning. If we were all perfect wouldn’t the world be boring? Thanks to everyone, Jackie

  4. My Dad thought he was raising the “perfect” child. His vision for me was to go to Law School and be an attorney like him. When I had my first manic episode and was hospitalized, he blew his top. The shrinks there said I was a “perfectionist,” which I didn’t understand, because I am completely disorganized. I suppose what they meant was, that once I started a task, I bullied my way through it to completion.

    My Father couldn’t accept a daughter with a “mental illness.” I remember one time, about a month before he died of a heart attack, he called me every hateful word you can think of, in a rant that lasted about half-hour. I was VERY hurt, because NONE of the things he was saying were true. Both my Mom and Dad never realized that I was “defective” in some way, and NOT their “perfect daughter.”

    As was stated before, NO ONE is perfect; what a dull world it would be. However, I TRY to live by the Golden Rule, and treat everyone fairly. My flaws are many, but I ALWAYS ask for forgiveness if I’ve hurt either another person or God. I just do the best I can with what I’ve got, and go on with my life. I hope the rest of you can, too 🙂

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

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