Thank you, thank you. This “OK to be OK” mantra is simple, but it was great for me to consider it. Keep up the good work.

Dave – THIS IS NOT HATE MAIL, but, in all fairness, you do NOT have bipolar disorder. Although I’ve gone 31 years without a hospitalization, that doesn’t include several hypomanic episodes that were treated on an outpatient basis. And – though I don’t have a Supporter – I STILL have to “look over my shoulder” should the bipolar “catch up” to me at any time.

The last out-patient episode I had was in 2005. I had just flown back from WY, and developed a BAD case of the flu. My temperature was over 103 degrees, and I was literally “out of my mind.” Living alone, I could tell SOMETHING was wrong. I went to my shrink, and she adjusted my meds; but there was no easy way to compensate for my delusional thoughts and actions. I drove my car into a telephone pole (just nicked my car door), and was justifiably afraid to drive after that.

Fortunately, I have several “support units” who would drive me if I needed to go to the grocery or a doctor’s appointment. But – who wants to live like that? I gradually came out of it – better living through chemistry!

The other mini-episode was the spring before that. Some IDIOT had taken PaxilCR off the market, and my shrink was putting me on other meds to compensate. One was Prozac. THAT drove me “crazy,” so she had to change it to Wellbutrin. Same result. For three months, I was in a “zombie-like” fog, unable to take care of the simplest chores. Finally, PaxilCR became available again, and I was stabilized once more. I thank God for THAT!!

But – I do believe in the old adage – “I’m OK, you’re OK” – so popular in the 70s. My therapist corrected me one time – I told her I would be bipolar the rest of my life. She said, “But – you’re normal EXCEPT when you’re in an episode.” That opened my eyes to a new way of looking at my disorder. Yes – I agree – “it’s OK to be OK.” When I have a “normal” mood – which is most of the time now – I STILL look out for indications of the bipolar. It’s just the “nature of the beast.” Diabetics will ALWAYS be diabetics; those with Parkinson’s, will always have Parkinson’s. But – having a “mental illness” IS different from having the above-mentioned “physical” disorders. It deals with MOODS and the way I react to outside stimulus.

The hard times I’m going through have made my shrink increase my dosage of Valium; she had to – I was crawling out of my skin, trying to COPE with everything that was going on. I was literally AFRAID of going over the abyss and never coming back.

It helps to have support, if only from your psychiatric staff. Meds being changed also helps. But – when I have to make CHOICES, they are sometimes the WRONG ones, and I pay for them. My therapist says that most of my generous nature and gullibility are “personality defects” and NOT related to bipolar. I know better. Bipolar disorder affects your judgment, and you CANNOT make the right CHOICES all the time. I treat bipolar disorder as a THING that threatens my very existence.

Although I tell my therapist AND my shrink all the things that are going on with me right now – they are unable to “walk a mile in my moccasins” and cannot understand when I get confused and disoriented about what to do next. Would that it were so!

BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Thank you for your prayers for Susan; she seems to be getting along a LOT better. And save a little prayer for me as I face some of the most difficult decisions I have to make right now. Thank you.

Hi Dave,
I applaud your passion for promoting this cause.
It is challenging in all relationships to not be “at effect” of the other’s behaviour. It would be so easy to lash out or disown our loved one who suffers with this disorder. What I find most challenging in my scenario is my loved one’s high functioning and undiagnosed behaviour.I know she knows she has some imbalance that has made her suffer for years;but she just identifies as a’drama queen’ with complexities.I quite often have to choose to be O.K. and weigh in with the “will I ever confront her with my findings”part of the program. Thanks for your dedication

I like that mantra too. I just finally gave myself permission to be ok and be happy and not feel guilty about my son having this illness. He was diagnosed just 3 1/2 months ago and I am still trying to learn whatever I can about bipolar. He’s 19 and moved out 3 weeks ago, going 11 hours away from his Dad and I. He’s with friends who know of his bipolar and that is some comfort, but I still worry constantly about him. Until a few days ago that is. Someone told me.. why worry about something that hasn’t happened yet? I sat and thought about that for a while and pretty much decided that she was right. It is ok to feel ok. It’s ok to go on with normal stuff and to not worry and to not feel guilty about doing so. He needs to find his own way, he’s on medication, and after talking to a friend where he is, he seems to be doing ok. So, for now I’m feeling that it’s ok for me to be ok.
Heaven, big cyber hugs to you! You will feel ok too, given time and the right medication. I agree with suzannewa, you are a wonderful human being and don’t ever forget it. Please talk to someone soon about how you are feeling.

heaven, may I ask how old you are and how long since you were diagnosed with bipolar? I am not an expert, but am a concerned mom.
You can talk in here I’m sure. Not totally sure of the groups rules, since I am new here. But you might be surprised by how caring people are here.

It is sad when people’s feelings get hurt by a person with bypolar. My boyfriend has bypolar and last year during one of his major manic episodes, he offended my family and now they don’t trust him. They treat him like a pedifile and my sister tries to get back at my boyfriend by telling everyone she meets in our family of how she is not please with my boyfriend choice and about his bypolar. it really frustrates me when my sister doesn’t give my boyfriend a chance to meet people on a clean slate.

heaven, I am also 45. Your question at the end reminds me of my son. I am full of questions for him and he answers me about the same… with attitude. With an underlying tone of .. quit asking cause I don’t care! My son witnessed a small plan crash and he knew all 4 people who were killed. That was a year and a half ago and I’m sure that triggered his bipolar. He went through a period of depression a few months after which we thought was pretty normal considering what he had witnessed. Maybe you can help me figure out how to help him? He had one episode of hypomania this past Christmas and has since been pretty good. Except for 3 weeks ago when he lost all rational thinking and took off driving in a snow storm and ended up in a panic and calling us to come get him. He ended up in hospital after driving through a ditch and imposing himself on an unsuspecting elderly farm couple. His medication was adjusted. Like I said before, he seems to be doing ok now, but does not communicate with us much. I guess I want to know.. why does someone with bipolar not want to talk to their loved ones and let them know what is going on?
Again, hugs to you and please keep yourself safe.

Dear Dave,
Thank you for its o.k. to be o.k.! I have bipolar disorder and I’m o.k. with that. In fact my opening comment on my myspace page is ” I’m o.k. your o.k.”. I try to be this way because if people think enough of me to think I’m o.k., then I should return the favor. Thank you for all the time and energy you put in to these little emails daily. I really look forward to them they are usually very uplifting, and definitly spoken like someone who knows this disease and what it’s capable of! I hope your doing well, and just keep it up! THANK YOU!!

Marlee: I was never diagnosed with Bipolar, but my current psychiatrist is starting to second guess my diagnosis .. he thinks it should be bipolar and NOT Major Depression, which could explain why for the last five years that the meds haven’t been working correctly. As far as your son witnessing the plan crash, he could have all kinds of things still running through his mind, “What if it was me?” guilt: “Why was it them, and not me?” “Why did G_d take four young lives?” denial: “This really did not happen.” Grief, he misses them, depression, he is depressed from their loss. And believe me, everyone takes their own time to grieve, there is no standard time, 6 months, 6 weeks, 1 year, 6 years, it is all different. I myself don’t understand hypomania, but taking the car on a dangerous car trip is definitely mania, or an attempt to hurt himself. I think you should still be concerned about your son. But maybe let him open up to you more. Maybe he’s not yet used to a lot of questions and needs to try to explain his emotions, rather than just the facts. Hope that helped you.

I want to be ok, so when I feel like I’m getting there. I don’t even want to think about BP. So in a sense I am ok but not OK with BP disorder. I hate it.

I totally agree with you, it IS ok to be ok, and thats just what I am. I realize it takes a lot of hard work to manage bipolar disorder,I believe therapy,and the right combo of meds. is key to maintaining stability. One does not have to let it completely take over their life, I believe it is a choice to either let it rule your life, or take a stand and fight for life. I choose to fight, to live!….Thank you David for all the hard work and time you devote to helping people, dont let the hate mail get ya down. You are doing a wonderful thing! 🙂

I MADE ALOT OD SPELLING ERRORS IN MY POST. 12 JOBS IN 2 YEARS NOT TWELVE YEARS.

heaven.
Yeah, I now that situation. I had much the same from my Dad AND my family doctor when I was in my teens.
“Depressed? You don’t know what being depressed is! You’re too young for that rubbish! Pull yourself together!”
Prats! Didn’t they realise, I WOULD have pulled myself together if I could have done! I didn’t want, didn’t choose, to feel depressed!
heaven, Heavan knows! There are a lot of ignorant people out there. They don;t know what they are talking about and they sure as heck don’t know how to handle people, let alone someone in a depression, BP or otherwise. No wonder there are suicides with families, friends and doctors like that! Oh yeah, and if you DID chekc out, you know what they’;d be saying next? Either “… I don’t believe it – s/he was never depressed …” Or they say, to keep up their moral high ground ‘how selfish to kill themselves!’ Oh, well thanks a bunch for the support, folks – you really need friends like that like you need a hole in the head … or even the BP! No wonder some people go off their heads and start shooting!

Oh! My point? My point is this … It IS okay for you to be depressed and your family are NOT okay to tell you otherwise. You are NOT worthless – it’s their advice to you that is worthless! IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT THAT YOU ARE DEPRESSED. That’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.

BUT whatever is ailing you, be that BP or some other depression there IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! The first thing you can do is find someone who will be less ignorant than your family about such matters! Someone who can give you a large measure of appropriate support Who? Your doctor. Go see him/her right away. Don’t sit on this – let the doc see you at your worst, so s/he knows more clearly what it is you are going through. Tripping into the surgery a few days later when the worst of it has gone isn’t the best idea … the point of seeing a doctor is to see them when you’re ill, not when you are well!!! “Oh, I think I had the flu last week but whatever it was, it’s gone now. Is there anything you can give me for it?” Nah, don’t work like that.
Don’t delay.
See him
right a way!
And as for your family? Let them, stew in their ignorance. Educated them? Forget it. Don’t waste your breath, not until you know they are ready to learn. As the adage goes, there is no point is arguing with someone who is not a bright as you!

So, GO NOW to your doc.

Dave,
Is like you say.OK..OK…Very Good. Lilian P.