Help Wanted! The Maturity Myth And Bipolar Disorder


What’s going on?

Well I just got back today from California.

I didn’t get any sleep so I have to take
a quick nap and then get up later today.

Actually I wanted to ask for some help.

I have a part time sales job


I am looking for someone who wants to
wo.rk f.rom home selling my courses to
people, organizations and various entities.

It’s a great job for someone who likes
simple telesales. You just need a phone.

If you or someone you know is interested,
please send your resume, write up with what
kind of sales you have done in the past,
how well you know my material and anything
else that would get me excited to hire you.

Please email to:


Okay, now I am getting ready to take a quick
nap since I got no sleep last night on the

Before I do, I wanted to say something…

Have you ever heard of something called


Well, someone told me about it this week.

I don’t know why people don’t talk about it
in psychology circles these days, maybe It’s
just an old term or something, but I think
it’s something we can learn from (and you
know I get my ideas from all different
kinds of places! 

Anyway, let me try to explain it to you.

Try to keep the word PROCRASTINATION
in the back of your mind, and that might
help you to understand this concept a
bit easier – it helped me to understand
it better

(Of course, that was LATER, and
I’m trying to spare you the pain in the
brain that I went through trying to
understand it!).

Ok, well, anyway, the concept of the
Maturity Myth is this:

First, you’re little, and you think,
“When I get older, everything will be
Ok.” Then you get older ,and everything
Is NOT ok.

Then you think, “When I graduate from
college, everything will be ok.” But
everything is NOT ok.

Then you think, “When I get that great
job, everything will be OK.” But every
thing is NOT OK.

Then you think, “When I make lots of
money, everything will be OK.” But
everything is NOT OK.

Then you think, “When I get married,
everything will be OK.” But everything
is NOT OK.

Then you think, “When I have children,
everything will be OK.” But everything
is NOT OK.

Then you think, “When I retire,
Everything will be OK.” But everything

Then you’re at the end of your life, and
you look back at it…

…and all the things you had planned
for “when I MATURE” (when I get
whatever it is I want to get)…

And everything was NEVER ok, was it?

It was never OK because of the
MATURITY MYTH. A concept that was
never real to begin with. A myth.
A fantasy.

In other words, if you cannot find
happiness and peace of mind NOW,
without those things you are hoping
for someday, those future things that
you think will someday make you happy,

You know, a lot of people know that I
deal with my mom’s bipolar disorder
every day. I could very easily have been
one of those people who fell into the
trap of the maturity myth.

I could have hoped that someday…
…she’ll get better
And then things will be OK.

…she’ll be cured
And then things will be OK.

…she’ll be like she used to be
And then things will be OK.

And I’d be waiting for a someday
that would never come.

And in the meantime, I would be
trading all my “NOW” moments
for a myth. A fantasy.

Check out my courses and systems below
to read about how you have to be
realistic instead of the old pessimistic
vs. optimistic idea:




We have to face reality if we’re going
to be supporters of a loved one with
bipolar disorder. Yes, we all hope that
someday they’ll come up with a cure for
the disorder. But the reality is that for
now we can’t think like that, because
right now it is just a myth.

Remember the Stockdale Paradox:
We hope for the best but plan for
the worst. We have to be realistic.

And we do the best we can in the

Your Friend,


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  1. I do believe we are on the verge of a cure for a lot of diseases, including Bi-polar Disorder but I am realistic and do not believe the cures will be available in my lifetime nor my daughter’s, maybe in the next couple of generations, if the world, as we know it, still exists. I have found that it is very helpful to me to be a realistic optimist or I will sink into a deep depression thinking that there will never be anything available for future generations of BPDs except a lifetime of drug cocktails. I have been through all the when I do’s it will be ok but I haven’t once done anything that I felt was really great when I got it done. Procrastination can very well be a killer when it comes to a lot of situations.

  2. It seems that our political process has been in a state of bipolar disorder, many years. Reviewing articles from the email site. One has concluded, obsticals in ones governmental process has perpetuate enduced procastination!

  3. My younger sister is Bipolar with schizo-affective disorder. She is completely noncompliant with her meds and is completely psychotic right now. One cannot hold a conversation with her at all. However, because she is not suicidal, we cannot have her committed, (state law.) She has 4 children and the one most affected by her bizarre behavior is her youngest child and only son. He’s only 7 years old. He is mostly cared for by his 15 year old sister. We are at our wits end with her. We are afraid that she will harm herself or God forbid, her son or a stranger. If she were just bipolar, like my son is, I would not have this fear. (He is a type II and had attempted suicide 3 times before he was diagnosed and is doing very well, controlled by medication. He is motivated to be compliant because he is a single father and could lose his children if he is not.) My sister’s extreme paranoia is what has me worried about her child. She believes that he is a threat to her marriage and all sorts of other wild things. She loves this child with all her heart when her condition is controlled and there is not another more caring, loving mother anywhere. She has never actually harmed him, so our local child protection agency will not take any action. If she does something to him during a psychotic episode, she will never be able to live with herself after realizing what happened. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? The Maturity Myth certainly applies here. I simply call it denial…. Her husband, our parents, our siblings all believe, “she’ll work it out…” I could go on and on! Her adult daughters have tried to intervene, but her husband does not assist, in fact he sometimes sabotages what they try to do. He will not let them take the boy. Help!

  4. Hi Everybody,

    I’m keeping this short because whilst I was on the Coach Trip last Saturday, loads of people were coughing and sneezing and I quickly succombed to a nasty Cold Virus. I’ve been literally ‘dying’ and am going back to bed after posting this.

    I’ve quickly caught up with the blogs and agree with Graham’s comments about how each ‘Episode’ can damage the Brain, which may encourage certain people like the Actor ‘Stephen Fry’ to consider taking proper Medication, because my Talents always manage to return after a while and I’m also sticking up for David Oliver, as problems can arise in any Organisation and he’s up to his eyes helping us lot, let alone keeping control of his other Businesses.

    Nightlady, I truly hope that your other half is starting to behave himself at last. It’s hard to know if he meant those nasty things, but when I’m feeling particularly vindictive, due to a down Mood, I’ve often said stuff to really cripple the recipient, just to gain some weird satisfaction that THEY’RE now hurting as much as me!? (However, I don’t actually mean any of it – I regard it just as a cruel ‘Game’ and can’t comprehend why people act so afraid of me afterwards.) You’re in my thoughts – good luck.

    Take care all. I’m off to bed.

    Nite, nite from ‘Snotty’ and all the animals. x

  5. I bought into the “Maturity Myth” when I was younger (and undiagnosed with bipolar). I thought “When I get to high school, I’ll be more popular;” and then “If I’m elected Class President, I’ll be more popular;” and if I got early admission to the University of my choice, “I’d be more popular(happy).” Well, as you know, that was NOT OK.

    I was NOT more popular in high school; I only won Senior Class President because I split the vote between the other two guys who ran against me (it did NOT mean I was the most popular). And – I thought once I could start all over with different people in a different place (American University) things WOULD be better, and I would be more popular.

    Would you believe? I became more popular – in fact, I was one of the more popular freshmen in school! But – did it make me “happy?” I was overwhelmed by the attention I got from “boys,” but was too immature to know how to handle it. I had NEVER dated in high school, and suddenly, EVERYBODY wanted to date me! It was exhilarating for awhile, and I WAS happy.

    I started working afternoons for my State’s Senator in Washington, D.C., and dreamed of getting a job there. Things would be OK if I got the job. Well, I DID get the job the summer between my second and third year of school. I had to make the decision to quit school and enter the workaday world.

    I was on the job a total of maybe 10 days to two weeks when I was devastated – I had my first nervous breakdown! I lost my job, my apartment, my fiance, everything. In the mid-60s, they called it “schizophrenia,” but it was actually a full-blown manic episode. I was hospitalized for 6 months, before they deemed me “normal” enough to discharge me.

    The “Maturity Myth” NEVER worked out for me, because I was a “mental patient.” My dreams collapsed in one full swoop. I realized I had to make NEW dreams, and new goals. I worked at several jobs; took college courses; got a real estate license. But – nothing worked out, and I had to go on Social Security Disability. That seemed to be the end-all and be-all of my life; I was admitting defeat. Defeat to the bipolar and all that went with it. If I didn’t have my apartment house, I would probably be on the street, seriously. I held onto the house for 30 years; I was the landlady/owner, and everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, at one point or another. BUT – I SURVIVED.

    Yes – I’ve had mini-episodes since 1977, but they’ve been handled out-patient. I’ve never been described as being “rapid-cycling,” but on a day like today, it feels like it. Very moody and edgy.

    I have a small intestine CAT scan tomorrow at 11, at which time they prep me for the scan at 1. I’ve had CAT scans before, but am anxious about the “prep.” I don’t know what that involves, and I’m kinda scared. I KNOW I’ll get through it OK; it’s just being the “night before” that bothers me.

    LIVE IN THE NOW. The “Maturity Myth” DOESN’T work. You have to be “happy” and satisfied with your life AS you live it. Face the challenges, and you’ll be an “over-comer.” Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday – don’t let your life pass you by.

    BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Please pray for Susan, who is going through a hard time. And save a little prayer for my test tomorrow. Thank you 🙂

  6. Hi
    Everything that happens “to” us we must remind ourselves that it is happening “for” our own sake to shape and form us to become what we should be. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
    Life is a rollercoaster, enjoy the ride.

  7. My first post. I found this site and started reading only a few weeks ago in the middle of my husband’s first serious mania since we were married 4 years ago (5/22/04). I thought I knew what I was getting into, because I believed him that he hadn’t been unstable since the early to mid 90s after his divorce from his first wife. Last winter he had to go into hospital with depression. He is in the VA system and there were never enough doctors or appointments kept being cancelled. His medicine has been messed up again and again. He not only had the depression, suicidal ideation, but also out of control diabetes, hip & back problem (“nurses’ back”. We are also both diagnosed with AD/HD and I with depression and anxiety. I think he fell in love with me – or willed himself to fall in love, because he knew I was a Clinical Social Worker and would “understand”. I will tell you now – a therapist or psychiatrist does NOT know anything about LIVING with a mental illness like this (unless they have lived like that of course). I have been living the Maturity Myth – when he gets a job, when we get out of debt, when we get custody of the kids, when we all live in the same town, when the VA finally gets a psychiatrist, when we get the new prescriber, when we have a chance to get away and relax, when I remember how to relax – (I used to teach relaxation exercises to my own clients). This last mania has cost us: 1) his job and reputation at the VA medical center where he worked for 2 years trying to get hired, 2)our church (I think he triggered something in our priest because she is acting crazy now) 3)Over $4,000.00 in debt in one month’s time 5) my family’s esteem for him 6)my job security because of taking time off with him, etc 7) my self-esteem because I can’t concentrate on my job, I feel angry at him and like running away from it all, and now; 8) my mother has been drawn into it and was almost arrested at our church!!! two days ago, and has to appear in court in 4 weeks and faces over $4,000.00 in fines for trying to ask why we were being banned from our church.

    I am glad to be here and realize how “not alone” I am. When my husband who is my best friend, is the one who has turned on me, refuses to listen to reason, acts so mean and hateful to me, I don’t know where to turn. My mother not so subtly asks what I will do if he doesn’t get better or if there are more of these episodes. She wonders where I would want to move (because she lives with us). My grown sons would be happy to see me divorced I think and even my step-son (only 13) says that he will still want to visit me if “something” happens and we aren’t married anymore. I have been going through the motions of life for months now and I know I don’t know what is best anymore. I read a one page lesson someone got at a church and it says the “gift” of desperation is that we finally realize that we have nothing but God to fall back on. I am trying to let go and let God. Thanks for listening – glad to have found this spot

  8. Hi sistakate:
    Believe me when I say that you are not alone. But I have to ask what kind of Church would ban you because your husband suffers from a mental illness and when he is Manic he has no control over what he says and not very much control of his actions either. I think you will find this blog a great way to express you anger, fear, and other emotions you are feeling and it will be great for you to get it all out and not have to worry about what someone else has to say because if you do not like what they have written here all you have to do is hit delete. I use this blog as a therapist all the time, I feel free to get the pain out of on this blog and it really helps. The more you get out of your system the better you will find you feel. So welcome to your cyber psych! But mostly I think you will find some new friends who really care about you and the turmoil you experience, people such as myself and several others who will Pray for you and wish they could do more to help. But I guess the best thing about David’s blog is to know that you are not alone at all.

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