What happens if the person doesn’t want to take charge and be “proactive”. My bf right now seems to not want to get better. he is using his illness as an excuse to be rude, mean, abusive, and other things. Nonetheless just plain lazy. He takes no pride in college anymore. He just wants to sit around all day and make phone calls to everyone he knows. He is not getting better and no one seems to want to help him. He actually believes someday at the ECT treaments he has been taking is going to cure him of this. But i know better because i’ve done research and recieved your emails. So i know the facts from the myths.

I am so glad that I found your column. You are so RIGHT ON about everything I know about bipolar. My first husband of 10 years was hospitalized 11 times during those ten years. The last year of our marriage he was hospitalized 3 times in less than a year. His diagnosis for 7 years was paranoid schizophrenia. Then they changed it to bipolar. Quite honestly, after reading about 23 books at that time about PS I felt he was classic. He is more depressive than manic. On a manic buying binge though it would be unbelievable. I went with him 6 months before we married. I got pregnant immediately after the marriage and then pregnant again. My daughters are 13 1/2 months apart. It was in my seventh month or pregnancy that he had his first big episode and became very violent. He was hospitalized then. In retrospect, I could see signs but just thought they were parts of his personality. I made those plans as I studied the illness. I could always tell when and episode was going to hit. Just like you said it would build up for about 2 weeks. Then BOOM. He was and still is mostly depressed so it was hard for me to agree with the manic part until I remembered the buying binges even shoplifting for unnecessary things.
He would always start getting bad around end of July or August and would be hospitalized either at Thanksgiving (at least 3 times) or if he made it through the holidays, he would be in the hospital many Februarys or by March. He could level off in the summer months.
He had a heart attack about 4 weeks ago and is currently moving toward another episode. Had called me and told me he is very suicidal. Sees no way to survive since the heart attack and bills are piling up on him. I have spent the last 2 days working on trying to talk him out of this, yet I think he will need other care soon. I have been divorced from him for 19 years, yet because of my 2 children, one of whom also is bipolar, I keep in contact with him on a daily basis. I had forgotten about a term I used back then– I called it “dropping bombs”. He would drop a bomb on me and I would have to deal with it with 2 babies. Just this weekend my daughter dropped a bomb on me, something that would be real detrimental to her survival with both the children she now has and the next day her father dropped the big bomb about being suicidal right now. I have been married to my current husband for 17 years, and he is mostly tolerant but it was good to read to him this morning about the importance of going over how episodes work and I agree with you 100%. My daughter has recently been on the verge of a breakdown, but knowing what I learned being married to her father has helped me keep her stabilized as much as possible. Also, environment has a place in all this too. My ex was brought up in a very unstable environment, Bipolar mother and grandfather. Neglected and abused by stepfather. My daughter grew up in a very protected environment with a basically happy childhood although she did not always think it was great. She has no clue. I think that helped. However, now that she is on her own with the 2 babies,(of course, her husband left her in March of this year and the boys are age 2 & 3 with the oldest being a preemie, on a feeding tube and is still suffering from failure to thrive)things are heating up and I know she may be close to having to seek further treatment. She know she has a problem, but until recently I did not tell her much about her father’s problem and she still does not have the full picture. Like you say being prepared (planning ahead) for a bipolar episode is very important and I do it. Today I sent your column to my other daughter who is completely. She knows the full story anyway and is trying to comprehend it all. As I said, I did not tell my children about their father. Kept it from them and divorced him when they were 9,10 years old. Just taking my time as things evolve.

This is spooky how do you know what is happening? My daughter is in a manic episode and we are seeing the doctor this am. I will be working on my plan right now she is so unreasonable we can not even talk. He is going to adjust her medication today. I am going to be there, I doubt we will ride in the vehicle though. Thank goodness my sister is doing better and they are releasing her from the hospital next Monday. She will be staying with me. With the two of them under the same roof I know it won’t be easy but I will have a plan for each of them. I am hoping one will help the other understand what an episode is, it may work and it may not, I will be prepared. Thank you for your emails it really helps.

When you arer dealing with a bipolar individual, it is necessary to first make sure of your own safety. You do the patient no good, if you are in danger because you will need all the strength you have and more. This does not mean that the patient is a bad person, but when in a manic phase they are completely out of control. One of the things I really noticed with my brother, (who did eventually commit suicide,) was when in a prolonged episode that he could not hold a subject for more than two or three sentences. For a person with a normal attention span, I found it exhausting after about ten minutes. He had largely lost most of his inhibitory skills, and would say just about anything, and frequently very inappropriate.
If you continue a relationship with someone who has the disease, remember it is a disease that effects the whole family, because of its manifestations.
One of the biggest defences is to ensure that financial affairs are kept separate. You need to have your own bank account, and your own credit rating. If this means that either you do not proceed to marriage, then accept that reality. Any one who has experienced financial ruin, would concur that that is something that needs to be avoided. It might also be wise to keep medical insurance, and car insurance in your own name. If there is any possibility of a suicide attempt, or general family violence, it might be essential to monitor the presence of a gun, sharp knife, etc in the house and be ready to remove them, You might even insist on the use of an electric shaver, if your purpose is to prevent a tragedy.
As for being overly panicy, etc. My father a PTS sufferer as well as BP, was a pillar of the community for most of his life.Only a few that he worked with, really knew the full story. And then they really only learned after years of experience. If you are in business, with a bp sufferer, be prepared, with pretty much the same way as a wife. finally, be prepared for periods when the bipolar sufferer cannot be relied upon, and act accordingly. One thing that will help, although you will be publicly villified when you do it, is if you have the means to prevent some of the more aberrant behaviours. My own psychiatrist informed me that my father wanted us to control him when his behaviour was at its worst. If you are unable to control, then the best thing is to get out of the way.

Good Morning David:

I have not been diagnosed with bipolar, but was advised by my sister friend to get checked out. Apparently she took note of a pattern I have from month to month regarding my emotions. She noted that between the 6th – 12th I tend to go through a depression period. I went ahead and did a little reading on bipolar like she suggested and was (unfortunately) able to relate to the symptoms. I just feel bad that I’m 30 years old and have been surviving this long with no one really telling me I should seek help. I must confess somewhere in my early 20 I knew within myself that I needed professional help, but…………………..

I do experience highs and lows, but my highs (to me) are not really that high. My lows are extremely low and noticeable. I cry too much, scream (when I’m alone), get in the car drive off to cry more, sometimes I have to break something or throw something. I withdraw from those close to me, I usually feel all alone and like no one cares or loves me although I know it’s not true. I recognize that this issue was evident throughout my teen years, but seems to be affecting me more and more as I age. I have been more physically sick and my brain does not seem to be as sharp in several ways.

I moved to San Diego 1 yr ago from Chicago. I have no blood family here and am totally knew to even the idea of seeking professional mental/emotional help. I currently have the names of 3 female Dr that I have tried to contact and await a response.

At this point do you have anything you could say to enlighten me?

After reading your emails and advice, I have taken it upon myself to be proactive and have been working on a plan. I am a 32 year old single mother with BP disorder. And this is for the woman who was having a hissy about all bipolar people being treated as if they were 8 years old….I am as normal as the next person. But I KNOW that when I go into an episode that I need to have a plan in action so myself and my children are taken care of. As it is, my sister has a medical power of attorney and a financial power of attorney over me in the event that I become incapacitated. My bank even has instructions not to give me access to my accounts if I am behaving oddly. So please don’t take offense to this…but at times…during episodes…I do behave like an 8 yr old. And I can’t take care of myself. Especially during a depressive episode. Because I am HIGHLY suicidal then. I didn’t have a plan till I started getting this information. Because of these emails, I have put that plan into action. I can’t afford the actual program, but the emails themselves are helping wonders.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

dave,

I like your daily emails. thanks for your advice.
My husband is bp and we need to “fine-tune” our plan for what to do when he gets manic. we thought we had a good plan–I have a few men I can call who will talk to him and keep him in check, so to speak. One friend was always out of town, The other one didn’t seem to do much except talk to him about all the good things he was doing, etc. My husbands doctor is excellent but he didn’t go frequently enough during his most recent manic episode. He is on medication, but he doesn’t necessarily take it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I get tired of being the only person holding his feet to the fire. It’s tiresome. sometimes I wonder how important it is to him.

Once someone is diagnosed with manic depression, are they always manic depressive (bipolar)? My sister was diagnosed when she was in her late teens and was hospitalized and took lithium. She seemed to beat it, then she had kids so she stopped taking meds for over 10years, now for the last three years i am seeing the same signs as when she was a teen. Her face changes and i know that it isn’t good news. When i told her she said i am the one who needs help and be put on medication. Also, she hasn’t gone into a deep depression thru this whole thing, other than feeling a little depressed or guilty after a night of binge drinking. Sometimes she seems so normal but then all of a sudden i don’t even know who she is. Does this sound like bipolar to you?