Hey,
How’s it going?
I have something crazy to tell you.
Well, I upgraded to Microsoft Outlook 2007 from 2000. Actually I half did this before. I mentioned before that I did this but then I was using the old Outlook half the time.
Anyway, I HATE upgrading stuff. (something always goes wrong. ALWAYS!)
NOTE:
Why am I going to tell you about this? Because I’m bored. No, just kidding!
Because there’s going to be a lesson for bipolar disorder from it, so bear with me!
Ok, so my new Outlook has all these features. Many I don’t use and many settings are defaulted.
That means that they are pre-set and I hate some of the pre-settings.
For like a month I have been getting mad every day.
I sit and talk to my Outlook and call it names (which is really dumb, I know).
But I do, I sit and say it’s stupid and why don’t you do what I want, and stuff like that.
So, I was thinking today. You know what?
I need to practice what I preach about bipolar disorder.
What’s that?
Well, to take the time to report problems and work toward fixing them instead of just complaining about them.
I mean, I go into all this detail in my courses/systems about problem solving and everything, and then I wasn’t doing it myself!
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Many people on bipolar medications are just like me.
They complain about their medications.
They complain that they don’t work.
They complain that they don’t like the side effects.
They complain that they don’t like taking them.
They complain about the way that their medication makes them feel (or not feel).
They complain that they forget to take them.
They complain that they wish they didn’t have to take them.
They complain that they have to take them for the rest of their lives.
They complain that other people don’t have to take them.
And on and on and on…
But you know what?
Who do they complain to? To YOU!!!
NOT to their doctor, who they should be complaining to, right?
Because you can’t do anything to help them with their medications, but only the doctor can.
That’s like the way I WAS, and I repeat, WAS, with my Outlook.
I complained and complained, and talked to my computer, but didn’t do anything else about it.
I complained, but didn’t talk to the right person.
I complained, but kept making the same mistakes.
I complained, but just to myself.
I complained, but just kept complaining on and on and on… Not doing the right thing.Or talking to the right person.
And, guess what?
I didn’t get my problem solved, did I, do you think?
Anyway, I finally got so frustrated…
That I finally did something about it.
The right thing.
I took a whole hour and I made a list.A list of all the problems I could think of.
(Just like your loved one could make a list of all their complaints about their
medications).
And then I researched what I could do to change the settings.
(Just like your loved one could research their options – should they talk to their doctor, psychiatrist, or therapist?).
I also called a friend.
(Just like your loved one could talk to you, their supporter).
Guess how my Outlook works now?
ALMOST perfect! (nothing is perfect).
(Just like your loved one could solve their medication problem).
Do you see the connection?
You just can’t get to the point of so much complaining.
You just can’t wait till you get to the point that you start talking to your computer!
You need to do the right thing from the beginning.
Instead of just complaining, you need to sit down and think about what the problem is.
Then you need to explore options about how to fix the problem.
Then you need to talk to the right person about how to fix the problem.
If you don’t do that, you’re stuck with the problem.
Don’t you agree?
Post responses below
I agree, complaining is only useful to a certain point. It’s a natural thing to do, and I don’t think it necessarily reflects badly on the person doing it.
I wouldn’t judge Dave negatively because he’s so honest about his reactions to some annoying software. I’ve certainly been there, too!
Likewise, I wouldn’t negatively judge anyone who contributes to this discussion, who has some complaints about 1) living with bipolar disorder, or 2) is supporting a loved one who has bipolar disorder.
There is, I believe, a reasonable purpose for complaining. If Dave had immediately gotten on the phone with a tech from Microsoft, while he was so frustrated, and talking to his computer, I wonder how productive the conversation would have been.
Sometimes, it’s better to allow yourself a limited amount of time to vent your frustrations before you pick up the phone and ask for help.
So, I think it’s a good thing Dave did some venting, even if it wasn’t the most rational thing he’s ever done.
By the time he picked up the phone, he was no longer angry. The situation involved two experiences. One was being emotionally upset, and the other was being objective.
It’s great that he caught himself, and was able to switch gears, make a plan, then have a rational, productive conversation with someone who could help.
And I agree also with what’s already pointed out. The key is not to get so wrapped up in the emotional upset that you don’t recognize what action is necessary.
As usual, I searched for some common ground among all of us here. One thing I perceive is that folks who have bipolar disorder tend to communicate with each other, while people who support loved ones with the disorder tend to respond to other supporters.
I think this is a wonderful, and a natural trend. At the same time, I benefit, as a person who has bipolar disorder, from responding to everyone, regardless of who they are, why they’re here, or which labels they have or do not have.
I see a vibrant, whole community here, in which there are so many opportunities for all of us to connect. So if my posts seem to reach out to every person here, that makes me happy. I am reaching out to every person here. It has nothing to do with whether you have bipolar disorder, or you don’t.
That said, I would like to point out that all of us, including Dave, who was so honest in his post, are prone to complaining.
No doubt, we all agree that bipolar disorder is a tough condition to handle. Now and then, there is some debate here about the degree to which a person with bipolar disorder can understand how it affects a loved one. And there is equal debate about how much a person who does not have bipolar disorder can understand a loved one who does have it.
One conclusion I have come to is that I am willing and able to let everyone know…I am just a person, like any of you here. I am simply not capable of understanding a supporter, or for that matter, another human being, completely. I can’t and don’t fully understand a supporter’s experience. (I don’t HAVE a supporter, which further limits what I can guess about what it’s like).
But that doesn’t mean I don’t have SOME understanding of others. It just means I probably don’t have the degree of understanding you might like me to have. I know what frustration feels like, I know what suffering feels like, what anger feels like, etc. So I can empathize with feelings, but neither I nor anyone else, with bipolar or not, can be behind your eyes and understand completely what you experience. But I do care about what you experience.
In any case, I always like to think when I respond, about our shared experiences as people. And it would be unnatural as well as inaccurate of me to suppose that only a percentage of all of us were prone to complaining about our experiences with bipolar disorder.
Supporters frequently express their feelings–anger, sadness, frustration, helplessness, pain, etc. I see this as one of the healthy opportunities supporters can take as part of their efforts to understand each other, and to understand the parts of their lives with loved ones that, as I said clearly, I cannot fully understand in a way that would be satisfying to them.
I don’t think of this so much as complaining, but as supporters supporting one another, not only their loved ones.
But logic tells me every person here, supporter or loved one with bipolar bears the same responsibility to detect when it’s the best time to move from venting, from the highly emotional reactions, to the next most beneficial action.
The responsibility is not to me. No one owes me one thing in this world. I am an adult woman, and I am responsible for caring for myself and making own my life happy.
But I believe supporters, just like everyone here (even Dave–as he called himself out for griping a little too long about the software trouble), it’s also a really useful skill to identify when you’ve hit that point where it’s time to make a plan, and to act, rather than venting indefinitely but finding yourself too angry to take the next best logical step in improving the circumstances for everyone involved.
I make no judgments or guesses as to whether or not you are taking that next step, in addition to venting your feelings here. I only know what I see you write here. So, I hope, that if nothing I say here applies to a particular person or situation, you will kindly disregard it with no offense taken.
I’m only talking, in principle, about how this good lesson can help everyone, not just people with bipolar disorder.
I personally do not complain about taking medications. I do follow-up with my doctor when necessary, and as I said, there is no “supporter” for me to complain to! So the post doesn’t really apply to me, as one of an entire group of people with bipolar disorder that the message alludes to.
But the message is still useful. Because there are many, many things it applies to. Could be I complain about my noisy neighbors, right? Then I still need to decide how long I’ll vent about it before I do something about it.
So I hope this is a way to include all of us, as a community of people coping with bipolar disorder, in the discussion so that no one misses the benefit of the lesson.
Wishing the best to all of us.
J
I smile when i read this.my husband is bi polar and his chief complaint is everything i do.Except when i am waiting on him.
Sorry to hear that Louise.
So it sounds like you’re dissatisfied, let’s say you’re wisely using the forum as a way to vent your feelings– your dissatisfaction with the way your husband is acting.
I hope you don’t feel stuck in that place forever, as if things won’t change. Hope that in addition to venting, you’ll take some positive action.
You can’t change him, but I believe you will come up with a plan for yourself…if you’re disgusted with him, then I bet there is a way for you to make your own outlook and response to his behavior a little easier!
Good luck to you both, and it must be frustrating for you, but bipolar disorder does not stay the same forever, people with the illness don’t stay in the same mode forever, and you, as someone who loves him certainly don’t stay the same—you roll with the punches, I’m sure!
My stubborn attitude of hope…I’m just not gonna quit. I hope you can hear me! It does get better!!!
J
DAVE, you’re so right. My boyfriend complains to me about the therapist, who I agree, seems to be doing more harm than good. She would do better working with children than adults. She has no experience with bipolar and if she keeps nagging she will have my loved one in an episode again. He has an appointment with his psych on Wednesday and I hope he will tell him what he has told me. If they can’t find him a suitable therapist he is doing better without one.
When I first started with computers I used Outlook and found it a real pain in the proverbials. I haven’t used it for years now and don’t need it (like my boyfriend doesn’t need that therapist). Maybe you need Outlook for certain work – I don’t know.
Jane
Great spin.
Very wordy.
A little too much for the average person to pay attention to,especially with bipolar. And you have sort of said the same thing several times in different ways.
Were you once a teacher?
You do not have to be bipolar to be a complainer.
Many people complain way more, about way less serious problems,than the bipolar people I know.
Most bipolar people have good reasons to complain! Especially regarding treatment, doctors not listening, wrong medications,nasty side effects, etc.
Yet there are those who have cancer and hardly ever complain.
I believe, because of the nature of biplar disorder, that it is in our nature to be vocal about things that are bothering us, unless we are too depressed to talk!
When can I consider involuntary hospotalization for my best friend who is bipplar for 15 years, off medications for over 9 months, isolated from world spending all rome with his mother who us bipolar, who depends on him completly. bringing him only a lot of extra problems constantly( off medicines too) . Family dosnt care completly, my friend is in swvede episode of mania alternating with depression, delusional, acciding me for all problems he has now( no work, no money, debts. – he spent almost 90000$ in few weeks ( personal loan I cosgned for him in November and have to pay every month almost 2000$ for him, he files reports against me to Medical Board, Human Eights Dept, order of protection against me draddong me to court and making terrible problems, emvarassmebt in front of my staff, patients, friends- as I am doctor who likws him, respect him and beeng so sorry for him try to help so hard and so long. But have no any appreciatiob but only accusituons, anger, hate as he is so delisional thinking that I loker to destroy him , tried to kill him and his mother, control him naming me devil etc . Terrible and si dangerous situation, nobody cares at all and his condition deterioretes only .. I should leave him after damages he did to my personal and professionalife, terrible financial and emotional losses and damages… But how to leave him un situation like this. He dosnt accept that he needs any medical attention starong that I am psycho doctor and need therapy not him.. Any suggestions? His family is almost all bipolar, not caring.. Has no real friends now, lost almost everything, unable to work in manic condition like this( however very smart, talented guy who worked for me as office manager few months ago warning very good money – but left work , disapoeared after 6 weeks in December and not working since that time. What kind if help is possible for him, its emergency situation absolutly!!! Thanks. Michael H. MD
Di,
I can’t tell from your response whether you feel anything positive about my comments or not.
In either case, if my writing style, or the content doesn’t appeal to you, I’m sure some other writers here suit you better.
Best to you!
J