Loved One With Bipolar Acting Crazy, But Think YOU Are The Problem?


I wanted to send out a response to emails I have gotten about my new resource:

“How to Get Your Loved One With Bipolar Disorder To The Doctor,
Psychiatrist, or Hospital When They Don’t Want to Go”

located at:

People are basically saying, “Dave, my loved one says that I am the problem and they are fine.”

I actually always get this response from this resource.

I wanted to address this because it’s a huge problem for many people.

Many times when people with bipolar disorder become unstable and go into an episode, they don’t know
they are not well. The ultimately start doing and saying things that are “crazy” so to speak.

Then many times, they will say that YOU are the problem.

Because they say it with such conviction, you can start to question if you are the problem and maybe you created the problem with your loved one.

If you find yourself feeling like this, don’t feel bad or like you are out of your mind. It’s a common bipolar supporter feeling.

You have to have your own conviction to know that your loved one needs help and needs it right away.

Realize that their bipolar disorder is like a “thing” so to speak. It’s going to work hard to try to PREVENT you from getting the person into treatment.

Now as I write this, I can hear some people saying, “What is he talking about a thing? Bipolar isn’t a person
or thing.”

Actually I like to think of it as “something” or the enemy.

It’s not your loved one, it’s the bipolar the creates the problems. And when your loved one is unstable, screaming and yelling and blaming you for everything, it’s the bipolar that’s doing this.

You must stand up to it and work hard to get your loved one into treatment.

Don’t wait because let me tell you, the situation just gets worse. I am serious. Some think I amĀ an alarmist. I am when it comes to bipolar disorder because the unstable person not in their right mind can do so many bad things that many times can’t be reversed.

If you need help getting your loved one into treatment, take a look at this resource:

I have to run now.


  1. THANKS DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I felt so much better after reading this! My husband has bipolar and I am the support person. When he gets into this type of episode that projects everything onto me its SO HARD! Just to have you confirm that this is part of the bipolar is so reassuring for my own sanity! I will be saving this email and re-reading it often! I feel like I can breathe a bit easier now.
    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
    God Bless-

  2. Oftentimes, and I have found myself doing this, the person with bipolar – when they’re first in a dangerous hypomania or full-blown manic episode – will NOT listen to reason. Once, my Mom and best friend took me aside for an “intervention” to “make me see the light” about my behavior. I blamed my Mom’s restrictive attitude toward what I was doing, and didn’t hear what she was saying. I was in my own “bipolar world” where “reason” had no place.

    I was VERY high – I had taken a trip to San Francisco, flying by myself, for a week. I rented a car, and stayed in a seedy motel. I slept with a stranger, and went to all sorts of discos and nightclubs, just “clubbing.” Spent money I did NOT have on clothes and entertainment. Looking back, if I did that NOW, my very LIFE would have been in danger. I was susceptible and gullible, and believed strangers instead of my loved ones.

    But – the intervention was about calling my old boyfriend, who had since married and had 3 children. My Mom wanted to know WHY I had done that. I told her it was just out of curiousity. I thought to myself – “how silly of her to be worried about THAT!”

    I can sympathize with Supporters because this is such an insidious disorder. Our belief systems flow into our delusions, and we really are NOT ourselves. We do things we would NEVER do in our right minds. You have a tough row to hoe, and I DON’T envy ANYONE who supports a bipolar loved one.

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good. I pray for my country.

  3. Hi Guys,
    To Wendy, I am in total agreement with you. It is hard always wearing the blame of your loved one, then start beating yourself up, second guessing whether or not it is all your fault. Even worse when they are cycling and slip into ‘victim’ mentality and carefully pick others to manipulate and tell it is all your fault. My husbands family spent years blaming me for my husband’s Bi-Polar, but through my own support network I have learned the Dynamics of ‘BLAME & DENIAL” go hand in hand. While someone is blaming you they can deny their own part or responsibility in a situation. His family evened denied the family history of the disorder and events that had happened over the years, so desperate where they to deny this had happened to their son – and sadly very counter productive to him getting help.
    To suzanne – thank-you for taking ownership -of your condition it gives me continual hope when I read your comment.
    Support and empathy to you all – Devon

  4. And to you David Oliver,
    A big thank-you, I love your sharing of insight and experience. A topic I would love your opinion on is the element of ‘control’ a Bi-Polar person has.
    To elaborate I mean, These people seem extremely discerning about who sees them at their worst, and who they pick to ‘wear it’. I’ve also observed in my case how extremely plausable these people can be, and of course all this aids when blaming their support person.
    Although I have lived with my husband 14 years, I have known him 26 years. I saw little evidence of his condition until I lived with him, and many people in my social circle have witnessed very little of his episodes.
    In fact his own family – who of course are somewhat in denial about it all – often comments how he seems ‘alright’ to them, to which I often answer – never fear, you’ll never see or hear from him when he’s any other way!
    The fact that be has alienated himself from them many times, cut off contact with his four grown up children,
    abused and numerous times threatened to kill his wife (me) and spent time in Psych Hospitals appears to escape them. This draws me to the conclusion – that I’m the one with the short straw and all this ‘special’ treatment is reserved for me -surely that is evidence of some sort of control on some level during an episode
    I would love your opinion about this.
    Keep up the great work – cheers from down under …
    Devon -New Zealand

  5. You reap what you sow, Perhaps you should look at yourself and your own condition instead of blaming your husband?????

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