=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going today.
I have a ton of things to do today even though
it’s Sunday.
Lots of people always tell me how I have
to slow down a little—which is true
but I can’t do it this week.
I am speaking this week on being
a bipolar supporter, I have a big meeting
for another business of mine, I am being
interviewed this week, I am interviewing
1 or 2 doctors about bipolar disorder
and several other things.
How do I do it all? Well I have systems
and stuff. I also have very good people.
I actually have another 7 new projects
that have just started involving upwards
of15 people. So it does get a little confusing.
I was thinking about how I have this
certain attitude when it comes to this
organization—it’s a can do attitude no
matter what.
When I first started, I was told by many people
there is NO way that this would work.
-You aren’t a doctor
-You aren’t a therapist
-You aren’t a writer
-People with bipolar disorder don’t make good
workers
-Your mom will never be under control
-Your customers will be crazy
On and on and on.
But I proved them all wrong.
I noticed today.
I actually that many people with
bipolar disorder have this big problem.
Before I tell you, let me ask you something…
How’s your attitude today?
Is it DYS?
Is it DIS?
What about NON?
I’m talking about DYSfunctional…
DISabled…
And NONfunctional.
Your attitude reflects how you
feel about yourself. If you feel inside
that you are DYSfunctional, you are
going to be DYSfunctional.
If you feel inside that you are
DISabled, then you are going to
be DISabled.
If you feel inside that you are
NONfunctional, then you are
going to be NONfunctional.
IT”S ALL IN YOUR ATTITUDE!
I had someone tell me this
story:
Her husband was 39 years
old when he had a major
stroke. It was serious, but he
could have recovered.
However, he became very
depressed, and spent most of
his time in bed.
When his wife got him to go to
The support group for stroke
victims, SHE got depressed,
because she saw 80-year-old
stroke SURVIVORS who were
worse off than her husband
and yet were acting younger
than him!
They didn’t seem to act like
stroke victims at all! In fact,
her husband’s behavior
almost embarrassed her, as
he sat in his chair, feeling
sorry for himself.
He considered himself
DISabled, and felt like he
would never be a productive
member of society again.
Unfortunately, he remained
that way, eventually developing
diabetes and dying an early
death.
Now, I’m not saying that a
negative attitude had anything
to do with that man’s death;
however, I have seen much
sicker men live longer lives
with much more serious
illnesses and have heard their
doctors say it was because they
were taking care of themselves
and because they had a POSITIVE
“CAN DO” ATTITUDE!
In my courses/systems, I have
whole chapters on thinking
positive, being a more positive
person, using affirmations, etc.:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
What about DYSfunctional?
This is DISabled’s twin sister. Do
you feel as if you can’t function like
you used to? Or have you been in an
accident? Or had one years ago?
Do you have a mental illness? Many
times people with a mental illness
or disorder (like bipolar disorder) are
considered DYSfunctional.
Yet we have proven here (at
BipolarCentral) over and over again
that that is just NOT the case! I have
ten people working for me who have
bipolar disorder or other mental
illnesses that are GREAT workers!
Very smart people! Creative
people who think outside the box
and amaze me with their ability
to do their jobs and more! I wish
I had more people like them!
Now , these people could sit at home
and feel sorry for themselves, and
believe the medical records that say
they are DYSfunctional, but they
don’t! They work hard for me, and
they are some of the most
FUNCTIONAL people I know!
In fact, I have seen some functional
people who could take a lesson or two
from these supposedly DYSfunctional
people who work for me!
I left NONfunctional for last, because
this is the real enemy of the
CAN-DO ATTITUDE, which was the
real point of this email today.
I believe everyone should have a
CAN-DO ATTITUDE!
If you have a NONfunctional attitude,
you believe you can’t do anything.
You sit around feeling sorry for
yourself, you probably blame other
people a lot, you probably have a lot
of old built-up resentments, etc.
Compare a NONfunctional person
to someone with a CAN-DO
ATTITUDE! Can’t you just FEEL the
excitement and energy coming from
the person with the CAN-DO
ATTITUDE? And don’t you just want to
avoid the NONfunctional person?
Because that’s what happens. No one
want s to be around someone who
feels sorry for themselves all the time.
But everyone wants to be around
someone who has a CAN-DO
ATTITUDE – it’s catchy! Then YOU
start believing YOU can do anything
too!
And THAT’s the right attitude to have.
Try having a CAN-DO ATTITUDE today,
and tell me about it tomorrow – let me
know how people change around you!
Hey, I have to run to run. I have to read
4 books by the end of today. I hurt my back
so it’s been a painful last few days.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
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David,
I am curious.
You often mention your great staff and how most of them are Bipolar or have some other mental illness. I presume they all have episodes at some time or other, hopefully not all at the same time! (Or do they? Does the episode of one trigger similar in another?)
How do you manage this kind of situation?
How often does it happen?
David,
I really liked your comments today about having a CAN DO attitude. Every morning before my feet hit the floor, I turn my life over to the Universe and take the pressure of the day off. Then I tell myself that this is going to be the best day ever. As a result, it usually is. If something happens that sets me back, I know I can chose to start my day all over again at any time. I am positive, upbeat and strive to share that light with others. As you mentioned, no one wants to be around someone who is negative and feeling sorry for themselves. I have found that I have to limit the amount of time I spend in their space. Otherwise, I can literally feel the life being sucked out of me resulting in feeling very tired. It seems when you put a positive with a negative, the negative has a way of winning. How do you be there for that person without being pulled under?
Like Graham, I am also interested in how your staff might feed off of each other when having episodes as that happens within our family with different bipolar people.
Also, I read your postings for supporters everyday and notice that you appear to have a tremendous amount of energy and a variety of activities that you are personally involved in. Do you have a wife and children — a family of your own? Anyone other than your mother with bipolar? And, doesn’t your very active life have an effect on any of your bipolar staff/family? It has been my experience with both of the individuals who have bipolar in my family that any type of over-activity can stimulate an episode in them. Please address this for your readers. Thanks.
Hi,
Great questions. Will respond soon.
Dave
I, too, like Isabella try to be positive and upbeat and share what ever I can with others. And, also find that negative people can “suck the life right out of you.” This is why it’s so important for me to fill my life with good, positive influences — that’s my support and what usually keeps me on top instead of spiraling to the bottom myself. I remember Dave giving the example of a 10 person dealing with a 5 person and what usually happens. Dave: Could you please give that one again?
I know how important it is to stay positive. I am having a tough time with that right now because I was laid off from one job and then fired from another. I had been receiving unemployment benefits but then they suspended my benefits to do a review so I have not received any money since December. It has taken a toll on me mentally and physically but I try to keep faith and hope in my life. I am trained to be a therapist but do not feel I have the continuity in my own life right now to be a therapist to someone else. My mother does not understand this and keeps telling me I should be using my Masters degree. I’m not saying I’ll never be a therapist again but for now, to keep myself healthy, I’m looking for a sales job or something less stressful than being a therapist. I do not think of myself as being disabled but my therapist wants me to try for SSDI. She said that Bipolar is considered to be a disabling disease. I just try to stay positive that everything is going to work itself out in my life and do my best to stay away from negative people like my Mother.
Concerning your ” I Can ” email.
I just want to say that I really appreciate all of your hard work, so many people need this information to know we are not monsters.
I was first diagnoised with Class I bipolar when I was 13, I am now 37.I have been married for 21 years and have 3 beautiful daughters. I was told that I would not be able to live a “normal” life. I don’t know what their definition of “normal” is but I’m pretty close I think. I finished high school and went to college, and now I’ve decided to go after another degree in a different field.
I agree with the ” I can ” attitude but after having this label being put upon me at such a young age I’ve come to realize that after a while ” I Can” turns into ” I Will”. So now I will is what I live by, and might I add without any medication for over 13 years.
Thank you so much for your valuable information. The more people that know we are not monsters, or pyscho killers the better our own futures will be.
Keep up the great work
Thanks
Donna
hi david how are you today…im good when i was in manic i became a self mutilator for wich now im healing,i have many scars now,but i see them as badges of courage for i have survived and i will continue to survive..and for that i am proud and i thank you…..
I do appreciate all the work you are doing David but for me my problems have more to do with finding and keeping a job.. I am high functioning but still the jobs don’t go well for me for one reason or the other.. It is hard to stay positive if finances are always a major worry to me. Im not like many of the people you talk about I do not have a good family support system and only. I am my own support system and thats the way it has been for a very long time.. I am college educated with a degree in psychology and sociology and a minor in criminal justice. Please dont tell me to do surveys online. I am also divorced and have no fincial support there. Also I have lost jobs due to prejudice about my illness… I am almost at the end of my rope here..In the past I fought with terrible depression and tried to commit suicide several times. I worked my tail off and got a college degree in 2000 at the age of 42 and now I am 50 unemployed and getting desperate…
Rhonda j
Hi David,
This is the first time I have ever made a comment. Usually I just sit back and read. However, your topic of positive attitude reminded me of an incident in my past.
I had signed up for a 4 day intensive “life changing” course. Each day went from 8 am to 8 pm with meal/snack breaks and we were all pushing ourselves to change our life through diet and exercise and by using affirmations, perseverance, planning and a POSITIVE attitude. I was exhausted but enthused by the end of the course. I was going home to change my life for the better.
Within a week of returning home, I started to have daily anxiety attacks. The second week I came down with cellulitis; I must have pushed my immune system past its limit. As well, the anxiety persisted and my mood took a turn for the worst as in major depression.
What I later realized was that the course had put me into a manic state which was then followed by a major depressive episode.
What I have learned is that a positive attitude is great as long as I don’t overdo it. As with many parts of my life, balance is imperative.
Oh, Dave – you DO work tooo hard, and your back is trying to tell you something! You must have a Type A personality – having to do soooo many things on top of each other. I used to be Type A – now I’m Type Bipolar! As I watch employed people – mostly secretaries and clerks when I go for an appointment or just go shopping – they are multi-tasking, something I THINK I used to do, but now consider it’s something I just CANNOT do. Typing, answering the phone at the same time, and trying to talk to someone else – all at the same exact moment – how they keep it all straight is beyond me. And YOU – you have seven things to do, PLUS reading four books! At one time, as I said, I WAS able to do this and MORE – but with bipolar, it all seems like TOOOOO much.
For one – I can’t concentrate like I used to – don’t know whether to blame it on the disorder or the medications. For another, my anxiety levels go UP when I think of having to do several things at the same time. Yes – I DO believe that I AM “dis-abled” by bipolar – after all, I collect Social Security Disability, and they don’t give that to just anybody.
On the other hand, I take five or six hours EVERY day to complete work I have to do on the computer. When my computer’s DSL failed for 3 days last week, I felt as if one of my limbs had been amputated! Some people may call this an “addiction” to the Internet; I call it an inability to WORK and be PRODUCTIVE. I don’t shy away from work I can do in the privacy of my home. Before I do my mystery shops, I do have some anxious moments, but once I am in the store/restaurant/whatever, the anxiety disappears and I’m able to do the work. I have received 10 out of 10 ratings on the reports I have to submit, so I obviously can do the work.
Dave, one thing you must remember with bipolar survivors and a CAN DO attitude: there are some of us much worse affected than others. And when I’m in depressed mode, no amount of enthusiasm or can do attitude means anything to me, because I don’t have the energy to FEEL I can accomplish ANYTHING. Depression is far worse than a manic episode, I believe. Even in a hypomanic state, the bipolar person FEELS they CAN DO “anything” and usually do. We have high flying ideation and think outside of the box, and generally feel pretty good about ourselves. BUT – I am disabled for precisely feeling that way. I advise most supporters to evaluate what stage of bipolar their loved one is in, and NOT to push them into a CAN DO position. They will only get disappointment for trying. Just as some kids have ADHD and have to learn at their own speed, so some persons with bipolar will NEVER develop your CAN DO attitude, and shouldn’t be expected to.
I am still sitting on my idea of teaching Computer 101, but haven’t gotten even a start on it – yes, I seem to be procrastinating, but apparently I need the proverbial “push” that would get me off my butt and just DO IT. Here it is almost March, and in December, I thought I’d get it underway by the first of February. What can you tell me about that??!!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. I keep you in my prayers that you WILL heal.
To RHONDA J: I feel such PRIDE in the fact that you completed your education at the age of 42! So many people with bipolar would have given up by then. I am 60, and have PLENTY of financial woes, but believe in God that they will work themselves out somehow.
I have never been suicidal nor have scars from any attempts. The only scars I have are from 8 major operations, and the memories of 3 major hospitalizations for mania. And believe me – no anti-aging cream will erase the wrinkles on my face that show the hardships I’ve been through – but I’ve EARNED them, so no plastic surgery for me!
I DO answer surveys and do mystery shops over the Internet. I once earned $181 in a month just by doing surveys and opening emails. It’s not an overnight “millionaire” scheme in ANY way, but it pays for my cigarettes!
I am looking for some kind of job just to bring an extra $100-200/month, but my anxiety attacks preclude even a part-time job outside of the house. I am planning on offering my services to people who don’t know the basics of computers, to teach them Computer 101; but as mentioned before, I’m procrastinating on starting it; perhaps because I have too much fear in failure.
I wish you success in “getting out of the hole” financially” for you. Surely, you could apply for SSDisability; suicide attempts are enough to prove mental incapacity/illness. You are far too educated a woman to “give up.”
Dave,
I like your advice today! I’m going to approach this year with a positive, can do attitude. And look at what I want, not at what I don’t want.
Since my husband is bipolar, and has a crazy can-do attitude when he’s manic, I really resent his can-do attitudes! It usually means he’s “up”. That’s just my post traumatic stress coming out– whoever heard of NOT liking a positive attitude in their spouse!
Suzanne, I always enjoy your posts. Very thoughtful and insightful. THanks.
These are the types of things that someone WITHOUT bipolar disorder would say. No matter if you have a loved one or anyone else you know that has bipolar disorder…if you do not have it yourself, you will never completely understand it. There are so many types of this disorder that affect people in different ways. Not all people have the same things going on in their lives. We can’t always just change our attitude and everything will be just fine. And we certainly cannot just snap out of it.
Yes,Dave I have a positive attitude
and people like to be with me because of it…I enjoy people.
I tell them to smile for it makes
the world brighter…I get them to
smile no matter how blue or down
they feel or fight to stay there.
Makes me feel good, to make others
feel good even if it’s just for the
moments.
I just recently found out that I am bipolar and have been all my life. I knew I was different but I didn’t know why. I could try to fit in with the crowd but felt uncomfortable and didn’t like the crown thing at all. So I would just stick with a few friends and not do much as a kid. Now I’m 45 and when I try to work it’s hard. I use to be the one who always had the positive additude…but here lately I’m having a heavy problem with it. I suppose it could be from some of my med’s being changed on me. I know one thing…I don’t like myself when I’m like this. I prefer to be a happy go luck type and one who makes others happy around me, but as my illness has progressed my personality has changed. No matter what I try to do I just can’t find to old me. Any suggestions?
Sorry for the book, but this is the real life of a semi-functional BIPOLAR.
I qualified for SSDI on the first attempt in 2006 because I was HONEST about my NONfunctioning and INstability it was not everyday but way too frequently. I had an episode right in the office while the psychologist was interviewing me…TRULY it was the real deal. One of his questions set off a trigger and prior to the interview a mailman had trudged into the waiting room with dog pooh on his shoe leaving it smeared all through the carpet to stink up the place so I was beside myself before the interview. I was appalled because a state run office chose to ignore basic health codes and left the crap lying there.
I left my last job because I had a huge episode in front of everyone in my department during a staff meeting and I “fear” it will happening again when the trigger switch gets flipped. I have to spend time doing what is as stress free as possible and focus all my attention on raising my children. Trust me it is all I can do somedays and I have longer periods of stablity than I did in 2006 but it depends on the amount of stressors.
I volunteer a couple of days a week for a total of 8 hours as a teacher’s assistant. If I am not feeling well I do not feel the same obligations to force my grumpy lethargic depressed a** into work because I will get fired or put on sick doc. for being sick so often. Nor worry about falling behind at work because I am still recovering from an episode or on a new drug that makes me so lethargic I can not function or think straight so the sh** hits the fan. I don’t know if it is just me but I seem to have the crappiest immune system since having BiPolar no matter what vitamin supplement I take to be healthier.
For the most part I have the I can do attitude but I get really down on myself when I fall short of the glory! I am disappointed after each episode because damn it I should be cured!! I have slowly added responsibilites to my life. I find it so hard as Suzanne says to accomplish all the things I set out to do in a certain period of time everyday. I also seem to have lost a great deal of memory from procedures and medications. I feel cheated!!
I always know when I am manic because so much gets done!! Perhaps your workers are so good because they are hypo??
I also like to write and read so I try to make that my work so that I have something productive to do when I am able to do it. When I am ready or feel I can be stable under diress then I will seek employment. It is easier to get off of SSDI than it is to get back on it if I need it again, so I better be stable enough around the year to take that step. 😎
Hey Dave…are you for real? We have a 22 year old son who is seriously bipolar. He is hurting…but he is also hurting our entire family. We have spent thousands of dollars which we did not have to trying to help him and he is still going downhill. I need to know…is your organization legitimate and is there hope? I feel like time is running out….
hi dave
id say im a dysfunctional bipolar….id rather sleep and est and then sleep again all day…i try to exercise but it only goes as far as 30 min a day that was 3 mnths ago..i was diagnosed since 2000 for this disorder ive been sick for 8 years now…
amanda b, vera cruz
Dear David,
You are so right about having a “can do” attitude. I went for years not getting anywhere because I believed I have “severe bipolar illness” (my doctor’s diagnosis), and that I would never be able to do anything again. For years I languished.
Then I discovered David Oliver and your written msterials and web sites and my life began to change.
Slowly I started to do one thing at a time. To make a long story short, I am now functional, work sometimes, have friends, even my family has begun to take me back in after years of separation.
“Can do” is the way to go, and I learned that from you. Dana Karson