Hi,
What’s going on?
I have a really important bipolar rules I am
going to share with you.
Before I do…
What a trip it’s been in California.
Listen to this.
Okay first, I forgot to pack dress socks.
Can you believe that? It’s so annoying.
I was super mad about it. I don’t have
a car and my friend wasn’t around. I was in
the hotel in the morning and I discovered
this.
I randomly decided to call someone who
has actually a whole bunch of disorders.
This person is super high functioning.
I was going on and going about how
I was super mad. The person listened
and said, “Hey Dave, we really should
go over the stuff and anyway, is
not having any socks the end of the
world? It could be worse.”
I was like, “Hey, you’re right.”
Then the person was like, “hey,
why the heck would people be looking
at your feet anyway.”
I was like, “Hey, you’re right. Only
like a weirdo looks at people’s feet”
LOL
Okay so in my hotel. Which is suppose
to be a new one. I almost lost my arm
in the elevator trying to hold the door.
My key didn’t work to use the elevator
multiple times. My key didn’t work
to open my door many times.
The water to take a shower was cold
yesterday. FREEZING cold. I started
to put soap on me and then it went
cold. I was stuck. I had half my
body with soap and the other half with
no soap. I couldn’t call anyway.
I just had to deal with a freezing
cold shower which was total shock.
I can’t believe the hotel that was
suppose to be new had all these problems.
Oh, and I forgot my lap top charger
at home as well. I ordered a new one
that was suppose to be sent one day.
Well they screwed up and sent it 4 day.
Geeze. It’s been a pain of a trip.
Oh I actually met with one of my subscribers
from San Diego California. That was really
cool. We had a fun.
Okay enough with the stories let’s get to
the topic at hand today.
Today I want to talk about the
10 Rules for Emotional Health
I know, I hate rules too, but I think
this list is really important for your
emotional health, whether you are
the one with bipolar disorder or the
supporter.
1. Take care of yourself.
If you are a survivor, you have
to take care of yourself in order
to manage your disorder. Get
the right amount of sleep, eat
a healthy diet, and exercise,
are just a few examples. Same
goes for you supporters. You
can’t be any good to someone
else if you aren’t good to
yourself first.
2. Focus on the positive instead
of the negative.
Survivors, if you stay negative,
you will stay sick. Supporters,
if you stay negative, you will be
no good to your loved one, and
you will be no good to yourself.
You need to be a more positive
person, in order to stay emotionally
healthy. You need to take every
negative thought and turn it into
a positive one.
3. Let go of the past.
Yes, I know this is easier said than
done. Supporters, I know you’re
probably saying to me, “But you
don’t know what he/she has done
to me!” But remember, I am a
supporter, too! There’s plenty
of hurt and other negative feelings
I went through with my mother.
I just had to learn to let go of it,
or I would still be suffering from
those horrible memories, and
still be lost in the past, instead of
living a good present like I am.
I had to make a decision to
forgive my mother, as you need
to make a decision to forgive your
loved one now. If you don’t, you
will keep that resentment, and
both of you will suffer.
4. Be respectful and responsible.
This is more for survivors. You need
to own up to what you’ve done and
said in your episodes, even if you
don’t remember. Your loved one
has remembered everything you’ve
said and done, and is probably
still feeling hurt and resentful
about it, so you have to be
respectful and responsible and
do the right thing, and make up
to them for it.
5. Have an attitude of gratitude.
Supporters, living in the world of
bipolar disorder can get to you
sometimes – you can get to feeling
like it’s all that’s in your life. But
it doesn’t have to be. Trade all
the negatives of the disorder and
what it has done to your loved one
and your lives, and develop an
attitude of gratitude instead. Be
grateful for every day that your
loved one goes without an episode
and make the most of those days.
Be grateful for the smaller things
as well.
In my courses/systems, I talk about having
A positive attitude and how just changing
yourself from a negative person to a positive
person can change your recovery as well as
your life:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
6. Develop one or two friendships outside
the one you have with your loved one.
This goes for both of you. Go to a support
group meeting. Meet new people. Get
out from the bipolar disorder that tends
to overwhelm your life and isolate you.
You need to have other relationships
outside of just your own. You need to
learn to talk about other things besides
bipolar disorder.
7. Have some fun!
People who don’t have fun in their lives,
especially people who have bipolar
disorder, tend to become more depressed.
This doesn’t have to be expensive, but
just something that keeps your spirits
high. I know a couple who have “Date
Night” every Friday night, and sometimes
all they do is go to the local mall and
have a cheap dinner at the food court
and watch the people! To them, this is
fun. Other times, they just rent a
movie, put covers on the floor,
pop some popcorn, and snuggle
together to watch the movie. And
both of them have bipolar disorder,
by the way!
8. Remove yourself from hurtful or
damaging (negative) situations.
For survivors, there are many situations
that are negative, stressful, over-
exciting/stimulating, and can trigger
an episode for you. These are
situations that you need to avoid.
If you find yourself in one of these
situations, you need to get out of
them right away.
9. Accept that life is all about choices.
Some choices are good, and some are
bad. But they are YOUR choices. You
need to learn to make good choices.
The more good choices you make, the
more emotionally healthy you will be,
and the happier in the long run. If
you make bad choices, there will
always be consequences to pay,
and you don’t want that.
10. The future is up to YOU!
Have a plan for the future.
Unfortunately, no one knows when
your next episode will occur,
although I have tried to teach you
how to avoid episodes, how to
watch for triggers, and how to
manage your bipolar disorder.
However, I have also told you
that you most likely will have
another episode. That’s why
I always tell you to have a safety
plan in place for the next episode.
you can make short term plans
and long term plans for your
future, and you should make
plans just for yourselves that
have nothing to do with bipolar
disorder. Just make some kind
of plans to have a healthy,
happy, successful future – the
future is up to YOU!
PLEASE POST RESPONSES TO THIS EMAIL HERE
Your Friend,
Dave
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Please give the information without the personal stories. I read the emails daily & find helpful information, but it is time consuming to weed through the personal issues & stories of Mr. Oliver before getting to the needed information. Thanks so much.
‘AUWE! DAVID,
Did you start your day with JESUS? Hmmm, you getting mad bc you forgot SOMETHING to pack for your trip? too much on your mind to focus Were you HOLY SPIRIT LED?
Make a list prior b4 making any trip. Add something as your list get long.
Be careful to “practice what you preach.” We are learning from your positive input about BPDO, not the negative outlook of your attitude without JESUS! We are accountable for our words and deeds.
This would eliminate your hate mails to you.
“Christ”ian Xena Rose
Hi David and all:
Thank you. Good rules to attempt to adhere to but not so easy to achieve when you are in a Bi-polar war zone sometimes. And a word of advice for you: Stop sweating over the small stuff. Rule # 1: As your friend stated, who cares about socks enough to get super mad, you keep getting so stressed out over the little things and you will end up dead one of these days because stress is a killer. Rule #2: Never stay in a brand new hotel as they probably do not have the kinks worked out, just the same way as you never buy a new model of a car until it has been on the market long enough to either prove itself or they have gotten the kinks out it too. People who have to have the latest and the newest quite often burned, or should I say “frozen” in your case. I worry about you and your stress level. Sometimes you sound like you are a Bi-polar in a manic episode (and no, it is not a “bad temper” as my Bi-polar husband likes to say) it is what it is! So take care of yourself, ok?
For bipolarchristian:
Are you having an episode right now? I hope so because I found what you had to say very rude. David provide us this information for free, don’t you care about the man who does this service for you? I am really Praying that you are having an episode and really not so self-centered and selfish as you make yourself sound!
Hi,
I like to send personal stories so you know there is a real person if you don’t like it, sorry. I won’t change however for one person when hundreds of thousands like it.
Dave
I have a husband, daughter, sister inlaw, nephews with Bipolar. My husband has been with out an episode for 3 years. Tis good. But regarding your socks, a $40.00 rent a car could have gotten you the charger at a local tech store in the yellow pages and I’m sure a local place had socks you couls buy too. We all love how new socks feel. Pamper yourself. Doreen
Could have been worse Dave. One of my best friends showed up for divorce decree wearing two different shoes!
We all need to laugh. These comments are getting too serious.
David, this is the third time I’ve written this, I’m having trouble getting into my “blogger” account. I surprise myself, that i would be so patient with my PC, yet, I’m impatient with my significant other, a HUMAN!!
I wanted to thank you for your ten “rules”. You come to me sometimes as a ray of sunshine and hope.
When I fell in love with my girlfriend, I had no idea she was bipolar. I have learned so much, and we must all count our blessings, and show gratitude for the good stuff in our lives.
I lost track of her for a day, and was worried, but then, she called, and had checked herself into rehab. Another ray of hope and sunshine.
Thanks again.
Hello, Everybody!
Question – WHERE’S EVERYBODY’S SENSE OF HUMOUR, TODAY?
I nearly wet myself laughing at David Oliver’s antics in California – it reminded me of the character portrayed by the Actor ‘Steve Martin’ in the Comedy Film, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”! Good on you, Dave, for making me collapse with the giggles!
I’ve had a good, but busy day helping others worse off than myself and discovered that an awful lot of the Women on the Course either have Bipolar or know a person close to them who has it and they’ve been asking me lots of questions about the Condition.
After I came First on completing ‘How To Wire A Plug’ via the Internet, I became quickly bored and looked up the latest on the suicide of the ‘Happy-Go-Lucky’ Children’s TV Presenter, Mark Speight. (He hung himself last week in London’s ‘Paddington’ Railway Station.) One of the other Women, who admitted to me last week that she wanted my advice on ‘Depression Groups’ for her, quietly sat next to me after completing the Plug in Second place and whispered that she knows exactly how he was feeling, because she feels the same way NOW!
I promised her that I’d Text her this Web-Site address later tonight, but she claimed that she didn’t have a Computer. I reminded her that she can have FREE INTERNET ACCESS from any Library and there was one situated at the end of her road. Also, now that we’ve got an actual Psychiatrist WITH the Bipolar Condition offering advice on yesterday’s Blog, to help ‘Heaven'(LOL), hopefully she’ll continue to help us out and my new Friend might take some notice and seek Medical help, as well as countless others.
My Dad’s feeling depressed as he’s age 65 on Thursday but I’ve just sent him a Birthday Card stating that according to the ‘Aztec Calendar’, he’s ONLY 16. (Snigger!)
Take care all and if you’re down, try watching a Comedy or Singing to an ‘Upbeat’ Series of Songs. Love,
Sue and all the animals. x
To Bipolarchristian:
Judge not lest thou be judged. Shame on you, if you don’t appreciate the fact that David Oliver is a real person and can’t be bothered reading his personal comments before his free advise, then you don’t belong on this blog. And you are calling yourself a Christian? I think not.
Hey David! It sounds like you did not get a great hotel. Since I live in San Diego I know that there are many really terrific hotels here in town. Lots right on the harbor or beach or even downtown that are wonderful.
I think it’s great that you have gotten to meet people on your list from San Diego. Is there a way that those of us on the list in San Diego could find a way to get together? I am not sure how to do that – to see if they attend any of the support groups or whatever. Just a question.
Anyway, I have read the comments here and I am really surprised. People stop being so negative – was that not one of David’s rules. Just so you know David, I enjoy your personal comments and I like that this comes from a real person who supports a survivor. When I don’t have time to get through the personal banter I either skip through it or read the e-mail later when i have more time. Really it works.
David, there are lot’s of us in San Diego who are working with supporting this diagnosis. There is a DBSA support group on Monday nights for supporters, I wish you could be there. I tell them about your web site on almost a weekly basis. I suggest it to all of the new people.
Oh, and by the way – there are lots of stores in San Diego to purchase a computer charger (Best Buy comes to mind) or socks (try Target). Really, just because we aren’t east coast doesn’t mean you can’t shop. (That’s a joke people – I am trying to make David smile.)
Thanks David:
The only thing I would change about you, if I could help you, would be be you stress level. Keep on being you, all the rest of us appreciate what you do and I know from what I’ve been reading that we wouldn’t want you to change a bit (except for the stress, of course). lol
Way to go David
We sooooo appreciate the personal stories as well as all the info. you provide for us all.
Keep up the fabulous work you do.
Sincerely
Sherry 🙂
Helen1: How did you get the diagnosis changed from Depression all those years to BP? What medication did you change? I am curious because I have been denied for Long Term Disability because of a ‘pre-existing condition’ (depression). My new psychiatrist thinks I am BP and and do not have Major Depression. He changed my medication from EMSAM (man MAOI patch for Depression) to Ambility (a pill for BP). He also said I am treatment resisitant. What do you think about this? I would appreciate your help….Thanks
Hi Heaven:
Before I started to go to my current Psych my diagnosis was always depression probably because I was always depression and I received an Anti-depressant of some kind and Lorazepam. When I started to see my Psych he slowly put me on meds for BPD and I started feeling better but still have periods of depression. I assumed I was being treated for depression and didn’t ask what my diagnosis was until last month, I think. I take Seroquel 300MG, Lamictal 25 MG, Trileptal 300 MG, and Clonazepam 2 MG all these are at bedtime. I also take Clonazepam a couple of times thru the day. So I have been treated for BPD for a long time without ever considering asking what my diagnosis was. So know I have a better understanding of some of the crazy things I have done in the past (and still do sometimes now just not on such as extreme as before. I don’t think you are treatment resistant most likely just haven’t discovered the magic cocktail of drugs that meet your needs yet. So hang in there, it will take a while for the new drugs to get built up and you can really start to feel the results. I know how hard is to be patient when you feel like crap but you must take your meds and be patient to see if they even are right for you. My daughter and her Psych are still trying to find the right mix for her and I do not want to sound negative, but she has been dealing with this about 11 years. So hang in there and you got my email and I told you I would always be here for you to listen, so try to not be so sad. There are have several people who care for you on this blog.
Dave – Is your Mother happier now that she KNOWS she has bipolar disorder, or does she worry about the “next time?” “Happiness” is a relative term to us bipolars, and each of us has a different definition. For me, it’s going day by day WITHOUT any symptoms of bipolar. I don’t know if I’m a rapid cycler or not, but I DO know I feel differently in the morning than I do at Noon, than I do at night, etc.
I look forward to my time on the computer. It’s my FUN time. When I’m really “grooving” on it – taking my surveys, IMing my boyfriend, reading your emails – time goes by so fast I hardly realize what time it IS by the time I have to sign off and go take my meds. Because my night meds give me a “rush” for an hour after I take them, I have to be really conscious of what time I end up on the computer and allow for that extra hour. When my boyfriend is here, he goes to bed between 8:30 and 10:00 – I’m usually on the computer at least until 11; then it’s nearly Midnight by the time I go to bed to SLEEP.
I don’t know if I’ve already written this or not, but it could be a lesson for someone else. Last week – Wednesday, I think it was – I attempted to get some help from the legal system to get a $25,000 loan repaid. I first called Legal Aid, who said they don’t deal with “relationship issues.” They sent me to Lawyer Referral, who, before they would give me a name of a lawyer here in my town, required $35 from my credit card. I then called this lawyer, and he told me that there is a 3 year statute of limitations on personal loans! He sent me to the Police White Collar Crime Dept., and they said because I didn’t have concrete proof – they couldn’t do anything. But – they sent me to General District Court to start a suit against this guy! By the time I was finished with this charade, I was soooo frustrated, I just stopped right there. I knew I wouldn’t be coherent if I talked to the Clerk of the Court at that point, so I came on my computer. You see – I have CONTROL when I’m on the computer; I had NO control with the dunces I talked to that afternoon. It got me back to thinking “positive” thoughts, instead of dealing with all the negative “vibes” I was getting all afternoon. I just put off going to General District Court until this week, when I could deal with it with a clear head.
I DON’T know how/what I’m going to do with the Clerk of the Court, but if she can’t help me – I’m screwed. But the point I’m trying to make is – when you come to the end of your rope – do something productive, even if it means reading a gossip magazine, taking a walk, or meeting a friend for a drink. GET AWAY FROM THE STRESSOR.
Your rules are excellent, Dave, and I’m going to copy them and put them on my computer. I’m even going to share them with my therapist; who knows, she may even agree with some of them 😉
I’m sorry for all the snafus that occurred on your first day in CA; this kind of chaos happens often with bipolar survivors. I consider myself one of the “lucky” ones, to be highly-functional; but there are times when I crumble like a little girl, and feel I can’t make it in this world alone. And always looking over my shoulder for the next “attack” of the bipolar, doesn’t help. But – I realize it’s a moment-by-moment, day-by-day struggle to keep it all together, and to make the best choices I can possibly make for the situation at hand.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Thank you for your prayers for Susan; she seems to be on the road to recovery. And save a little prayer for me as I go through the hard times I’m going through right now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙂
Dave
Hello and thanks again for the writing. I find them helpfull but never seem to make it to the end of some of them, sorry Dave i don’t like to read much..
As to the XENA ROSE
Please dont push the Jesus thing here or the way its is any of us should start our day. We are all different. If it works for you i am glad . But to those not raised with jesus in there life there is the confussion of (why jesus why) someone they are told are there but a life still filled with hurt and pain . I could go on and on about this issue but iam not going too . Please dont judge one self unless you wish to be judge yourself .. Your life is not as perfect as you preach.. Thanks Dave look forward to hearing from you soon.. Jason
I try to be positive by not thinking I am ill; though I don’t stop taking my meds.
If we get too positive, can we be cured?
Thanks and regards from Mexico. You can be without socks and take cold showers here at any time, if you so enjoyed the experience. LOL
To the Christians that posted rude comments: why is it that only the two openly Christian people posted rude and pushy posts? I am a Christian, but sometimes I have found that Christians use their faith as an excuse to get onto other people for their behavior and don’t watch their own. We all need to remember that the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness. Not picking, judging, and correcting. Stop giving Jesus a bad name.
Ok, sorry, I know that’s not what this is about. David, I like your stories. My brother is BP in denial. It’s rough. Your emails help. Thanks.
Dave,
I appreciated very much your communicatin that I sent for friends, because it is useful not only for BP, but the prejudice is a thing that really exists, not only in India,but in my contry too. Your placement on goals and dreams make me do an analyses of my existence and I think that I still can go to Europe…Thank you Dave. Lilian P.
Hi Dave,
Well I have been sick lately, today I took my daughter to her therapist, when it was my turn to go in with them, he says hold on I will be right back. Next thing I know is he comes back with my tune up doc. I felt trapped, now I am a guinni pig again, change in meds. I hate that part it is so scarry. Sorry you forgot your socks, and even more who planned your trip, we have hotels with hot water, they just cost extra, it is Cali afterall, who is the governor? exactly. I need to try and sleep before school!
Take care,
Karen
For SuzanneWA:
If you live in the US the clerk is going to tell you that they can not give legal advice because they are not attorneys. Sometimes they will give you a tip, though but not very often. Sounds like they are trying to get you to file for a civil case and I have been there and it did me no good at all. I have done 3 do-it-yourself divorces by going to a place that sells the paperwork to you and then they will either tell you what you need to do or send a fairly good instruction sheet with the paperwork. Then you have filing fees and all this varies from state to state. Been divorced in Michigan, Washington State, and Idaho. They were all pretty simple things to do, but filling out the paperwork can sometimes be a real pain. I don’t know if this is appropriate or not but maybe you need to file bankruptcy, done that one also but I had an attorney because that one gets too complicated. I do not know what your options are in your area so please do not consider this legal advice, just plain suggestions from someone who cares. I am glad to know that when you start getting stressed you back away from it. That is most likely the best thing you can do for your well being. My heart and Prayers go out for you, as always. Good luck, Helen
TO david oliver, I am in great need of support My partner suffers with bipolar extremly, he does not like doctors so he self medicates himself with endone @ oxycondone, i recently had a incident in march were he became violent in front of my children. i have tried to support him but with his outbursts @ drinking as well i put aAVO on him @ now since court he has to go to drug @ alcohol counselling @ drug tested mon-fri attending a probationary officer 5days a wk. I have found all your stories very interested. But now i am faced with destroying my loved ones life for the nxt 12 mths. I want to help him but now need support maybe our relationship is gone too. PLease reply to this letter thankyou Therese
please help. My boyfriend was diagnosed a year ago by my doctor, i had suggested he see. He has been thru different meds, lots of things didnt work, or made him feel weird. he now takes 500 mg lamictal, 7mg of abilify and 150 mg of welbutrin… its not working, and we sometimes feel that the doc… isn’t too concerned. but, its torture for him…and me. how do i find a good doc that will be more… active in his treatment….im in the central coast of cali.