=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=
Hi,
How’s it going?
Hope you are doing well.
I have an important bipolar disorder
lesson.
Before I tell you, someone asked about my mom,
her computer and if she has learned computers better.
Actually, my mom’s computer is better and
she is learning her computer much better.
She actually picked up a few books on
MS Vista and computers for beginners
and now is moving along nicely.
Thanks for asking.
What a day it was for me yesterday.
First my big interview was cancelled in New York
because of the big snow storm that eventually
turned into an ice storm.
I actually fell down because I walked outside
and didn’t even know the walk way was covered
in pure ice.
Then I found out yesterday that someone on
my list, one of the 100,000+ took my first
and last name, address, and phone number
and signed me up to like 25 different “things.”
Things like medical tests, stuff to buy and
a whole bunch of stuff.
It’s a total mess. I spent so much
time on the phone sorting it out.
I am currently trying to figure out who
did it. It’s super annoying and the person
is going to get into a whole lot of trouble
for doing it.
Then I heard about how there is this really
bad flu going around. Lots of people have it
including many of my friends and several people
that work for me–so it’s kind of killed
productivity in some areas.
Anyway, one thing that also happen to me
yesterday is something that reminds
me an important bipolar lesson.
I have a bunch of people that work for
me. More than 20 make up the entire organization
that helps people cope and deal with bipolar
disorder.
More than 70% of the people who make up the
organization have one more mental illness.
Some have 3 or 5 disorders and they do fantastic.
When I first hire individuals, the one thing
I did was to sit back and see what they do, how
they do it and if they do it when they said
they were going to do it.
The amazing thing was, contrary to what all
the “experts” told me, I found that these individuals
with disorders, far exceeded my expectations and
in many cases did things so great, so amazing,
so intelligently, so much better than me, we were
able to get projects and tasks done super fast.
Over time, I wound up having more and more great people.
People who have one or more mental illness or none
at all.
There have been a few people that no longer work
for me that had a mental illness that were not
stable and didn’t do what they said.
There are been far more people that did NOT have
any known mental illness that didn’t do anything
close to what they said they were going to do.
Several of my friends have asked, “Are you shocked
that some of the worst people you hired were those
that didn’t have a mental illness and talked up
a big game and wound up not being an asset at all?”
My friends also ask me how I know if the people
I hire that do have a mental illness are telling
the truth about if their on medications and
stable. I said that is easy.
A person can tell you:
-They are serious about taking care of their
bipolar disorder
-They are stable
-They are committed to going to the doctor
and therapy
-They follow a bipolar stability equation
for success
Etc.
It’s easy to talk about these things.
BUT, it much more difficult to put them
into practice.
So I always go on what people DO not
what they say. Anyone can say “stuff”
but doing it is way more difficult.
This is why I have a policy of sitting
back and watching. Monitoring. Seeing
what people do not just say they are going
to do.
Now you can take this entire concept
and apply it to, two critical “variables”
of success with bipolar disorder–the
doctor and the therapist.
In my courses/systems below:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
I have an extensive system of not quickly
and easily sorting through hundreds of doctors
and therapist that can help a person with
bipolar disorder–but I have a system of
getting the doctors and therapist that are
highly qualified to contact you.
So no longer do you have to look around
online or in the phone book trying to
figure out who can help and who is good,
you can use my system.
But, even with my system, you still have
to watch the actions of the doctor and
therapist.
What do you I mean?
A doctor or therapist can say:
-They really want to help
-They will always be around for emergencies
-They keep up with natural/complementary treatments
that work with medication for bipolar disorder.
-They keep up to date on bipolar medications
and their side effects
-They really care and want to help
It’s much easier to say what I just wrote above
but it’s more difficult to practice it.
Many bipolar supporters and bipolar survivors
forget to watch the actions of the doctor and
therapist and see if they match what they
initially said to “get the business.”
If you find there is a mismatch between what
was said, promised, and what is suppose to
be, you need to move on to someone else.
Many people who are dealing with bipolar
disorder–both bipolar supporters and
survivors put up with doctors and/or therapists
that simply are terrible and don’t do
what they say they are going to do.
People who:
-Don’t return calls
-Are too busy to help
-Don’t seem to care
-Don’t keep up with latest advances with bipolar disorder
-Only seem to care about money
-Rush people in and out like some kind of car factory
-Refuse to work with bipolar supporters and simply
say they can’t because of privacy laws–which is a lie
99% of the time.
-Lose important stuff like medical releases and patient
information
Etc.
The lesson that I was reminded yesterday with someone
who works for me that was suppose to be really good
and hasn’t even come close to doing what was said
to me was going to be done is that you have to
watch people’s actions instead of just go along
with their words.
I am sure many people know exactly what I am
talking about, especially when it comes to
bipolar disorder.
If you have a story, please share it. I
actually am taking off to go the gym.
Catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
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one is designed to help you with a different
area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or
you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
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you can’t learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com
As someone with Bipolar who works in healthcare, I have always shared my diagnosis with my employer/supervisor. I can go for years without being on an antidepressant and then I’ll have to go on one for a year or more to straighten myself out. That’s where I’m at right now. I also see my therapist weekly; this morning in fact. My psychiatrist is awesome and when he retires I have no idea what I’m going to do! But, yes, actions speak louder than words in any language.
I have learned to put my faith in God and not main, he’ll make the way.
You may wish to look at http://www.bigwhitewall.com – the specialist online emotional support network where you can express what you feel openly, honestly and anonymously. There are many members of Big White Wall community who are bi-polar disorder as well as others who have loved ones with bi-polar disorder.
Dear Dave: thanks for your comments. They reinforce my own opinion that a large majority of people do not tell the truth. I always observe what people do rather than listen to their words.
I mean both professional and ordinary folks. I am bi-polar but not stupid. I have made many mistakes in my life but one can always learn something from them. Thanks for all your efforts on behalf of bi-polar people.
Evelyn Stuart
.
Dear David,
It’s funny that your postings are things that seem to parallel what is happening in my life right now. My ex is finally back into therapy after a few years of trying to manage biplar on his own. The medication has never been an issue. The doctor he works with is fantastic. Although I do wonder if he is getting enough medication. He also has Crohn’s Disease and one of the side effects is the body’s inability to assimilate nutrients through the intestine. If it isn’t assimilating nutrients, where does that leave medication? Anyway, one of the major issues in our relationship together was the words not matching the actions. He is very dependable at work…industrious, reliable, follows through on what he says he will do. That isn’t the case at home. There is a lot of talk, but when it comes to actions it doesn’t match or he doesn’t follow through. It’s been a month since we split after five years of dating. He wants to get back together and try and makes things work. He is charming and saying all the right things, but I have a hard time trusting that if we tried a third time we wouldn’t be back on the same merry go round again. What are my chances?
Hello, I am in the very position of not having faith in what my loved one says at this point. He has turned to alcohol and zanax for pain management. He now lies and covers up in order to continue this self-destruction. I have been waiting and watching for 2 over weeks now for him to follow through with his words. I flushed the zanax but found a way to get more. I called his doctor and they tried calling him about 10 times the next day and it seems there is nothing we can do at this point. I am ready to ask him to leave my home because I have been doing 90% of the work and do not want to be lied to and treated without regard. I also have children that can not understand why he has been in such a mood. He says he is in pain because of his job and back surgery 5 years ago. He is going to work but going to the bar and taking zanax afterwards and then coming home and pretty much passing out. Last night he did not call or come home until 6:00 AM to get ready for work. Of course he says he is sorry and tells me how much he loves me, needs me and is going to straighten up. The Lesson today was timely because before I read it, I told him that I would sit back and watch because I no longer believe his words. I also said that I do love him and that won’t change, but I do not accept the choices or life style he is involved in. I gave up even drinking wine with dinner to support him. I understand that he will have fall backs when trying to change some of the old patterns. I am feeling that perhaps I should ask him to move out on his own so I can see his actions toward taking control and managing his illness and addictions. Lately, I only seem to be seen as someone to lie to and feel that he will only end up resentful because I stand up to his lies and addictions. Any advice out there? He is 50 years old and tells me he has never loved anyone like this and really wants a life with me. His last partner of 5 years accepted all of this behavior and always rescued him when he hit rock bottom. I do not believe he has ever stayed sober for more than 18 months.
Hi Dave, sorry I missed your call. My head doctor kept putting me on this crazy meds. I wouldnt take because I wasnt crazy. He even told me one time take it dont read about the drug just take it. I never knew untill my therapist said she signed something for the insurance co.. I said I hope you came up with something good. She then told me both her and the doc had me down as PTSD and bipo1. 5years went by I did not know. I think he did not tell me because I faught with every therapist there and I wouldnt believe him anyway. I was horrible to the talk docs.I remember yelling at one asking if she had any kids then yelling no you probably never even had a puppy, I was so mean. I have been fighting with my long term disibility co. since march 2007 I am proud to announce as of last week they accepted my claim, they are suppose to make a decision in 45 days, took them almost a year. I would like to thank my cousin Tammy for fighting that fight for me, and chapter 14 human resources book for exposing that co. for shreading docs, so they did not have to pay claims.What a battle. Thanks Dave, be carefull on the ice!, Karen
Hi David:
No Book today! lol Just wanted to say that I hope you didn’t hurt yourself when you fell yesterday and I pray you catch the person who did all that crap to you. You do a very good deed (God remembers good deeds and you have to rate way up high on the good deed doer’s list) that really, really helps people, I do not have the words to describe how much your emails and the information you provide have helped me and continue to help me every day. I will pray you catch the person who has caused you so much trouble. And I wanted to tell you that the flu is pretty bad out here in West now too.
Thank you,
Helen
I too have suffered Manic Depression. I suffered for 25 years and in those 25 years I used drugs and alcohol. I tried so many medications. I cleaned my self up but still struggled. One thing I did that was very helpful was to keep and calendar or journal to keep track of my moods. It was helpful for my Dr to see how I was doing. I have been doing well for several years now. I take Lamictal, Seroquel and Wellbrutin. I have finally had a stable and productive life. I just finished school and am now a Drug and Alcohol Counselor. I have another job and have worked there for three years, just being able to KEEP it has been a blessing in it self. In all the years of gloom and doom and wanting so bady to be the person I was in my heart I NEVER GAVE UP. I see my therapist weekly and take my medication. Praise God and my desire to live.
Liz,
I understand what you are going through. It is a tough decision because you still love and care about him. The bottom line is what do you need to do to take care of yourself? When I was wanting to stay with an addict, I went to Al-Anon to learn to live with the disease, but not lose myself. It taught me how to focus on myself and let the addict be responsible for himself. The person will only change his/her behavior when he/she is ready and sometimes they never do. The question is, if nothing changed from how things are right now, can you live with it? If the answer is no, then you have two options. Get some help to deal with the situation as is or leave. Putting pillows under his fall or screaming at him about what this is doing to you, your kids and relationship won’t be enough to make him change. Only he has the power to do so. I know how hard this is and I feel for you. Hang in there.
Thank you isabella, I do know he wants to change and I guess time will tell. The good thing about my situation is that I do know how to take care of myself and how to keep moving in a positive direction. My fiance is now going to have to do the work to put the pieces together if he truly wants a life with me and my boys. I will give it more time because I understand how difficult it is having an addiction and BP. He is now at a real low and very sad about the past few weeks. He can’t believe the Zanax are gone and it appears he was not successful in getting more as I had thought. Perhaps he will call is doctor back now. Thanks again for your comment. I hope the words start matching the actions for your loved one as well. Take care.
When I was first discharged from my last hospitalization in 1977, I was referred to a psychiatrist who was a minority who was “supposed” to be very good in her field. I think I had two sessions with her, when I realized that my Mom was going to have to pay toooo much for her services – at that time, $85/session seemed “highway robbery.” And – she had a frosty and cool manner about her, and I just couldn’t warm up to her. She used such technical jargon, and always seemed to be looking at her watch, apparently trying to cut the session short for the next “customer.” Our personalities just didn’t “jive.” I was uncomfortable with her, and didn’t feel she was giving me her “best.” So – I left, without knowing where to go for further care.
It was only after a year with clinical depression, that my family doctor referred me to the Community Mental Health Clinic, which charged on a sliding scale and would take Medicare and Blue Cross/Blue Shield. It still costs a bunch to go there; but nothing like what the first psychiatrist charged. The psychiatrist I had my first appointment with, turned out to be one of the “techs” that was on the Psych Ward of the University Hospital where I was an inpatient six years before! And here he was a PSYCHIATRIST!
He took a loooong time with me, asking all the right questions, and ultimately put me on Desipramine for depression. It was the right medication, because within a month or so, I was feeling as if there was a “light at the end of the tunnel.” He got me into the system, but the only way I could get treatment and meds was to be put in a group therapy mode.
This was in 1978, and although I was uncomfortable in a group setting, it was the only way I could be monitored for Lithium level and “tweak” my meds for the next week.
Now – things are just like I like them. I have a nurse practitioner, who sees me every 3 months for medications, and a therapist (who was also a nurse during my Psych Ward experience in 1970), who I have a very personal AND professional relationship with. They AREN’T on-call, but if I have an emergency outside of office hours, I can call a “hotline” and get through to a REAL person who will evaluate my situation and alert either my psychiatrist or my therapist, or, if necessary, have me admitted to the hospital.
All of the above has made me very happy with my support staff at the Community Mental Health clinic. They DO seem to care about me individually, and are pleased with my progress.
All I can say in answer to Dave’s email is – you “gotta shop around” until you are comfortable with appropriate treatment options. You have to be honest with your care provider, and make sure they are honest with you. Good luck.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love them. May God hold you in the Palm of His Hand, and bless you real good. My prayers are with you all.
Do you think it’s necessary to have a doctor AND a therapist if the doctor spends an hour with you?
Hi Dave
Like may others I’m sure, I would love to purchase some of your material to get answers & solutions. But for me in my situation of being a 50% owner in a real estate issue & dealing with my partner’s (mental challenges) He is unable to work so the responsibilities fall on my shoulders & I have lost just about everything & am in the infancy stages of filing for bank ruptcy there just isn’t emough extra to purchase your system. (I’m not asking for a free hand out). I just wanted you to know that I use the information that you so unselfishly share with the public at no charge to try & help my situation. thank you David
Dave, Indianapolis
Hi David,
Before I respond to your emiil, I just want to thank you for all you do for people like me. It means so much to have your advice and stories, I’m really grateful to you.
Now, about your email. For many years I could never do what said I was going to do. I couldn’t show up places, I couldn’t make it to appointments, I disappointed everyone constantly. Everyone eventually stopped calling and I was left with literally no friends or family. I didn’t even have someone to write as an emergency contact when I was in the hospital.
Then, something changed. I began to get a little better. I showed up for doctor’s appointments. I got a therapist and at first I didn’t show up a lot, but after she and I talked a lot about it I began to show up regularly. So. slowly I began to schedule myself to do things. For example, I joined a gym and swore I’d go three times a week. At this point I have three or four things that I do regularly–and at similar times every day. I still don’t have any friends so I don’t go out on weekends, but I’m hoping I may make one someday. But, last Christmas I showed up at my brother’s house and the same at my niece’s for Easter. Those were two big challenges because I knew that they were expecting me not to show up. I see my psychopharmacologist biweekly and my therapist twice weekly. I’m lucky, I have really good insurance that even pays for the gym, and my therapist costs only $25 per session. I also worked two days helping someone since the beginning of the year. My advice is to take it one step at a time with no one expecting you on the other end so you’re not nervous. Even if you swear that you will take a walk in the park once a week at a certain time. It is a way to start. Once again, thanks for everything. I have all of your materials. You are so important in my life. Cate Kassel